What are some funny/weird newspaper headlines you can remember?

“Automatic Toilet Shoots Oldster Through Ceiling”

“Was Hitler a Woman?”

That dog looks pretty happy, and he’s about to fall asleep. Finally, someone good at his job!

“Freeze on Pools” – when the Trinidad and Tobago Government announced that it would no longer issue licenses for gaming pools.

“Sled Dogs in the Yukon Forced to Evacuate”

Short of making something up, nothing comes to mind…but I liked those fake newspapers where they make up outrageous news as a kid. I used to find them in corner stores for like 79 cents, those were hilarious.
Things like, Goliath’s skull found in the middle east! Then they show a skull with a hole in the forehead, or one I had was Satan’s skull found, where there was a monstrous looking skull on the cover with goat horns on it. The stories inside were priceless, like one I remember was Africa being attacked by giant ants, and someone dismantling the San Francisco bridge in one night and stealing it. Man I miss those. Lol.