So now, I apologize for the longest explanation you have probably ever seen here (remember I am new to this), and ask my questions: Am I crazy to miss him? What are your thoughts? Thank you for all your time, consideration, and above all, your patience.

First of all, I have to state: the Internet never ceases to amaze me. I was searching for a site to ask random questions and I am still in complete wonder that I found not only one, but several! I had no idea this particular site existed! It looks really cool and at some other time I will sit down and properly evaluate its features and add it to my list of online resources. This is crazy! Well, but now to business, in a matter of speaking. I have jumped into it immediately so I do not really know yet how any of it works but I am going to roll with it for now (plus it is now two in the morning and I should be sleeping but in the spirit of finding answers I am going to ask the question anyway as quickly as I can). Please forgive the length of it all, but that is my writing style when I am in a highly reflective state, the same state of mind which has brought me to crazily search for random answers on the Internet. The thing is, I have exhausted my other sources of advice, so naturally here I am…

Briefly, to help you understand some of the many layers which makes this situation difficult: I am very open with my family. I was raised with a strong family core and I never had problems sharing anything with them, except when it came to relationships. I am now 23, and I started this whole “relationship business” at the age of 19, so I do not have much experience at all, and because, on top of it all, this is the one aspect of my life I do not share with my family, or even most of my friends for that matter, I have over-complicated everything in that realm for myself by isolating myself from my best sources of guidance. Thus, I have no guidance in this realm (and yes, I call it a “realm” because this whole “love business” is one complex mess, it deserves an entity).

That being said, as you can imagine, naturally, I have made many mistakes in these few years of “exploring”. Ok, you now have the setting, on to the story. Well, I suppose you need to know also how it is we came to meet…Hopefully you will not judge me too harshly…I met this guy at a laundry place, and true to fashion I was all too ready to easily fall into another “relationship” (if you can even call it that) which would probably not end, albeit gravely, but certainly not be worthwhile either (but with no guidance in this realm and being a hopeless romantic and always seeming to have otherwise, mostly, good judgment except when confronted with the opposite sex, I find I really just cannot help myself). Yes, I, too would say it can be a problem…

Anyway, pardon the digression, the guy…I gave him my number, he called about a week later, came to see me about another week later at my place (and yes, unfortunately, my judgment was again greatly impaired to let that which you can imagine happen) and one second time before he disappeared for three weeks (which he claimed he was in jail for, and I was later to find out was not true) and then called me again. Important facts: in none of these calls nor encounters did we ever establish we were anything, if we were anything you could say we were bonded by the infamous “friends with benefits” deal (I know, I know, again, please remember: impaired judgment!) and I (blind and naïve and against the warnings given to me by my housemates which met him by obligation just by happening to share the same living space with me) thought I really liked him and somewhere down the road maybe, for once, it might turn into a viable relationship.

Now in the weeks he had disappeared I had gone back to see my family so I was no longer in the same city. This is important because when he made that call after three weeks of wandering the invisible world (pardon my sarcasm), and he was expecting to visit, he could not because I was in a different city (not horribly far but far enough). And to top it off, I was with my family for winter break and also there were issues in determining exactly how fast I would be able to return to living on my own back in that city (a story for another time). So I told him my estimate would be I would return in a month. He was not happy but he seem to accept it pretty well. There were three to four calls after this one, with some texts in between but then he disappeared again for a week (I did not hear from him).
And here it begins: When he called once more, after that week had passed, he had had problems with his phone and was borrowing his uncle’s to make the call. He also informed me he was staying at his uncle’s for the night and that he would call again the next day.

Three days pass and I decide, nettled by the fact he did not call when he said he would (by now a pattern with him) to try to contact him. I still had the number he had used for the last call. He had not clarified whether this was the number he would be using from then on, but it was the only number I had knowing his other phone had died. To keep it safe, because I remembered he had said he had been using his uncle’s phone, I kept the message simple in case I would encounter the uncle and not him (and this is also why I texted and not called). I remember it clearly: “Good morning Guy. Is this the number you are using now?”

I had been right to be cautious, for, it was the uncle who answered. He asked who I was, I introduced myself politely, and informed him I was wondering what had happened to his nephew. I was surprised to find out his uncle did not even know and had also not seen him for three days, but promised that if he returned to his house he would let his nephew know I had messaged. I thanked him and wished him a good day.

(I only just realized I have nearly written a whole essay! Do forgive me people, can you tell I do not do this often?)

Three more days pass, again I message, again the uncle replies and promises to let him know. Now the turning point: the very next day, on the fourth day, the uncle contacts me in the morning asking me if I had heard from his nephew. I informed him I was just as information-less as he. He promised again that if he were to see him he would let him know I was still wondering. Again, I politely wished him a good day and he politely wished me a good day back.

That same evening he messages me again, asking if I had heard anything. Again I reply no, but this time, shockingly, out of the blue he calls me! Surprised and not really fully registering why he would need to call me I answered and barely spoke many a word. The conversation is not much different from the text conversation and the call is brief.

But, then, would you have guessed? I know I did not. He sends me (and remember this is the uncle not the guy I had been trying to locate for days at this point) another text, which at the time I found creepy. I remember this one clearly too: “Not to be rude but you seem like a person I would like to get to know better. Call I call you from time to time?” Shocked and trying to politely tell him to go to (you know where), I replied: “I am sure we will get to know each other better when Guy introduces us.” He seemed to read between the lines and replied, something along the lines of “Ok.”

Three more days pass. At this point, I have given up looking for Guy and decided to just forget about it all, I knew I was not giving much up being that we had never really “been” anything. Now it gets crazy: that evening the uncle texts me. I remember the conversation well:
Uncle: “Hello. Do you have any news?”
Me: “No, do you have any?”
Uncle: “Any what?”
Me: “News” (I really wanted to put an exclamation mark here but I was trying to be polite)
Uncle: “Lol call you in a minute ok?”

Yes, I was confused too. What did he need to call me for? And, you probably guessed it, judgment again impaired, when he called I answered.

The conversation flow on my end was cautious. The whole situation was bizarre to me. On his end, he seemed excited. He asked me what I was studying, planning to study, where I was from, how I came to meet Guy…Light conversation. Then it changed gradually: he started to mention how he had asked Guy about me, how he came to know I was beautiful (it’s all subjective), how he thought my vocabulary was enchanting how he had fallen in love with my voice. I frankly did not know how to react. I had never even met him! Then he asked the notorious question: why a pretty girl like me did not have a boyfriend. I explained to him how that was what I had hoped I would find in Guy eventually (in an ideal world where Guy was actually I guy I thought he was…).

And this is where everything changed. He put it to me straight: it was never going to happen. His nephew was erratic and still ungrounded at the sprightly age of 32. This is how I first found out how old Guy was, I had never thought to ask him before (Impaired judgment remember?). I was not bothered by it, I have always been (for better or worse) into older guys. As we were on the subject of age, he asked me mine and I naturally asked him for his. I was shocked to find out the uncle was 38, only 6 years older than Guy.

He also mentioned how he had seen Guy with another girl. And how when he asked Guy if it would be all right to talk to me, that Guy seemed completely nonchalant on the matter. The way he described it made me finally see the reality check people (the few who knew about Guy, so, my housemates) had tried to give me. So I got mad and when people get mad, and they are already prone to impaired judgment, well you can imagine…So I talked! My spirit got vengeful and I actually now started allowing thoughts of giving the uncle a chance.

The crazy thing is, we talked the entire night, and the next night he called and we repeated. And as crazy as it is, I began to really like him, to sincerely consider him. And for an inexperienced girl with impaired judgment towards the opposite sex, always giving herself completely and receiving barely a quarter of the other person in turn, who only ever asked for a mutual display of interest and never got it in all her limited “experiments” (for, that folks is the correct term which describes my four previous encounters before the uncle), his high level of interest, his almost corny, overly hopeless romanticism, yet wonderfully sweet, wonderfully refreshing dedication to trying to inspire my interest in him was something I had never experienced. And I did fall, and quickly, and I really, really, came to like him, to consider him.

Guy finally appeared and found out, finally called, to yell at me infinite vulgarities and insults, and tell me lies about the uncle, which did at first cause me to want to send them both to h-well you know where-but it passed and he never called again. His uncle had been right in telling me his nephew’s interest level was low, right in telling me Guy was not ready for a relationship of any type. And after the storm it was just us, and with each night we got to know each other more, talking from the minute when he got off his night shift into the early morning only a few minutes before he would have to leave to morning shift (sleep seemed such a small thing to sacrifice), sending messages throughout the day, him, averaging three to four calls each day (the late one included) just to hear my voice. And the days turned into weeks and then into a month, and by then we both considered myself his girl.

He was burning to see me as much as I wanted to see him but I was still with my family. We set a date to meet up. I would spend the weekend with him, come down to his place and finally meet him in the flesh, this marvel among males. And everything was, as they say, rose.
Now we have reached (finally) the purpose for which I came. On the eve of the date we were to meet there was no late night conversation. On the day of, no word. That evening I received a call from an unknown number and not recognizing it I did not answer. More silence. The next day, in the evening, I receive a call from the same number, I decide to pick it up, wondering, hoping, it might be him. It was, but in the most unfortunate way. It was call from him coming to me from a state prison. Out of shock I hung up before setting up the necessary account in order to receive collect calls from him, there.

I did not want to believe it. He had mentioned he had been there before, but long ago. And so now this the problem I have. After finally accepting the fact that, that is where he is I want to talk to him and find out what happened. But I never thought to ask him for his last name and I need a name in order to get his information and be able to connect with him. I called everywhere I researched that might have been able to help me and they all told me the same: I needed to wait until he calls again. A month and a half has now passed. I am still waiting and do not know what to do. I still do not know what happened and I am sick with worry and wondering. It is my belief that when I hung up on that second call he either thought he had dialed the number in wrong or that I had abandoned him.