How to handle roommates as an adult.

I don’t agree with your roommates theory that if you are there more, you should pay more. It doesn’t even make sense to me. Your agreement was made with them before they moved in and with full disclosure on your part as to what the living arrangements would be.
If you are able to live without roommates, I would try to get out of the agreement. Since they are friends of yours, it would be better to leave on good terms.

I think you are quite fortunate that the conflicts are as yet so minor. The odds of assembling 4 compatible people in a living situation other than a convent are so slim that you’ve effectively won the lottery.

Lol, @stanleybmanly, I wouldn’t call us compatible. We get along on the surface, but “new girl” marched in and it’s not been so fantastic. My boyfriend, his best friend and I were living together in a smaller apartment for almost a year with no major issues. He’s very much an introvert and likes to spend time in his room, kept tidy and quiet. We moved into a larger place a few months ago, and it’s one thing after another- this is the one that’s really got me stumped.

I certainly would have a place for just my boyfriend and myself If I could afford it. I much prefer to spend $300/mo on rent than $700+.

AFAIC, if you have a place to live, you have a right to be inside it. They can’t charge you more rent for being in your home more. You know entering a roommate situation you probably won’t have as much privacy. Most other issues (how to split space, chores, and bills) should be put to paper and signed by all parties. Seriously: I don’t get to pay my landlord less because I’m home less.

However, I can understand if you pay a somewhat bigger share of the power bill – but I still think it should be agreed on ahead of time on paper. When I was last in this kind of situation, I was the leaseholder and made clear to the subtenant that I would be home a lot more and would not be hairsplitting bills. I also refused to have cable TV service because the service would be under my name and I don’t feel like paying for a share of it because I don’t watch TV.

Can you all set up a monthly meeting and commit to it? Perhaps make snacks and make it an amicable environment so that people feel they can talk. Every one should write down the points they wish to bring up at each meeting.

If privacy is an issue, in which ways? Can they clarify this? Is there anyway you can all deal with it?

I find their attitude stinks, by the way, but you did ask how to handle it in an adult way.

I am also not sure why you are paying more for the rent? You would maybe pay more for the phones and power since you work there. Really all costs should be split by four regardless of how much each person uses a thing as it may even out. Whoever has their name on the lease agreement calls the shots.

I don’t think the work from home issue should be a point of contention at all, unless you have a dedicated space for your work that takes up community space. And if you use power and heat all the time because you are home all the time, you have made a fair compensation.

But reading this and the history it is really all about getting along with new girlfriend. And that’s not so much a roommate issue as much as it is accepting your boyfriend’s best-friend’s choice of sweetie.

Is it you and she? Or is it you and boyfriend having an issue with her? How does boyfriend’s friend figure in all this? The new girl may be obnoxious, or she may be someone trying to fit in to an established dynamic among the three of you.

If one of them lost their job, they’d wind up spending a lot more time at home. Would that mean they should start paying more? That’s obviously absurd. Therefore, so is their argument that you should pay more because you spend more time using the space.

Get new roommates. Set the rules out up front.

Personally, I think rent should be evenly split between each person. I understand looking at the usage of the utilities and dividing that up a bit differently, but I wouldn’t let them take advantage of the situation. Sure, you use a bit more because you work from home, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should be paying ¾th of the bill on your own. I’m sure the 3 of them use more than ¼th of the utilities.

Since you are already in this situation, it may be hard to change. In the future, these things should be discussed and agreed upon before signing the lease and moving in together.

Chores should be split in a way that is fair and agreeable to all. There really is no easy way to say how it should be. When I had roommates, we had an agreement that whoever cooked (because we ate together) didn’t clean up afterwards, someone else did. We all took turns cooking and cleaning. We all did our own laundry and cleaned up the bathrooms after ourselves. We usually cleaned the common areas (living room) together.

That’s a lot of people for 1,500 sq. ft.

I haven’t had a roommate in ages – husbands don’t count – but I had several roommates and housemates when I was very young and single. My own conclusion: it’s best if one person takes the lead and treats the arrangement like an old-fashioned boarding house.

1) Make some strict rules about noise, guests (overnight and otherwise), and use of common areas. Type the rules in a document and distribute them to anyone who might move in; someone who doesn’t like the conditions can look elsewhere. Boarding house ladies (and gentlemen, I guess) always had rules and kept the peace by enforcing them.

2) Be prepared to keep the common areas clean and neat, especially the kitchen and bathrooms. Ideally, hire a cleaning service to stop by, maybe 1X per week, and do this work. If you can’t afford the help, you’ll need to do it yourself. The other roommates should pay a bit extra for this service.

I found that these 2 guidelines prevented filthy bathrooms, stacks of dirty dishes, friends and lovers who spend every night and turned into non-rent-paying roommates, TVs and radios blasting all night, etc. If a group of people are equal and do things their own way, anarchy ensues followed by “Judge Judy.”

Thank you everyone, those are some great ideas to start with. At our last apartment ( my BF, his best friend and I) my BF and I were on the lease. Mostly I called the shots, and wee rarely had any disagreements. I agree it is tough with the new girl, she is indeed not used to the way we do things, and in turn, we aren’t used to the way she would do things.

We did agree over a month ago that we would have a regular sit down to talk over bills and any other issues. When it was time for our last meeting, something conveniently happened where the other two had to go out of town for the weekend. We never ended up having that meeting. :/ my boyfriend agrees that we should be splitting bills evenly, and we pay a bit more since our room is a bit bigger and I pay more for having a work desk in the living room.

I will keep these ideas in mind for the next meeting, an thank you for helping me understand.

You need to have a household meeting and then set up a roommate agreement. You should probably talk to your boyfriend, privately, beforehand, to make sure that he understands and agrees with your concerns. If you think the new girl will not abide by a roommate agreement that suits you, your boyfriend should talk to his friend, privately, and let him know that if his girlfriend can’t abide by an agreement that maybe she should move out. He should be very polite and let his friend know that he doesn’t want him to move out, only that everyone, including the new girl, needs to be on board about a mutually agreeable contract.

Here is an older Q that has a lot of advice about Roommate Agreements

Yeah, it can get really weird to have two women in one household.

The reason why I mention boarding houses is that my Mom, who’s now 86-years-old, lived in several of them when she was young and single. We’re talking about the post-WWII era. Boarding houses were very popular back then; they provided affordable housing for people worked hard but had modest means.

Mom told me that there were always rules. Guests were welcomed in common living areas, but only during certain hours. Each tenant had part of a refrigerator shelf and some cupboard space for his/her groceries and kitchen goods. If someone cooked, that person had to clean up his/her own mess. The landlady settled any tenant squabbles, subject to one or more people being evicted. Etc., etc.

They want you to pay extra to use the space you rent? That’ll be right. Maybe you could cover the additional heating and lighting but nothing more. Of course you’re entitled to use the space.

A 1500 foot apartment? That is bigger than my house!