What lessons have you had to learn "the hard way"?

You can’t change people, especially if they don’t want to be changed.

I am not really the center of the Universe and Life is not really cruel, just indifferent.

That I need to take my medication in the full amount that it’s prescribed. Just tried to reduce it and ended up in an ugly funk. For the last 10 days, I’ve taken it the way I should and the world seems much better.

Borrowing money from relatives is a bad idea.

And lending money to relatives is an even worse idea.

Never attempt to outrun an enraged Dutch policeman while wearing clogs, you’ll get nowhere fast.

That we’re not bulletproof and there are other people out there that really really need us. I can elaborate more if you want.

Pretty much anything I’ve learned in life has been learned the hard way, in part because I was given shitty role models and also because I was too hard-headed in my earlier years – which resulted in me having to be taught some lessons more than once before they really sunk in.

I’ve learned all the lessons above, and then some. I was pretty good at running in clogs, though – even the high-heeled ones in the early ‘80s. I had to do a cardiac stress test yesterday, and I wore my clogs for that, as well. Perhaps you need more practice, @ucme.

The hardest lesson for me to learn, though, was that balance between being nobody special but being special to some, and just as worthy of love and happiness as anybody. I’m still learning to love myself, though – but that lesson gave me a swift kick in the ass this week, so I think I’ll be making more progress soon.

I’m still learning to love myself, too.

@hearkat Wearing that milk maid’s outfit didn’t help.

I learned not to confide in people until you really know and trust them. yes, I’ve been burnt.

@GloPro I love your list. I can relate in so many ways. (Do cheating and lying really go hand in hand?).

I’m learning so much at the moment, changing countries, giving up my entire life at 50 has been a mind boggling experience. So when I think of some I’ll come back to this thread.

Along with all the above mentioned, the biggest, for me I think, is that I often assume others are honest and have the same good intentions that I do. Wrong!
It’s reverse projection, projecting MY good will, honesty, and integrity on others that often fall short of my projections. haha

@LornaLove Well, I’m still finding my way back to who I want to be after ending a relationship in which the LYING made me a crazy person more than the cheating. Being lied to doesn’t give you the opportunity to make decisions for yourself based on true facts and situations. Had I known the truth, well, I wouldn’t have wasted 2.5 years of my prime time and lost so much self-respect. I would have known my relationship wasn’t what I wanted and gotten out. I forgave the cheating because he was a smooth talker, and I regret it. I became the crazy girlfriend that searched his phone or drove by his house at 2am. I am ashamed of who I became because I didn’t see how vital trust is in a relationship, and I wanted to believe he was a good man. He wasn’t.
I am now extremely sensitive to any sort of cover-up, and it changed me so much I doubt the validity of at least half of anything said to me by anyone. I hate that about myself, and am struggling to let some of those walls down. That’s my “hard way.”

@LornaLove: I think it’s safe to say the lying is a prerequisite to cheating.

Don’t stay in relationships with people just because you’re too nice to breakup with them.

OMG…and don’t let others emotionally control you. I work with someone who is always saying ” Oh, I don’t need any help, I can do it myself” then they go around sulking and sighing all day. Fuck…I loathe emotionally manipulative people. haha

If a man/ person tells you he’s something negative, you better believe him.
If you truly love someone, never let them go no matter what your pride or head tells you.
If you have no self-discipline, you probably shouldn’t drink.
If you buy a house, make sure you can afford the payments and never get an adjustable rate loan.
Never buy a new car off the lot, get a slightly used one or a program car.
Never let anyone try to dominate your emotions, or who you are. Sometimes you have to fight for yourself.
Some women just aren’t cool or nice, don’t bother trying to placate them.

Don’t trust someone just because they seem nice.
Trust that tiny voice in your head when is tries to shout “RUN! RUN!”.
Don’t spend all your money on beer because you’ll need new strings sooner than you think.
Be honest, but not too honest.
Don’t leave your best friend, but if you do, don’t be afraid to go back and ask them to forgive you.
Be there for the ones you love, do anything for them.
Never be afraid to show someone you’re in love with them.
Always be yourself, um…

Chase that fuckin’ dream.

~If its brown chug it down if its black send it back.~ When your girlfriend say you can tell her anything, run away quickly.

That some people just will not be helped no matter how much you love them, and sometimes its necessary to let go for the sake of your own sanity.

I got married and never killed my cheating ex wife, the lesson I learned is when your ex wife cheats on you and screw you over every imaginable way it’s a good idea to kill her, but in my case I won’t be able to do it, so to disappear would have been a supper idea…

That income disparity in Texas and California are virtually identical !

Smoking nutmeg does not get you high.

When you first feel a blister forming STOP and take care of it immediately. The sooner you rectify the situation, the less problems you will have down the trail.

@rojo Good thing you weren’t on the Donner party expedition, you sound fragile. Oh no! We will have to eat Rojo! lololol ;-)

Never use hand sanitizer when you have a cut. OW!

As an undergraduate, I once spent my entire month’s allowance on books. It was then I learned (and never forgot) how easy it is to become homeless. It was several weeks before I could make up the rent, and only because a relative paid it. The second time I made that mistake I was living in self catering digs and went without decent food for several weeks to meet my obligations.

Wash your hands after slicing jalapeños.

…and I’m allergic to Green Lipped Freshwater Mussels. Not shellfish, just freshwater mussels. I definitely learned that the hard way.

@GloPro said: ”Wash your hands after slicing jalapeños”
Correction: Wear gloves when slicing hot peppers.
Back when I was married, we got into some hanky-panky after dinner. His hands had been washed more than once, but my girlie bits were on fire – and not in a good way!

@hearkat Oh man…yes, I have rubbed my eyes after slicing hot peppers…torture!

I’ve learned not to trust that people will stop at red lights in traffic. (Came very close to being killed last October when a truck ran a red light as I was going through an intersection and crushed my car down to the size of a used juice box)...

@NanoNano Lucky you! A good friends husband was driving his awesome Audi to Reno from the Sierra Foothills here a few days ago during some high winds. He hit a huge piece of wood on the highway at 4am in the dark that ripped the wheel right off the car. He was so lucky, spun out of control but no other vehicles around. Whew!

Coloma:

Thanks! You know, I guess cars are pretty good at protecting us these days… The fire department had to cut me out of mine, I was scrunched down by the steering column… But my injuries are manageable…

Life goes on. The biggest lesson I learned from my accident is not to waste one’s life focused on trivialities that don’t really contribute anything to your joy or identity…