Do you have any creative date ideas?

Some kind of athletic/sporting event that you both are interested in. Or a garden show, there are quite a few of those this time of the year. A play would be okay too.

Cinema, art gallery, theatre.
Or get a bit tipsy, slightly inebriated, to diminish the nervousness.

I have the same problem; I think I am over bubbly and sometimes too personal.

A walk in a public garden, a zoo, a film followed by coffee and discussion?

I like the idea of a walk in a public garden or the zoo, maybe a round of golf just the two of you out on a public golf course, a bike ride that sort of thing.

Go for an easy 15 mile bike ride.

Go for a long walk, four miles or so.

If you live near a big city, go to an art museum. Hell, go to any museum.

Go to a nearby national or state park.

Go hear some live music.

I don’t know where you live or else I would give you specific examples.

Come to San Francisco and I will take you on a date, you won’t need to do the planning…

If you both have dogs, maybe a dog park. Always good to know if your pets are compatible too.

Zoo, bowling, mini-golf (less sweaty than regular golf). Be careful of noisy places, you’ll want to talk without screaming.

Last fall my wife took me out on a date to a painting party along the lines of Vino Van Gogh. It was some of the most fun out I have had in a while. The evening was taught by a very talented artists who coaches you through painting a painting step by step. I had never painted before and wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was a blast and when it is over you get to take home your own work of art.

@Juels Less sweaty is good. Maybe a driving range is a good compromise, @SQUEEKY2
@ragingloli no booze til Easter, maybe there’s a xanex around here somewhere.,.
@zenvelo Live music is always good. Headed to Yonder Mountain String Band this week.
@Cruiser I’m too perfectionist to take my own art home. Maybe my date and I could switch…

Can’t talk to much at the movies. Well, you can, but you’d be an ass if you did. :)

Any kind of show or concert would work. Museums, too, if you’re into that. However, I think you should probably work on the whole talking too much thing instead of only putting yourself in situations where you can’t do it. Just chill out – the person on the other side of the table is no better than you, so no need to try really hard to impress them or fill every little stretch of silence.

I think Laser Tag! would be fun.

Dinner after the movies give you something to talk about.

Geocaching. Make up the excuse you want to do it with another person.

@livelaughlove21 I KNOW, ugh. My brain is kicking me under the table constantly.
@LuckyGuy Laser Tag would be fun. I’ll hunt that down.

This is easier in the summer because there’s always a car show, a ribfest, a camel race, something.

@GloPro Yes, an outdoor food or music festival can be a great way to get to know someone while having distraction as well.

@GloPro A camel race? That’s a new one.

Haha, actually it’s an annual ostrich and camel race. It’s a great day.

Karting
Paint ball
Horse riding

All of the above active things, bowling is good and music leads to a variety of great conversations and future events.

Nothing against bowling, but I kind of have a short attention span for it unless there is a bigger group of us. I’m looking for something ‘different.’

Sadly, no laser tag within 50 miles of me. I did discover a cool gun range in Reno that has fully automatic Tommy guns like the gangstas use in the movies.
Also unfortunately, @ucme, horseback riding is around $100 unless you want a nose-to-tail tourist ride. Good idea for later dates, but not a first or second date.

@GloPro I do think if you are going to do something active with someone on a first date it should be something you both enjoy. There are many things I am clutzy at that I wouldn’t want to expose to someone on a first date.

Frst date? I don’t know if I would want to do anything new on a first date. If you both like golf, tennis, hiking, or some other sport that would work, but I would not want not want to do a new activity on a first date. Museums are good, although, I tend to not pay attention to the museum much when I am with a friend or date.

I am assuming talking is something you enjoy doing so isn’t being able to talk easily to each other on the first few dates a good “test” that you two are compatible?

Some suggesstions:

Cooking class. It can be the kind you just watch and taste, or where you actually do the cooking and then eat the meal at the end. It can be expensive though, so I am not sure you want to spring for it. It’s a really good date night once you have become exclusive with someone.

IMAX movie, because it is short and usually packed with information, and you can still have a meal before or after.

A tour in the area. Learn about something historical in your area and let the tour guide do most of the talking. Could also be a tour of a local business, a factory.

Wine tasting if you both are into wine. Do not get drunk though.

Oh, @JLeslie, IMAX is a great idea! And there is a walking tour of haunted locations in Virginia City.

@janbb LOL, I would hope that no matter what date number it is we would be doing something we both enjoy… Unless it’s visiting each other’s family.

I also found a train museum in Carson City. That’s about the only interesting thing in Carson City.

I was looking for something unique and maybe challenging because my brain would focus on that, not babble away at the 17 thoughts running through my head. I have pretty bad ADHD, which I usually control well enough, and is an advantage when stimulated with a challenge, but when nervous and babbling I get on my own nerves, and I feel it comes off as exhausting. You know how it is when you’re tired of listening but don’t want to appear rude? Yeah… Once I am not nervous I am nothing like that. I actually don’t tend to ramble or babble. So I’m not representing my true self well.

Why not be honest and tell them you babble when you’re nervous? At least they would know it wasn’t your normal personality.

I’ll throw out kite flying. Get some decent ones and go to a park. It lets you be separate and together and active and at rest at your discretion. I wouldn’t say it’s the first choice for most guys, but it presents a skill challenge to keep them occupied.

Love flying a kite! I haven’t done that in years. Kite and a picnic lunch could be really nice.

Rob a diner like on Pulp fiction, then you can pay for the horse riding.

I was going to say I love flying a kite, too, then laughed when @kevbo said it wouldn’t be a first choice…

@Juels I guess I could say I babble when I’m nervous. Then we could both fidget for a few minutes in uncomfortable silence. Couldn’t be any worse :)

Tough situation. I’m opposite, when I get nervous I go quiet and mumbly. That’s no fun either :/

Do you babble to fill the silence? In that case, maybe you just need to remember to ask questions. Would you feel entirely weird thinking about “talking points” beforehand? You could make up a number of questions. That way, he gets to talk, too.

Someone on Fluther recently posted what I thought was a great idea to help with conversation skills: Regard the other person as a treasure chest which you can unlock. Find out what they really think. Don’t know whether that’ll help you, but it did help me.

As to date ideas: I recently got into Slam Poetry. Slam Poets read out their texts, which can be funny, thought-provoking, critical, sad…they are mostly young, and the atmosphere is great. I’m a fan now. Added benefit: You can talk about the texts afterwards, which is more fun than discussing a movie, because they are so very different.

If all else fails, just ask your future mother-in-law along ~

You’re in Carson City? Go for a drive to Markleeville to Grover Hot Springs.

Rent a paddle boat or bike built for two (in our locale they have the bench seat type where you’d sit next to one another)

Segway tour of a local city (this usually allows for stop off at local historical sites or sight seeing/photo taking opportunities)

Go for a long walk or hike at a local park or near a lake/ocean

Visit a local (very local, less known about) historical home/museum/site

Any of the above followed up with a stop for a coffee, light lunch, or a picnic

Zoo, art exhibit, picnic, wine tasting ( I too tend to talk too much at times, especially if I am dealing with an introvert that ramps up my extroverted verbosity to keep the ball rolling. haha )
Actually wine tasting is probably not a good idea because a little alcohol will just make you even chattier. lol
I also think it is best to keep a first date on a fairly short time leash, maybe an hour or a little more, tops.
My last, and most recent lunch date was with an extremely dull guy that only talked about his work and kid and mostly only in response to my having to come up with the 20 questions routine.

Gah!. I was ready to run within the first 20 minutes but stuck it out for about 2 hours total.
( He also ate like a Tortoise…jesus….how long does it take to eat a freaking enchilada, do you chew every bite 40 times dude! ) Lunch went on f-o-r-e-v-e-r! snore
Then, made my exit move…” well… I have some things to do the rest of the afternoon, but it was nice meeting you B…..” I was trying to play it casual but damn, once I was around the corner of the restaurant I broke into a sprint all the way to my car. lol

@Coloma hahaha! I know! These dates drag on forever, don’t they! No drinking til Easter, so I don’t worry about the wine.

@SpatzieLover I’m not sure about a bike for two on a first date. Way to invite a guy to watch my undulating ass for several miles. I suppose it’s a way to keep it sexy and not be able to talk, though… A bike ride on separate bikes might be great, though. That goes back to how much sweating is too much on a first date?

@zenvelo I love Grover Hot Springs! No bathing suit on most first dates, however. I’ve gotten modest in my older years.

I do ask questions. I listen to them tell stories. If they’re chatty, too, then we talk AT each other to fill the silence. If they don’t talk much I talk more. It’s so rediculous. I think I’m getting worse at dating somehow. I don’t have this problem with friends, with strangers in bars, at work, at parties. It just seems to take ahold of me on one-on-one dates. I don’t even know why I’m nervous. This is weird, but I think I do it to keep the guy at a distance. That’s why it’s just dates. That’s why I need something to do instead of face someone and eat. Or sit closer than comfort in a movie.

These ideas are great. I’m making a list, here!

@GloPro There’s no undulating ass on a bench seat. The middle photo is the type of ‘bike’ I’m talking about. There’s very little sweating involved, unless you generally sweat a lot with moderate to light activity.

@SpatzieLover I just a tandem last summer and I doubt my wife and I will ever ride the hybrids ever again. Regret not getting one sooner! Just a ton of fun! Finally got out on it yesterday. The car bikes look like they could be a blast too!

@SpatzieLover Not at all what I pictured. I want one of those. They’re like peddaling golf carts! There is one place I might find something like that for rent… Thanks!

Those bicycle buggies always make me think of the Flintstones. LOL. It also reminds me of paddle boating if you have a lake nearby with some and good weather.

@JLeslie Those peddaling boats were great when I was rehabbing my knee. Other than that, no fun. I’d rather be on a dual person kayak or two sit on top kayaks. Which is a great idea that is perfect in June.
oh, please let me find someone to date regularly by June.

I don’t know if its been mention before but Pool can be a fun first date and when one is shooting its the polite thing not to talk while they are taking their turn. You can even have a glass of wine to help relax. It also gives away of checking each other out while they each are taking a shot. If you want to show your front assets wear a lower cut top that hugs that way your not showing everthing but enough to turn someone on. Also a great place to wear tighter jeans, but I’ve worn a skirt playing as well but made sure when I was bending to make a shot I wasn’t showing all to everyone.

@creative1 Oh no…..I am so not a pool player, left handed, right brained blonde, hell no….no balls in the corner pocket, I’d just scar the table, rip up the felt, and slam balls across the room. lol

I’m a pool player (kind of), @creative1, and you made some good points. I like it!

See the great thing @Coloma when your not a good pool player you can ask them to show you how they shoot like that and its a chance to get close if the date is going real well, kind of spice things up to the next level

What about the zoo, I love the zoo!

There are no zoos in Nevada. I love the zoo, too.

@GloPro I know what you mean about babbling because your nervous. I tend to do the same thing and share too much personal stuff, way to soon. What I have done in the past is talk on the phone several times before having that first date. Get yourself comfortable with hearing their voice and when it’s silent on the phone, just know it’s okay. A bit of silence gives each of you that moment to breathe and think of something worthwhile to say. You can write down what you want to talk about and have questions for them. Just a thought.

@SnoopyGirl I can’t script things. If I do try it I lose all my natural flow. It’s that way with conversation for me. (and sex)

@Adirondackwannabe I don’t mean read it off the paper. It just gives you some ideas and if you start to get nervous, you can look back at the paper to regroup your thinking. I agree that conversation should be natural, as most things should be. But, when you are really nervous having some ideas to talk about on paper may help. For example, you can write down to talk about what you both like to do for fun, what’s your favorite movie, music, season, and why they are your favorite. This type of talk breaks the ice and makes you feel more comfortable. With talking on the phone you can also get a feel for if things are really going to work with this person. Some questions for you to think about while on the phone…Do you like his voice, does he make you smile, does he make you laugh.

@SnoopyGirl That makes sense. Except my mind went to the sex part and my brain went right into the gutter. would you like it if I….......

My sweetie and I are both introverted, our first get-together was as friends and we went to a museum. It keeps you moving and gives you something to talk about. The second time we got together was for an all-day concert for charity. We were meeting as friends, but our interactions on those occasions clearly demonstrated how compatible we are.

I think being involved in an activity gives one an opportunity to observe the other in a far more natural state than sitting across the table on their best behavior. It certainly gives you a sense of their body language and confidence, as well as how they deal with strangers and crowds, which sre situations that will commonly test people’s patience and allow you a glimpse into their true character.

Why can’t I find a lively, extroverted guy, why, oh why? haha

@GloPro Shame about the zoo, what about wildlife sanctuaries, does such a thing exist in Nevada?

Let us know what you choose as the first date, inquiring minds want to know

I found a two hour high ropes adventure course about 45 minutes from here. If you have ropes knowledge they let you self guide. There are zip lines connecting one challenge to another. Sounds pretty awesome to me. And since I climb, it’s an adventure I’m comfortable with. You can’t babble when concentrating, and then I can cheerlead while he’s doing the obstacles. I think it will be great!

@GloPro If the guy is comfortable with that!

Haha, true. I can’t see myself ending up with someone who isn’t an adrenaline junkie, but not everyone can handle heights.

@GloPro That’s one way to filter out the couch potatoes.

Do you know if he will agree to do this? If this is his first time he might be a little reluctant to do it in front of someone on a first date – especially an expert. On the other hand, if he does enjoy it you’ve found yourself a live one.
Please let us know what happens.

If he’s scared…I’ll come!

Well, folks… I went to a bluegrass show last night with a guy. It was a pretty packed venue. HOW did we end up in direct line of sight with my ex-boyfriend and his girlfriend? I’ve seen that guy twice in a year… Of all of the luck. It wasn’t a catastrophe or anything, but I was definitely aware, and so was the ex. Awkward.
The show was awesome. We jumped a rail to get closer after the first set. My date was so nervous we’d be seen and booted, but I had to change the view. The second set was fantastic. We went to catch a bite to eat and ended up sitting with 3 girls we both knew, so he sat there and listened to 4 girls rattle on about nonsense. Overall it was a nice date. No fireworks.

The ropes course idea I’m going to hang on to until the right guy. I think it’s a great date, but you’re probably right about it not being for everybody.

@Adagio This zoo is actually a sanctuary, although they advertise themselves as the largest zoo in Nevada. I went there last year and was just sad. The animals are in small chain linked cages with dirt floors. There were 3 cool things: the sloth, the liger, and the fact that the animals were about 3 feet away from you so you could really get a good look. I watched a lion eat a whole raw chicken literally 3 feet from me. As sad as I was, that was cool. I will not return to the largest zoo in Nevada anytime soon, although I will send them some money.

Thanks for the followup. I was thinking of this question last night and wanted to throw out another option and add some friendly (fatherly? grandfatherly?) advice.

A double date anywhere – yes, even a restaurant, is a good icebreaker and helps you get to know each other in a lower pressure setting. You can dial back your enthusiasm and let others talk without appearing to be a recluse or, at the other end of the spectrum, a motor mouth. You watch the conversation and see if the talking time is about equal. If not, occasionally ask the other, quieter people open ended questions.
Unless they are all in EMS do not tell war stories – even if you are asked directly. Save them for a private time when they will really count. (I have more than 2000 hours of active service and have hundreds of calls but I can only think of half a dozen that I consider worthy of discussion – the top few %)

A first date is your chance to learn about the other person so you can decide if there will be a second date. You already know about you. Spend the time seeing if you want to enjoy the company of the other person at a future time. See if he is polite, articulate, addicted, employed, active, intelligent, generous, groomed, educated, etc. – whatever characteristics you find important.
The date does not have to be long or go into the wee hours. Give yourself an early out up front by saying you have to get up early the next morning. A meal, anywhere, is just about the right length of time to see if there are deal breakers.

Here are some of mine, in no particular order:
If she answers a phone or texts without apologizing.
If she tells me about her cousin’s sister’s brother losing his job.
If she tells me something she is not supposed to tell.
If she is late and does not apologize.
If she is rude to the waitstaff.
If she does not at least offer to pay for some part of the meal.
If she did not give me a chance to speak.
If she smokes.
If she drinks too much.
Etc.

Make your own list and use the date time to find the answers so you can decide if want to be with this person a second time.

Enjoy.

@LuckyGuy I disagree on a double date for a first date, unless it is a set-up by the other couple. Otherwise, the other couple is either your friend’s or the other persons, bu they would not be neutral participants with both of your interests in mind.

And @GloPro was asking for alternatives to your other suggestions, because she feels she dominates the conversation too much. I personally approach a date the way you do, and in similar settings, but I also see @GloPro feeling self-conscious in that setting.

@LuckyGuy The OP seems to want to minimize conversation on the first date.

I find it interesting you expect her to offer to pay. Do you accept the money or insist on picking it up?

@zenvelo. By having others around she can feel less self conscious and not have the need to speak so much. I figure the double date is a buffer. It works either way no matter whose friends they are. Of course it is best if they are mutual friends – like the 3 she met after the concert.

@JLeslie. Of course I pay, even if she offers. It is the offering that is important. It is an acknowledgment.
Remember back before the days of power door locks? I would unlock her door first and walk around to get in on my side. If she slid over and unlocked my door by the time I got there it meant a lot. It was a data point. If she got in and just sat there that was a bad sign. By the way, if she kept change in her ashtray that was a good sign.

I know a guy who dated (note past tense) a woman who waited for him to open the car door for her all the time. (We are not talking about carrying groceries or if she is dressed in high heels and / or fancy clothes – that is common sense. ) Her princess attitude carried over into so many other aspects of life he could not stand it. That simple act was such a clear predictor. Hopefully she’s found her prince.

@LuckyGuy I actually agree with offering to pay. The sliding over to unlock your door I think is too extreme. You have the key in your hand, it isn’t a big deal. Depending on what I am wearing and what the seats are made of, and whether they are bucket or not, would possibly make it difficult to reach over to unlock the door. That one thing alone would not influence my thoughts about a woman one way or the other. I vaguely remember a guy mentioning I didn’t unlock their door. I guess it was a test and I didn’t know it. What I did do, and still do sometimes, is also get out of the car when the guy has to fill his gas tank. Keep him company.

The whole thing with a woman always waiting for her door to be opened, that is too princess for me. Sometimes I ask my husband to help me with the door, not for princess reasons, but because in my high heels and skirt getting out of a two door car (door is larger than 4 door) and the space is really tight next to the car in the next spot, I want him to hold the door so no car winds up with a ding.

@LuckyGuy it’s funny, I’ve made a list of every ideal Prince Charming trait I would love to have in my perfect man. I realize that person doesn’t exist, but I thought it would help to list what I DO want. I’ve never made a deal breaker list. I always thought I knew inherently, but I allowed some things I should not have in my last relationship. I’ll make a list today.

I wouldn’t mind a double date. I’m completely comfortable and not overly chatty in every situation except first dates. It’s weird, I know. It’s like my brain freaks out when I know I’m being evaluated.

@JLeslie You are correct. I’m most uncomfortable when conversation is the entertainment. This post has been a great brainstorm for more active dates than dinner. I am just looking for things to DO.

I always offer to chip in. I definitely notice when a man opens any doors for me, although I am fine doing myself as well. I tend to prefer old fashioned gender roles.

@GloPro You know one interesting fact about first dates? You’re both on the same date. Relax. They aren’t any more nervous or uncomfortable than you.

@GloPro I like a lot of the open the door things too. I just don’t like it taken to an extreme. Sometimes when taken to an extreme it is more of a hindrance than helpful. My husband still opens doors for me, he likes to walk on the street side of the sidewalk when we are together, he helps me with my chair when I ask (I don’t want him to feel he needs to help me with that every time). I think what matters is what makes sense, not just the rules. Men should offer to help me with something heavy that I need to put above my head like my suitcase on an airplane, because it’s light for them and shoulder height or them. I offer to help reach something for a man in a wheelchair, I’m taller than him. Being cognasent of what will be helpful and those around us I think is the deal. Rules of etiquette are there to help people know what to do, and there is logic behind most of them. Insisting on some sort of etiquette rule that is ilogical in a situation gets annoying to me. Like when a man insists I go first and he is the one who knows the way. Or, like judging me for not leaning over to open the lock on a door when it really is not easy for me to do it.

@JLeslie :-) “Or, like judging me for not leaning over to open the lock on a door when it really is not easy for me to do it.” Relax. In that case you would get a pass.
It is not a hard and fast rule and really hasn’t applied in 20 years since the widespread use of remote keyless entry.
Actually it depends upon the car, bucket or bench seats, the ease of door opening, etc.

I prefer to think of it as a measure of the person’s situational awareness. Some people are oblivious and are only focused on themselves. Others watch what is going on around them all the time.
Have you ever been with someone who just keeps yammering on about something? They do not notice you are bored to tears, or need to leave the room, or want to say something. That is low SA.
The person who notices some food drop in your lap and silently hands you a napkin is showing high SA.

@LuckyGuy I agree. SA.

I was at my neighbors’ house last night for dinner and thought of this question again and the importance of Situational Awareness. I think SA might be a type of Empathy. Here is a small example. When my coffee was getting low one of them would notice and offer more. They noticed a need without my asking. This is the same neighbor who came over and mowed my lawn when I was recovering from surgery. He showed SA and empathy. Nice.
If I were on a first date I’d be looking for those qualities.

@LuckyGuy It comes across as empathy or lack thereof, but I am not sure it is. My dad has low SA about a lot of things, because he is really bad at reading affect on someone’s face. Women are better than men in general at this, and then my dad is more extreme. He cares that someone is happy, sad, angry, but he doesn’t understand the cues. It can come across as narcissistic too.