Should I report him for sexual harassment?

I’d tell the manager, short staffed or not you have to show your not a pushover! By the way, I love your username.
If the company has to cut him that’s their problem not yours.

tell who you need to. Bottom line is you dont need to feel uncomfortable ever.

The dude needs a warning. I would ask the boss to remind him about proper conduct. You will be doing him a favor in the long run if he learns to keep in check.

Thanks Breefield, it’s been my nickname for a few years now :)

The thing is, if he’s just warned, he’ll know it was me who said something, and that could make it even more uncomfortable.

Right now, the most important thing to do is to document everything you can. Keep a diary of every event. If there are any harassing emails or phone messages, save them. Even if you decide not to pursue anything now, things could get worse in the future.

Unfortunately, reporting harassment is often a career limiting move. Management will see you as a troublemaker and want to get rid of you ASAP. Six months later you’ll find yourself facing mysterious sub-par performance evaluations and then you’re fired. It’s not right, but that’s how it is.

So, it all comes down to a simple question: is the job worth putting up with that crap?
90% of the time, it’s not worth it. Either report him, or quit.

Are you in Britain? I’m not sure how it works there. I hate to say it but I think xyzzy’s
right about the US.

There are no emails or phone messages or anything, it’s just what he says at work. I’m in Australia, in an Australianed owned company. I do need the job very much, and our store is struggling against a big rival that has moved in two stores down, so if either of us left it would be a big blow to the store, especially since 3 people have left in the time I’ve been there and two more are in the process of resigning.

@shrubbery, I hope Fluther doesn’t censor this:

FUCK THE COMPANY

Seriously, one of the worst mistakes you can make is to have misplaced loyalty for your employer. It is a rare employer that deserves any loyalty. The vast majority of them will stab you in the back in a heartbeat. You have to think about what’s right for you. The company’s success or failure is completely irrelevant.

If you need the money (nobody needs a job), that’s fine. But please don’t put up with his harassment thinking you owe the company something or that it’s wrong or immoral to hurt the company by leaving when it’s struggling.

Personally, I think you should start looking for another job. From what you’ve described, it sounds like the company is dying and you probably will be out of a job by early next year at the latest.

(Keep in mind that I’m in the US. Perhaps things aren’t quite as bad in Australia.)

I was here to answer the question. I now feel more inclined to throw mad props to xzzy for the best answer ever. Cheers and very well said. I agree 100 percent.

You should log a complaint about his behavior – whether there’s enough to constitute sexual harassment, I’m not sure, but there certainly is sufficient to complain about his attitude and behavior – especially if your company has any kind of ethics policy or code of conduct for the employees.

And while I agree that you shouldn’t subject yourself to things that make you unhappy or uncomfortable out of loyalty for your employer, there’s no harm in trying to make your workplace work for you. Take it up with a supervisor and let them coach this co-worker to be more appropriate and able to be around others without friction or upset.

Well it looks like xyzzy has said what I was going to, in much better words. Fuck ‘em. Seriously. Most of the answers so far are well thought out and rational, but from your description, this guy sounds like a prick. Get him fired, it’s as simple as that. But before you do, crotch punch him/ crotch kick him/ karate chop him in the windpipe. In fact, do all of three.

I know for a fact that you could easily get another job (quite possibly a better one) if it did come to that. But even if it did, I would still say you need to have him dealt with in some way or other, regardless of whether you stay or not, because he’ll just start being a jerk to someone else if you do leave.

Everybody has left great answers and I agree with all of them. Also, if you don’t say anything, he’s going to continue the harassment; if not to you, to others.. And its just uncalled for!

It may not be appropriate (esp. if he’s a bit of a nob), but if you’re not wanting to go directly to management, you could try telling him how it’s inappropriate behavior, it’s making you feel uncomfortable and ask him to stop. You never know, he may just realise his wrongs change his ways without needing to take it any further.

As an aside, is “I heard that if a man touches a woman anywhere other than the elbow without her consent then it’s sexual harassment.” really true? That’s scary if so. I mean, I can understand groping, slapping your arse, etc. as harassment but is someone patting you on the back (like saying “good job”) harassment?

@damien: depends, if the person patting you on the back is a trustworthy, sincere and wholesome person, then I would say no. However, if the person patting you is looking seedy, stroking his moustache and muttering to himself, then I would say yes…

Jokes aside though, I think that a lot of it just depends on the relationship the two people have. If they know each other fairly well and have a consistently happy relationship where both parties trust, respect and treat each others as professionals, then it should in no way be seen as sexual harassment (this is the patting on the back issue).

If, on the other hand, no respect is shown (such as in shrubbery’s case, from what she has described), one person does not act in a professional manner and the two parties only know each other in a very vague sort of way, then I would advise caution. Of course, I think that if the latter is the case, then things more serious than back patting would be going on (again, as shrubbery has described).

Pulls nun-chucks from belt, Right where is he…

@damien and the yan: Sexual Harassment is however the harassed feels like defining it, in shrubbery’s case a claim definitely justified.

Screw the bastard over, or get your boyfriend to beat him up. Or use your mob connections (if you have them) because the justice system for Sexual Harassment is screwed.

I wasn’t at any point saying shrubbery’s case isn’t sexual harassment. I just found that line which I quoted odd.

@damien: Neither of us were, and I definitely wasn’t saying you were. Or at least didn’t mean to. I was just trying to voice my thoughts. Clearly they came out in a fairly disorderly way. However, bluemukaki’s seeming criticism of our part in the discussion is not really justified by his advice to shrubbery, which, IMHO, is not very helpful.

@yannick: I was just backing you up, basically anything anyone wants to call Sexual Harassment is, provided the ‘harassed’ thinks they have been violated. Very subjective charges.

@joeysefika: I bow before your ninja skills.

Sorry guys, the elbow thing is just what the other guy said who heard what the jerk was saying to me.

@bluemukaki: Point gladly taken :)
@shrubbery: Doh! Ah well, we just love a good petty argument.

@shrubbery: It’s basically right, but you shouldn’t need to feel uncomfortable anywhere, let alone at work where you have to be professional in dealing with the situation, I don’t think it’s appropriate and the Australia Fluther crowd are sharpening their pitchforks, scramble the Flutherites!

Damn right we are. Might I just add, slightly of topic, that I think this was a really good question. The answers it has received have been both very interesting and well thought through. Obviously, helping shrubbery is the main priority, and hopefully we are sort of succeeding, but I also think this has led to a good discussion of how we all feel about the wider topic of sexual harassment in the workplace. Tha’ts just my little rant though.

Yes indeed yan-dawg, thankyou everyone for your help and support and great answers. I asked on here instead of consulting my friends because I didn’t want them to feel like they had to be involved, like they had to think of something to do, but I should have known that they would help me anyway. So, yannick, angus and joe, shall we kick his butt?

I still like the crotchpunch idea. In fact I just like saying it… Haha.

Hey guys, I just had a chat with the current manager who is finishing up this week. He said he can’t do anything about it now because he won’t see the guy again before he leaves, but he tells me I should slap him back and he needs to be put in his place. He says it’s the only child syndrome, the guys brother died from leukemia five years ago, which is sad, and I won’t be so harsh because he’s obviously been through a lot, but he still needs to know that I’m not ok with the way he acts.

Contact your appropriate governmental department (sorry, not sure what that would be in Australia) and find out what your options are. They may be able to make recomendations (how to document, how much you need to document, legal options, legal referrals, etc). At least find out your rights.

If you don’t want to involve your workplace, I would contact a lawyer. Then, the next time the jerk says anything innappropriate, hand him the lawyers’ card and tell him if he makes one more comment in a similar vein, he’ll be receiving legal procedings from that office.

Stand up for yourself. Don’t take crap.

Shrub, forget the elbow thing. That is one guy’s joking hyperbole.

Here is the official site for Australia. You need to look at the rules for your state or territory too. Here is a summary:

“What is unlawful harassment?

Under federal and state legislation unlawful harassment occurs when someone is made to feel intimidated, insulted or humiliated because of their race, colour, national or ethnic origin; sex; disability; sexual preference; or some other characteristic specified under anti-discrimination or human rights legislation . It can also happen if someone is working in a ‘hostile’ – or intimidating – environment.

Harassment can include behaviour such as:

* telling insulting jokes about particular racial groups
* sending explicit or sexually suggestive emails
* displaying offensive or pornographic posters or screen savers
* making derogatory comments or taunts about someone’s race or religion
* asking intrusive questions about someone’s personal life, including their sex life.

For more specific information about what may constitute unlawful discrimination or harassment see the fact sheets on discrimination and harassment based on age, disability, race and sex.
The nature of harassment/discrimination

Harassing behaviour can range from serious to a less serious nature, however one-off incidents can still constitute harassment. Also, where continued, such behaviour can undermine the standard of conduct within a work area, which may erode the well being of the individual or group being targeted and lead to lower overall staff performance.

The absence of complaints is not necessarily an indication that no harassment or discrimination is occurring. The person subjected to harassing or discriminating behaviour does not always complain. This is not necessarily because the act is deemed as trivial, but because the person may lack the confidence to speak up on their own behalf or feel too intimidated or embarrassed to complain.
Hostile working environment

Employers also need to be aware of their responsibilities to ensure that the working environment or workplace culture is not sexually or racially ‘hostile’. Examples of a potentially hostile working environment are where pornographic materials are displayed and where crude conversations, innuendo or offensive jokes are part of the accepted culture. A person has the right to complain about the effects of a sexually or racially hostile working environment, even if the conduct in question was not specifically targeted at them.”

You should, as your manager and a couple of Flutherers suggested, approach the guy directly first. Don’t be angry or loud or crude yourself. Say firmly, “When you say X, it is not appropriate in the workplace. Do not say X again to me; I won’t tolerate it.” Be as specific as possible. Do not make threats to the man. If it is behavior, substitute do for say.

Then, as a few have suggested, make a note of the date and what was said or done. Avoid hyperbole or drama. While you still have it fresh in your mind, make a note of what the other employee overheard and the date of that incident. Ask the one who overheard it to sign it.

Ask the current manager if he will make a note of your report of this man’s behavior and that on his advice you are speaking to the guy directly to ask him to desist, and to leave the note for the new manager.

Then just see what happens after you talk to the man and the new manager arrives. You would really not want that to be your first conversation with a new manager. Let him see and appreciate your work first. With luck, management will address it if it continues.

Let us hear what happens.

You are, or should always be, more important than that. Keep records. You should never be uncomfortable. No amount of knowledge or skill or money gives anyone the right to make you feel uncomfortable.

You and no one deserves to be sexually harrased.

Report him.

He needs to learn or he will keep on doing it.

I got here late, but I agree with the others. Unless you want that treament to continue and probably get worse, report it.

Hey again guys, thought I’d give you an update. I hadn’t worked with him since I asked this because both he and I had exams on after one another. Today was the first time we’d both been on. It was a slow work day, plenty of opportunity for the jokes and innuendo but surprisingly there wasn’t much at all. Maybe one joke. I hadn’t said anything to him, but maybe one of the other guys did, I’m not sure. He even helped me out with some stuff and let me have a couple of sales that could have been his. I hope he’s either realised himself or it’s been pointed out to him that he was inappropriate before and he continues along the line that he did today. If he doesn’t, I’m honestly outta there as soon as I get an interview for another job. I’m not so desperate for the money now- my parents are paying the bill that I owe and I am paying them back when I can, no deadline, and the more I think about it and hear from the people who have left I realise how f**cked up this company is and how badly they treat us, so really if anything else happens I think I can walk away without feeling bad.
Thanks again for all your great answers, I’ll update you again if anything more happens. xx

Shrubbery, most companies are f**ked up and so are most colleagues. It’s only sexual harassment in my book if he continues after you’ve made it clear that you don’t appreciate those kind of jokes/gestures. (Have you made it crystal clear?) Let’s face it innuendo is a from of “testing the water” being cocky and funny is very attractive to a lot of women. If a person likes the attention and reciprocates the innuendo will continue.

Warning: Men are pretty bad at receiving clues…so a fake little smile and rolling the eyes could very well be interpreted as “if I continue she will fall for me”

Most girls won’t say something because they want to stay in harmony with those around them. But once a lass shows or tells a lad that she is not interested and does not like the jokes…99% of the time it will stop. (But he will in private refer to you as a dike probably) If it continues tell the person again. Do not be afraid to speak up.

So don’t report sexual harassment unless you’ve told him to stop. If you don’t learn how to stop sexual harassment it may follow you around to the next company.

@ Shrubbery – thanks for the update. I am sorry you go through that crap. Some men can be assholes and dumb and are so focused on themselves.

I think if a guy does that you should get to do 3 things. One, IF you want, take his job. Two, IF you want, fire him. Three, IF you want hit him in the balls with something.

One of those things will cure him of the habbit

You need to be comfortable in your work environment to be able to perform well. Any employer (especially one like you’ve described) knows they need employees to be performing their best. You should say something to him one-on-one first. Document it. If that doesn’t work, you should report it higher up. Be able to give specific information.

you really don’t have to deal with stuff like that, it dosent matter how many “good” workers you have at your work place, there’s no point in you dealing with that, i gaurentee that there are more resectible people out there that can do his job just as well, tell the new manager and if he still dosent stop give it back to him. like when he said he wanted to ut the vibrator up your you know what tell him he shuold put it up his a$$ and see how he likes it!!! hes a jerk and you should tell him so.

Make sure the guy doesn’t get in too much trouble, this is no way sounds like he deserves that.

I would say, that my first idea is to go with you to courts and wherever you need to go to put this guy in line…

But than I realised that those kind of guys only do it with a certain type of person…
And i’m sorry to say this, but usually, they choose the weak ones, or the lonely ones, because those ones are most likely the ones he may actually score with!!!

I think this kind of guys really start to imagine and getting pictures in their heads… Some really believe that you’re the one harassment him…imagine that?!?

But If you came with me you wouldn’t permit that anyone acts like that with you in the first place!!!

Fisrt you have to have the hability to pull someone way from you…come on, ur a woman, right?!!!

It’s important to maintain a certain distance with lots of atitude with some people of our work, so that no one feel like your deppending on them, or you can even change ur posture so that doesn’t allow it to happen because he gets scared of absulutely rejection!!!

You don’t have to be rude, u just have to be straight with some people, before it happens anything!!

And you can do this in many charm ways… So it doesn’t hurt his HUGE MALE EGO, that much…

If it doesn’t work, you have to be frontal with him, try to clear this subject…This takes a lot of nerves, I know…but if he’s getting fired, you really should try this first!!!

If you still don’t clear out the situation, do REPORT HIM!