In your household or any that you know of, do the family members call each other names?

No we don’t. My husband and I do in our own home, but that is for fun, not any kind of meanspiritedness.

That boy should get whupped.

That is completely and totally unacceptable in my family. My mom would have washed my mouth out with ivory soap.

But apples don’t fall far from the trees; I’d bet he learned that behavior at home.

My son is 29 and still says horrid things to me. He was 4 when his biological father died and he was very verbally abusive. I don’t know if it’s genetic bipolar thing or if he remembers. My current husband has been in his life since he was 5 and has modeled respect.

I abhor violence. But, if a had a 20-year-old son who called me a c*nt, I have little doubt that I’d haul off and slap him hard across the face. There’s no reason why any mother should tolerate that kind of treatment.

Never in my parents’ home, but one of my siblings had kids who did. I honestly don’t know how that happens, that a child can think it’s acceptable to talk to his parents with that much disrespect. It was made clear to me at a young age that it would not fly in our house.

@Judi Don’t make me come over there…you deserve better than that.

That’s the way not to get to borrow mom’s car. I hope she didn’t let him use it, reinforcing the behavior.

Oh my God! Oh, hail no! Maybe “Dumbass” or “Ding a ling,” or “Nerd” or “Dofus” but said with affection. :D

No, I don’t call people names, but it is common for my DIL and her family to call names in their house. My two grandsons have had to learn that what happens in their home isn’t going to be allowed in my house, or at school, such as using foul language and throwing trash and clothes on the floor.

No. Not ever. I agree with @SadieMartinPaul. And my son knows it.

The furthest I go is “asshole”. Usually it’s something like “don’t be an asshole” instead of straight up “you’re an asshole”. I regret doing it and don’t do it anywhere else in the world, but I’m just not strong enough to cope with those emotions anymore. I’d never say anything that is offensive to a certain group of people, though (such as cunt, whore, faggot, etc.) Those are worse in my opinion. But to be fair to myself, my mom has called me much more offensive things.

by the way, the slap didn’t work. Just made him more stubborn and more mean. It’s really hard when people judge parents of kids like this. At some point they are making their own choices, some of them much younger than anyone wants to admit.

No one in my family talks like this.

@Judi I’d say at his age, he’s too old to scare or teach via corporal punishment. I learned as a child if I said unacceptable thing’s, I’d get popped in the mouth (not hard, but enough.)

No, not in the family I grew up in and not my husband and kids. I totally agree with @RealEyesRealizeRealLies, that kid would never see the inside of my car again.

@Judi how do you handle it when a grown child does that to you? How does your husband react? My husband (the kids’ step-father) gets incensed when my children are disrespectful to me – more so than their biological father ever did. BTW, I totally agree that there are children who exhibit anger and impulse issues very early on and it is not necessarily attributable to parenting. The proof for me is when parents have two raised kids the same way, with the same set of values, and one goes on to become a productive, happy member of society and the other not so much.

I hate name calling I think it is awful. My husband and I actually argue about this. He does a little of it, sometimes he even uses names that are not very nice in a cute way, when there is no anger involved at all, but I think it is a horrible habit no matter what. He does nothing else that would be perceived as abusive so it isn’t like it is part of some horrible possessive controlling personality. He recently said to me he wants to stop doing it for me, so your question is timely. I hope he can do it.

I do curse when I am fighting sometimes, but I don’t curse at the person. Like I might say I am so fucking annoyed, but I wouldn’s say you are such a fucking asshole.

@JLeslie Same here, I think it’s a guy thing.

@LilCosmo People are affected by punishments differently, too, so I don’t think that’s a justifiable reason in my opinion.

@KNOWITALL There was an episode about it on Everybody Loves Raymond.

@zenvelo: I think the kid didn’t learn that from his parents. I can’t be positive because I am not there 24/7 but the parents are more gentle, professional types. I am guessing it’s because the kid is spoiled and entitled.

No, she didn’t let him take her car. He had been saying his car didn’t work, and he stormed out when she said no. Right before he slammed the door is when he called her “cunt.” He got in his car and left which was confusing, because we were like “we thought his car didn’t work.” She told me the next day that when he was coming home at 3 in the morning, his car broke down and they had to go iut and rescue him.

If he had called me a cunt and then called at 3 in the morning because he was broke down, my answer would’ve been “this cunt will not be picking your foul mouth up.”

@dxs I am not sure what you mean. Are you saying that it does come down to parenting?

There just wasn’t any cussing period. When one of my daughters was 16 she snarled, “What me and Scott do is none of your fucking business!!” Did I mention I used to have 3 daughters? Now I only have 2.

I think my son got popped for calling me a bitch at about six. It didn’t even phase him and probably made things worse.
Right now he’s not talking to me so I don’t have to deal with it.

Ah Judi….he’ll come around.

@LilCosmo Parenting is very important to a child’s development, in my opinion. What I was saying is that children react to parenting differently. (I said “punishments” in my last response bacause you were responding to @Judi, so that probably made things even more confusing).
Some people may just have natural personalities, I don’t know how it works, but based on myself, I feel like I was definitely influenced by the way my parents parented.
I thought you’re comparison of the two children of parents who parented the same way was off because you don’t know what the parenting was like. They could have been terrible parents, and one just happened to not be affected by it, outwardly at least.

The bottom line is that children are innocent and absorb things like a sponge when they are young, so giving them a negative influence at that stage in their life can cause problems.

No one disagrees with that @dxs. Even within the same family, sibs have different experiences. But a child’s outcome isn’t due 100% to parenting.

@dxs ok, now I understand what you are saying, that parenting definitely has a big impact. I agree with you at least to an extent. I don’t think it all comes right down to parenting, there are other factors that come in to play. Some kids are more concerned with consequences than others.

@Dutchess_III I agree with your point. I also tend to think that every child responds differently to parents. Maybe some parents get too wrapped up in treating all the children the same – and that causes problems. Someone told me very early on to treat each according to their own need. That was a great bit advice because a method of discipline (or punishment or whatever you might want to call it) might be perfect for one kid and mean absolutely nothing to another. My oldest likes to follow the rules and does not like to get in trouble. My youngest on the other hand doesn’t really mind breaking the rules and is used to getting in trouble. My middle son is content just to do what it takes to fly under the radar. They all require different parenting styles in order to achieve their best and learn from their mistakes.

@Dutchess_III @LilCosmo I never said that a child’s outcome is due to 100% parenting. I said that it has a significant role in their outcome. Like you said, “sibs” have difference experiences. I said that, too, and that proves my point. Nobody is the same, so you can’t expect the same thing from everyone. But parenting is without a doubt in the equation in my opinion.

Of course. Agree 100% @dxs.

@dxs I agree that parenting is part of the equation.

@Dutchess_III OOHHHHHH. I thought you said “Nobody agrees with that @dxs….” Now this makes more sense haha.

I have two sons, about that age.

I am divorced, and my wife is a moron, but they would answer to me if they ever, past, present, or future, talked to their mother like that.

Any 20 yr old kid who calls his mother a cunt has missed some very important lessons in life and family. Who failed to teach the lesson?

^^ Ex wife

@josie She reacts quickly!

Not calling my parents names has allowed me to keep my head on my shoulders.

^And my teeth in my mouth.

@josie: good point.

We only playfully call each other names. My sisters and I say “Sup fuckface?” All the time.
I would never call my mother a cunt. :/ I’ve thought it a few times, but I wouldn’t say that to her.

My mom had emotional issues. She’d react very angrily, almost violently, to things without thinking. Once I caught hell because I didn’t put salt in the potato pot when I was boiling potatoes for mashed tatoes. I mean, she screamed at me like she was going to kill me.
When I was about 16 she began yelling at me for some utterly inconsequential thing, and I yelled back. My dad was there, from the beginning and when I yelled at her, boy, he was all over me.
I remember crying “Dad! But she’s so unfair! She’s just so WRONG!! You SAW that!!”
He said, “It does not matter. You never, ever yell at your mother!”
I remember the feeling of utter defeat. I felt…betrayed. It was like he took her side in the madness and I had no friends.
They were divorced a couple of years later.
But…you just don’t yell at your mother.
I can not even begin to imagine what would have happened had I called her a name!

Once, when I was about 16, I was yelling at my mom because she let my sister out of doing the dishes when it was her turn, and I had to do them. My mom said “Stop yelling before I slap you”.

I said “Go ahead if it will make you feel better” and to my astonishment, she did.

I called my mother a bitch once, when I was 15 or so and very angry. She slapped me on my bare leg. We both apologized, me for calling her a bitch and her for being one and and for slapping me.

My kids call each other names sometimes, but nothing so offensive as “cunt”.