Do you feel like you are "invisible" to society?

Due to the fact that I have a tendency to feel quite alienated from my environment, I also can feel very invisible. A few years ago, I discovered that my invisibility is directly related to my inability to see other people. When I am able to really see people, I find that others really see me.

With all the bills I always have to pay and all the social obligations people seem to expect of me, absolutely not.
I should do like my grandfather and go out and live in a shack in the woods. I’m not joking, he really did do this, at least until the end of his life where he couldn’t look after himself anymore. Perhaps I take after him? I’m not playing a lonewolf card to try and look all cool, because being a recluse and shy does bother me. It’s not that I despise people, it’s that I naturally enjoy being alone, a lot so I get irritated when people don’t understand it. It’s not like I can change it, anyway. But being this way does make me realize that no, in many ways, I’m far from invisible, although I suppose this only stands with people I personally know, and bills, of course. Which to them, we’re just numbers, anyway.
If I was homeless, I think I would feel pretty invisible. I spent one week out in the street; time goes by so slowly, and people pass you by without seeing you. A week is not a lot, but enough to make me realize that there are a lot of different places in society in which many different people exist, and those places are not all the same.

I don’t crave attention for any reason but it is nice to receive recognition you deserve. I have to admit I felt more important when I was an adult leader in my son’s Boy Scout Troop. It was really cool to teach those young men all sorts of things. Now my life revolves around my garden. I can’t wait to see my spring flowers.

I have heard it said that 50+ year old women are invisible. I have seen that in action. I have spoken to young people in public places and had them look as if a lamppost just spoke to them.

But I don’t feel invisible to the people who count in my life.

Nope, not me, I’m hard to ignore. I have to gain weight to make myself more unattractive because I can’t handle all the attention…lol

No. Occasionally, I have trouble joining a conversation, even though I have something to say. In these situation, I do feel unnoticed. However, very often people listen when I chime in. I think that might be because I don’t chatter a lot. If I don’t know what to say, I probably won’t say anything at all.

Someone above said they often felt unable to see people. That I can relate to, and I’m trying to change it.

My mom told me that she felt invisible once she got to middle age and I really thought she was imagining it. But I am finding it to be true. Not to my family and friends, but out in public. People pass by without seeing me, I get passed over at the checkout counters in clothing stores for younger people. No wonder old people are sad and depressed.

When my weight is up I am invisible. When I’m sporting a size 4 I get noticed and respect. (I tend to be a yoyo when it comes to weight.)

I don’t need nor seek attention and validation, but yeah, at 54 I’m not as visible as I was in my youth. Also what @ Judi says…I have gained weight the last few years too so not exactly parading around in mini skirts these days. haha
However, I have a very witty and lively personality and love to engage, play, mess with people. I draw attention from my humor, but this is not to seek attention, I just enjoy messing with people and seeing who has enough personality to play back.
It’s all good, I go out, I play, I come home and fall back into obscurity, just not that important anymore.

I try my best to be invisible, in most social situations.

I don’t feel invisible at all. I feel the exact opposite really. I am hyper aware of my surroundings. I feel the judging glances of others constantly. I don’t get that vibe from everybody, but I do from most people. I’m sure others here know what I mean.

If I ever do, I plan to get a parrot and have it perch on my shoulder wherever I go.

I am a 49 year old female who weighs more than is socially acceptable and has a very boring unremarkable face. Invisible? I’m surprised my wardrobe isn’t bandages, sunglasses and a spiffy robe. I wasn’t all that visible before and it gets worse as I age.

And let’s not forget underrepresented in movies, TV, and many books. Not only do I feel like I don’t exist, but that there is no one like me who is worthy of representation.

No way. I always engage other people with a smile or a kind word and I always get something back. I can be a little intimidating for some reason, not sure why, but a lot of people get out of my way when I come through. That bothers me a bit. but I also get through crowds in a hurry.

@Coloma, the difference is like night and day!

It’s interesting reading these responses about how women 50+ seem to become “invisible”. I would’ve thought that women of that age were given an extra amount of respect and “chivalry”. Maybe I just haven’t noticed. Or perhaps it’s because I mistook them all for lampposts?

@Judi True. I remember a few years ago when I was still super svelte, in a grocery store, noticing other women checking me out. Now THAT’S attention. haha

I am a few pounds heavier than in my avatar. That was a few years ago, the lowest of my adult weight. I got lots of attention then, Lets see if the attention comes back as I am getting my shit together now, hired a trainer again and will be back there in a few months. Will being a few years older keep me invisible or will I become visible again when I’m thin again?

@Judi My shit is still in a big heap, I need a back hoe to shovel it right now. haha
I walked 3 miles 4 days a week all through Jan. and Feb….now March has been hibernate and eat month. Fuck….gotta dig myslef out again. Face it, we’re old cougars now, health is the goal. lol

@Coloma , I get some satisfaction out of being a hot Ma…..grandma. The really strange thing is seeing the difference in how people tree my HUSBAND when I’m thin and when I’m thick. When I meet someone he associates with for the first time and I’m thin he gets uber respect. It changes the whole dynamic.
For me, the weight can put on 15 years in my appearance.

@Judi True. People are so programmed to equate form with respect. Pffft.

I remember my ex husband and I, around 2002, attending a classy, upscale wine event at a french restaurant that was THE place to go for wine events in my community.
He wore this amazing sort of root beer colored suit with a really cool white shirt with abstract designs ( hard to describe ) and a sort of bolero type tie, and I wore a full length black and gold, slinky, evening dress. We both looked amazing and it was SO OBVIOUS that we were getting 5 star attention. The waiters and staff and other guests flocked around us like we were celebrities.

I remember thinking how gratuitous everyone was, simply based on appearances. Pffft!
I am a very charming woman, great social skills, intimidating to some, but really…little old me is just a hippie at heart. It is so amusing to watch people dance over physical presentations.

My husband and I went to a nightclub with another couple a few years ago in Orange County California. Us girls were walking out ahead. There was a line to get in. One of the bouncers called the other girl and I over and let us in without paying a cover. When our guys caught up they said, “we’re with them”
The guy said, “ya, right. Get in line.”
That sure wouldn’t happen today.

@Judi Haha…oh, memory lane…it’s got a lot of flowery garlands, now replaced with fading blooms. lol

I’ve been heavy and I’ve been thin and I still get attention. It’s sad to think ^^^ that this is what people think? For me though, it is about feeling good in my own skin. When I do, I get attention regardless of the size of my ass. Simply because I reckon at that time I glow, I have an aura of something around me.(People have commented; perhaps madness/ haha). I think it all starts in the head.

I hope I am right :)

Lately I have been very invisible and that is due to my negative look at myself and life in general. Plus, where I have moved to, I have not one single friend. (Very new experience). So I guess I really am invisible.

@LornaLove Agreed, it is all in the mind and our level of confidence. I really like who I am regardless of some extra weight. It is all about presence regardless of packaging.

It is kind of difficult to be invisible in the situation that I’m in at the moment. People can see that I am different from them by the color of my skin from two blocks away. I speak English differently than they do and I speak their languages with poor grammar and a foreign accent. I come from a different culture and social strata I am totally different from the people around me and my life experience has been nothing like theirs. I stick out like a nun in a brothel in full habit and wimple. On second thought I’ve been told that seeing nuns in full livery in brothels is not that unusual these days. Anyway, I stick out. Thank goodness most people find strange, new things interesting. But this took some getting used to.

Stateside, on the other hand, I prefer invisibility and work very hard to maintain it.

The only time I feel invisible is when motion-activated objects don’t um, activate for me. Seriously, motion detector faucets, hand dryers and such don’t see me! So aggravating.

There are days where I feel socially invisible to a degree, but it’s not a normal thing. It’s usually when I’m feeling down or am in a lot of pain and am withdrawn. If I have a smile on my face and a spring in my step, I don’t feel that way. When I’m in a good state of mind, I talk to strangers all the time, and they don’t ignore me. Maybe that goes back to what @hominid was saying…in my withdrawn state, I’m not noticing people in the first place.

@Judi Will being a few years older keep me invisible or will I become visible again when I’m thin again?
I think you will be more visible again. I have seen women who were tight, toned, and in shape put women half their age to shame. When you see a woman near 40 able to rock a pair of skinny jeans better than her daughter, you know she is something.

When our guys caught up they said, “we’re with them”
The guy said, “ya, right. Get in line.”
That sure wouldn’t happen today.
Are you that sure?

@HC, not right now. Maybe in a few months.

No. I am many things. Invisible is not one of them.

I am nearly the same age as @tedibear, and about 100 lbs. overweight. I have a “girl-next-door” face, and I don’t bother with makeup or fancy hairstyles (in fact, I am in the process of phasing-out my haircolor to allow my greys to flourish). However, I feel the least invisible that I’ve ever felt in my life. I am introverted and I used to have no self-esteem. I would make a concerted effort to blend into the wallpaper as much as possible. I wanted to be invisible, and yet I didn’t.

I’ve learned to accept myself and have gained a lot more confidence since turning 40. Now I make a point to be seen when I want to, but I can disappear when that is preferable to me. I didn’t have much problem when I was dating in my early 40s, even being overweight, but that’s because I was very selective and far from desperate.