What are some of the funniest things you've said or heard when talking on the phone?

I’ve got friends who pick up the phone already talking to someone. One mommy does that so regularly, sometimes I’m waiting five minutes before she greets me. I get to hear things like, “Well just go to the bathroom and then we’ll figure out what to do about it”, or, “If you’re going to kill your sister take her in the other room to do it.” Sometimes the kids are doing homework and I can hear that going on. Suddenly her voice bursts directly into my ear, “Oh, it’s you! How do you spell catalyst?”

That seems a little rude to me…..

It seemed that way at first. Like I said, I have a few friends who pick up talking. she’s the only one though, that I sometimes have to wait through an entire conversation before I get to start. She just packs so much into her life, EVERYTHING takes a number. I’ve seen her stand in the middle of the room, ten things just resolved or sent away, say, “I was on my way to do something, what was it? Oh I gotta pee bad, I’ll be right back, oh yeah that’s what I was going to do.” She just isn’t happy without a project, or event going on at all times. She stacks them. I don’t function the same way, but she wouldn’t be the same person any other way.

I have an acquaintance that I call occasionally. She’ll pick up the phone and there will be dead silence, then she’ll say something to someone in the room. I’ll say “Hello?” And she’ll keep talking to whomever it is. Then more dead silence. I’ll say “Hello?” again. Dead silence. It’s exactly what you would get if someone pocket dialed you and didn’t know it! Then finally she’ll come on and say, “Hello?” as though she was confused. It’s my husband’s daughter. I can always tell when he calls her because he’ll be standing there with the phone to his ear going “Hello? Hello?”

Stop sitting on your sisters head!

LOLL!

Once I was peeing at a urinal when my phone rang. I answered using my voice activated Bluetooth. There was a guy in a stall who thought I was talking to him, so he answered back. I got out ASAP so as not to see him.

He was thinking “That is the strangest pick up line I’ve ever heard, but I’m good to go!

Using the new fixed search function, I can’t find this story, though I am pretty sure I have told it before.
It involves a coworker, who also works for AT&T. He used to work as a switchman in San Francisco. One of the duties of a switchman is to verify all the trunks are working correctly each month. This is done by going through all the trunks, verifying that they are idle, then running your test. If the trunk is in use (carrying a call), it is marked, and the switchman returns to it later.
Well, Gary did his work on the initial idle trunks, then returned to those that were busy. Most had cleared, and he was able to test them, but one was still busy. It stayed busy for a long, long time. Gary finally felt a bit frustrated, and monitored the call to verify actual conversation was on it. There was, and it was intriguing.
A man and woman were talking (this was very late at night), and the woman was apologizing for her history of playing around on him. He said he wanted to forgive her, but he didn’t want to be a fool. She continued assuring him that she would be faithful to him from now on, but didn’t want to have to deal with his jealosy. She had to know he trusted her.
This went on for a further 45 minutes.
Gary was tired and anxious to move on with his work, so he used his headset to mic in on the conversation, which allowed only one party to hear him. He simply said “Hey baby, come back to bed.” and disconnected.
Well the guy, who heard the comment, went ape-shit. “You’ve got someone there now!” he screamed into the phone, while she denied it (she didn’t hear the interruption). One of them hung up the phone, and Gary tested his line, which of course was fine.

Many years ago at work my coworker (who is bilingual in Spanish) was helping a new sales executive at our company (who is from Colombia originally, but he lives in Florida now) when he called with some questions.

They had been having a conversation in Spanglish when she needed for me to explain a concept to him that she could not. (Something slightly technical.)
[ Side note: My second language is Japanese, not Spanish..my Spanish language skills never progressed from what I learned on Sesame Street.]

Part way through our conversation I thought I was rolling with the Spanglish really well and was feeling a little too proud of myself..and just as I finished providing an answer to his question I was pretty sure the Sales Rep was grateful for my help because I thought, for sure, that he had just replied to my explanation with: “Te amo” (I love you).

I leaned over to my Spanish speaking co-worker and said: “Carlos said he loves me!”
...and then Carlos said very clearly over the phone:
“Noooo… I picked up my cell phone on my other ear and told them: “Te llamaré – I’ll call you back!”

So..not only was my Spanish wrong..but so was my assumption at how much Carlos appreciated me. Oops.

My 11 year old twin daughters were spending the night with a friend. The parents (with my permission) left the 3 girls alone in the house while they ran an errand. While they were gone, the girls started to horse around a bit.

When the parents called home to check on them, one of the girls answered the phone with, “Ow! My eye!” The girls were all fine, but it totally freaked out the girl’s parents. Now when we see one of them on caller ID, we often answer just that way.

Funniest thing I’ve said on the phone; “Oh wait, I left my mobile indoors” – as I was walking out of the house talking to my partner on the mobile.

Funny you guys!
Speaking of kids and phones….I hated it when my kids would accidentally pocket dial me. I’d listen intently wondering if they’d been kidnapped and had quietly dialed my number for help….