Have you ever known someone whose communication skills assume you are a mind reader?

I don’t have to deal regularly with people like that, thankfully! She sounds like a real joy to live with.

It would drive me batty. When I spoke with her I asked if that meant they didn’t need me today.
She kind of snapped, “Yes! We still need you! I have to work! We need the money!”
Well, I didn’t know what was wrong with the car, if it’s something that could be fixed if they waited a couple of hours. Do they need to tow it? That kind of thing can kill a work day.

I just have to learn to work around it.

Absent minded and self-involved because her struggles are clearly more important than yours (and others). Touchy and cranky because clearly you (and others) do not understand how important her struggles are.

Yeah. I’ve met a few.

It always sounds like I’m reading a personal blog when I read one of your questions, @Dutchess_III !

Time annoyance like that is a sign of extreme self centeredness. And really, the only way to fight it is to hold them accountable. If I had an agreed upon time, and she wasn’t there, I would give her ten minutes to show, and then send a text, “I guess you don’t need me after all, I am going home.”

Yes. I married him. Paul will often refer to someone as “the actor who was in that movie about a crime…you know who I mean…he’s average height and has brown hair…” Whenever he does this, it’s fun and harmless, and I crack up laughing.

@Dutchess_III, I know that this response isn’t on the same page as your DIL situation. It’s just a light-hearted reply to what you asked in your main question.

I sure do. At it’s worst I find people like that not only expect mind readers, but also tend to be passive aggressive. It almost like they prefer people to in their opinion screw up and dissappoint them so they can look down on those people. A way to make themselves feel better. They tend to be insecure, can be manipulative, and lack respect for other people’s rime and schedules. All of us can make a mistake and not communicate our plans well, but when it is a pattern the person is benefitting from it somehow in my opinion. At minimum they are somewhat self absorbed. I also will say that I see the pattern in families, so some of it can be a learned behavior. They just cannot plan ahead, it bothers them on somemlevel to make some sort of plan or committment.

Yes, my wife. Out of the blue she will say something or continue a conversation that we may have been having that morning, or the day before or even something we discussed weeks ago. I know what is happening, she is mulling things over in her head and then just jumps into the middle of our imaginary conversation as though I have been involved the entire time and I have to play catch up and try to figure out WTH she is talking about. She laughs at my frustration and tells me to keep up.

This, evidently, is not an isolated thing. Speaking with married male friends it seems like most of them have spouses that do the same thing.

To be fair, I have not checked with any married female friends to see if they encounter the same problem.

@rojo Hahahaha, my husband would definitely agree with that. But, the thing is when I am with my girlfriends they can totally keep up. I didn’t think of this question in that way, but I guess that is another sort of mind reading expectations. I look at it as my husband doesn’t pay attention enough and he can’t do two things at once.

@rojo My Ex always accused me of doing the same thing. The funny thing is that with my brothers and my son, we can do that and know what the remark is in reference to.

@rojo

My husband complains I do that as well. I maintain he is exaggerating the time involved.

I mean, you just asked me the house number for your friends’ place, I left the room, came back in, and told you a number. What is confusing about that? Obviously the number I said is the number you just frakking asked me for. Duh.

Communications can be that difficult for some people, just as Stephen Hawking has trouble walking. The difference is that those whose disabilities are blatantly obvious get sympathy instead of derision.

@Seek Exactly. Plus, if it isn’t obvious done get pissed at me just double check with, “is that the house number?” But, no they really have absolutely zero clue what the number might be referring to. No idea at all, they truly think it is out of the blue.

@janbb Nope. Here’s my blog. :) I think you may like it.

@rojo Raises hand. Guilty. Glad you understand her, though.

@JLeslie I do believe you’re correct on the “learned” part. I’ve met her mother a few times. Bit of a ditz.

@SadieMartinPaul, my husband does that too! But he usually gives me enough information that I can figure out who he’s talking about.
He also tells stories that involve multiple characters. Thing is, after he said, “Dave, John, Fred and me were together and…” he’ll launch into his story and never mention names again. He strictly uses pro nouns! Like, “Ok, so Paul said to Dave ‘Why are you doing that?’ and he says ‘because I like it;’ And then he says “whatever…’ and then the other guy….” after a few minutes of this you get completely confused!

Didn’t we discuss that you were going to confirm any and all plans involving the kids via mass text between you, Chris, and his wife so that you wouldn’t feel so frustrated? Did you not have a concrete and agreed on time to be there?

If she said 10am with no intention of being there at 10am then her issue isn’t miscommunication. Her issue is being a selfish jerk.

Seriously. Mass text any expectations of you to confirm plans through all 3 of you.

I did, @GloPro. I asked Chris, the day before, “Same times as today?” And he said “Yes.”

See, when you asked Chris verbally you left his wife, who had the kids, out of the communication loop. Mass text both of them with a very clear “10am tomorrow at the house?” And you may have gotten “I have a doc appt. 10:45?” Response from her. She may have assumed Chris communicated that to you, and he just had no clue what was going on.

It may feel excessive and over-the-top, but the end result may be less frustration for you.

My mother. Vague about everything and then gets upset when you don’t know exactly what she wants or what it is she’s talking about.

Yes, I should have @GloPro. Although, when I asked Chris, he had the kids. Wife was still at work.

@Darth_Algar Like, you ask them, “What would you like for Christmas?” and they insist that you not get them anything, then get upset when you don’t get them anything.

@Dutchess_III

Sorta, but not quite. More like “we going to pick up dinner, what would you like?” “Oh, something good.” “Any ideas?” “You know what I like.” “No, not really I don’t, that’s why I’m asking.” “Just get me something.” “Ok then.”

@Darth_Algar Then it’s “But I don’t like hamburgers from Sonic!” Arrrgggh!

@Dutchess_III @Darth_Algar

My brother got very peevish when we wanted to celebrate his birthday – “I don’t want to celebrate, I’m just getting too old. No cards, nothing.”

So we did nothing and did not send him cards or call him or wish him a happy birthday. And he got royally pissed and said we didn’t care for him. We had to tell him to go lick his non existent wounds in the corner because we did exactly what he asked us to do.

it sounds like every member of your family needs to work on refining communication skills @Dutchess_III. .

Kinda sounds that way @janbb. IDK. Maybe they thought they could be back by 10:15. Maybe they just didn’t do a good job of figuring out how long it takes to do abc.