Does getting personal with other people intimidate you?

Very few people in the real world, including my step mom, know I had prostate cancer and the related surgery. That info is personal and known by only a couple of close friends and coworkers – and about 15,000 jellies.

No I am not intimidated merely selective with whom I share personal information. Mostly on a need to know basis.

Not in the least, although the real world gets to know far more readily than a bunch of strangers on the internet, that’s just a gimme.

I’m pretty open about my life, although there are some things I keep to myself. As I get older there is more to keep private.

No. I’m pretty much an open book.

I don’t blurt personal information to just anyone; but if the conversation turns to sensitive topics, I will mention my past tribulations if I deem it is relevant – much as I do here.

Sometimes it’s easier to reveal something intimate to a stranger than it is to reveal it to someone we know well, someone who may get caught up in the emotion or who may go gossiping to others. For example, my mother was ill recently with a serious illness. It was hard and took a lot of strength to talk to coworkers and friends about it, but in a casual conversation with a stranger, on the rare occasion I wanted to open up about her illness, if someone said their relative had this illness, it was very easy to say “yes, my mom had it, too” and compare experiences.

With people I know well, I may or may not want to discuss certain things. It’s for that reason that I am very choosy about which people I tell about Fluther. If someone I know came onto Fluther at my recommendation and then tried to figure out who I am on here, I would die if they could so easily learn all my intimate secrets just from my Fluther posts.

I am very guarded about myself.

Yes, but mostly out of concerns about identity theft.

I’ve had a very stressful last 18 months or so and really, other than sharing with my daughter and one other friend I prefer to keep my problems to myself. I am not intimidated, I am a very open sort of person with an equally private side. Thing is, nobody really gives a shit about anyone elses problems, really, everyone is so self absorbed it’s a waste of time for the most part and few people have the social skills to really offer up any significantly supportive or empathetic responses to uncomfortable sharings.
Standard replies to some of my sharings are cliched bullshit such as ” You’re doing a great job, somethings got to give” or ” It’s not THAT bad” or ” Be proud of how hard you have worked this year.”

Okay…thanks. I really do not know anyone that can offer any truly substantial emotional support because talking about ones challenges and worries tends to bring up others own fears so they must make light of the gravity and reality that they too could experience hardship.

OK. Because you asked, I will answer the question: Why did I not tell anyone? I was not ashamed. I did nothing to deserve it. I am in good shape, never smoked, no drugs. I had health insurance. I did nothing illegal. So why keep it a secret? Because I am self – employed, running my own business and bidding on competitive contracts. I did not want there to be a hint of a chance that I would lose out because someone thought I was sick and could not perform. I did not want to even give myself the chance to blame a loss of a contract on my illness. I knew that once the info was out there it was never coming back. I only let people who could help me know. I have wonderful neighbors, and one of them is very active in church. If she found out she would make sure to tell the congregation about it and ask for prayers (against my will of course). She is out. I couldn’t tell her husband. Why put him in that position? I did tell one neighbor because I needed help and he swore to take it to the grave and he had already demonstrated he was trustworthy. .
Why tell my step-mom in Florida? What is she going to do with that info? Probably just kvetch to her friends while sitting around the condo pool. She would also call and ask how I was doing. I don’t need that.

To schedule the surgery, I lied and told the people at work I was going to Florida to help out my sick mom. I told her I was on a business trip. I came back in pain, trouble walking, peeing myself every time I moved but I faked it. I walked straight and tall all the time. I never let them know. One time I was at a meeting and needed to go to the bathroom attended by a bunch of other guys. I was wearing a diaper and packing a pee pad so it took me a long time. I joked with the guys “Man! I’ve got to get that thing reamed out!” (a relatively common procedure for guys over 50). They never knew.

I truly believe that by hiding my surgery, I forced myself to recover much faster than I would have if I had allowed myself the luxury of some slack.
After one followup surgery about a year later everything worked out fine. It is done. Nobody asks me how I am doing. Nobody brings up the subject or tells me about a relative with it. Nobody asks me for advice. If by accident I hear of someone with it, I listen and offer no admission, advice, or counsel. Done. I dealt with it. It’s over. I am a Lucky Guy.

Not anymore.

I don’t blurt out things to just anyone, but I have learned the hard way that not letting people close to me know what is going on is destructive to relationships. I used to be very private, even with my ex when we were married.

True intimacy is being open and honest, emotionally naked and vulnerable with another person.

@Cruiser Yeah, same for me. I don’t see the need to get personal with people, unless they’re close friends, or family. And in my family, this includes my grandmother, and no one else.

I think there will always be things that people don’t know about me. I keep a lot of things to myself, and there are very few people I feel comfortable with.

Yes, but only to a degree and only about certain things.