If you discovered that harsh or scathing comments made by you drove a Jelly away from Fluther, what would you think or feel about it?

Of course Fluther is like a second family to me, so I would feel mortified, and would do my best to apologize.

Unless we are talking about that vile prick who I am glad is gone

I wouldn’t feel bad because I am not responsible for someone elses emotional problems and because I would never flat out name call with the intent to hurt or harm another.
If someone chooses to get hurt over my direct style, well…toughen up I say.
I have taken flak in the past on a few occasions, didn’t drive me away.

One long gone member who was very abrasive called me some names, a few others have considered some of my straight talk to be harsh and expressed their sentiments about such.
Another made assumptions about me based on a few sharings then became extremely childish when called out on said assumptions. Yet another requested I do not answer any of their questions anymore. Oh brother!

I am a very nice person but don’t mince words in certain circumstances.
I am also not run by my emotions as many are.
The mods would ban/suspend anyone that was overtly abusive on a regular basis.
I do my best to explain my reasoning and am very good at backing down if I have stepped on someones toes, and certainly would apologize if needed, but…we’re all ( supposedly ) big boys & girls and should be able to weather some disagreements without falling to pieces.

I would feel bad but I always look at things as don’t ask my opinion unless you truly are prepared for an honest answer. I try to sugar coat it but sometimes there is just not a way to sugar coat something that will hurt. I also think its better to tear off the band aide in one quick pull instead off easing into it. Hurts a lot but it went by so fast there was no suffering.

I have been here long enough and vocal at times that I would not be surprised if at least one Jelly left the pond because of something I said. But when I see or hear someone left because of harsh or scathing comments by anyone…I feel bad that they took things so seriously to not see that the bravado and brouhaha from these moments is a temporary increase in the water temp and things cool down quickly IF you don’t take things personally.

If things are rubbing you the wrong way just leave the thread. Live to Fluther another day.

@creative1 Well said. I have zero tolerance for liars, cheaters, and other unsavory behaviors and there is no sugar coating these issues. A severed head wrapped in gold paper is still a severed head. haha

I used to be a victim of cyberbullying, so I don’t aim at attacking anyone here. But I allow one exception: I will attack anyone who blatantly show their arrogance or look down on others, in short those who think of themselves as superior to others. There are only two occasions that I even flamed here: one was last year, as responses to a question about why jellies here answer questions without some bullshit qualification, and one was more recently, when a jellies asked a common “what does it mean to dream about my crush” then began to show off their “talent”.

I’m not sure how to react because no one seems to have left because of my posts. But if the leaving jellies fall onto the above-mentioned category, then I have no regret and glad that they leaves.

I agree @Mimishu1995 Fluther is not a peer review forum where any answer has to possess pedigree qualifications to answer a question. That is the true charm of Fluther is that anyone can and should answer any question how they see fit. Fluther is chock full of very qualified people to answer questions very accurately…@Jeruba is one who I miss the most as she always gave up a well measured insightful answer that had me wishing I had said what she said. But I would equally miss @uceme bursting through the front door of a question and eviscerating the question with his bawdry sense of humor. It all works together in a magical way that I would not change a bit.

I would be mad at that jelly.

@Cruiser That’s what I think too. Why the hell do we have to check if a jelly has enough qualifications to answer our questions? Not to mention a lot could easily lie if that scenario happened, here is the internet anyway.

But my true problem with that question wasn’t its nature, I would start a friendly argument with the OP about that. What drove me to attack was how the OP asked that question and responded to our answers. They ended the question with something like “answering question without any qualification reflects a fearful and ignorant character”. And after receiving answers dismissing their point, they still tried to protect it with a lot of arrogance. I can still remember some of what they said to the answerers: “Have reading comprehension problem”, “ignorant”, “pathetic”, “try to hide your own ignorance”... They really think they’re that superior? That was why I had to attack.

@Mimishu1995 I know I find myself beating a comment/thread I found myself embroiled in like a dead horse all because there is not a lot more to do around here. The low count of questions tends to concentrate activity on certain questions and I know I am not alone in coming back to reply again all because there is not much else to do. That said the last thing I want to see happen here is a relentless barrage of mindless questions like other Q&A sites subject you to. The fact you were elevated to a level that brought out the tigress in you to defend what you are passionate about is what makes Fluther a quality and fun place to hang out at and at times vent.

@Cruiser That’s the reason why I argue a lot here. I can never do that on Yahoo! Answer and Facebook because I can be mercilessly attacked even without any intention to start an argument. I got attacked on Yahoo! Answer once although my question there was only for pure information. I was traumatized by that experience that I tried to avoid “controversial” topic when I first got here, but after a while it turned out that Fluther does allow argument. That’s what keep me here for such a long time.

Suppressing argument, it’s just like forcing everyone to think in only one way.

I have only expressed continued criticism of a jelly when his regular statements over a long period of time are consistently repugnant. And since others have PM’d me in agreement, I do not feel like I have been out of line in my statements. If that jelly were to leave, I would not regret my statements or my standing up to continued repugnant statements.

There are a lot of things said on here that I find distasteful at times, but that is more a matter of my own sensibilities. In the case I am speaking of, it’s not a matter of difference in taste, but one of reprehensible ideas expressed by one person.

Yes, I would. I want everyone to enjoy this site as much as I do but, sometimes I can’t help myself. I usually try to apologize in a PM if I think there is a chance that my attempt at humor might have been taken wrong.

I would never enter into a conversation with the intent to purposefully harm someone in any type of way. I’m not a vindictive person and I try to be as civil as I can at all times.

If there was a topic that was contentious but I wanted to speak my mind and justify what I wrote and the end result drove a Jelly away, I might possibly feel bad for a short while. But, I can reconcile with myself knowing that the person on the receiving end is solely responsible for their own interpretations of what they encounter here and how they react to the material they read. I shouldn’t have to shoulder the burden of their hurt feelings knowing that what I added to the conversation wasn’t done maliciously.

I hope that makes sense.

I’d find it kind of lame if someone left because I said or did something they didn’t like. They’re just going to find someone else like me somewhere else out there on the intrawoven, what are they gonna do, run away for the rest of their life? Fight or make peace, but don’t be a fucking coward.

And no, I wouldn’t feel bad. I’m an asshole, so sue me. It is not my intent to hurt or offend people though, and I’m willing to work things out with folks. It’s happened here before, and things worked out. This is a community, it’s what it’s all about. But I cannot read your mind, and I do not consider my opinions or views, as harsh or as crude as I know myself to be, as attacks.
If I mean to attack someone, they’ll know hahaha.

@Symbeline there’s actually one jelly here who doesn’t seem to accept different views and is pissed off easily. There was a time when they posted a question about whether anyone like a specific kind of movies. I answered the question honestly that I didn’t like it and gave reasons. Then they got annoyed and told me not to say anything if I had nothing good to say. And more recently they got pissed off again because another jelly questioned why they didn’t tell their relatives about their illness.

They’re not very active so I don’t care.

Never transfer another person’s weakness onto yourself.
I only ever give shit where it was first thrown at me, it’s yours, here, have it back.

Meh…I doubt I’d care very much. I never say anything for the sole purpose of being mean, but there are some jellies that I could certainly do without. It’s not my decision if someone leaves, it’s theirs – they could just as easily ignore me or squash me right back if they’re so inclined. It’s just a website – who cares?

It’s happened before, and after apologizing a few times, I let the guilt go. Like @Coloma says, it’s not my responsiblity to take care of another jelly’s emotional issues.

When I get offended, I try to communicate to the person(s) doing it to see if the situation can be resolved. If the situation persists, I can just move on, or sulk or whatever, but in the end, that’s on me.

Just this week I explained something I found hurtful and offensive to one jelly and he/ she kindly said she’d no longer use that particular verbage, and that is the first time in two years anyone has shown that kind of respect for my feelings, it was pretty cool.

I’d assume that I must have been sleep-fluthering. I don’t make harsh or scathing comments when I’m awake.

I agree with @Cruiser. It’s pretty easy to stop following a thread if you start getting upset or attacked, or catch yourself doing the attacking. It doesn’t mean you have to quit the site all together.
@Coloma Someone requested that you not answer his/her questions? I think that’s funny.

@GloPro It was….so childish…pffft!
Fine…just take your question and go home then! haha

@Coloma If someone asked me not to answer their questions would be cat-nip to me and they would see a whole lot more of me! lol!

Oh, trust me, I hold back a lot…but sometimes, soooometimes…..lol

I would be puzzled, for a bit, like, how would I know what offends? I haven’t liked a lot of the “conversations” I come across on this site, but I haven’t left.

@Mimishu1995 Wow, wonder who that was…if someone can’t accept different views and gets pissed off because you don’t like the movies they like, then they need to grow up. You not agreeing with them or not sharing the same tastes is not an attack, as you know.
Whoever the hell that is, they need to smarten the hell up lol.

@Symbeline Yep, EQ..emotional intelligence. When people go nuts over simple disagreements it is because their very being feels threatened, read: ego.
Disagreeing is akin to annihilating their sense of self and narcissism is associated with having zero ability to see others as a separate person with their own likes/dislikes/opinions/feelings.

There is one dynamic that has not been touched on here that I remember vividly upon my arrival at the tide-pool. I observed then and it still exists today and that is (I hate the word) cliques. I know for a fact many and possibly hundreds of people have left because of intimidation both perceived and real from groups of jellies.

I know I have gotten into thousands of ‘debates’ is the polite word I will use and often times 2, 3 or more Jellied chime in and then gang up to support the other Jelly. I never understood the purpose of that. A person’s opinion is just that. We are not writing new legislation that has to be perfectly written. People just should be able to say what they want without often stirring up a ruckus and I know this dynamic probably scares a lot of people away or intimidates them to the point of avoiding the question or Fluther all together.

If I get time later I may just ask a Question on this

The little groups that “hunt in packs” are so fucking pathetic, makes me laugh real hard.

@ucme They are called Fluthers

Fluther of jellyfish.

@Cruiser Didn’t want to use “cliques”, like yourself, I hate that word.

@ucme Look what Quora has to say about us….O-o

Fluther – Quora
www.quora.com/Fluther
Fluther is also ruled, ‘moderated’ & run by a mob mentality whereas Quora has managed to have much better success in moderation + nascent reputation management systems.

I’m lucky I don’t remember who I disagree with from one question to the next.

@Cruiser Ah-ha, now I don’t feel bad for saying quora seems pretty sucky to me. :D

That is what I like about you @KNOWITALL you call ‘em like you see ‘em and are always dead on.

@Cruiser :)

@Symbeline I think so, and I think they still have a long way ahead because judging by the questions they ask I guess they’re very young.

And it’s really ironic that they states in their profile that they’re very open. Well, speaking about the proverb “it’s easier said than done”...

wow. this all seems very childish

@turtlesandbox Well then, you have enough sand in your box to bury your head if you’re so inclined. lol
Nah…just discussing how to effectively manage the hypersensitives. Fluther is not for fragile little fawns it is for those with canine teeth sharp enough to chew the gristle off the bone of divergent discussion.

@turtlesandbox At face value it truly is. The challenge is for new Jellies to see through the circus fan fare and appreciate the true value so many Jellies here have to offer. Take this thread with a grain of salt and stay true to what you want to get from your time here and 5 years will go by in a flash.

@turtlesandbox Get a fame retardant suit and some chainmail to go over it, you will need it here at some point. And make sure you check the yard for shanks before venturing out too far.

“Get a fame retardant.”

I don’t need one myself, because obscurity comes so easily to me. ;-)

^^ fame retardant Flame retardant.

Prime example of why newbies and oldies runaway from Fluther…reaching for my ejection seat button…....

@Hypocrisy_Central ”@turtlesandbox Get a fame retardant suit and some chainmail to go over it, you will need it here at some point. And make sure you check the yard for shanks before venturing out too far.”

@Cruiser Fluther – Quora
www.quora.com/Fluther
Fluther is also ruled, ‘moderated’ & run by a mob mentality whereas Quora has managed to have much better success in moderation + nascent reputation management systems.

What the <beep>?

Look at you, Quora. Your interface is much worse than us! And don’t think because you have more user, you’re more successful! There aren’t as many members here as Quora, but our quality isn’t that bad!

And we have never compared you and us here so why did you do that to us?

Haha, a website that can only promote its values by comparing itself to some other place. A little lame, gots ta say.

And this place don’t?

I never said we weren’t lame. :D

^^^ LMFAO

Sometimes it might be warranted.

@janbb Agreed,
If someone is looking for justification for their unsavory behaviors, well…you’re not gonna get it from me. If the asshat fits, wear it! lol

Suicide is the coward’s way out. – Frieza, Galactic Overlord

@Coloma One size fits all!

@Cruiser @Coloma Not true. I generally reach for the plus sized asshat. It’s for a giant ass. Sometimes I reach for the visor version, from when I’m going for more of the half-assed style. Then there’s the dunce asshat for those days I’m being a dumb ass. The smart asshat is shaped like a graduation cap…

I know when a 10 gallon asshat rides into Dodge. lol

I’m not personally responsible for anyone else’s ego.