How do you politely but firmly ask/tell a co-worker that they need to eat with their mouth closed?

You don’t, unless you are her very good friend, and even then, it would be tricky.

Solve your own problems before you solve someone else’s.

Are you sharing a desk with this person? Is it interfering with your work?

@hominid Our desks are next to each other in a small office. Everyone in the office has complained about it.

Ignore it and move on. The workplace is not a good place to share that kind of suggestion (helpful thought it surely would be).

Well, not to say that your feelings about her are invalid. But is it possible that she has a deviated septum, and can’t breathe through her nose?

When working with people, it’s very easy to be annoyed with the way someone breathes, smells, coughs, moves in their chair, types, answers the phone, etc. Since you’re unlikely to change this person, maybe you could use this as an opportunity to work on acceptance/compassion. It might make your experience there more pleasant, and it wouldn’t require humiliating this woman in order to alter her chewing habits so as to be less annoying to you and the other coworkers.

I agree, it is a very stong chance there are breathing problems. For all we know, she could have medical problems out the wahzoo, and is extremely proud that she is able to have a job at all. Cheez Whiz! Is there no place you can have lunch away form her?

@Jonesn4burgers It’s not just lunch. She eats all day long. Chips, dry cereal, apples, life savers, croutons. Apparently she craves crunchy food.

I don’t think you could possibly say this and have it be considered polite. I realize it must be extremely annoying, though. Maybe get her hooked on some kind of substitute. No idea what that would be, sadly – apart from cigarettes, which seems mean.

How is her being borderline obese relevant?

There are different ways to say what needs to be said.

If you’re grossed out, and only care about not being grossed out, then look her in the face and firmly say “Name, please consider closing your mouth when you eat IN FRONT OF ME. It grosses me out. I don’t care how you eat in front of other people. But in front of me, close your mouth while chewing. Otherwise I will report this to management and request that we are separated from one another.”

But if you’re concerned about her, as a person on a bad path towards “obesity”, then leave a nice note on her desk “Dear Name, I am your friend, and I am concerned about you and your health. It seems that you are eating constantly, more than usual. And you may not even realize that you’re chewing food with your mouth open, which many of our co-workers have an aversion to seeing. I think you might be stressing out more than you realize, and it may be causing you to form bad habits that you don’t realize are harmful to you. If you’d like to talk about something, then stand at the water cooler tomorrow morning and I’ll come say hi, as a friend who is concerned about you. Summer is coming soon. It’s time to get healthy and ready for it”.

Does it make sense to request that a “no eating at one’s desk” policy be put in place?

@janbb – I wouldn’t work anywhere where this was a rule. Depending on what type of job this is, a rule like this would kill productivity. Here in software development, you eat and code all day long.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/CHINLESS-FACE-MASK-PIECE-VINYL-MUTANT-ZOMBIE-CREEPY-DISFIGURED-SCARY-ADULT-NEW-/290972134046
Wear that & tell her she just spat out a crumb & it took your eye out.

Can you play music or listen to headphones to tune her out?

Perhaps secretly videotape her then anonymously send her the tape?

If its annoying to everyone alike, isn’t it the purview of the office manager to tell her this.

I don’t know of too many workplaces that permit all day eating.

Whob is in charge there?

Over the years, I’ve worked with a lotta types. In the Navy alone, there were guys who would try to kill me when I had to wake them up to stand watch, farting whenever, going witghout meals for several hours, losing body parts, working while too sick to see, working with people who want me dead because I’m a woman, working with men who were going to gang rape me except just in time they got caught.
I worked for a house painter who threw a bucket of gritty water in my face, ruined my contact lenses because I said I was going to sue him for the pay he owed me over three weeks, and overtime too.
Drove a cab, had a gun pulled in my back seat, numerous drunks toss their cookies, run outs, cops surrounded my cab because of my passenger – two times.
I have lived through it all, but I think an unpleasant eater would just about break me.
The only way to discuss the issue would be, as said already, if you were friends. Otherwise, it just comes of as complaining.
I can understand this situation presents some discomfort for you. That is one of the differences between “Work”, and “Hobby”.

@chyna Get something really crunchy, and eat it right next to her with your mouth open wide, so it really annoys her. Then ask her if it’s annoying. A few shots of that and she doesn’t get it she’s too dumb to live.

@Adirondackwannabe It’s been my experience that disgusting eaters don’t get bothered much by someone else’s disgusting eating.

Oh god that’s gross. They don’t have a clue?

@Buttonstc I am the office manager and she is a doctor so it’s a very delicate line. She is supposed to be seeing patients in the hospital, but rarely goes to see them. I have no idea how she gets away with not seeing patients, but that is not my issue, it’s the crunching with her mouth open all day!

Oh wow. You have my sympathy. So, she outranks you I guess. That’s rough.

Its obvious that her parents never taught her to chew with her mouth closed (or she was too stubborn to listen). But I suspect its that her parents just didnt instill this in her at an age when critical habits like this are formed.

I lost track of how many times sitting at the dinner table that I heard “don’t chew with your mouth open” directed at me or my siblings. And I had a set of pretty piss poor parents, all things told who neglected a whole lot of other critically important things; (but that’s drunks for ya.) but they did manage to portray proper table manners :)

So, you’re not her parent and its certainly difficult to get an adult to change their firmly ingrained habits.

The only possible solution that springs to mind would be an anonymous note or email from an untraceable account either individually or the staff speaking as a whole with the blunt truth (perhaps there’s an old reply from Ann Landers or Enily Post containing this info which might prove useful as an unbiased source.)

Other than that,,,,,

Its a shame her parents never drilled this important bit of civility into her head.

If you’re going to address it, I think writing an anonymous note is a bad idea. If someone did that to me, I imagine I would get completely insecure. It’s humiliating enough as it is.

Now, if she was treating you badly…but this, while annoying, is not something she’s doing to hurt you. Obviously, she should have been taught table manners – but we don’t choose our parents.

Get a big insulated cup of ice with a straw in it, and every time she starts to eat with her mouth open, suck the water off the bottom of the cup, and then just keep on sucking on the straw making that hideous ‘empty cup’ noise that kids are so fond of. Of course, you might let others in the office in on your secret. Maybe they’ll get cups of their own.

Here ya go. Hopefully this will do the trick. Good ol’ Huffington Post.
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http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/2618340/
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I don’t think it’s your place to tell her this, especially if she is a doctor and you are the office manager, I would think she trumps you as far as position. Regardless, even if you were equal coworkers, it is not your place. If you want to be a rat, you can rat on her to the boss of the whole place, and it would be their place to say something. I am not a rat, so that’s not something I would do. I would probably just try to ignore it, as long as she didn’t get food on my desk.

You could ask to move your desk to another part of the office, or send her a gently-worded e-mail.

Although, in my experience, even telling people about their disgusting eating doesn’t have an effect. In their mind it’s totally ok and normal. I’ve talked to one or two people about their eating in the past, and they went right back to it a few days later.

If you are friends with her, you could try making a joke about how you’re going to give her some soft foods, like pudding. That could open up a conversation about the topic. It doesn’t seem like you are that friendly with her, and if she is over you, I would tread carefully.

The details you have provided change my answers. The Doctors in out practice have their own offices, and they rarely have time to eat. They usually bring stuff from home and make healthy choices.

I am guessing that this person is newer to the practice than you are, and probably not a ‘partner’ in the practice? If this is the case, she does not “outrank” you. For a physician to demonstrate such behaviors does not reflect well on the practice; and as the office manager, it is your duty to manage the office – including how the employees present themselves to each other and to the patients.

If her behaviors are bothersome to the staff, than it could lead to internal problems down the road and this Doctor may find herself disrespected by the staff which can drastically impact morale. If she is also engaging in unhealthy habits and is “quickly on her way to obesity” this will also be noticed by the patients and can reduce her credibility with them. Such compulsive eating and especially “comfort foods” is often a reflection on psychological factors – whether she is just stressed and not coping with the hectic life of medical practice, or if she has underlying self-esteem issues (as I do).

I suggest that you go to a higher ranking physician partner in the practice – especially if you have one that is the physician liaison for HR matters, as we do, or one who is her ‘mentor’ in the practice, and express your concerns for the offender’s own health, as well as for how this behavior can lead to issues for the practice in the future, and that it would be better to address before problems develop.

@hearkat: Then the food choices of all employees will be up for scrutiny. How could an employer say to an employee “we noticed you eating a lot of chips. You are going to have problems down the line. We need to monitor your chip intake.”? I don’t think ratting on the doctor is the best way to go, especially if they have to work together.

An example of her food choices: She had 2 bowls of Count Chocula added chocolate milk and added 6 packets of sugar to both bowls.

@hearkat This isn’t really a “practice”. It is a group of hospitalists in a hospital that is hired by an outside company, paid by the outside company, but is only there to see patients in the hospital, so it’s hard to figure out who to go to if I chose to go that route. I really was just wanting to say something polite to her to get her to stop, but after reading all the posts it doesn’t seem like it will be possible.

@chyna: Be careful because an employer might come back with “If you have nothing better to do than to watch so and so putting sugar into her cereal, then you need more work to do.” I would ignore the food-eating doctor and just mind my business.

@jca – I didn’t say that someone should scrutinize her food choices, only that her food choices suggest to me that there’s more to her overeating than just being pressed to get a bite in with a hectic schedule. That’s why I was suggesting that it be approached as a concern about her own health and how it might impact the way she is perceived by patients (Physician, heal thyself), rather than about the rude noises she makes. I thought it might sound better coming from another physician or mentor, though.

Chyna said that she is the office manager, so she is the one who delegates the work and her opinion on the matter should be respected as a lead administrator. If she suspects that this behavior may lead to other issues down the road (such as those I mentioned), then it is her duty to address it or to bring her concerns to whomever oversees the offender. If she does not see it as potentially leading to practice-related concerns, then it is up to her whether or not to address it as a personal issue. It depends on the nature of their friendship, but again, I would suggest approaching it as a concern for the woman’s well-being rather than a complaint about her bovine-like chewing technique.

I have had comments of concern expressed by a patient of mine who noticed that I was regaining weight after having lost a significant amount. It was awkward, but I knew that she was genuinely concerned for me and I appreciated it. Being honest about uncomfortable topics shows that someone cares enough about the other person to undertake that dirty job of bringing a flaw to their attention. Ignoring it indicates indifference and apathy. If I have bad breath or body odor, I’d also appreciate if someone let me know that it was a problem. Of course it’s embarrassing, but it gives us the opportunity to make improvements so we won’t be offensive or embarrassed anymore.

@hearkat: I understand what you are saying, but in the case that @chyna discusses, the doctor has the “potential” to gain weight – I did not get the feeling that chyna is saying she is overweight now. How could a job start mandating what people eat or don ‘t eat (from a health point of view, not a noise point of view)? What about people who go to lunch and eat McDonalds cheeseburgers or whatever? Is the job going to start policing that? Also, @chyna may be the office manager but that does not mean, necessarily, that she is over the doctor.

It seems that you and I are interpreting “quickly on her way to obesity” differently, @jca. I took it as meaning that the person has already shown signs of weight gain. Again, since this person is a physician who needs to advise patients about healthy activities, it is to their benefit to at least look as though they practice what they preach if they want to come across as credible. I wasn’t suggesting that anyone “mandate” that the offender to stop eating unhealthy foods, but rather that someone say that are concerned about her choices and the potential consequences; e.g. “Are you OK? It seems that you have put on some weight and may be eating compulsively, and I’m worried about you. Is there anything I can do to help?”

I pointed out that Chyna said she’s the office manager because you said that her ”employer might come back with ‘If you have nothing better to do than to watch so and so putting sugar into her cereal, then you need more work to do’,” and in no office I’ve ever worked in (not just medical practices) has anyone over the office manager deemed them to need more work to do.

In terms of medical office politics, the office manager is usually not “over” the staff physicians, but they do “manage” the daily office functions, including interactions among all staff members, as well as with patients and vendors; thus there are times when it is their place to instruct and advise the physicians – even partner owners – what to do. It’s what the practice pays them for, so that the physicians can focus on the clinical concerns of running the practice.

Again, this all may be a moot point if the OP deems that the situation is not such that she sees it leading to interoffice problems or issues with the offender’s credibility with the patients in the future.

@hearkat: I understand what you are saying. It seems the majority here agree that @chyna should not say anything.

There is no nice way to say it. Just spit it out. Pretend others are complaining, and you are just giving ‘em a heads-up.

I would print out a cartoon like this or this and post it somewhere neutral, but where it is obviously meant for her to see.

I think @bolwerk hit on the only viable course.

Make it your duty to mention the open mouthed chewing as office manager.

Tread lightly, it’s now obvious to us, here, that this person disgusts you.