Should a woman be put down because she voluntarily decides to be a housewife?

I really don’t give a flying frack what someone else does with their life.

No, does anyone?

What couples do and how they live is no one’s business as long as no one is being hurt.

Wow. Seriously? We’re thinking of euthanizing housewives now?

no – people are free to make their own choices in life…

”… put down…” I am assuming you do not mean euthanasia.

Oops, read the other responses before you answer Adagio! Sorry @CWOTUS.

Haha, put down. Although when first reading the title of this, it’s what I thought too, until I checked out the details lol.

I wish I made more than enough, and then some.

Of course not. Freedom to choose one’s own way of life includes the freedom to choose the life of a housewife. Besides, very few stay at home mothers are lazy, freeloading slackers. Most do as much or more work than their partners. They just don’t get paid for it.

No, because it’s none of anyone’s god damn business.

It’s okay, @Adagio. Great minds and all. It’s not like I’ve never done exactly the same thing. Five or six times. This week.

@filmfann No, does anyone?
in this day and age, you’d be surprised how many do.

@Hypocrisy_Central I live in a town near you but full of both working moms who are high powered execs, and also a lot of stay-at-home-moms. The stay at home moms are admired in my community because they’re the ones who are helping in the class rooms everyday, which is why our school system here is strong.

I think your concept of people being critical of those who work at home is about twenty years out of date.

No, of course not.

What if the wife makes plenty so the husband decides to stay home and parent?

I think, as long as the partner going to work doesn’t mind, and the stay at home parent is genuinely happy, they should go ahead.

Here’s my viewpoint…..I am a divorced, stay at home mom and it isn’t an easy job at all! I work hard to keep our house clean, clothes washed, good food for my children, run all kinds of errands and pay bills, help with homework and tests, and bedtime stories. You have to also be the disciplinary too. I think it is one of the hardest jobs out there and often thank less. Not to mention you don’t get paid for it! Before my children were born, I was an Admin. Assistant and worked very hard at making my boss and the entire dept. happy. That job was difficult but being a stay at home Mom is tougher. You have to be able to multi task with your adult thoughts and troubles, as well as drop everything for your children at that moment.
Here are a few quotes I wanted to share:
A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.
—Washington Irving

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
—Tenneva Jordan

@zenvelo I think your concept of people being critical of those who work at home is about twenty years out of date.
Who said it was my concept? Again, powers of clairvoyance are off. I hope I did not give you the impression all people thought that way. There are some who do. It comes up in conversation, either implied or direct that women who don’t work are slacking, or at least not living up to their full potential, as if a woman has to be defined by a title or career. If the women where you live have avoided such rhetoric either to them directly of behind their back, good for them, not all women are as lucky

I have to agree with @Hypocrisy_Central on this one. Housewives get criticized from various angles for their choice, and there are ongoing debates about whether one can be both a housewife and a responsible modern woman. The “housewives are lazy/unambitious” viewpoint is a minority opinion, but it’s definitely out there.

No, not at all. However I do have a problem with traditionalist men and women who try to enforce their way of living down everybody else’s throat. Outside of the latter circumstance I find nothing wrong with a woman nurturing the kids and taking care of the house if that’s what she’s looking for.

Touchy subject with me because my “ex” was perfectly fine with my staying home and raising the kids until they became teenagers. Then he immediately switched ideas of what I should be doing and was insulting and demanding that I either go back to school or get a job. He acted like staying home made me a total sloth and loser. So when I dated my second husband I asked him point blank if he wanted a wife to work or stay home and he said, “whatever she wants is fine but I’d prefer if she stayed home.” So I have and I’m glad. I love staying home and am so happy he likes it. This does not mean I’m not lazy because I am. But so is he.

I don’t think someone should be put down ever for a personal choice, but I do think that for women it’s a risky move.

Once you’re out of the workforce for years, you tend to lose your marketability, so you’re putting a lot of trust and responsiblity in/ on your husband.

I’d be bored out of my mind but if the money were available, I’d give it a shot and volunteer everywhere so it would help others. :)

When the topic of stay-at-home parenting is brought up I always hear how easy it is and how boring it must be. When you hear these comments all the time it’s hard to not think of them as put downs. I know. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 14 years. Think about what it would feel like if this was the common theme you heard about your choice of work. It starts to feel a bit degrading after a few years. Then you are asked what your plans are when the kids gets older. It’s as if taking care of your own family is not worthy. It lacks ambition.

I have two half-sisters who couldn’t understand why my mother, their step-mother, didn’t find work after her children left the house. My father was more than happy to have my mom home taking care of him and the house while he worked for pay, but that wasn’t good enough for my half-sisters. They thought my mom lacked ambition. My Mom had several hobbies she excelled at and she was always available for her family. She had ambition for her hobbies and family, not a paycheck. Think about how many people you know who have a job they love. I really don’t know that many. Why does paid work have to define who we are and where our ambitions lie?

My landlord told my husband that he was buddies with the owner of the local Subway and he said he could give him a call if I ever found myself bored and wanted to get out of the house. I know his intentions were good, but seriously? I do have a college degree and I’ve worked as both a corporate travel agent and leisure travel agent. I could find a decent job if that’s what I really wanted to do.

There was a time a few years back when I wasn’t feeling appreciated because I heard another stupid comment about stay-at-home parents. I asked a question here at Fluther about SAHM’s hoping for a little support. There were many SAHM’s who chimed in with some of the same complaints I had and it felt good to get a little support. There were of course others who didn’t have the nicest things to stay. One user told me I was being woe is me with my question. Another user mentioned how easy it is to be a stay-at-home parent (there’s that theme again). Then another mentioned how it is harder to take care of several pets than it is to take care of one child. So anyone here who says stay-at-home parents aren’t looked down upon need to find a stay-at-home parent and have a long talk with them.

@jonsblond Maybe it’s because we keep hearing about those ‘understanding’ husbands trading in their wives for younger, more active models, women who can’t support themselves when the husband dies, etc… Seriously, it was never an option for me in my own mind.

Maybe what’s because @KNOWITALL? And who is we? I don’t keep hearing that.

@jonsblond Some women, especially in my area where SAHM’s is popular, feel like staying home is putting too much pressure on the husband emotionally and financially, and basically leaving your ‘power’ in his hands.

@KNOWITALL That’s a sad way to think imo. Everything you are saying does feel like a put down to stay-at-home parents. (don’t worry, I’m not getting all upset and emotional, though it may appear that way. I’d just like to explain myself here) When did women begin to feel this way and forget about the importance of being home for their children? When did being home for your children put more power into the hands of the husband? If women aren’t taking care of their children, someone else is. It feels like daycare providers are respected more than stay-at-home parents are.

My husband and I don’t need to worry about scrambling the last minute to find daycare if school is cancelled or missing a day of work with no pay because our child is sick and needs to stay home. We aren’t lucky like many people are who have family who can help at the last minute so no one needs to miss work. My husband loves coming home to be able to put his feet up and have down time and time to spend with the family. He doesn’t need to clean or cook or take care of bills. He can relax after a hard day of physical work. There are a lot of things we don’t need to stress about because we know that someone will be home to deal with unexpected things. He wouldn’t be able to do that if we both worked. Even working parents need to worry about finances. Each way of living comes with its own stresses. I know because both my husband and I worked when our sons were young and there was a time when he stayed home and I was the one working. I didn’t feel pressure because he was at home with our kids. I was happy he was taking care of our home and children.

If the worst happened and I needed to find a job, I would. That’s what everyone does. It would suck, but it’s doable. A 22 year old co-worker of my husbands recently died in a tragic snowmobile accident. He had a young son, wife and baby on the way. She is now working because she doesn’t have a choice. We do what we need to do, but if I have a chance to be here for my family I’ll take it and not worry about what might happen.

@jonsblond Maybe the point is that it works for some families and not for others. :)

Most of the horror stories I’ve heard have either a jerk husband or a wife that feels privelaged, or refuses to work (after the kids grow up.)

@KNOWITALL Can you tell I’m passionate about the subject? :)

@jonsblond Yes! Can you tell I’m uber-independent? ;) The best of both worlds right~

From the point of view of a stay-at-home dad….

My hat goes off to all stay-at-home parents.I can’t speak for all SAH parents, but I know it is a big job. The women’s liberation movement in the sixties and seventies was a double-edged sword. While it went a long way to improve the legal and social rights of women to work, the addition of all those workers to the workforce; then “trickle-down economics” hit the economy, (I got the down, I’m still waiting for the trickle! Rev. Al Sharpton) The combination of those two forces prevented real wages for all workers from keeping up with costs of living, making two income families more a necessity than an option.

That being said, anyone who chooses to stay home and manage the household is taking on a huge responsibility.

@Yetanotheruser Don’t forget, women are still paid less for doing the same jobs as men. I can see your point though. :)

@KNOWITALL No doubt. This disparity needs to be addressed as well. Equality in employment opportunity should mean the ability to pursue a career outside the home if that’s what is desired for either or both parents. It should also mean that the salary of one parent should be sufficient to support the family, whether it means a single parent, or a couple with a SAH parent.

Details, details.
On the surface all marriages where one partner is the bread-earner and the other isn’t are similar, but the actual role each partner plays can be very different.

Where one of the partners does next to nothing to pull her/his weight in the household there is some reason to consider that ‘kept’ partner relatively useless, but if the other partner doesn’t mind then who’s being harmed and maybe that’s the best situation the freeloader can find. At the end of the day I don’t think it’s my business at all.

In plenty of such relationships, however, it is a partnership and the non-wage-earner works as hard or harder for the benefit of the household and family as the wage-earner. And there are people like @zenvelo‘s description of “stay at home moms are admired in my community because they’re the ones who are helping in the class rooms everyday” where clearly these people are far from slackers.

(p.s. I’d consider other people who don’t contribute any effort to the benefit of anyone, e.g. most of the Walmart heirs, to be far less admirable and even contemptible compared to any stay-at-home wifey. At least the wifey has a voluntary relationship with her benefactor, while parasites extract wealth from the rest of us through their corporate appendages often without us being aware of the cash flow to them.)