How do you get back up again and fight after an emotional knock back?

I realize that in life people do project. They project their own fears and doubts about themselves at any given opportunity onto me. I also know that in order to succeed I need to surround myself with ‘winners’. Winners push you on and keep you going, even when you push yourself back.

I know it hurts, for me I contemplate the above, I understand that what they said is their own fears. I might cry a bit, I might fume, but then I move on, since this is my life and I only have one chance. Besides, success is the sweetest ‘revenge’. :)

That’s a really interesting point of view @LornaLove I never thought of ‘revenge’ but that’s kind of an exciting notion actually (obviously in a kind of cheeky mischievous way) But also surrounding myself with winners… I need find myself some of those!! Will you be my friend?? ;-)

@nebule: “I’m thinking specifically about when you are trying really hard on a new venture and yet someone might make a comment or say something about you that hurts and squashes your dreams.”

Is someone making a comment or hurting/squashing your dreams?

If someone is going out of their way to destroy your life chances in some way, then it’s quite different from someone simply making comments that are not supportive.

@nebule: “You feel foolish, embarrassed, deflated”

If it’s simply comments that are not supportive, you can choose to accept them. If you choose to pick them up and own them, you’ll probably be in a situation where you now must deal with all of the associated emotions that go along with this (anger, resentment, humiliation, etc). But isn’t your “new venture” difficult enough without taking on other people’s problems?

@hominid It sounds petty… when I write it down, but it did hurt me – I took some of my paintings into a frame shop to be mounted and I hadn’t painted them to “standard size frames” The lady in the shop said oh, that’s not going to work because it isn’t a standard size – and me being me said jovially “Oh I guess I need to start painting to standard sizes then?” and she said “Well yes it does help!!” And I was hurt by it, because I am new to this and don’t know everything but this seems like a kind of basic thing that I should know… but didn’t…so I feel foolish. And it makes me think “Yes, Lynne…See you are an amateur, why did you think you could do this professionally!!??”

So I know it’s my stuff and inadequacies… but I feel like I just need people to be kinder and they’re not…and I’m going to have to deal with things like this. So I need to know how to become more resilient.

@nebule Of course I mean ‘revenge in the cheeky way’! I’ve always found too, that people who are wanting to succeed will help others and keep that vibration up. I’m starting myself a whole lot of ideas and study courses so hopefully I will be back in the ‘winners circle’ soon. So yes, by all means.

You need to keep a bottle of negative repellent spray and give them a good spray over. I also find perhaps receiving positive thoughts daily helps if I am serious about things. My own thoughts can get tipped over by the negative thoughts of other’s. Some great blogs are out there that you could link to. That is also in a way joining a winning circle.

I myself am battling negative thoughts and am aware of how much it can make you or break you. As I have enjoyed success just by doing the opposite of that. Time is precious and I won’t waste it now on toxic and negative people. Becoming resilient is seeing where people’s comments come from, probably their own fears.

@nebule: “And it makes me think “Yes, Lynne…See you are an amateur, why did you think you could do this professionally!!??””

You currently are an amateur – and that’s a good thing. You know your mistake was minor, and only tangential to the actual process being an artist.

@nebule: “but I feel like I just need people to be kinder and they’re not…and I’m going to have to deal with things like this”

And just as important – you’ll have to deal with people who are kind and flattering when they probably shouldn’t be. I can’t imagine being an artist. You pour yourself into your work and then expose it only to have people judge it. They bring themselves to your work and will experience it in ways that you had never imagined. I can only imagine surviving this process if I were to approach every piece of work as though I were painting it for myself.

But I know the frustration you are talking about. I am a software engineer. In this world, you are perpetually exposed to people who know more than you. The constant change in technologies, tools, frameworks, and languages means that you are always an amateur. While this is one of the things that draws me to this work, it’s frustrating to interact with people whose intention it is to make you feel more stupid than you already feel. When people throw out comments crafted to hurt me, I try to let them fall on the desk in front of the speaker. If I don’t pick it up, my challenge remains to solve my programming problems. If I do pick it up, I have doubled my work.

Good luck!

It sounds like that lady was just being a little bitchy. I would try not to let crap like that get me down. If you weren’t in a position where you wanted something from her, you could “give it back to her.” Since you wanted something from her, you kind of have to suck it up. However, try not to let it get to you too much or affect your work. You will be dealing with bitches a lot in life.

Who is the amateur here? If the framer was a true professional she’d be able to frame anything, like this or this .

In business I avoid anger at all costs. Anger only uses up valuable emotional and critical thinking resources. A “knock back” in any form is simply a bump in the road at the worst a road block to where you take a step back, regroup and formulate a new plan. The last thing I would ever want is to give anyone any kind of power or feedback that what ever they said or did got you to become upset and angry.

Success and forward progress is the best antidote to “knock backs”. I am going through this as we speak.

You wait at least 6 months then re-evaluate conditions.

@LuckyGuy makes a good point. I have had greeting cards professionally framed and they’re definitely not within the “standard frame” guidelines of 4×5, 5×7, etc.

I think sometimes when you are nervous about starting a new venture, part of you is almost waiting to have someone tell you that you can’t succeed so you can have an excuse to quit. It’s hard stepping outside of your comfort zone and doing something that’s a little risky but could have a big payoff.

I wish I had great advice to give you. I don’t. But I hope you do get back up there and keep chugging along following your dream.

I am definitely the type that gets angry, not hurt. I also believe in the saying, “don’t get mad, get even.” The best way to get even is to show ‘em by fighting even harder to meet my goals.

I have a problem showing people my weaknesses, so I always tend to be angry more than hurt.

I’m not sure a more passive or emotional person can change into a more aggressive, less emotional person though. Plenty of people wish they were less emotional but they always revert to type, so you may be fighting a losing battle.

Look at the alternatives.

Come out swinging.

“when you are trying really hard on a new venture”

After you’ve pursued a few, you’ll learn not to talk about the “venture” until it has completed to your satisfaction. It shouldn’t be shared with anyone who isn’t directly involved. And if it’s your venture, then remove anyone involved that doesn’t fit with the venture pursued.

When folks ask me these days, “What are you up to?” I just say “Not much.”

What I’m up to is something they are incapable of understanding the degree that I do. So they will typically default to a position of support or nay saying. Both of which are trite and meaningless wastes of human thought. I have no time for entertaining optimists nor pessimists. So I don’t give them any opportunity for judging my ventures until the venture is complete and ready for public presentation.

And yes, I have created, and currently own three separate businesses. None of them require assistance from overly talkative fools.

GQ!

did I mention how much I love you all? :-)

Thank you for your answers peeps xx I went in today to pick up some more paintings and the cropping is wrong on one of them so I’ve had to repaint parts and remount it myself. Luckily I’m resourceful. I think I’ll find the materials and education to mount myself in future.. I mean…mount the paintings myself ..hee hee xx

”...I’ve had to repaint parts and remount it myself…”

Don’t know why, but I initially read that as I had to repaint my pants and mount myself.

Ok my bad. But thanks for the funny visual.

Let me see if I understand the core of the questions correctly. You are asking how to one overcome the blow of having someone crush your dreams with words or behavior, and also how to become resilient or use anger to dust off and get back in the fight. I am in the business of helping people change their lives and work on life long goals and plan dreams. Does that make me an expert, no. But Having lived a life full of up hill battles and becoming resilient does.

I don’t subscribe to the getting angry idea, I tap into my passion, another very strong emotion, and this is what I teach. Your Passion is your best tool, your best defense against the negative nellies and the scorn of others. Get grounded deep in a plan of action. Goals are Dreams with action plans.

I believe that it is those goals you feel passionate about that are the ones you need to follow through on. Not the ones you like or feel love for, but the one or two you feel PASSSIONATE about! Expect to get knocked down, laughed at, ridiculed even loose friends and colleagues. People will not always understand your DREAM. Many will be envious and try to talk you out of it or convince you its a bad idea. Expect it! It can be a lonely place when you first building your dream. Remember if you don’t act on your Dreams you will be building someone else’s the rest of your life.

It has been my experience that resilience is taught by life experience and understanding yourself, having a clear focus from day one of what you believe, what you want and what you need to reach it. So make a plan A and a plan B & C. The first one doesn’t always work, you need to learn to be flexible. It will help build you up against the days when everything seems to go splat!

There have been many books written, many speeches and talks given on the subject of motivation, dream building and over coming challenges. Most everyone who has lived on the planet has a story to tell. Read, there will be that one or maybe two stories that will inspire you, hit just the right connection to instill the push you needed to get past that last hurtle.

Look for like minded people who have succeeded. Join a mentoring group of entrepreneurs and get support. You don’t always have to reinvent the wheel. Start your own think tank in your town or even online. Build up your support network. This will help build your resilience strength and you’ll have those around you that believe.

I stay down and appreciate the ground until the pain stops.

I do recommend taking time to regroup and figure out why the knock down effected you so deeply. Being strong is also knowing when to step back and reboot.

By realizing that when someone says something hurtfull they may or may not know that in effect that they are motivating you to fight back .
(doing you a favor, but in a clumbsy way).