I have 21 month-old daughter, a wife, and work for myself, sometimes from home. I think of it as project oriented work and I think we probably face a lot of the same issues.
I don’t feel like I’ve got it all figured out by any means, but some things that have helped me get closer.
> Block off your time and let the others in your life know in advance what your schedule is. That lets them know when to expect you and to incorporate you into their plans, or not. For me, I’m “at work” from 9am to 7pm, regardless of where I’m working from. If I’m at the house and it’s lunch time, I love hanging with “my ladies” for some food, but other than that everyone knows that even if I’m at the house, it’s work time. 7pm to 10pm is family time, that’s all about getting the little one fed, washed, and off to bed, then having at least one good conversation with my wife each day. Nights are mine. Sometimes I end up working, sometimes I just unwind, sometimes that’s when personal projects can take off, sometimes I meet up with friends that don’t mind it being late.
> I try to focus on what’s in front of me, when I’m with my family, it’s about them and being a dad/husband, when I’m at work, it’s about getting it done.
> I consider networking part of my job, so work time gets used for that. That let’s me keep family time as clean as possible.
> Yes, I have less interesting, non-child related stories now than I used to. I do less fun/cool/interesting things than I used to. That’s OK. I’m putting that time and effort into my favorite tiny human. I used to try to take her places I wanted to go and realized (for me at least) it wasn’t usually worth it.
> My wife and I have an agreement that if she ever really needs me, she’ll be up front about it, and I won’t put anything before that. Pushing a project back a day or even upsetting a client isn’t worth harming the most important relationship I have.
> I get my daughter all weekend to myself (my wife works 12 hour shifts on weekends), so I try to keep her as the focus of that time. I don’t always get all my “chores” done, but we always have good time and she knows I love her. I’d say make sure you have time for just you and your son, regardless of what you do.
The hardest part for me is that I don’t really love having a schedule. I’d rather just do whatever is most important right then. What I finally figured out was that it was making me less reliable for the people around me, mostly because they didn’t know what to expect. Before I blocked off time, if I left my family for work, it was disappointing, like I was choosing the work over them. With a schedule that’s not the case, everyone knows I’m leaving and what I’m going to do, even the little one. So I’d say that would be my #1 piece of advice if your life is pretty free-form right now.
Other than that I think I’ve learned that there’s always a new deadline, meeting, trip to the park, family gathering or whatever. You’re going to miss something, do the best you can and keep positive.