Do you think it's good to set a kid up for disappointment so they can learn the best ways of handling it?

I agree with “Someone else.” It’s not a bad compromise. Has the mother showed the four-year -old any of the litter boxes and explained what is involved in the daily housekeeping chores (that the owner of the kitty is responsible for)?

I don’t know. (I don’t use litter boxes myself.)

Here is what I just posted: “Been thinking about this. If she asks to go, tell her “OK, but you can NOT bring one home. Remember that.” After a couple more times she may decide on her own that she doesn’t want to go any more because it’s too sad. ”

Life is full of disappointments from day one, you certainly don’t need to orchestrate them. As well, the learning to deal with it and all will be a lot more genuine if the disappointment and the situation which spawned it are genuine.

I’d keep taking her to the pet store if it was me, if she really wanted to go, but I don’t see it as setting up a disappointment, since she understands now that you can’t just catnap all the kitties away.

See my post above yours @Symbeline. I agree with you. It needs to be her choice. You don’t take her just to teach her a lesson.

@gailcalled I don’t believe a 4-year old would comprehend the responsibilities involved. My sister’s 3 year old sometimes brings her a handful of dog poop from the yard because he sees her pick it up every once in awhile and believes she must want it. So he brings it to her like a cat would bring you a mouse. It’s disgustingly funny, and she has tried to explain that she does not, in fact, collect poop, many times.

I’d go with number three or your and @Symbeline‘s ideas, @Dutchess_III .

I go with all the ‘someone’ variations. Maybe there is a petting zoo nearby the mom can take the 4 yo too. That would be a good lesson – there are lots of cute cuddly things in this world we can enjoy but not own. Feeding the baby goats is so cool, but doesn’t necessarily make you want to bring one home.

If the child has bros and sisters there will be disappointment aplenty for them without some moronic parent setting the kid up for more.

What kind of idiot parent would even think this?

Just read the other comments, @Dan_Lyons, with an open mind.

@GloPro; That is a really funny story. After having read that, i checked in with my niece with the three young sons, a very small apartment and a cat. The ten year-old is officially in charge of cleaning the litter box; his eight- and four-year old brothers assist. Maybe a four, almost five-year-old male, is hugely more mature, poop-wise, than a three year-old.

No. Too much negativity can cause self esteem issues. Life is full of disappointment, so just keep telling the kid that along with plenty of positive reinforcement added.

Visiting a pet store is rewarding and fun in and of itself. All children go through that stage of crying when they can’t get what they want from the store, but you don’t stop taking them, you teach them how to behave at the store. Enjoy the pet store, but if the behavior does stop or lessen with each trip, wait until she is more mature.

Well, @cazzie, they’re crying because they’re sad. I mean, how do you feel when you’re so sad that it makes you cry? Now why would one deliberately put one’s child into a situation that you know is going to make them so sad? Why not just avoid it? Take them to the zoo or something.

@Dutchess_III if it is a kitty cat or a candy bar, they need to learn that they can not always get what they want and crying and pitching fits won’t work.

Right. And they’ll have plenty of chances to learn that without getting set up for it.

I’m a single mom. I always had to bring my kiddo to the store with me. He didn’t always behave. It is something they have to learn. I wasn’t bringing him to the store so I could have the opportunity to deny him something he wanted. We don’t set up our kids for disappointment because they want something they can’t have. That is quite ludicrous.

Read the details of my post @cazzie.

Taking them to the pet store is an opportunity, not something to be avoided.

There’s nothing wrong with being sad. Talk to them about their feelings.

I don’t see going to the store as setting them up. I see avoiding the store as setting them up though.

Though if they specifically ask me not to go anymore, I would respect that. But that’s something we would discuss as well.

How would avoiding the store be setting them up @fluthernutter?

@cazzie: I don’t think it’s a ludicrous thought or question. I saw the original discussion on FB (one of our mutual friends) and the mom was asking in a thoughtful, curious manner that we all have when we ponder our parenting decisions.

Thanks @jca. That friend of ours is a super good mom. I LOVE the stories she tells about her daughter!

She is a super good mom, and I don’t think she is going to stop bringing her daughter to places just because they pose challenges and leaning opportunities.

For now she has decided to take her to visit an aviary near where they live. The child enjoys that too and knows that taking a bird home is not an option. She’s going to back off of the pet store for a while unless the child specifically asks to go.
This is a not a cold hearted psychology experiment in challenges and opportunities. She said her daughter’s heart was just broken and she doesn’t want to put her through that pain again until she’s a little more mature,emotionally.

For some reason, I followed this thread and nothing showed up as a new post for me until today. I don’t know what happened. Fluther burped or something.

I just wanted to come in because I am the mom Duchess was talking about. I take her to stores all the time and she’s very well behaved. She will hint around that there are things she wants but she knows not to whine about it. I think the pet store is different. I rarely HAVE to go there except to buy cat food and litter in bulk now and then. I would take her just for the experience of looking at and playing with the animals. I just decided not to take her the extra times.

She’s never had a problem with the animals before, and I think the problem was that there was a little boy with his mother and they were actually shopping to buy a cat. The mother asked if she could take a certain kitty out of the cage. Boo wanted me to ask to take her favorite cat out of the cage. I had to explain that these people were looking for a kitty to take home and we were just playing, so we weren’t going to take a kitty out of the cage to pet.

She was really quiet the rest of the time she played with the cats. For the first time, she threw a mini tantrum about leaving the pet store. She cried all the way home. This wasn’t just a candy bar or a toy. This was a little cute creature that purred, rubbed up against her hand and played with toys with her. I think she could imagine having this kitty at home as a member of our family. When we left, all her dreams were crushed.

I don’t think I will take her there unless I’m actually shopping there because it’s hard on BOTH of us. I want a new kitty too. We have an old cat, but I’d like Boo to have a young cat to play with. I loved this cat too and it was hard for me to leave her at the store. I got attached to her as well. I couldn’t deal with my own sadness and my daughters at the same time.

One thing hard about these pets is that they are shelter animals. They get an extra chance at finding a home at the pet store. If they don’t get bought at the store, they go back to the shelter and after a while if nobody adopts them, they get put to sleep. I get depressed seeing the older, less “cute” cats at the store. I constantly wonder about what happened to them after we leave. Did they get adopted? Or were they sent back to the shelter?

Long story short. I made my decision not because I’m some awesome mom, but because I have enough trouble containing my own emotions at the pet store and I can’t deal with both of us falling in love with a kitty and going home with nothing.

The bird store is different. Those birds can live there basically forever. The owner has several birds not for sale but up for show. So I don’t get torn up thinking of their future. BIrds are funny and sweet, but I don’t feel a strong bond to them and neither does my daughter. She likes them, but she thinks they are loud and messy and wouldn’t want to have one in the house.

Anyway. Hope that clears everything up.

@keobooks You are so smart to recognize and avoid what is a tough situation for both of you.

I had to tell a neighbor’s little girl this week that Frodo had had to go live on a farm and it nearly killed me.

Told ya she was a good mom but oh shit! I didn’t know it was you @keobooks!

Kids pick up on parental responses very acutely. My son is very much into dogs and any dog with their owner who comes in walking distance of us is going to be approached by my son. He gets this from me. His father hates dogs and is dead-scared of them. We also tend to go goo-goo over babies we see.

But I also think it is a maturity thing. For a time, I couldn’t bring my step son to the grocery store because of his ridged expectations. (he is autistic). It is fine now, but I had to weigh the potential for problems up with the convenience issue. In the end, I just had to decide that my shopping had to be done before my step son was dropped off or while he was at school. It has been different with my younger son, because I am responsible for his learning experiences so I chose to take him so he could learn and condition himself to the experience of grocery shopping. Because I only had my step son every other week and his experience with his mother was different than at my house, I felt I didn’t need to force the issue if it was creating such a stressful situation for me. My step son has now matured and is fantastic with helping bring home groceries and suggest meal planning ideas. It’s been 10 years in the making, though.