You've just been given a life sentence. The twist? You have to choose your own cellmate.
Asked by
ibstubro (
18804
)
March 23rd, 2014
Consider the possibilities.
If you have a soul mate, you could pick them, and hope they were ‘good’ with your company alone for life.
If you’re a victim, you could choose your abuser, at the chance of being abused. If you’re an abuser, you could choose your victim, at the chance that they wouldn’t turn against you when there was nothing to loose.
If you’re a loner, you could pick someone really old. Garrulous, someone young so you’d never be alone.
Male/female. Sex.
What about someone with a photographic memory that could recite endless life experience?
Comedian?
Storyteller?
Someone you loath and want to condemn to Hell on Earth?
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80 Answers
~I would pick someone who knows how to escape prisons…
I pick my imaginary friend.
Paul Walker before he kicked the bucket. Life sentence, please.
A Sparow, and some mice, maybe a cockroach. lol
I will be the bird woman of Alcatraz…no annoying humans, especially not some strange criminal.
I would have to flush their head down the toilet or make a noose uut of my bed sheet. lol
Kurt Wagner
aka: nightcrawler. mutant teleporter
The abbe Faria.
He got Dantes out.
my partner. we already see each other day and night.
How do you frame such great questions? I just loved reading it.
Anyway, my answer is : I would prefer a hypnotist who could take me to my previous lives.
Best guy friend; we rarely run out of things to talk about.
Tough. I can’t think of anyone I could stand to spend that much time with – while at the same time being okay with locking them up for life.
Charlie Bronson, the guy just fascinates me.
You, Bro! Iwant you to keep me entertained until I die.
I’m amused at how some people chose people they consider friends, family or in some other manner important/significant in their lives. Even if it’s a fictional situation, why would one condemn someone they care about to a life in prison?
@Winter_Pariah good point. I wasn’t even thinking of that part of it. I was more thinking of “who could I stand to be in a cell for life with”
Mine was “I don’t want to live in a cell, who can get me the f*k out?”
Whoever I choose has to be my cellie they have no choice but to do life with me even if they have done nothing? Are we in solitary where we are in with each other 23/7 (one hour of yard time)? Would we have job assignments and of so, would they be the same? Would their be any possibility they could get hold of or make a shank?
The prison is escape-proof, @talljasperman. But you’d always be involved in a ‘scheme’, just the same.
Imaginary friend would be a perfect choice, @Mimishu1995, even if it skirts the rule. Why not pick another so there are 3 of you? :)
Sorry, @GloPro. Rotting corpse or pick another! lol
Sorry, @Coloma, needs to be a person. Probably pick someone like that old fart Anna Nicole Smith married. He might die quickly and leave you well-heeled enough to buy your way out.
Needs to be a real person, @cookieman. Otherwise we’d all pick Superman who is sure to be wrongfully convicted and leave a gaping escape hole.
Beautiful @filmfann. But have you met her? Her husband is a Millepied and you’d be removing her from her child.
Brilliant choice, @Seek_Kolinahr, but I have to hold you to the standard of the living. (On the upside, his corpse would not stink!)
Nemo @Winter_Pariah is technically ”a Latin word meaning “no man” or “no one”. Captain of the cartoon fish, we really want a real person here. Clever, though!
@anniereborn Your partner is still probably a pretty good choice. Your absence might disrupt their life as much as being imprisoned?
@Khajuria9 occasionally I’m inspired. I’ll ask banal questions on occasion just to increase Fluther traffic, but now and then I think of a question that I really like – like this one. GA, BTW.
@janbb Do you think he’s be okay imprisoned with you for life? Saying “yes” is perfectly okay here.
The conundrum of the question, @longgone.
Given your propensity for not taking shit crap, @ucme, I think he would be in solitary quickly.
@cheebdragon We need extrapolation on Manson.
Okay, @Jonesn4burgers, just for you I’m going to grant a “Country Club Prison”. When I piss you off, I’ll just go play a lousy game of golf!
That’s the exercise, @Winter_Pariah Many people don’t read the details!
@ZEPHYRA & @longgone Toss up. Personally I would not reject @Ragingloli out of hand. Intense creativity there.
You are imprisoned for life, and have to choose your own cellmate, @Hypocrisy_Central. As long as you live, they will share a cell with you. The details of the question cover most scenarios.
Well, if I can’t have Faria, I’ll take @Symbeline.
She’ll help me take down the guards and bust the heck out.
Fine fine fine, some corporate jerkwad from the company NEMO. (No matter what, I’m getting my Nemo whether it be no one, a stupid fish, a fictional Captain, or a Corporation).
@ibstubro Oh gross…and I’d have to change his depends and listen to him slurping soup and belching and smacking his dentures. I think not! The old creeper can keep his money. Get the hell out of my CELL!
@ Coloma, what you need it to take one of those irresponsible oil guys who has caused an oil spill. You could spend your whole sentence torturing him for gooping up all those birds, fish and other innocent critters. When you are too tired to beat up on him, you just make him be your B_ _ _ _ and give you pedicures and read to you and stuff.
As long as you live, they will share a cell with you.
In that case, a person on hospice that has a decent chess and domino game, then they will be gone in a few weeks to months and I will have the cell for myself.
@ibstubro I can pick so that there are a million of us!
Bruce Campbell. Never a dull moment.
@ibstubro Props for knowing who he is, although I reckon i’d be cowering in the corner sucking my thumb…at first.
Seems Bruce got a break, @Symbeline, as you’re imprisoned with @Seek_Kolinahr. lol
Stick to your guns, @Winter_Pariah!
Yeah, right, @Coloma. Like ANSmith didn’t have staff for the gross stuff. Perhaps an occasional de-boning. :D
I don’t think @Coloma could stick with that program, @Jonesn4burgers. Neither could you, for that matter.
Now you get the idea, @Hypocrisy_Central. Excellent answer, and I would concur.
You may have 999,999 imaginary friends, @Mimishu1995, but you have to choose a single live cellmate for the answer to the question.
To each his own, @ucme. I expect that you’ll be very tired, (sleeping with one eye open), but seldom bored.
Come to think of it, I’m not so attached to life that I would want to live a long life imprisoned. I should probably choose a pain-free psychopath that would snuff me in my sleep. Perhaps one of those ‘benevolent’ nurses?
To be fair to the man, it’s time he was released, such a sad waste of a life.
@Mimishu1995 Haha yeah, some people use spoons to escape from prison, but pairing Seek and I together in a cell is a bad idea…for the staff and warden. :D
Perhaps one of those ‘benevolent’ nurses?
In the nice white “old school” uniforms with the skirt, or the boring “new-age” nurses in the smocks/scrubs?
We snuck Bruce in the back. He’s part of the plan. We needed the Boom Stick.
I’m picking you, @ibstubro. Every morning, you’d come up with the question of the day. Then I can give you a report of the craptastic romance book I read yesterday.
Hey, She-bitch, let’s go.
Hahahaha nice, love the reference. :D just wanted to brag about how I know where that’s from XD
Thanks, @Juels. Always flattering to be chosen to spend your life behind bars for nothing more than ‘company’. lol
How many times do I get to ask, “Why the hell did you choose ME??”
j/k
@Juels, I picked him first. He’s going to keep ME fresh with new topics every day, and, I’ll find some way to keep him from getting bored too. Hmmmmm. :-P
Okay, well, if they let the three of us share th same cell, but if the oatmeal has raisins in it, I get yours.
Deal, but I reserve the right to steal any potato product off your tray. Either of you may have all the poultry.
Done, and done! I’m ready to turn myself in.
Yall can divide my…er…meat, as I’m a vegetarian.
I’m hard core carnivore. I think we have a Jack Sprat three way here! I’ll be happy to dive on your meat. :-0
Weird al Yankovich. I am probably the only true fan, who could put up with him. So it is a win win for the world.
Actually, I think Weird Al might be a great roomie, as long as he’s not so mad at you for picking him that he refuses to speak. There’s great intelligence in his humor.
Nice choice.
I bet I could spin yarns with Weird Al 6 days a week. Hey, even The Gourd had to have a day of rest!
Weird Al? What makes you think no-one else likes him? I go way back with Al. Had him on cassette thirty years ago, when he was a newbie. When I had late Navy nights, Weird Al kept my mood upbeat until zero-dark-thirty. I’ll Be Mellow When I’m Dead. Gawd, how many times did I sing along with that?
@Jonesn4burgers I hate that Weird Al isn’t played anymore “or ever” on the radio.
Ever seen the video for I Love Rocky Road? I laugh my arse off. I just saw Al on t.v. not long ago. I can’t remember who had him on.
My daughter listens to him sometimes. She’s twelve.
My local radio station still plays Weird Al occasionally.
Would it be OK if I strangled the guy on hospice? He is circling the drain anyhow, I would speed the process up and have the cell to myself quicker.
I would choose Cercei Lannister from Game of thrones.
^^ Who here ever colors within the lines?
Stupid coloring books. Back when I was a kid, I just drew horns and beards all over the characters. Fangs and bat wings, too.
@Symbeline Do you know that many desire to be your partner in prison :D
That I doth. And I shall welcome you as a mate therein, but thou must take heed, for not even before the hour to sup, thou must follow as I bring down the foundation, and pretty much everyone which doth dwell within.
cuz, freedom yo :D
^ that’s why I picked her.
Should that have been ’‘thou must taketh heed’’ instead of just take?
^ No. The active verb in this sentence is “must”. “Take” is infinitive, and thus doesn’t get the thorn at the end of the archaic verb.
I’ve tried to study this stuff, (albeit I didn’t make much effort) but I have a hard time finding good online sources. Know of any?
^^^^ OK, OK, I will allow him to croak on his own; I will just choose an old person with a very chronic and aggressive cancer that will take him down quick, then I will have the cell to myself.
I really don’t. It’s just something I picked up by reading the Bible a lot and paying attention in English class.
I read a lot of the Bible, but in French, and it’s spelled normally. I love Shakespeare though, which we did study in school. Hence the slight interest for ye olde English. but I did drop out of school haha
The “ye” is actually a mis-transliteration.
The “y” character was used in some translations to take the place of the “thorn” – Þ
So it’s actually Þe olde English. Or, as pronounced, “The olde English”.
The more you know.
That’s the thing, I know this dude who knows everything, and when I started presenting to him all my old English knowledge, he’s all like, that’s not old English. He then told me that most of what you hear online or in movies is completely wrong. :/
I’ve heard that Americans are often told not to affect an accent when performing Shakespeare, because the typical American accent is actually closer to Shakespeare’s English than modern British accents.
Old English (with caps) is a language that is too far away from modern English for me to understand. I can fumble my way through Middle English, like The Canterbury Tales, but Shakespeare and Sir Edmund Spenser and the like are actually Early Modern English.
Haha, I didn’t even know Early Modern English was a thing. Mind you, the type of language used with Shakespeare wasn’t anything my school was concerned about much, this was literature class. We had to be introduced to history’s home runners.
Well…they probably did mention something to that effect, but I’ll be damnated if I remember. I just liked the stories a lot.
There’s a medieval song I like. It’s about a blonde girl named Alyson. Haha.
Bitweene Merch and Averil,
When spray biginneth to springe,
The litel fowl hath hire wil
On hire leod to singe.
Ich libbe in love-longinge
For semlokest of alle thinge.
Heo may me blisse bringe:
Ich am in hire baundoun.
An hendy hap ich habbe yhent,
Ichoot from hevene it is me sent:
From alle wommen my love is lent,
And light on Alisoun.
That’s the first verse and the chorus. Very different from Shakespeare, language wise.
It sure is, I can’t even read half of that. Well no, I caught must of it except ’‘Iche libbe’’. Kinda looks like German.
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