Why is it acceptable to say you're not attracted to someone too short, or with a big nose, a bald head... but not acceptable to be unattracted to someone with a different skin color or cultural background?

I don’t think many people would call you a racist for not being attracted to a certain skin colour.

Attraction is made up of a multitude of factors. Physical attributes, pheromones, voice and, eventually, character. You aren’t attracted to all white people, are you?

A good attitude and a good figure have nothing to do with skin color. That’s all it takes for me to want to get into someones pants.

Like any other feelings, attraction is innocent. It’s what you do with those feelings that counts.
If you are disrespectful because of your feelings that is unkind and unnecessary. If you are respectful in spite of your feelings you are civilized.

Probably because it’s so hard to differentiate between “I’m not attracted to dark skin color” from “I’m not attracted to you because you’re black”.

The other features that you mention are superficial, cosmetic. The cultural experience of being born black is not.

What makes you think it’s acceptable to say that you’re “not attracted to someone too short, or with a big nose, a bald head?” I think it’s perfectly fine to say that you’re not attracted to a person – period – but when you start listing a particular person’s various (physical) “defects and shortcomings” (at least, to you), that’s not acceptable.

I suppose it’s not such an awful thing to have “a preference for a certain physical type”, such as tall, dark and handsome, and to voice that preference, but still not okay, at least to me, to enumerate the various ways in which individuals fail to meet the mark.

And when it comes to race, even people within a racial group have their own considerations – “racial preference”, if you like – against their own group. I know one young black woman who won’t even consider dating black men. And she’s a knockout, drop-dead beauty. But get her going on the topic of “maybe” dating a black man – after all, she comes from black parents and grew up in the south with other black family and neighbors – and she’ll just roll her eyes and change the subject.

@CWOTUS: I’m sorry, but I disagree. There’s nothing wrong with not being attracted to bald men for instance, in general. Now, that’s not to say you won’t meet a bald man that you are attracted to for other reasons and so your aversion to baldness either doesn’t matter or is overlooked. I personally don’t like balding men with lots of body hair… two attributes that my husband has.

Why is it okay for that young woman to refuse to date a black man, but if a white woman refuses to date a black man, it’s racist? Why is it okay to dislike someone of your own skin color but not another?

^ You wouldn’t list someone’s (apparent) shortcomings, though, right? That, I don’t consider okay at all.

@longgone: No.. I wouldn’t say “I’m not attracted to you because I don’t like your nose and your ears are too big.” But I would say “I’m not attracted to men with crooked noses and big ears, generally speaking.”

My son is attracted to Asian Women. He doesn’t treat anyone else differently, but he plainly admits that he will only date Asians.

I’m heavily attracted to brunettes with brown eyes, medium sized breasts & an athletic figure, but I will fuck a ginger if she asks me nicely :D

Thinking as a human animal, we are programmed to seek mates that make stronger, more viable young. Males look for females with attractive secondary sexual attributes to produce young. Females look for physical attributes consistent with a good provider and protector. Culture has some influence, but I am looking at the instinctive model. Some believe attraction to different skin color may be akin to attraction to a different species, meaning the cultural influence is counter to instinct. Where non-attraction to big noses, low intelligence, other attributes are driven by the female model of what she looks for in her offspring. This is somewhat variable by individuals, but at its basest level, this is how I see it. As a more developed species, we are able to make mate choices that transcend, for better or worse, from the purely animal instinct. This is what makes us remarkable and different fron animals.

Common sense and ages of human experience makes one OK.
Political Correctness and a rejection of common sense makes the other not OK.

The traits that you cite, “short, bald, big nose” can apply across the board to every race and ethnic grouping. It’s certainly a bit socially awkward to state a lack of attraction to such persons, but there are long-established nasty biases against persons of other races and cultures, prejudices that although unjust, are rooted in the “they are a stranger and therefore a barbarian” survival mentality of the human condition.
When resources were more limited, someone outside of the established community could be a threat. Someone who looked or behaved differently might threaten the very survival of the group. These are hard-wired visceral reactions. It takes a lot of social consciousness to overcome these feelings.

It’s perfectly acceptable to find certain physical traits—including skin color—unattractive. The error lies in thinking that these characteristics tell you anything about the character, intelligence or worth of the person. The problem is that it’s quite easy to confuse our aesthetic judgment and our character assumptions, often without realizing it. Underlying prejudices about the character of a certain race can make us more or less inclined to find their features attractive.

A clarifying side note: A person’s race is not just a different skin color. It’s an easy way to classify, but not entirely accurate.

There are different characteristics in different races that are evaluated and considered in the medical field. Anemia or other blood issues, for example. The hair follicle is another. The density and structure of the musculoskeletal system. Propensity or succeptibility to certain diseases. Being of a different race is not just about melatonin.

That being said, you ask a good question. Evaluating physical characteristics you find attractive does include skin color. Is it any more or less acceptable to voice traits you don’t find attractive regardless? If you sign up for Internet dating there are questions concerning races you would like to include in your matches. Some people want to procreate within their own race, which is pride in your heritage and not racism. Some people don’t care and choose many boxes, and that’s fine, too. Still others are basing their suitable mates on skin color or other attributes of different races. The question is no less or more acceptable than the other questions that pertain to hair color and quantity, education, wealth, height, etc.

I’ve yet to see a survey about dating a man with big noses.

I don’t consider that racist. Unless you’re conveying your preference in a racist fashion, it’s just a preference.

“I find light skinned women attractive.” is much different than “All black women are unattractive.”

If someone thinks both of those statements are racist, they’re not paying attention.

I didn’t used to think I could be attracted to a balding man with jug ears and crooked teeth until I saw and came to know about This Man

Although I’m not gay, I never thought I could be attracted to women until I saw and came to know about This Woman

I agree with some of the others that it’s unkind to point out the supposed “flaws” in others, as to why you aren’t attracted to them. I don’t necessarily think those visual flaws are what makes us not be attracted to someone, although at first glance it seems to be. There are other factors going on, under the radar, like pheromones, the culture you are born into, peer pressure, personality traits, voice timbre etc.

I kind of have a “type” that I tend to prefer, but I’ve found myself being attracted to people that don’t fit my own stereotype. I’m never sure why it happens, but I like it.

Who cares about bald?

Not me

Not one bit

What @syz wrote.

@poofandmook I see. I simply bypass that problem by not saying what I find unattractive. As @cookieman demonstrates, it’s quite possible to state what you like without getting into trouble. That list is probably much shorter, anyway.

This brings to mind a classic Fluther Question – http://www.fluther.com/33773/how-do-you-feel-about-dating-a-bald-man/ – to which I replied:
I have dated men of different ethnicities and different physical attributes such as height, weight, and hairstyles. I won’t consider physical attributes a dealbreaker, because most of them are beyond the person’s control. We are ALL flawed and none of us got to choose our biological parents.
I give the person the opportunity to show their character to me, because ultimately that is who we are. Our looks will change with time, illness, and injuries; but someone with a strong character will only learn and grow with time and life experiences. That is what matters to me in choosing a life partner.

I wouldn’t say that admitting that you find one physical trait more or less attractive than another is more “acceptable” – it’s how one presents it, as others have mentioned. Also, limiting one’s options based on the fleeting superficial trait of attractiveness means they might bypass someone who is a great match for them.

Instead of dating a person who happens to be X, you’re dating an X who happens to be a person. It’s creepy.

I prefer my mates sans penis. But that’s just how I roll.

@longgone: I see it as general negativity, and not just in choice of mates.

“I hate cookies”
Why not, “No thank you; I prefer brownies.”?

“I can’t stand my mother-in-law.”
How about, “She’s okay, but my father-in-law is a sweetheart.”?

“Ugh, get that dog away from me.”
Or, “Ah, I’m more of a cat person.”

I hear this a lot. A lack of tact you could say.

This is one of those ongoing lessons with my 11-year-old daughter too. If you don’t have anything positive to say…

“No thank you, I prefer smaller noses.”

Somehow that tactic doesn’t work here. Sometimes people ask for a reason for rejection. It’s a terrible idea and a way to get your feelings hurt. A simple polite rejection with as few words as possible would be ideal. Or the old “It’s not you, it’s me” is perfect because in reality it is me. I don’t feel attracted to your (fill in the blank).

@GloPro – In that case, you say that there isn’t a “spark” between you. But again, I warn people not to jump to that conclusion too quickly. My longest lasting relationships were with guys who didn’t fit my “type”, but after getting to know them an attraction developed – I became drawn to their character that showed through their eyes and expressions and gestures. If you can see past the big nose to catch that twinkle in their eye, or the dimple in their cheek when the laugh at your jokes, you might find the proverbial “diamond in the rough”.

But if or when it comes down to bizzness, if there’s a penis there, I’m out! (Did I mention our community theatre is running ‘Cabaret’ this week/) XD

@cookieman Exactly.

But I’m not even necessarily talking about rejecting someone. What about a group of girlfriends sitting around gabbing about men?

A: “I don’t like bald men”
B: “Really, I love bald men! But I wouldn’t date a black man.”
A: “Wow that’s so racist!”

See what I mean?

A private conversation between my close girlfriends wouldn’t go like that. I can’t really expound without sounding horrible, but women that are good friends can get pretty raw. I don’t think any of us come away feeling racist. We all laugh a lot, though. And compare notes.

What do you mean by “not acceptable”? Do you mean that if you say these things, you might be subjected to criticism? Because that’s just the price of saying anything at all. And really, I don’t think any of the attitudes you mention make sense. Okay, maybe you’ve never been attracted to a black person. But saying “I’m not attracted to black people,” even if you only say it to yourself, is self-reinforcing.

Humans are very capable of convincing themselves that something is true by repeating it over and over again even if it isn’t true. So it makes more sense to say “I’ve never been attracted to a black person so far, but who knows what the future holds?” This leaves things open and reduces the risk that you bias yourself to some future person that you could be attracted to if only you hadn’t told yourself in advance that you wouldn’t be. And the same thing goes for height, nose size, and baldness.