Do you have a hard time accepting an apology?

Fuck apologies. You already fucked up and saying the word “sorry” is not going to make it better.

I’d rather hear, “Ooops”.

edit: realized i only used the word ‘fuck’ twice in this post and needed to bump it up to three. sorry.

In my experience, most apologies are presented by people who feel they are hurt by your upset. They want you to forgive them so they can feel better about themselves. They’re not at all interested in how you feel or why you feel that way.

Maybe I’ve just spent most of my life around selfish assholes. Whatever.

I tell my son fairly often: “You don’t need to be sorry, you just need to learn from the effects of your choices. If doing X hurts someone you care about and that makes you sad, simply stop doing it. Then you’ll never feel bad about doing that again”.

On a personal level, I have a very hard time accepting apologies. They just don’t seem to mean anything to me anymore. If you meant it in the moment, there’s probably a good reason for it – one that an apology isn’t going to wipe away.

I easily accept apologies if they are apologizing for what they did. I do not like getting apologies that are “I’m sorry If you’re offended’ or “I’‘m sorry I hurt your feelings”. Those aren’t real apologies.

What I appreciate is someone willing to reach out to heal a relationship, not someone attempting to excuse their behavior.

No. I have a harder time when people don’t apologize and they really should.

Yes! So much so. I do think that there is a time and place for apologies, but right after an argument, I won’t have the patience. I need some time to cool off.

My family regularly accuses me of either,

a) never accepting apologies or
b) never apologizing myself

I don’t know. I try not to fake feelings, I don’t think it does any good in the long run. Also, I very rarely say things I don’t mean, but I know that’s not how all people are wired. I do apologize when I think I’ve done something wrong.

A pet peeve of mine is the famous, ”I’m sorry, but….” – insert reason why apology is superfluous, in the eyes of the apologizing party.

A real apology is an expression of honest remorse, a recognition of a wrong done or a hurtful thing said. I don’t have trouble accepting (or, at this point in my life) tendering a real, sincere apology.
You are in no way obligated to accept an apology, or forgive the apologizer unless that is your honest feeling.
False “apologies” are social posturing and, IMO, bullshit and don’t deserve acknowledgement, unless you need to keep some sort of status quo, as with a boss, business associate, family member etc. Sometimes the potential consequences outweigh other considerations.

I usually take a step back for a few days after an argument. I don’t want to hear apologies or see flowers. I want them to think about it, and how right I was.

It depends on if the apology is sincere, and the person has really realized the error of their ways.

You know what, I am not sure I ever get many apologies. I think it’s rare for people to really recognize that they were wrong and say it. My husband is probably the only one who really apologizes on a regular basis and I know he means it. It’s mutual. We never intend to hurt the other but sometimes we are accidentally thoughtless, not thinking through how our words might be taken. Those apologies are quickly accepted.
The big hurts by others are rarely apologized for.

Not if it is genuine.
A genuine apology must include physical contact (a handshake, a hug etc.) and it must include eye contact.
Otherwise, it may or may not be the real thing.

If it’s for something minor, right away, no problem. If it’s for anything big, I may accept it, but most likely I’ll let you go. I haven’t lived for almost 55 years now to suffer fools gladly anymore. Lie to me, try to manipulate me, be a passive aggressive ass, see ya.

Apology or not I do not put up with major personality and character flaws, period. Leopards don’t change their spots and once bitten most likely you’ll be bitten again.

If it’s sincere I’ll come round to it. I try not to hold grudges. Sometimes I do hold onto the bad feeling but in most cases I get over stuff. If someone is just going through the motions because they think they should, then that won’t work for me. ‘Sorry you feel like what I said was hurtful…’ No, what you said WAS hurtful. Or someone who repeatedly does something and then says ‘sorry!’ and thinks all will be forgiven. Eventually I’m more likely to flip them the bird and dismiss them from my life.

I have this extraordinary ability to fuck up. And I know immediately when I do it. So can accept a true apology easily. False ones suck though.

Yes, I do. I must say, though, I’ve never gotten flowers or a note. On one hand, it’s a nice gesture. On the other hand, fuck that – my forgiveness can’t be purchased from a florist. I’d much rather them skip the gifts and say, “look, I messed up, I was wrong, and I apologize.” Be real about it or the argument isn’t over until I say it is. And I only apologize in return if I feel I was also in the wrong.

@livelaughlove21 You don’t get flowers for Valentines day or your birthday?

I accept apologies as easily as others accept consequences.

I don’t. It’s quite easy for me to accept apology since I’m quite easy-going and forgiving. I never want to take things so personally.

The only one whose apology I have a hard time accepting is myself.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies would you care to expound on your comment? Consequences that include my disinterest in pursuing a relationship for however long I genuinely feel that way? I don’t feel I am holding a grudge, which is why I attribute my feelings to hollow, numb and empty. I believe holding a grudge would include feelings of anger and interest.

I’m curious… Thanks.

Accepting apology is just like its opposite, of accepting forgiveness.

Both can be accomplished easily enough. But neither has the ability to author a future from that point on. Futures are authored from experience. Experience uses the past to plan the future. Apologies and forgiveness only exist in the past, so experience has no need of them to make plans with.

Make future plans on the foundation of past experience. But leave the past behind and enjoy the future.

“I forgive you. But that doesn’t mean that I like you enough to hang out.”

Usually I don’t have a hard time accepting an apology. It partly depends on the person and the situation. Someone who screws up all the time and then makes gestures like sending flower to always try to fix things is not going to sway me after the second time they do that. When it becomes routine it becomes almost meaningless, unless the instances are many years apart maybe.

I think most apologies, or trying to clear the air, are difficult for the person apologizing, and we should think about that when people apologize to us.

Even if I am not quite ready to be forgiving, if I am still angry, but I know I am going to eventually let it go, I will accept an apology to release the person from their feelings of worry. I reassure them everything is fine. I might add I still need some time, because I still feel angry, but that I accepted their apology.

It depends partly of course on what the person did as I mentioned at the top. Some thing are unforgiveable or take years to get over, and so then an apology close to the time of the event doesn’t cut it.

I have to say for me personally receiving flowers as an apology would bother me, but since that is not an uncommon idea out there in the atmosphere, I guess I would try to understand that the person sending them was trying to do the right thing. If the note was an actual letter with some real thought out into what happened that would help. If it was just a note that said, “I’m sorry” attached to the flowers I would not be very happy with it, unless later on thing swerve talked through somehow.

@Adirondackwannabe Sometimes. I’m actually not a big fan of flowers. “Wow, you spent $80 on something that’ll be dead in less than a week. Good job.” But what I said was that I’ve never gotten gifts as part of an apology. If I was getting apology flowers every birthday and Valentine’s Day, I think I’d need to find a new man.

@livelaughlove21 I’m with you. My husband was dissappointed when we first started dating that I not only was not wooed by flowers, but found them to be a waste and I prefer money spent on something else or saved. I think I had taken away from him something he thought he could do that was a guarantee girl pleaser. Wrong. I’d rather get the upgraded hotel room when we travel than get flowers twice a year. Or, even a new blender if I need it, or spend more for my Chanel lipstick. I really don’t want my husband spending our discretionary income on something that lasts a week. A $3 card that says just the right thing is more pleasing to me than flowers, and ai save those in a shoebox.