What would you put in your profile to discourage unwanted messages, romantic overtures, or stalkers?

My wife will rip your head off & shit down your neck, now fuck off bunny boiler!

“Single mom. My darlings are called Chanel, Siberia, Zerelda and Surreal. They’re looking forward to meeting their new daddy, someone to tuck them in at night when I’m off hunting the neighbours’ cats. My mom lives with me, but she is unable to stop our sweeties from biting as her incontinence has gotten worse. Future roomie, no fear: The doctor says urine is sterile.”

I would then add a profile pic showing me cuddling four snarling ferrets.

I’m @ucme‘s wife!

Only works on me though, she’s very overprotective…bless.

Mormon and member of Tea Party.

I am known for my ability to proof-read and edit everything you write, to jump on you for every misuse of the subjunctive, to nag you about your posture and to insist you floss after every meal (which will be meat-, dairy-, gluten-, sugar- and alcohol-free). I watch Jeopardy! every evening and shout the correct questions out. I am almost always right (except for sports and pop music).

Previous psychotic episodes not necessarily evidence of future behavior.

I’m a member of the tea party and constantly smoke cigars and drive a stretch Hummer.

Only 10 more sessions before the Doctors say I’m normal , ha,ha,ha,!

Not for sale rental or distribution.

I’m a cannibal.

Unwanted messages, romantic overtures, or stalkers are Catnip for me and a big part of why I am here. Bring it on! ;)

What I have written in my profile seems to work, as I get very few PMs and absolutely zero romantic overtures.

Let’s reverse the question…what can I do to get more messages and lascivious suggestions?

I really, really like Hannibal Lecter. He’s so hot—such a turn on. I like Breaking Bad. When I grow up, I want to be just like Walter White and run a meth lab. If we end up together, I will love you so, so much and hold on so tight and never let you go. I also like Care Bears and Hello Kitty.

Working on a tentacle rape machine, and looking for willing test subjects.
Need to work out some kinks, though. It keeps ripping apart all the test dogs.

Into serial killer methodology. President of Jeffrey Dahmer Fan Cub!

I am happy to announce that I’ve lost so much weight that I’m now down to a size 22w-24W. I partially owe my 2 carton a day Camel habit to this, strangely enough. Smoking has been scientifically proven for weight loss. The bad news is it caused my trailer to burn down so I’ve moved in with my brother. He has cool velvet Elvis pictures!

Just tell these guys she has several kids.