When you die and go to heaven, what's the first thing you are going to do?

Beg Saint Peter to let me in anyway ;-)

First, I will look for my parents. Next will be dearly departed pets, then the parents of friends and other relatives. After that, I will ask where the library is because now I have time to catch up on all those books I never read!

@Cruiser: “Just in case you might be wrong about God and heaven, I would like to hear from non-believers too.”

Following this question because it seems to be the first time that theists are actually answering the question about what heaven will be like. 100% of the time when I have asked this question I am told that heaven is an unknown. I’m interested to hear the details, like what age the family members will be in heaven, what physical/intellectual state will they be in, are people wearing clothes (and what style of clothing), etc.

I’m a nontheist, but if I find myself in heaven, I’ll demand a sit-down with the big man. He’s got some explaining to do.

Look for all the people and pets I loved. I seem to have more that side than this side currently.

I’m going to stand in line at the “Your Questions Answered Here” booth.

Slay God, take his throne, then reevaluate who is in heaven and in hell.
After that, there will be many unbelievers and scientists in heaven, and not a single pope or priest.

Well…IF there is a heaven I truly hope to not see most people from my past. Quite frankly I think that is the stuff of nightmares. lol
Pets yes, ex husband and wacky dead relatives and others, no thanks.
They are exes for a reason, stay the HELL out of my heaven.

I would ask about what has happened to the Earth in the time since my death.

Go to the party…

Everyone is trying to get to the bar
The name of the bar, the bar is called Heaven
The band in Heaven that plays my favorite song
Play it once again, play it all night long

Read more: Talking Heads – Heaven Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Laugh heartily.

Suckers!
Grouch Marx thread: “I’d never join a club that would accept ME as a member.”

I don’t believe in heaven, but if I arrive, here are the two things I will do first:

1) Apologize for not having believed in heaven
2) Take immediate note of the absence of 40 virgins

In shock, I’d probably say “Well, I’ll be damned” and {poof} my membership will be revoked.

I won’t be looking for my parents and sister since they’ll meet me at the “gate.” I’ll want to gaze at the flowers, meadows and hope Jesus is there. God, I hope He isn’t an alien.

Look for my family members and pets.

If there was such a place, I’d ask for directions to the bachelor section where are the bikini clad girls are, get me some cigarettes, my best dogs, a .22 rifle, and go ground squirrel hunting.

Well it will probably be after a long wait so I will probably be looking for a toilet.

Really good, interesting and fun answers everyone! Thanks!

For me I would be looking for my Grandpa who died a year before I was born. I had a near death experience where he was there waiting for me when I got through the white light and I got to see him and hug him and started talking to him when he told me I couldn’t stay and had to go back to my mom for a while and that he would still be there when I finally get back to heaven.

I’m agnostic. If there is existence after death, I imagine it would be a spiritual plane, where people do not have an “age” or a physical presence. In addition, those beings would have shed their earthly baggage from having been enlightened in the process of leaving earthly life.

I think that we’d be drawn to the people who touched our lives for better or worse, perhaps in a way to gain understanding of each other and to be able to appreciate the experiences from the others’ perspective – similar to a Vulcan mind meld. Even the people who have wronged me are humans, and I know that they came to behave the ways they did through their own misguided pasts and hurts that others caused them; I would want to know them in their pure state, free from the psychological burdens that ruined their earthly lives.

Oh, yeah, @kritiper. Get me some smokes, too!

@Cruiser does he look in photos the way he looked in heaven? Case closed and now you can fake I mean write a book!!

Since there is no such physical place, I’m not going to worry about it.

For those of you who believe there is, remember the words to that old song: “In heaven there is no beer…..”

I’m skeptical that I’ll be able to do anything other than bask in God’s radiance and woship Him, but if I’m capable of earthly thoughts, I’d hug my grandmother, then the rest of the family, then all my old dogs, especially my good ole boy Fleetwood Mac.

I like the belief that we will create our own, customized version of “heaven.”
It will be whatever we want it to be, our own, personal Nirvana.
In which case my heaven will be eternal sunshine, green grass, goose ponds, weeping willow trees, fields of marijuana and anything I want, on tap, 24/7.
Including a Frosty machine. lol

@Aster Yes he was wearing his overalls he wore in many of the pictures….was just as bald as he was in the pictures and sounded exactly like he does in those pictures and even smelled like he does in those pictures! Now all I have to do is to figure how to get sounds and smells into my book

Cross Rainbow Bridge.

If my husband is there, find him and have sex with him.

The second would be to find other lost relatives.

Electrify my harp and dedicate all eternity to jamming out with Jimmi.

Submit my application for reincarnation.

If in my life I don’t die in combat and end up in Heaven instead of Valhalla, I’ll just go crazy up there and fight with angels and shit until they send me to my proper fate.
That’s what Bjorn should have done.

Be shocked because I don’t really believe in heaven.
Be thankful that I was wrong because it is a nice concept.
Be hungry and hope that heaven’s chocolate chip cookies are (ahem) heavenly.

Will find God and ask Him a million questions before @ragingloli gets hold of Him. It always bugged me, if he is the all knowing God, why did he create a screwed up world? Why can’t he just kill all evil if he is the all mighty God? Another thing I would like to do is to get my wings…

Avoid everyone I ever knew that died before me because they’ve been watching me chronically masturbate for the last 31 years.

@Coloma somebody asked an ALIEN what Heaven would be like for them. The reply ? “it will be exactly the way you’d want it to be.” Smart fellas, those aliens.

Ask for forgiveness for what I did wrong during my life. Humility is important, even after death.

@Bluefreedom Well said! Humility is everything dead or alive.

@Cruiser Well..kinda hard to be an arrogant dead man.
Then again, my dads headstone reads ” still doin’ pretty good.” Humor from beyond the grave. lol

@Coloma Well then we need to give a hat tip to Walter George Bruhl who had the sense and sense of humor to tell it like he saw things by writing his own obit….

Walter George Bruhl Jr. of Newark and Dewey Beach is a dead person; he is no more; he is bereft of life; he is deceased; he has rung down the curtain and gone to join the choir invisible; he has expired and gone to meet his maker.

He drifted off this mortal coil Sunday, March 9, 2014, in Punta Gorda, Fla. His spirit was released from his worn-out shell of a body and is now exploring the universe.

He was surrounded by his loving wife of 57 years, Helene Sellers Bruhl, who will now be able to purchase the mink coat which he had always refused her because he believed only minks should wear mink. He is also survived by his son Walter III and wife Melissa; daughters Carly and Paige, and son Martin and wife Debra; son Sam and daughter Kalla. Walt loved and enjoyed his grandkids.

Walt was preceded in death by his tonsils and adenoids in 1935; a spinal disc in 1974; a large piece of his thyroid gland in 1988; and his prostate on March 27, 2000.

He was born in Philadelphia, Pa., April 20,1933 at 10:38 p.m., and weighed in at a healthy seven pounds, four ounces, and was 22 inches long, to Blanche Buckman Bruhl and Walter George Bruhl.

He drifted through the Philadelphia Public School System from 1937 through 1951, graduating, to his mother’s great relief, from John Bartram High School in June 1951.

Walter was a Marine Corps veteran of the Korean War, having served from October 1951 to September 1954, with overseas duty in Japan from June 1953 till August 1954. He attained the rank of sergeant. He chose this path because of Hollywood propaganda, to which he succumbed as a child during World War II, and his cousin Ella, who joined the corps in 1943.

He served an electronics apprenticeship at the Philadelphia Naval Yard from 1956–61; operated Atlantic Automotive Service Stations in Wilmington during 1961–62; and was employed by the late great DuPont Co. from 1962–93. (Very few people who knew him would say he worked for DuPont, and he always claimed he had only been been hired to fill a position.)

He started at the Chestnut Run Site as a flunky in the weave area of the Textile Fibers Department, and then was promoted to research assistant, where he stayed from 1963–72. In 1972 he accepted a position as an equipment service representative with the Photo Products Department at the old DuPont Airport site (now Barley Mill Plaza).

In 1973 he was promoted to manufacturing engineering technologist and was employed in that capacity until, after 31 years with The Co., he was given a fine anniversary dinner and a token gift and then “downsized” in December 1993. He was rehired as a contract employee in June 1994, doing the same job that he had been “downsized” from, and stayed until July 1995.

He started his own contract business and worked at Litho Tech Ltd. from 1996–99.

There will be no viewing since his wife refuses to honor his request to have him standing in the corner of the room with a glass of Jack Daniels in his hand so he would appear natural to visitors.

Cremation will take place at the family’s convenience, and his ashes will be kept in an urn until they get tired of having it around. What’s a Grecian Urn? Oh, about 200 drachmas a week.

Everyone who remembers him is asked to celebrate Walt’s life in their own way; raising a glass of their favorite drink in his memory would be quite appropriate.

Instead of flowers, Walt would hope that you will do an unexpected and unsolicited act of kindness for some poor unfortunate soul in his name.

^^^^ Hahaha..” he drifted off this mortal coil”...OMG!
I must work on mine. lol

@Coloma I loved how he penned the bit about the mink coat and this…
“There will be no viewing since his wife refuses to honor his request to have him standing in the corner of the room with a glass of Jack Daniels in his hand so he would appear natural to visitors.” lol

@Cruiser Yes, yes, I was going to mention both of those as well. haha

Yes, as an admirer of those photos of the posed dead, @Coloma would have commissioned a human doll stand for him to be posed in the corner for his celebration of life, which was clearly indicated by his obit.

I attended a celebration of life for a similar personality locally, and it was amazing. If I tried to post it here, it would look like a short story. Carry-in (buffet), and drinks with a ‘celebrity roast’ of the dead. One of my most favorite experiences…from someone special dying untimely.

now i want to watch the parrot sketch

I told you I was sick!

No. @Coloma, I think it’s cool that you would probably do as he asked. I’d get a kick out of attending. To each his own…why does the Christian standard of “peaceful repose” have to dominate?

Last summer I attended a humanist funeral for an elderly friend. It was quite different from a Christian service; full of joy and memories. As part of the service they played a video recording that the deceased had made himself prior to his death. It too was hilarious. Him and Walter Bruhl would have liked each other a lot, I’m sure.

Make out with Marlin Monroe.

Is he any relation to Marilyn? Maybe her love child, conceived in “The Wild Kingdom”. Sounds fishy to me.

“If my husband is there, find him and have sex with him. The second would be to find other lost relatives.” and have sex with them @JLeslie? JK ;)

The FIRST thing I’d do it get something to eat, ya know, check out the local hamburger/milkshake stand.

Do you think there’ll be hummers in heaven The answer to that might influence my answer to this question?