Okay here’s the thing beast and others may be missing here with the anecdote-margeryred was giving a specific context that had a social and urban reference to it-in the mid 80s, when rap (back then it was called hip-hop) was coming into fashion, there was the first influence of urban language in the social context of those youth who were of the time-teens who listened to and subscribed to hip-hop culture. Even for that time, the use of the N-word and other terms of endearment (what are now considered epithets or derogatory terms) were part of the culture, part of urban social custom. Most kids I went to school with (and I mean most-regardless of race) didn’t question the fashion or the language, as the term N-gga was meant as a term of endearment amongst friends or acquaintences.
That was the point she was trying to make, nothing more. She even mentioned the particular peculiarity of the situation in explaining that as a caucasian using the term amongst her black friends, her saying this term within earshot raised eyebrows; I can vouch for her that this was often the case when I was in high school as well, but again, this was in a time and context that were a lot less serious and more socially oriented toward the embracing of the “urban” culture of the day (FYI I am referring to my high school years-1986–1990; Run DMC, Beastie Boys, A Tribe Called Quest, etc., all cassette tapes playing in my hooptie)...
I wasn’t there at her specific high school, but can vouch for it; I attended high school in an urban center in L.A., where the population’s vast majority was (and still is) African-American. I think margeryred and I grew up around the same time and in similar circumstances. I can attest to the fact that, this was before Rodney King; this was before 9/11; this was perhaps just on the cusp of the racial consciousness re-vitalization of the early nineties (Red, Black & Green anyone?)...
Beast, I’m going to side with Margery on this one because we come from a different space and time, and it’s a relevant topic for me; I was raised in a mixed race household, am of multiple ethnicities, and have experienced racism on several accounts. I don’t believe she was condoning the term, just explaining how it might have been used 20 years ago by kids.
As an epilogue to this long and drawn out debate, having studied sociology of African Americans and other related coursework in college, I can say that the sociology of the term N-, in all its versions, is a complicated one. On the one hand, you have people of the African American heritage and ethnicity who, depending on geography, socioeconomic constraints, and even religion, have differing opinions about the usage of the term; most will say that while it is intended to be innocuous in its intent and usage, it still retains vestiges of a time when the term was pejorative to a whole ethnicity; I think like many issues of culture, the debate will roll on and change with time.