Friend tried to get my boyfriend to cheat on me.

Mooch used to be an alcoholic and has been sober for a few weeks. My boyfriend wonders if it could be affecting his mood or behaviour. I don’t know. Is that possible?

With friends like that do you need any enemies? The disease angle would be enough for me to send him packing. Some things are forever.

I guess so. :/

Ugh, I never thought that he (or any of my friends) would do this to me. It’s so back-handed.
I bet if I confronted him, he’d just put it off as “Oh I was just kidding” or some BS but I know he wasn’t kidding and was serious.

You have a right to be angry. That being said, how proud are you of your boyfriend? I’m so pleased you have that strong of a relationship and that this situation can strengthen the trust between the two of you.

If I were in your shoes I would not bring it up at all. You aren’t dating Mooch, your boyfriend has proven himself trustworthy (and amazing), and there are a lot of men out there that just don’t believe in monogamy. Some men cover for one another all of the time. Men more easily forgive some flaws in their friends that I would not, such as being a blatant cheater. If your man has no intention of going down that path why would you create drama? Let Mooch choose his own path.

Knowing what you do your friendship with Mooch is bound to change. There is no need to explain why you have become more distant, unless he asks. I doubt he will. If he ever asked you to set him up with a friend I might mention that you don’t feel comfortable doing so because you doubt his ability to be faithful and you don’t agree with that choice. I wouldn’t take it any farther than that.

As for your boyfriend, if Mooch brought it up again first, I’d rip him a new asshole. Otherwise I would let it go.

You are right. I think I will just sort of be distant and let it fade away. I told my boyfriend (who has lost respect for Mooch) that while I’m going to let MY friendship with him fade away, I’m not going to say to my boyfriend “No you can’t be friends with Mooch”. I mean, my boyfriend in his spare time is in a band and Mooch is in it. I don’t want to ruin that for him, as much as I’m angry with Mooch, I don’t want to make things harder for my boyfriend.

I’m really proud of my boyfriend, yes. He’s always been really open with me about things like this. I feel very secure in our relationship and this situation shows it. I have not lost any trust in my boyfriend, just mad at Mooch. Mooch could “kidnap” my boyfriend and drag him to one of those sketchy massage parlours and I know my boyfriend wouldn’t do anything sexual. He is committed to me.

So yeah, I won’t say anything. Thanks for the advice. Just wanted to make sure that I’m not overreacting or anything like that.

I would probably be done helping him and doing him favors if I were you.

oh, no worries, I am done. I even told my boyfriend I don’t feel comfortable with him staying the rare night in our apartment because if he can’t respect our relationship, then he can’t sleep on my couch, use our utilities, and eat the food that I buy for us. My boyfriend agreed and said that’s not a problem. If he needs a place to sleep, he can stay over in the band’s rented practice space. Not my problem anymore. Don’t care.

With friends like that, who needs enemies?? This “friend” is no friend!!!

Kind of a side note but on topic – no one “used to be an alcoholic”; recovery from alcoholism carries with it staying sober. And being sober a few weeks is not enough time to be past one’s alcoholism nor the damage that is done by being an active alcoholic.

Time to set some strict boundaries; you and your boyfriend can tell him he crossed a line; and that he is jeopardizing any chance of putting his drinking behind him by this kind of behavior. And your boyfriend can tell him that he wants no drama, and the best way to avoid any drama is to quit doing stuff like this.

Yeah, you’re right, he’s definitely in recovery and not over it.

I really don’t care if he buys prostitutes or not, heck, he can talk to my boyfriend about it, I just wish he didn’t INVITE him along. It’s one thing to do it yourself when you’re single and care so little about yourself to the point that you want to buy a hooker. It’s a whole other thing to invite a guy whose girlfriend you know and are friends with, and you know that they are monogamous.

Ugh, ew.

This guy is a loser and a user and cares only about himself. Don’t talk to him about it. Drop him. Stop socializing with him.

Yeah, I’m thinking I’m just gonna drop it and distance myself asap. F him.

Update:

I am still angry at Mooch. My mind is still going “F him”.
I have not seen him in a while but my boyfriend is still friends with him but respects that I am not happy with him and no longer consider Mooch a friend.

Lately, Mooch has been trying to talk to me. I don’t know if he thinks something is up or he just is being friendly because, you know, we used to be friends.

Ugh. Don’t know what to do but I’m ignoring him!

Thanks for the update, @seekingwolf: It seems as if he knows you’re not too thrilled, and maybe he feels a little guilty or paranoid (or both).

My boyfriend didn’t tell him that I know about the texts. I think he senses the distance and is trying to reach out.

@seekingwolf: Right, I realize that. That’s why I said he may be feeling paranoid. He may feel like you do know, somehow (somehow that he can’t fathom).

Men like him are fairly dense (stereotype alert). I’d say he knows you’re being distant, but he has no idea why, or even if it has something to do with him. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear him ask your BF if everything is OK in your relationship.

@GloPro

Yeah he’s asked already. A few times actually. My boyfriend told him than we were doing okay. I think he thinks we are struggling.

I’ve noticed that my boyfriend has cooled off the friendship a little ever since this happened. I feel guilty. I don’t want him to cool off a friendship just because of me.

You had nothing to do with it, in my opinion. I wouldn’t feel guilty, and don’t lie to yourself. You want your BF to cool off the friendship.
I’d say you’re plugging away just fine. I wouldn’t change anything.

True, I wouldn’t mind if he cooled off the friendship but I DON’T want him to do it for me. I want him to do it for himself. Because he wants to.