Am I a bad and selfish sister for refusing favors?

I meant less than 2 months**

Learn to say no and mean it. You don’t even have to give them a reason. Sounds like people ask you because they know you will go out of your way to do it.

You could say no.

On the other hand, you could do it and create a good and memorable relationship with your niece, who is sort of unmentioned victim in this. The way I see it, she’s being treated like crap by her mother and you’re trying to squeeze out of it. This is actually a great opportunity to bond with the niece. Make the time with her valuable and memorable. Make this into an opportunity, not a chore.

Consider this: it’s better to be wanted than unwanted…

Did you discuss flexibility with your internship to see if once in a while you could start earlier?

Seems to me that would be a fairly easy fix and you could offer to help out and still not be put out too much. You know parting of loving someone, like your sis and niece, is putting them first sometimes.

The company opens at 9:30 lol.

I really don’t like my niece at all. We don’t get along and I try to tolerate her and be nice and remain as clam as I can around her. To be honest she’s one of the most annoying people ever and I’ve never met another human being like her. I don’t have a temper but she makes me want to kill myself every majority of the time. She annoys people for fun, likes to not listen, brags about her IQ (she’s very smart), and likes to insult people. She’s like a bully and she laughs making people angry. She’s so rude to my parents even though they give her the world and treats them so rudely and laughs if they get mad or hurt their feelings. So no there isn’t that great of a bond to be made.

As I said before I don’t mind helping my sister out but why does she always have to RELY ON ME to do it when she has other options but never asks them.

I run into that with a particular family member. You just need to tell it like it is…..“I can take her once a month, but that’s it.” Just say “No,” the rest of the time.

Curious…how old is your niece?

12.

There’s something deeper here. The 12 year old isn’t inherently evil. She’s acting something out. She’s pissed off at someone for some reason – maybe it’s her parents, her home life—could be anything. But there’s a deeper reason why she is so annoying.

I know that isn’t what you asked. They way I see it, she’s feeling rejection from her mom and is taking it out on you.

Honestly, you don’t know our life. Lol…she has been that way since she was born.. that type of personality. Even as an infant her screams were always louder than any others and she never cooperated and would always get poop every where and squirm, or try to dig out the trash can lol.

That’s beside the point though. This is straying away from my original question.

@chelle21689 If you don’t like her and it’s not convenient, do yourself a favor and tell sis that you don’t have time and she needs to figure it out without your help.

If I knew you didn’t like my kid and read how you described her, I’d never ask you for help again. So there ya go.

Does your sister know you feel this way about your niece?

Tell her that it is too difficult for you to accommodate her except in an emergency.

Just say unfortunately you also have a life and a busy time schedule. (She chose to have a child not you). There are often lift clubs at schools. She could take turns with other parents warning them in advance sometimes she is called for meetings. Really it is her problem not yours. Sometimes family can use and abuse us the most. (I call it abuse because the child has issues, also not your problem, and you also have responsibilities).

Just simply tell her you don’t have time. At least she is showing she appreciates it by giving you gas money. She might not have a choice but to ask you. 4 times in less than 3 months is not a lot but it’s understandable how inconvenient it is for you.

You simply tell your sister that you are not available to help her around and she will have to find her own transportation from now on.I’m sure if it was once in a while you wouldn’t mind but here the situation is different with such an irritating niece. The problem with people pleasing is that it is an impossible task. We all don’t mind giving a helping hand when we can, but sometimes saying yes can cost us our own happiness and peace of mind. Right now you are saying yes just to please your sister, but she honestly won’t care that much if you say no at the appropriate time or place. She will respect you and find someone else to ask.

There has to be someway to get the child on a regular schedule, which is best for everyone. Does anyone at her school live out your direction and could give her a ride every morning?

Once we mature and become adults we have to be able to realize what are limitations are and be able to let people know when we aren’t comfortable with certain situations.

Dealing with family is always hard because we tend to feel guilty even when we know we may be being used and unappreciated.

@JimTurner Don’t you think the real issue is that some people want to grow up and leave family obligations in their youth and be completely independent?

People today throw their old folks in nursing homes and tiny apartments, struggling through health issues all alone while their kids are living life with no guilt. It wouldn’t hurt chelle to help her sister and her niece, it’s just inconvenient for her life, and her niece has apparently been a brat since babyhood, come on, it’s a total cop out.

@KNOWITALL In a perfect world yes but you nor I have not walked in her shoes and cannot judge on matters that don’t pertain.

I take people at their word. If someone tells me that they have done all that they can do then I cannot with a clear conscience force them to do more.

I personally will lend a hand but if they’ve been carrying the ball for a long time maybe they need a rest.

@JimTurner Did you read her question? She already knows she’s being selfish and is now looking for people like you to condone it, that’s my take.

@KNOWITALL One thing I have learned in life is that everyone is not the same and everyone has a different tolerance level. Maybe yours is high if so I salute you but others can only handle so much.

In some instances a person can make a situation worse by being somewhere they don’t belong.

When it comes to caring for another human being which I have done professional, One needs to WANT to do it. They cannot and should not be forced.

@JimTurner Taking her niece to school a few times a month in the same town is not a big deal. Changing gma’s nappies, yeah that takes a special kind of person. Major difference.

But I do get your point, I just don’t excuse people from doing the things they know they should do and just choose not to, because it’s ‘too hard’. It’s a poor excuse when it comes to family but that’s just my opinion.

@KNOWITALL Actually I applaud you and I’m happy that it seems that no one in your family will spend their last breath of life in a Hospice facility. The world needs more siblings like you but we mustn’t put down others who are different.

This world would be a boring place if we all were the same. Maybe after a while the person that asked this question will want to help out more. Maybe she will voluntarily take more care of her family but if so it will happen in due time.