What's the worst thing you can call someone who is stuck in a tree while holding a small watercolor painting of Bertrand Russell?

Why stay if you are so unhappy?

^ S/he’s stuck in the tree. S/he’s not choosing to stay there. (Although I guess this could be a bad thing to say to this person – to imply that they are not really stuck.)

Pretentious bastard

Conservative Republican.

Cocksure. A person full of doubt would not be in any tree.

Selfish.

Drop the damned painting, I’ll catch it. Wrap it in your pants first. Surely you didn’t climb the tree bottomless?

Attention seeker

Brainless, idiot, sleepwalker, do-it-with-no-forethought style, loser thief.
What is the point of climbing a tree while holding a painting?