What does "Puppy" do?

Jim Carrey. From the Masks Jack Russell terrier.

I bought a packet of toilet rolls and Puppy decided they would look better shredded and scattered all over the stairs, the hall, the living room… (yes, my dog did this once).

I had a puppy once.
It was delicious.

Ewwww! You can be soooo gross, @ragingloli!

@snowberry
It is not gross, it is yummy. Crispy puppy with curry sauce and rice. Hmmm-

The husband and I are settling into bed and lean over to kiss each other goodnight. Puppy starts growling and barking until we part, and then proceeds to give my husband kisses of her own, but not without giving me the stink-eye first.

I feel bad that Puppy is being crated all day, so I decide to give her a bit more freedom and set up an exercise pen in the living room so she has more space to move around. Puppy chews a huge whole through the carpet.

Puppy eats an entire pack of sugar free gum, wrappers and all. My husband and I spend over $1000 in the next 24 hours to ensure she doesn’t die of xylitol poisoning. What was once a $150 mutt is now worth a whole lot more.

Puppy and I are playing. Puppy accidentally bites my hand and I yelp. Puppy immediately stops and hops up on the couch to apologize by cuddling and kissing me before going right back to playing.

Puppy is sleeping, but I’m in need of some puppy love, so I cuddle up to her and kiss her soft cheeks. She softly growls her warning that she doesn’t want to be bothered. I don’t stop, and Puppy eventually sighs heavily and gives in to the love until I decide I’m done.

Aww, I’m at work and I miss my puppy now. :(

No puppies now, but puppies of the past ran the gauntlet of bad puppy stuff. One stole an entire pork roast off the counter while it was cooling and I had left the kitchen for about 2 minutes. Puppy became extremely ill and cost me hundreds to treat his pancreatitis issues.
Other puppy had separation anxiety and had to carry around my underwear in her mouth when I was gone.

1st puppy ( the hardcore food stealer ) also once, just when I thought it was safe to take him off the leash on a remote hiking trail, barged into a campsite and howled at the campers who were having lunch ( monster, 96 lb. hound dog he was ) scattering them all and proceeded to eat about 5 plates of chicken and potato salad off their picnic table while they cowered behind their RV.
I do not do dogs anymore, epic failure at choosing breeds and training them.

I am a cat, bird and horse person, leave the damn dogs to those that enjoy being masochists and slaves to obnoxious, sloppy, in your face barking creatures. lol

When my dog was younger I had him trained and he never, ever pooped in the house. He was a good dog. Anyway, I had this border taking up a spare room and one day the guy decided to feed the dog some leftover chicken. I told him not to because it was greasy and he wasn’t used to it. My roommate fed it to the dog anyway. Well, later on when we got back from work, my roommate went in his room and screamed in disgust! There was a pile of poop on the floor in the middle of his room! I don’t know how my dog got that door open but he knew who was at fault! That was the only time he has ever gone in the house and I can’t say that I blame him one bit. Feed me greasy crap? Well, there ya go!

Oh! Tears running down my cheeks! Can’t see the screen to type. Oh what an excellent belly laugh, reading down through the answers!
@ragingloli, you never let me down in the bizarre, unexpected answer department.
@downtide, I have a great mental picture.
@livelaughlove21, it sounds like you have really gone a few rounds!
@Coloma, can’t blame you a bit for making the switch.
@DWW25921, SMART DOG!
Thankyou everyone for sharing these stories! I am having such a great time reading about your adventures.

The toilet rolls wasn’t the funniest thing either. When we first got the dog I also kept rats, and I kept a big bag of their bedding in the bottom of the pantry next to her dog food. One day I must have gone out and left the pantry door open,... she ignored the kibble and pulled the other bag out, ripped it open and spread the contents all over the dining room floor. The entire floor was ankle-deep in what was basically little tiny nuggets of paper-mache. She was so apologetic when I came in but I didn’t have the heart to scold her.

I miss her so much. :(

@Jonesn4burgers My joke for years about my goose being the best “dog” anyone could ever want. Nobody ever calls and says ” Your goose just ran my cow into a fence.” lol

@Jonesn4burgers Indeed. We’ve had her just over a year and it has been quite eventful to say the least. On top of what I mentioned, she’s chewed two walls, ripped every single toy we’ve ever bought her to shreds, gotten fur all over every surface of our new house, caused our cat to get an eye infection by catching her eye with a nail while playing, and consistently makes us feel like the most awful people in the world when we make her do something she doesn’t want to do. By my description, you might think she’s a pit, rot, or some other large breed dog – nope, this is her.

When we got Dutchess she wasn’t much bigger than a snap. When 80-pound Dakota walked up to greet her, that little flea growled at her!

Oh, @Jonesn4burgers, I should also add that she has a dry skin issue that causes her lips and nose to get crusty every few weeks and we need to put expensive medicated cream on it twice a day until it goes away. She was also diagnosed with moderate to severe hip dysplasia at the age of 8 months and will probably eventually need hip replacement surgery. She’s the cutest damn money trap I’ve ever seen.

He was eating his food, and the other dog that lives at my house was sitting, watching him.

He wandered away and she started to eat what was left. He came running back, growling and gobbled up the rest.

My Teddy looks just like a teddy bear, blond tufty fur and big brown eyes and it ornery as can be. He slipped out of his collar on the first trip to the lake (we’ll get a harness), jumps in the lake and freaks out because it’s cold and wet, hates the floating dock, and sniffs the bat beds (yes, real bats from caves here.) He only slows down at bed time where he looks like a little angel and allows cuddles, and stretches so cute!!

Mona and he get along really well, either fight or chase each other, or lick each other’s ears.

@ragingloli . . . Cat is much tastier and much more fun to, uh, process.