Help! I've been kidnapped! Can anyone get me home?

Call me when you have, say…..2 or 3 hours left, Jonesy.

I’m kinda busy right now.

30 hours is not enough time for someone from earth to retrieve you. Your only hope is to deprive your captor of the knowledge. You become a worthless sack of salt water the instant you give up the info. If you have access to sunlight you can begin signalling Earth with a mirror. That will set off all kinds of alarms in the scientific community.

I can’t understand why anyone thought you were worth kidnapping. As far as I am concerned, they can keep you.

There will be a Chinese Lunar Lander, The Long March, arriving in about two weeks. Find a way to hold out until then.

@elbanditoroso that’s okay sweety. I was really looking for someone smarter than you to help me anyway.

Look at the bright side: you don’t have to wash dishes or do laundry, you won’t get much exercise but you’re sure to lose a few pounds without having to go to the gym, you don’t have to think about the ACA website, and you have a great excuse for not sending out Xmas cards, giving gifts or returning your mother’s phone calls.

China is your only hope.

Make an aluminum foil head cap and wear it at all times. The aliens will no longer be able to read your mind or control you from afar. Then, you’ll be free.

Or get out your mirror and semaphore Wallace and Gromit.

(Gromit still has his rocketship in the basement.)

@SadieMartinPaul This is for think tank people, who under the circumstances listed in my question could think of some way to save me. You have mistaken my question for the delusional hermit question. My question said nothing about aliens. I appreciate so many people letting me know they saw my question, really. I would like for SOMEONE though to give even a minute’s thought to what really might be done.

Let me get my ladder.

Just take the blue pill, you do have a blue pill on stand by for this sort of emergency don’t you?

Blue pill? What blue pill? I don’t have a blue pill. HOW DO I GET A BLUE PILL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

@Coloma One does not simply take the blue pill

Just remember to swallow

Eat yourself silly on moon-cheese.

@Jonesn4burgers I’m curious why you singled-out me for a lecture, when just about everyone had fun and responded in a joking way. As for all those think-tank people? Maybe you lost them at “kiidnapped” and your sentence structure with ”...and my captor wants for him/herself.”

I think you heed to rely on your captor. (S)he will want to keep you alive…

Care to share a little more on the situation, so we may come up with a better plan?

Here are some possibilities to consider.
Are there resources available to give me longer safe waiting time? What can be found on or near moon to help me? Can a small ration of air water, and other supplies be sent to me faster/easier than brought by some rescuer, extending the time I can wait for rescue.
Sorry about tha spelling errors! My arthritis is really bad right now. As I was posting Q&As, it started stiffening worse. Now my right hand is just sort of a club. I’m going to have to quit pretty soon, but I was hoping someone would come up with a genious solution first. Usually I am awed by the genious of the Fluther. I thought by now there would be some very clever ideas I never thought of. I enjoy the humor, but i am very much looking forward to seeing someone put together a workable plan.

OK, just keep waving that club-hand and I’ll send somebody to pick you up….

To be completely serious:
I would kidnap your captors Mother. Then execute a swap only if they return you seeing they had the resources to get you there.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

@SadieMartinPaul I must not be a think tank person either because it sounds nonsensical to me. :(

You are screwed, buddy.
None of your ape nations currently has a spacecraft capable of sending/returning an ape to/from your moon, and your knowledge is not valuable to me.

You seem to have a good satellite signal. Try contacting NASA. Maybe someone at the space station has a spare ship that can come pick you up. Since your oxygen is low you should start space walking and try to meet them part way. All you need is one good push to get you started in the right direction.

Just in case, you should probably impart your knowledge of great value to me. I hope it is tomorrow’s winning lottery numbers.

I would do everything possible using the tools and equipment at hand.
What equipment do you have? What do you see around you? Are you in an encampment? Are you alone? Is your life support system all contained on your back or are you in a chamber? How is the facility powered? Solar? Can you wire the cells to process your urine into O2 and H2? They make quite a bang when combined and exposed to a spark. Use space suit gloves to store the gas and blast your way out.

Do you have lights? What is powering them? Trade off lighting for oxygen so you can last longer. It is far better to sit in the dark for hours than have lighting while your brain is starved of O2 and goes dark forever.
Use the power system to electrocute your captors and take over their ship.
There are so many options.

One thing is certain: no country on earth is going to save you unless they are already on the moon and are in your neighborhood. The cost to send a mission would be in the billions of dollars. You must rely upon your captors’ equipment.
The info you have must be very valuable indeed.

30 hours? Write your memoirs, and include your goodbyes. If the entirety of the current resources of this planet are applied toward your rescue, you’re still a goner. Rest in Peace.

The Dr. will figure something out, it’ll be very clever and there will be a lot of running involved.

Your kidnappers have brainwashed you. You are not on the moon. They have blacked out the windows and you are at number 38 Acacia Avenue in Croydon. Just open what looks like an airlock and you will see the sun is shining on a bright suburban garden with flowers.

@Jonesn4burgers Just claim to have knowledge on tentacle porn…. and I’m sure some one will come to your aid

Turn the lunar module into a life boat.

Do you have a pistol with bullets? Just don’t miss the roof of your mouth or it will hurt badly; they will never get your secrets after that.

Ew Hippy! Yes, I have a problem with 30 hours too. What current technology do we have that can get us to the moon in 15 hours and back in another 15 hours? I mean, I have this hi-tech hat I made for my son, and he can bring his hat and solve the problem, but…in 15 hours? Need some help here.

I am waiting for you in the garden that @flutherother mentions. Just look for the blonde in pigtails in a purple hippie skirt and black sweater holding the steaming pan of happy brownies.
Welcome to the garden grasshopper.

Don’t trust the brownies!!

@talljasperman actually….......
@Hypocrisy_Central save yer bullets, I have hope still
@ everybody else, I love the garden idea, but no such luck. Who says a human has to reach me in 30 hours? I only need my life support extended beyond that, then there is time to make other plans, yes? This is a monday question, I wasn’t expecting a really educated answer before wednesday, maybe saturday. It is an unlikely situation, to be sure. I have no ulterior motive, except to see how inventive some of you get. That is why I like the garden idea. It doesn’t solve the situation really, but it went in a direction I totally didn’t see coming. It was mentioned to me that someone thought I was using this for a story to publish. Nope. If someone else does, I hope they will remember to give me a mention when it gets published.
I want to be surprised, inspired, awed even. I like to be amused. I just wanted to rattle the marbles around in some of those hat racks out there.
I love the ladder thing. No way could it work, but it made me laugh. I pictured my grandma, who always had solutions which were entirely too simple for my life altering childhood problems.
So, for my conditions, I’m in a container. It could be called a pod. I was kidnapped, not sent on a retreat. I have food, water, oxygen to sustain me for thirty hours. There isn’t any toolbox, or instruction manuals. It is pretty much the moon version of burying a victim in a refrigerator with a small cannister of air. My info is save the planet type stuff.
@Coloma , @flutherother, when I get back to the planet, we’ll have tea and brownies in the garden It sounds so beautiful!
C’mon @Dutchess_III give the brownies a shot. When I get back we should all celebrate heartily.

Where is MacGyver when you really need him!

So do you have unlimited life support on the moon?

According to Stan Lee and Marvel Comics, the Blue Area of the Moon has an artificial atmosphere similar to earth. If you can make your way there, you should be fine.

Say ‘hi’ to Black Bolt and Medusa when you get there.
At that point, I’m pretty sure Lockjaw could teleport you home.

I’m blue, aboo di, aboo dai

@Dutchess_III , no dear, I have 30 hours. For the purpose of a hypothetical question though, the 30 hours did not begin with the posting of my question. The 30 hours factors into whatever rescue equation somebody comes up with. I included some hints to help in my post above.

What are you using as your life support system on the moon?

See if you can hitch a ride from George Melies on his way back.