Oh, how I never thought I'd ask this, what do I do with these "I can feel my clock ticking" feelings?

My wife and I changed our mind about becoming parents. When we got married, we were pretty certain we were not having kids. Seven years later, we reconsidered.

To be clear though, we see a distinction between wanting to have a baby and wanting to become a parent. I realize they usually go hand in hand, but we adopted – so sometimes they don’t.

What I’m asking is, what is the greater urge, to get pregnant, or to become a mom?

Think about the average age a person lives and compare your age to that. If you’re older than that age you have already won life’s game so don’t worry about the ticking. Time ticks for everyone and we all must face the inevitable eventually.

I think this is how most men under a certain age feel, pretty consistently. It gets old.

What would you tell them?

maybe your body just really wants that parking space ;)

I never wanted children until I broke up with a boyfriend who had had a vasectomy. It was like a switch was turned on inside me. I wanted children! I had a baby within 2 years. Them’s some pretty powerful urges we have, and very hard to ignore. I think it might be because we are intellectual beings and we can objectively see that life is probably more comfortable without children. But we have a biological imperative to reproduce and sometimes our bodies just take over. Once you have children, you are then flooded with feelgood bonding hormones to make you look after your child.

I’d say embrace this new phase and go for it, you will change completely, there’s no going back, but life is much richer. There are alternatives to getting pregnant through having sex with a man, but you might like to tryit anyway ;-)

@tinyfaery: How old are you?

I think you need to sort out whether you want sex with a man because you are starting to be attracted to men or is it really that you want a baby? They are two different things. One can want one without the other.

@tinyfaery: The reason I asked how old you are is because when women are in their early 40’s, they get a burst of hormones that make them extra horny. You can google it and there are evolutionary reasons behind it. So if you’re in your early 40’s, that may be why you’re feeling the way you do.

To me (just my opinion about the clock ticking), once the train has left the station, meaning once you are past the age where you can give birth to your own children, it’s too late. You don’t want to be in that position saying “shoulda, coulda, woulda.” If that’s a route you think you want to take, listen carefully to those feelings. I did and I had a child when I was 41. It’s a trip and not something I regret in the least.

Since I’ve gotten pregnant while using birth control and became a mother at 25, I can’t address this Question from the perspective of a childless woman. However, as I approached 35 (the age at which birth defect rates begins to increase significantly) I did go through a mourning period. I did want to have more kids, but I didn’t have the emotional or financial stability to do so. In hindsight, I realize that it was for the best that I only had the one kid under the circumstances, but a part of me really wishes the circumstances had been different.

I agree with the comments asking about trying to distinguish whether your urges are sexual or reproductive. You say you feel them when you see attractive men, but do you feel them when you see or hear a baby? I suggest that you spend some time dissecting this distinction and contemplating the options and pros and cons of your possible choices before acting on your urges. If you feel that it may indeed be your biological clock ticking, try to spend time around babies and young kids, if you have anyone in your family or social circles that you can visit, for example. Regardless of which path you choose, there will probably always be lingering questions, but you want to be careful to choose the course that will leave you with the best fulfillment-to-regrets ratio.

I am 40, just this year.

I am bisexual and have had sex with more men than women. My body is definitely wanting to have sex with a man.

I feel like my body wants to be pregnant, but my mind is confused. It’s almost like my body is changing my brain. Ahhhh!

Wow, never thought I’d see this question from tinyfaery.

I’d have to echo the previous sentiments about trying to distinguish between wanting to have sex with a man and wanting to be pregnant. Sometimes related, but definitely different.

Maybe hang in there for a bit to see if your hormones calm down a bit. They can do some crazy shit to your head!

@tinyfaery I’d also like to add that there is a difference between wanting to be pregnant and wanting to raise a child.

^^ Yes, my point exactly.

Babysitting has always cured me of the urge. Seriously. I’m 41 & love kids, but I love sending them home even more.

I do not consciously want either. My nurturing instincts are taken care of. I don’t have a desire to be pregnant or give birth. Ack.

It’s just my body sending strange signals to me. They are confusing.

Oh yes, it’s the 40 thing, natures way of ramping up the hormones just like in puberty for one last surge of “meet, mate, procreate.” lol
The peri-menopause phase mimics puberty again and can go on for 6 years or more.
I was a sexual animal between about 40 and 46, couldn’t get enough. Then, it all fades away after the menopause.haha

I am 54.5 and now, and being a few years post menopausal my libido is in deep freeze. haha
Women and out weirdness.
Enjoy it while it lasts, next stop the land of fizzled out orgasms once the estrogen dwindles.
Was that IT?

Well, I better live it up.

@tinyfaery Some of us aren’t doing so bad post-menopause. Just sayin’

@janbb Haha..I’m not doing bad, but defintely don’t have the drive I had in my 40’s. Now I’d rather just go for a walk and talk.

@tinyfaery: As the ole’ saying goes: If it feels good, do it.

If you find a man that you think would make a great kid combined with your egg, go for it. It’ll define your life.

If you’re 40 and have no man nor woman in your life, I’m thinking a kid might be your ticket.

Kids are a lot of work, but they do add a new dimension to your life. Once you have a child, you won’t be able to imagine not having the child around. You will love her so much.

@tinyfaery: Let us know when and if you get pregnant. Fluther Baby Shower! :)