What do you think about non-monogamous relationships? Are you in one, or have you ever been in one?

I’m no expert but being open is not always just about sex? They could be having a great sex life based on their shared deeper ability to communicate and get what they want out of life. Really it is about you I’d say. What if you fell in love? What would happen to you then? These types of things I’d think through in case I am setting myself up to be hurt.

On the plus side if it is something you want you could enjoy a partner without all the usual hassles of having a full time one. Like sharing washing the dirty socks pile etc.

If I was not into wanting a full time partner it would be a great option for me. If I did I’d leave it out.

I’ve never done it and probably never would, but I think it’s perfectly fine if all parties are okay with it. You obviously are unsure of what you want right now, and only you can figure that out.

My first instinct is that this guy has a boyfriend he has feelings for, so he’s probably just looking for meaningless sex with you, which you stated you don’t want. It seems you’d be happier in the boyfriend role, with both of you having meaningless sex with others as you see fit. But hey, what do I know?

The only advice I can give is to figure out exactly what you want and only get involved if you’re completely okay with everything involved.

Not my thing, but yes, for those that are in agreement, go for it.
Personally I do not believe it is possible to truly have “intimacy” with more than one partner at a time. Sex yes, flings yes, fun yes, but true “intimacy” is founded in monogamy IMO.

I have been involved in short term and expiration date relationships, but one someone has followed me there, I’m done with it. Maybe it has something to do with feeling comparison shopped.

I have enough problems with non-monogamous friendships, I can’t imagine adding sex to that mix. :-) But I think if you can make it work, that’s great.

Each to their own. There was a time that I probably would have eagerly entertained this as a lifestyle if the opportunity had arisen, but experience has taught me of the enormous responsibility and effort that is required to maintain a relationship with just one other person. This is a full time job. Add another person into the mix and complications would increase exponentially and far outweigh any other benefits. Unless there was a way to avoid a shipload of drama, I don’t think I could do it. One girlfriend at a time is quite enough for me. And maybe a nice, well adjusted border collie to talk to when things get too confusing.

Whatever rocks your cradle, not for me though, only time I play with more than one hole is on the golf course, less complicated & it’s not my balls getting whacked.

^^ Yeah. What he said.

@Espiritus_Corvus Agreed, jeez, the effort and attention one relationship takes is monumental, who the hell wants to juggle multiples. Exhausting if you ask me. lol

There seem to be lots of folks who want “open relationships”, but very, very few who succeed.

The fact that he didn’t tell you until the end of the date is a red flag to me. That’s quite a bait and switch, isn’t it?

Feel okay about them if people are open and remain in communication. I am in an open marriage and there have been many arrangements but my primary partner and I are committed to each other for life.

I agree with @Seek_Kolinahr – this was the kind of topic that should have been raised before any date, so that you would have the option to agree or not. Telling you at the end of a date tells me that he wanted to make sure you liked him first, thus making it more difficult for you to say “no”.

@Seek_Kolinahr & @laurenkem – I didn’t really think of that. What do you mean “red-flag?” I was a little bummed when he told me, but appreciate he told me on the first date, before there was any real “connection”
@Simone_De_Beauvoir – That’s sweet; I know I’m not going to be his primary squeeze and I’m okay with that…
@Espiritus_Corvus: GA – Maybe I should just get a dog. Lol.
@LornaLove – You’re right – falling in love could certainly make a mess… a total mess, but I’m not looking for love, per se… maybe something a little more than sex… but that might be asking too much.
Gang, I’m still on the fence. I’m not necessary looking for guidance, although I truly appreciate all the feedback. I feel like some of you are looking our for my best interests and I’m happy I asked the question. I’ll keep you all posted.

My own philosophy is this:

“If you’re lying, you’re cheating.”

And omissions count as lies.

Agreeing to a date with someone is the beginning of a relationship. I am not in any way opposed to non-monogamous relationships, but an essential aspect of that is complete and total transparency for all involved.

If they come out the gate keeping secrets from me, it’s clear to me that I’m not being fully respected.

I have a right to know what I’m getting into before I get into it.

@Seek_Kolinahr – I guess the wording of your first reply went over my head. I totally hear what you’re saying. Fortunately we hadn’t kissed or anything like that. I would’ve ran immediately. (To me, a kiss is pretty damn significant. Call me old-fashioned if you will) I am happy that at least he told me at all; to me that proves he’s not a “player.” – I can see where other people wouldn’t, though.

Also, I have my own issues with “transparency” – telling people about my bipolar. So many different “suggestions” as to when to share that. (My psychiatrist suggests before a real connection is made.) So, I think it goes both ways.

Anyway, he said any questions I have, he’s more than willing to answer. What I want to know is if there is an emotional bond we can create, or if it’s just for sex. I’d prefer not to walk into a relationship that has borders that can’t be crossed, if that makes sense. If it’s purely for sex, I am vexed right now. As many individuals, I do have needs, but they might be filled more ideally with someone I can link with emotionally. We have a date tonight, so I’ll know more. Thanks @Seek_Kolinahr.