@Dutchess_III: ”@hominid I’ll try to explain. Have you ever raised your voice at your kids? I’ll assume you have.”
No assumption necessary. If you read what I wrote above, you will see that I did say that I have raised my voice at my kids.
@Dutchess_III: “Then I can go off on a rant about how you scream at your kids and how horribly, mentally abusive screaming at your kids is.”
Bingo. And here is where you let us know that you are missing the point.
Note, however, that I have addressed this point multiple times above. So, at this point, I’m beginning to think that you are either not reading my comments, or having as much difficulty understanding what I am writing as I with you.
Let’s parse what you are saying, because you got a bit sloppy here. I’ll do you the favor of putting this into a more coherent position….
a. spanking = calm parenting
b. hard spanking = abuse
c. speaking = calm parenting
d. raising your voice = abuse
e. screaming at your kids = abuse
So, if this is what you are saying, please confirm.
@Dutchess_III: “It can scar them for life.”
The “it” here is what should be cleared up once you define what you are talking about. Please reference a – e above. And when you do, define what you mean by “raising your voice” and then “screaming at”.
@Dutchess_III: “I should know. My mom used to scream. All you teach them is that the way to handle things is to scream at people.”
I couldn’t agree more. Verbally abusing – whether it be loud screaming or quiet humiliation and derision is horrible abuse. Trying to make the connection to this conversation. Help me out.
@Dutchess_III: “In other words, according to your arguments, a controlled spanking is to beating is what raising your voice is to screaming.”
I think you need to go back and read my comments. When I raise my voice or are short with my kids, it is a problem. A big one. (Listen to what I am saying, this is critical and will go a long way in clearing up some of the confusion you have.) Very rarely when I have had a bad day and I am inpatient and raise my voice with my kid, it is not my chosen parenting style. It’s exactly the thing I want to avoid. But when a parent uses spanking, that is exactly what they want to do. When they veer from their intended calm parenting style, the equivalent of raising their voice is hitting harder (abuse).
tool = voice, failure = raising voice, being impatient
tool = hand, failure = stronger hitting/abuse
And like I said above, when this has happened, it becomes yet another time to sit with my kids and talk. I apologize, and we discuss our feelings. How did they feel? How did I feel? How do I feel now? I ask them for suggestions on how I could have handled things differently. You’d be surprised at the response I get.
So, is this what you were talking about, or did you have something else in mind?