Who wants to play TJBM (The Jelly Below Me) #58?

TJBM will come here and play!

True!

TJBM would rather be a Polka dancer than a pole dancer.

Ahhh, to dance again! To dance is to be free. Alas, my legs hold me prisoner. If I could dance again, polka would not be my first choice, but I wouldn’t choose pole dancing at all.
TJBM dances whenever they want to.

I do :)
TJBM is not wearing socks.

I’m not! I hate wearing socks around the house.

TJBM wanted to be a super hero when they were growing up.

Nah. I wanted to study sharks. Until Chemistry. Then I went the way of the worthless Psych degree.

TJBM wishes they got a different degree.

Nah. Without my high school degree I could never go to university.
TJBM used to think of dropping out of school.

True But I went to an alternative school instead and graduated the top ten in my class.

The Jelly Below Me goes commando

No. Never. I have more underwear than I know what to do with. Panties make me feel sexy. Commando makes me feel exposed. I don’t want my vag rubbing on my pants.

TJBM has underwear they feel sexy in.

True. I have a favorite styles, color and or pattern type, material and do like have a tendency to like the same brand.

TJBM is one sexy Jelly

Not to humans.
TJBM knows how many tickles it takes to make an octopus laugh.

Zero. Because octopuses can’t laugh.
TJBM is obsessed by octopuses.

An octopus is my spirit animal, actually. I am kind of fascinated.

TJBM still reads an actual newspaper.

Well…let’s say yes. In reality, there is a huge stack of newspapers on my coffee table, but I rarely read them through. I read bits and pieces, though. Sometimes.

TJBM has made kittens cry – for fun.

Absolutely not, but kittens have made ME cry.

TJBM has the itch for a new computer.

Used to, before I had my laptop.
TJBM has the itch for a new mobile phone.

Nope. I have an itch for a new sex toy however.
TJBM has made kittens moan.

I think I’ll wait for another post before I jump into this TJBM thread.

I agree, @dxs.

If I hear a moaning puss I throw my shoe at it. I need my sleep.

TJBM enjoyed the animals on Johnny Carson’s Late Night.

“Late night”? I can’t stay up late generally.
TJBM can stay up late.

True.

TJBM is going to a theater next weekend.

Probably. It has been a long time. I found a cool new theater with reclining seats; i wanna check that out.
FJBM had a donut today.

No, but a doughnut sounds delicious right about now. A place nearby sells the most delicious buttermilk bars ever.

TJBM should be working.

Yes, yes I should. I have a pile of school work sitting next to me, but a sick daughter and Fluther are very distracting.

TJBM is enjoying not having any work to do today.

Hah! I am in the vortex of chaos and exhaustion, no rest for the wicked humored. lol

TJBM feels like they are 107 today.

Nope. I do feel tired, though, because it has been pouring all day :]

TJBM will come over and make me dinner so I don’t have to get up.

I’m bleh too. I’m gonna go take advantage of IHOP’s 57 cent short stack pretty soon, and find my daughter some new pants for school. The baby burger eater whips up a pretty good sammich. I could send her over.
TJBM has a little helper who whips up good sammiches.

nope
TJBM isn’t into exercises.

Not “IN TO” but try to walk as much as possible. Park the car at the far end of parking lot at shopping center.

TJBM has walked more than 20 miles in a day.

Yes, I’m pretty sure I’ve done that.

TJBM loves “Community”.

Yes. Where I grew up the people consider themselves a community, but in reality it is a fragmented community at best. I was grown and had left the military before I became personally familiar with the Jewish community. I was fascinated. I still find it quite alluring. While the life seems stiflng, and controllung, it also seems quite the comfort, thinking how so many people band together as a unit, not only in belief, but in existance, the pursuit of life, the events of daily life.
Fluther is a very cool community, not stifling, and movement as a group, while allowing each to retain their individuality. I’m hooked.
TJBM is out of breath from reading ^^ that aloud.

I do not breathe.
TJBM knows what to put into the empty brackets

1. Sorry, @reijinni, you’re too slow.
The Jelly below me is feeling hot today.

It is like hell.
TJBM is shocked at the 7–0 against Brazil

Not shocked but “oh my”.

TJBM will go over and wake up @reijinni.

Tried. He is dead, Jim.
TJBM wishes he could do a Kamehameha.

False.
TJBM is black and white and red all over.

Yes. Right now I’m wearing black-and-white clothes and I’m bleeding.
TJBM is waiting for @reijinni…

I’m here. Don’t wait up
TJBM hasn’t felt active in a while.

That’s fer shur! I have felt a lot of desire to be active, but, sheesh!
TJBM just cut one, and sniffed.

nope
TJBM is surprised of how many people has missed them.

How can I be surprised of something I have never experienced?
TJBM has never left.

I’ve left before.
The Jelly below me wants to get away.

Get away from what?
TJBM is mentally disturbed.

Is disturbance ever avoidable?

TJBM is a fan.

No but I would like to be fanned right now, two studly guys in loin cloths with palm fronds, popping grapes into my mouth would be just fine. lol

TJBM can catch tossed food with their open mouth.

Food? Hmmm. I’m still focused on the loincloth bit.
TJBM can untie leather thongs with their tongue.

I refuse to put my mouth on shoes.

TJBM wears thongs.

Things as in underwear, yes. Things as in sandals, no.

TJBM had some good financial news today.

FRoA #190: Hear all, trust nothing.
TJBM is constipated.

Nope.
TJBM has crumbs…. right there… on the corner of your, no, other side.

Thanks for helping me pick the piece of rice out of my teeth :)
TJBM uses toothpick.

Only on occasion. I would rather brush my teeth and floss after eating, if that’s an available option.

TJBM misses school lunches.

The only one I really remember is square pizzas and veggie sticks, which I actually liked. I wasn’t a healthy kid, though, and would eat just about anything. I don’t miss that crap now that I’m an adult.

TJBM is sleepy today.

I am always sleepy.
TJBM is always horny.

Nope no horns.

Tjbm has pointy ears

nope
TJBM avoids water parks.

True, who wants swim in a sea of little kid piss, I like my local mountain run off river.
TJBM avoids long winded people that hold you hostage for hours.

Like the plague.
TJBM has accepted Satan as her lord and saviour.

No such thing as Satan.

TJBM likes street artists.

Uh, yeahhh. Some of the most genious talent, but always real. If I were independantly wealthy, I would spend all day sometimes, dropping tens and twenties in hats and guitar cases.
TJBM is independantly wealthy

Oh hail no!

TJBM recently came across some old, old pictures.

I was just showing off an original portrait of my grandfather as a baby from 1904, and a social security card from 1927.

TJBM has a go-to potato chip choice.

Chedder Ruffles!
TJBM never gets ruffled.

No but sometimes my jimmies get rustled.
TJBM has a detachable penis.

No, but perhaps I should go get my shopping list. “New item- Snap On Tool.”
TJBM shops without a list. (Daring!)

I’ve only used a list once. And it was because I was cooking a special dinner. Which I’ve also only done once.
TJBM doesn’t cook often.

Err… I want to admit it…
TJBM has something they are ashame to admit.

Yes. I’d say everyone does.

TJBM doesn’t go to bed on time.

I go to bed at… 3:30 each morning. So…
TJBM has a bearded dragon :D

Nope. Mine shaves frequently.
The Jelly below me has fallen into a pile of shhhhhhhaving cream. Be nice and clean. Shave every day and you’ll always look keen!

Nope, because we never buy shaving cream.
And by the way shaving so much isn’t good like you think…
TJBM knows some unconfirmed facts.

I did. They got confirmed. Wouldn’t you just know!
TJBM made a mess today when they really felt bleh, and was tempted to just leave it there for a while.

I need to clean my house so bad, but it’s so nice outside!

TJBM cleans the house regularly.

Most of time. I am much more comfortable and serene in a clean house, but I get busy or go through times when I don’t have enough energy.

The jelly below me is craving a strawberry rhubarb pie.

Nope. That was my mom’s thing. I have some fresh black nraspberries in the frig, and a cheesecake mix in the pantry. Breakfast will be self indulgent.
TJBM is settling for an english muffin for breakfast.

I do not eat breakfast.
TJBM is an alcoholic (as in: drinks alcohol on a regular basis).

Drinking alcohol on a regular basis is not the defining factor of alcoholism. Alcoholism is a serious life-controlling condition. A comparative example of your definition would be to say that because you do not eat breakfast you are an anorexic. Thankfully, no, I am not an alcoholic. Yes, I drink on a regular basis of twice a week or so, but not to inebriation.

TJBM needs to buy a new mattress.

The one I sleep on here is really shitty. Like a wooden board basically, and twenty years old. But it’s not my mattress, so I have no say in the matter.
The Jelly below me is molting.

Well, no, but I’m at an age when my hair is going through changes. My hair was baby fine all my life. It never did change after I was a year old. Now I am almost old enough to get senior discounts, and that fine hair is dropping out and thicker, heavier hair is growng in.
TJBM couldn’t give a rat’s patutie!

True. As I age I find I give a rat’s rump about less and less.

TJBM likes tighty whities.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Depends on who’s wearing them, and how old and worn they are.
TJBM is old and worn, but their unmentionables are less than two months old.

My undies are old, but every time I get a new boyfriend they’re new to someone!

TJBM is regularly late for work.

No, because I can choose my time freely. All that matters is that I get stuff done.
TJBM wants to kill his boss.

I don’t have a boss. And killing things even in theory goes against my nature.

The jelly below me is playing hookie from work

nope.
TJBM wants their church choir to sing “Personal Jesus”.

I don’t have a church, or a choir, but when I was a teen I was in a church teen easy rock choir, We played gigs at other churches. My group kept wanting me to do a solo, but I was too shy about my voice to sing alone. One time they had a swtch rigged up, and suddenly shut off all the microphones except mine. I could hear this pretty voice stand out, but didn’t realize it was me until I stopped singing to listen, and that voice stopped when I did. I was first soprano, and the only church choir member in town who could hold a high A Suzie, at the methodist church, could touch one, but not hold it.

TJBM would rather have a freezer pop.

True, and I have some in the freezer now.

TJBM has a sinus headache. Ugh

Thank God not now.
TJBM plays God!

You can play God?
TJBM is a cutie. :D

Not even when I sing Good Shjp Lollipop.
TJBM has taken a ship cruise.

I never have but I’m being pressured to do so. Perhaps.

TJBM has hardwood floors in his or her house. (Sorry, but I’ve been looking at flooring today)

yes and tiles
TJBM is going on a Carnival Cruise.

Nope- I don’t do flu cruises.

TJBM is of Irish ancestry.

I just bought a house in South Florida. Everyone down there is just sure I’m going to change my whole perspective and become a cruise loving gal. I’m doubting it.

I think Brian is stepping in front of me here.

TJBM thinks that would be rude.

I think that is rude and I apologize. I just couldn’t resist the urge to make a snarky remark about Carnival Cruises.

TJBM is of Irish or Scottish ancestry.

Correct.

TJBM is not listed in the local telephone directory.

Listed or not, I don’t care, because we stopped using the telephone directory long ago.
TJBM doesn’t care about anything.

False- I’m deeply committed to apathy!

TJBM has enjoyed a summer rain recently.

No more rain please! I’m drowning! :P
TJBM is experiencing flood.

Nope, I’m in high desert…......dry and hot.

TJBM has seen a shooting star since the beginning of the year.

False. I’ve only seen ½ a dozen in my 53 years.

TJBM is counting down the days to Halloween.

False, but I do like Candy Corn.

TJBM loves snowcones.

They hold no special place for me. I’m more likely to head for a toffee apple or candyfloss (lavender).
TJBM eats from at least three different wagons when they visit fair or carnival..

What carnival?
TJBM has never been to a carnival.

I think I have, but it’s been a long time.
TJBM has cut themselves while whiffling.

Whiffling? You mean Whittling haha
I think whiffling involves glue. lol

TJBM does not whiffle

I think @Brian1946 is using his mobile , I wpell funny on my phone.

no whiffle or whittle.
TJBM wants to run for office.

False. I’d sooner run from office.

Whiffle – Manufacturer of game using a perforated plastic ball.. Difficult to cut yourself!

TJBM thinks praying mantis’ are cool.

No, praying in any form is uncool. They are delicious, though.
TJBM has a Dakimakura

Whiffle.

NICE, @Brian1946!

False but I have an Odabashian

TJBM whittles while they work.

nope
TJBM dances while going commando.

OW! no
TJBM knows a spy personally. (probably a yes if the next reply gets redacted)

I am a spy.
TJBM believes the earth is no older than 6000 years.

Is it? :P
Frankly years time numbers have little meaning to me. I can hardly remember how old I am I was the same age according to me for several years simply because I forgot the years were passing so rapidly.

The jelly below me has a duck laugh.

No, I have a Rich Evans laugh.
TJBM worships the one true God, Rich Evans.

Who? I tried the link. It wouldn’t do anything but buffer
TJBM.is real buff.

true, I can tell you all about hentai.
TJBM faps daily.

What if I say I don’t?
TJBM never admits to anything.

I’m not gonna admit to that.
TJBM wears scoot doo pajamas.

Absolutely not

The jelly below me loves to tap dance on graves

No, but I’ve made out there.
TJBMhas never made out in a car.

Lol call me an exhibitionist and it wouldn’t be a lie.

Tjbm loves that moment of ripping their bra off at the end of the day.

I don’t even put it on if I don’t have to leave my house. Screw that.
TJBM likes to be comfortable.

Who doesn’t?
TJBM likes being happy.

Can somebody help me remember what that’s like? For me a good day is being relieved the pain isn’t much. It has been a long time since happy. I vaguely remeber it when my daughter was born, but then I was nursing her, and the news came on the hospital tv and the world trade center was smoking like crazy.
TJBM remembers exactly what they were doing the moment that first plane hit the WTC.

I was at home, being annoyed that they interrupted the simpsons for this.
TJBM loves dark humour.

Not dark exactly… Though i did get teased for being an dark elf or mortishia…

Tjbm loves the adams family and now has the theme song stuck in your head.

Sometimes I like dark humor. I like rainy days when it is warm, and there is lots of thunder!
TJBM only hunts for rabbit ears when they are in season, tee hee.

No I don’t have a FCC license.

TJBM has caught a Goose neck lamp.

I do not even know what that is.
TJBM has played with the thought of buying a realdoll.

Uh no.

TJBM is a freak of nature.

Aren’t we all? I think we call it our individuality, but we are the only species with so much variation between individual creatures. My gues is lemurs come in a distant second.

TJBM thinks ^^ that is pretty deep.

(@Unbroken you should have not edited your response. I answered both of you, and your story about 911 was awesome.)

That is what she said.
TJBM is a motherkon.

I don’t even know what that is, so I’ll just say YES, because it sounds pretty bad-ass. I hope I’m right.

TJBM doesn’t want to go to work today. It’s Sunday Funday!

It’s Sunday, but not been a fun day. I had less than an hour’s worth of work on the internet, and do to low/no connectivity, it’s taken me all day.

TJBM wishes that more attention had been paid to the “affordable high speed internet for every home in America” campaign promise.

With 11 posts and one question on Fluther under your belt so far this Sunday, maybe it isn’t just slow Internet that is making your work last all day.

I am generally pissed off with Charter. I cut my TV and phone off last week, Internet is quickly following suit. Charter blows.

TJBM thinks word of mouth advertising (or bitching) is very effective.

It can definately have an impact, but sometimes there is nothing but echo…echo….. echo… echo… echo.

TJBM can hear an echo in their head today.

^I changed it bc @ragingloli answered first, a little confusing though regardless now. Thanks though.

I hear a resonant but soft persistent thump instead.

The jelly below me is an expert on puppy training.

False, not much into puppies.
TJBM, likes kittens.

oh yes.
OH YES.
OOOOOH YEEEEES.
*splat
TJBM hates dogs.

only certain ones.
TJBM is doing a podcast.

Nope. I would like to be casting a line.
TJBM will tell how many push ups they can do without running for a cold beer and mopping their brow.

Running? That’s not what I do. My beer is in the micro fridge built right into the armchair of the soda. No need to break a sweat.

TJBM can’t remember the last time they really ran.

True. I mean, really ran. Trotting wears me out.

TJBM is interested in physical fitness
of the voyeuristic sort.

Yes, if “fitness” doesn’t mean “get high scores for the teacher”.
TJBM had a great night.

Indeed. I closed on my new house and felt one set of apprehensions leave and another head toward me. :)

TJBM misses someone immensely.

Yup, and a few deeply.
TJBM could really go for a piece of custard pie right now.

Nope, but promise me lemon icebox and I’m yours.

TJBM has lost a bit of high pitch hearing over the years.

Yeah but just a bit.
TJBM wants to go skinny dipping this summer.

Move a big bath into my bathroom and I’m ready!
TJBM just wants to stay at home this summer.

Calgon, take me away! Anywhere.

TJBM has trouble with steps/stairs.

Right now, yes. Just going down. Going up is fine funny how that works.

The jelly below me loves climbing freestyle.

Freestyle? No. I’m afrai of falling. Oddly, I’m almost fearless on ropes.

TJBM deep cleans the fridge regularly.

No, sadly, the refrigerator is a place I tend to walk past and forget to say, oh yeah, its that day.
TJBM can’t walk past a refrigerator without stopping.

Well, I do have to watch.
TJBM is adept in the art of edging.

Fortunately, my fridge has no ice or water on the door, so unless I’m hungry, I walk past without effort. It’s just a cold pantry of stuff that gives it up sooner?

TJBM is able to balance fresh foods with…frozen, boxed, bagged…

I don’t sell in a store.
TJBM is a sellers (literally).

I have no idea what that means, literally. I have been a seller, singularly, as in saleswoman, but other than that I have no clue.

TJBM used to work in sales.

My only works in sales were food, restaurant.

TJBM loves brass, in music.

Quite.

TJBM hates popsicles.

False. I love the banana ones, but my favorites are the fudgepops.

TJBM is having pretty major regrets tonight.

Yes. I regret not going to bed earlier.
TJBM just can’t go to bed early.

My sleep schedule is constantly changing. Sometimes I got to bed very early and other times I’m up all night. It’s because my body operates on a 26 hour day rather than 24.

TJBM eats beef tongue on occasion.

No tongues allowed in my mouth but my own.
TJBM lets their pet(s) lick them right in the mouth!~

I have no pets, want no pets, and will have no pets. :)

TJBM does not resemble a green M&M.

Hmmm. I am pretty round, and full of chocolate. (I just ate a candy bar.) I don’t have those green M&M sexy legs though. :-P
TJBM likes to pretend they can float on the breeze like dandelion fluff.

Go! Go with the breeze! Take me to everwhere… Wait! Where am I?
TJBM gets lost sometimes.

Are you kidding? I can feel lost sometimes at home in my chair!

TJBM would be able to sit down and eat an entire bag of caramels, if they had said bag with them now.

I am a master at edging.
TJBM loves to terrorise his neighbours with extremely loud music.

I wish I had that sonic capability.
TJBM has swam in what oceans?

My bath is my ocean!
TJBM can’t swim.

I can keep myself from drowning.

TJBM live traps insects in the house and releases them to the wild.

I drop glue on them.
TJBM keeps spiders as insect control.

sort of
TJBM is doing a great time.

I am not in jail.
TJBM wished he could dance like the first guy in this video

I wish I coiuld dance. I’d be happy if I could just dance like daisy blossoms in the breeze.
TJBM knows how to weave daisies to wear on their head.

Yup, like doing a Haku Lei only using daisies.

TJBM has a dinner meeting to go to this week.

(cool!)

False. I have never been to a dinner meeting. Sounds like a good way to get indisgression.

We always split short daisy stems with out thumbnail and threaded another short stem through. Split and repeat. Not durable like a Lei, but effective.

TJBM has eaten “weeds” (wild vegetation) before.

Wish I could step foot into the wild.
TJBM has been in a forest.

All I have to do is walk beyond my back yard. Okay, it’s small, but its mine, sorta.
(@ibstubro, do dandilion greens count? I eat sugar violets, but that’s a flower.)
TJBM has had an encounter with a skunk sometime. (polecat)

Yes, 3 skunks.
One that blasted my dog years ago, one that I ran over, and one baby that was my little porch buddy for a year or so that I made hard boiled eggs for and he took them from my fingers and hung out around my hot tub on summer nights while I talked to him. haha

TJBM loves wildlife.

very.much. *wink
TJBM hates children.

No, but they are annoying at times, but I don’t care for dogs. Sloppy, drooly, pawing, jumping, barking, gah!

TJBM likes dogs.

Nah. I prefer cats.
The Jelly below me wants to pet a baby tiger.

petting in what sense?
TJBM wants to punch Jar Jar Abrams in the face.

No idea who that is. ?

TJBM recycles everything.

False. Metals only.

How does feeding hard boiled eggs to a skunk make sense??? is that like feeding speed to hyper kids?

TJBM thinks Fluther could use some more better questions.

No, but it needs more cowbell.
TJBM knows what the opposite of Christopher Walken is.

Paris Hilton? TJAM must let me know if I guessed correctly. Please.
TJBM is afraid of heights.

I have no problem with heights
the opposite of christopher walken is christopher reeve
TJBM loves offensive jokes.

No. Definately not when a person or persons are singled out for some morbid comment.

TJBM would be good enough to lighten things up.

It is an unwritten rule that singers tend to die young. Examples are plentiful.
Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Buddy Holly and, fingers crossed, Justin Bieber.
TJBM would have had a steamy romp with Freddy Mercury.

I would have been interested, but I don’t think I could have offered what would interest him.
TJBM enjoys a nice hot air balloon ride.

True! One of the greatest moments of my life, taking my daughter on a hot air balloon tour on her 21st B-Day. So thrilling and fun!

TJBM has gone up, up and away in a beautiful balloon.

If only I could blow such a durable balloon…
TJBM sucks at blowing balloons.

If you suck and blow on a balloon, you will pass out from oxygen deprivation. :)

TJBM laughs at ducks in the water, head foraging, ass up.

Reminds me of my trip to that town last year :)
TJBM laughs at chickens that are unable to wake anyone up in the morning.

My chickens were content, and felt no need to wake me. They were loved and well cared for.
I laugh at a SO who dcoesn’t have what it takes to wake me in the morning.
TJBM likes something a little more exciting than toast and jelly to start ther morning. Maybe PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(@ibstubro, Thankyou for buffering my frustration earlier, about another jelly)

No, I don’t eat in the morning…..just coffee. I love waffles but eat them in the evenings occasionally.

TJBM never buys those silly extended warranties that merchants try like heck to push on us.

I buy some of “silly” warranties. Like on my autos which I tend to keep for 200,000 miles. Both of the autos I have now; the warranty pay outs have covered the cost of the warranty.

TJBM is “just chilling” of Saturday.

Yes, with an ice-cream.
TJBM is cold today.

No. It is fucking 32 degrees here, and I am sweating like a pig.
TJBM wants to have some sexy time with Rachel Riley.

Nah, she doesn’t really do it for me.

TJBM tends to prefer brunettes to blondes.

I prefer cats over humans.
TJBM would not mind marrying a Futa Girl.

I wouldn’t mind. At all.

TJBM has seen a live police chase. Or been in one.

Never seen one.
TJBM once thought that Flash Gordon and The Flash are the same person.

Yes. I thought they were all flashing.
TJBM interprets things literally.

Yes, unless the author specifically states that it is supposed to be metaphorical.
TJBM wants to throw up acid on the arsehole that invented the shakycam nonsense in movies.

False.
TJBM thinks ‘alternate reality’ jellies need to start a separate thread where they can dominate each other instead of driving members away from tradition questions.

Then why are you still here?
TJBM has terminal stage lung cancer.

Luckily, no.
The Jelly below me is bothered by small things.

True. I like it BIG.
TJBM knows what I mean.

nope
TJBM has a bullseye on his back.

Sometimes I think so.
TJBM likes leopard print underwear.

Yes.
TJBM like leopards.

Sure.

TJBM enjoyed a catch up with an old friend today.

just saw some family over the weekend.
TJBM is behind on bills.

How did you know? I always keep things tidy and timely, but this past two weeks I went berzerk on ebay buying my daughter a super school wardrobe. She will be smashing in the eighth grade!
TJBM needs a hand massage.

False, but my neck is killing me.
TJBM likes to run naked through the Tulips.

Haha…sure, but no Tulips here, so make that run naked through the cemetery behind me.
Streaking for the dead 5k fundraiser. lol

TJBM plans on being cremated not buried.

Nope, my body goes to science.

TJBM likes to make pillow forts.

Done. There’s one more pillow left. How about turning it into a machine gun?
TJBM wants to fight ghosts in their bedroom at night.

No, the ghosts in my bedroom are my friends.

TJBM meditates.

No, daydreams.
TJBM needs to get that lintball out of their navel.

Yeah, that was pretty satisfying. Thanks for reminding me.

TJBM has had one hell of a sunburn this summer.

No. I stay out of the sun.
TJBM wishes the next ice age was 50000 years early.

It will begin when that gigantic volcano in Yellowstone erupts. We won’t have to worry about freezing tghough. The poison gasses and ash will suffocate us before the blocked rays from the sun can cause us to freeze.
TJBM wants to be in Yellowstone when it happens.

I want to be in Jamaica, mon. Beach side and with enough smoke and drink to last the End Of Days. Screw the sunblock, pass me a screwdriver.

TJBM wishes to see the top 10,000 most spectacular places on Earth before they die.

Don’t have the time.
TJBM has an odd work schedule.

Haha…well…I did, up until June 5. Now I have no work schedule.

TJBM is recently unemployed and very depressed.

Ugh. Can’t find a job.
TJBM needs to get a job, but has applied everywhere, and nothing.

True, and this has been going on for almost 4 years since I lost my really good job in the fall of 2010. It’s all been downhill from there. 100’s and 100’s of applications, resumes, inquiries and only 3 interviews.Now my crappy job of the last 14 months folded. Ugh is right!

TJBM thinks the economy is getting worse, not better.

Of course. The good jobs have vanished and they only make crap jobs.
TJBM is desperate for work.

Yes.

TJBM is hungry for dinner but too busy to eat yet.

We played it lazy and junky. We had a big lunch, so dinner was waffles. My daughter made the waffles while I heated some of the raspberries I put in the freezer. Just a few seconds in the micro and they were warm and mushy. there was plenty of juice around them. I added some Karo syrup, just a bit. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, guilty pleasure!
TJBM will share a guilty pleasure of theirs with us.

Marijuana! lol

TJBM thinks drug testing should exclude the casual, occasional, marijuana user. Go for the crackheads dammit.

No idea. I’m not versed on those things.
TJBM has no idea.

Very, very rarely. I usually have a clue.

TJBM puts corn in their pasta salad.

Um….no.

TJBM just woke up and is totally out of it.

I wish I could sleep more…
TJBM is hopping that they will be the 3 millionth to post!

Not really.
TJBM will describe their shoes to us.

Haha….barefoot in the moment.

TJBM is barefoot and pregnant. NO, @AshLeigh you better not be. haha

I am half of those things.
TJBM knows which half.

yep.
TJBM has ran out of money.

Nooope! No siree, Not yet! Wait I forgot about tuition…
The Jelly below me wants to be an ant for a day so (s)he can scurry around in an ant colony.

Oh, I have long wanted to be a pet owned by me. Next in line a pond turtle. bask in the sun all day., float around, no predators. Damn the draw of evolutionary DNA. Pfft!

TJBM is starving and needs to make food, NOW!

Nope. I had a delicious turkey burger with cheese. Now I have to change my name to Jonesn 4 a thick banana shake. Hahahahahahahahaha
TJBM would also like a thick banana shake, maybe with some chocolate shavings on top.

I had turkey burgers tonight, too!

Can you make it for me @Jonesn4burgers :D
TJBM wants someone to cook for them.

Oh hell yes. If I were to spend money lavishly, I’d hire a cook. That’s the one thing I’d succumb to doing. It’d probably be @Kardamom.
The Jelly below me wears glasses most of the time.

yep
TJBM is trying to figure out Gaza.

I don’t think Gaza is any more understandable than Gaga.

TJBM knows how to eat whole artichokes, and enjoys them.

I don’t, but I’m willing to learn.
TJBM is feeling better today.

Yes. I’ve had the creeping crud for a week and a half, and I’m finally seeing daily improvement.

TJBM experienced severe thunderstorms today.

How about rainstorm?
TJBM has fully prepared for a storm.

In the middle of a fire storm here, a raging wildfire that has burned over 1,300 acres in the last 5 hours. :-(

TJBM lives in a wildfire hot spot.

Not anymore.
TJBM lives in a wildlife hot spot.

Concrete hot spot, to be exact.
TJBM lives in a wildlife hot spot.

Yep, everything you can think of, foxes, coyotes, bobcats, cougars, bears, skunks, raccoons, squirrels, rattlesnakes, tree frogs, birds and more birds. haha

TJBM loves Hummingbirds.

I do.

TJBM uses a fountain pen.

nope
TJBM wants to marry Putin.

Did somebody say real power?
Дa, you want to mess with me?
I spit hot borscht when I’m crushing these beats.
Blow it up like a tuba, while I’m balling in Cuba.
Doing judo moves and schooling every Communist сука.
I’m a president in my prime. My enemies don’t distract me.
The last man who attacked me lived a half-life so comrade, come at me!
You don’t know what you’re doing when you try to bust a rhyme against a mind like Putin.
You’ll find that the ex-KGB is the best MC in the ex-CCCP!

TJBM has played all 3 parts of Monster Girl Quest

Never heard of it.

TJBM visits a Farmer’s Market in season.

No but someone had a “Stop Jihad, Impeach Obama” bumper sticker the other day and I had no idea what it meant.
The Jelly below me is going to a farmer’s market today.

Hah! Just read @ibstubro‘s latest post!

Never heard of it :)
TJBM never heard of anything.

False. I’ve heard of most stuff.
Farmer’s market is where local farmers offer their goods for sale at an open-air market.

TJBM visits a farmer’s market regularly, in season.

Yes, especially when I’m in Tampa. But I’m about to go to one now!
The Jelly below me has never heard of plurals or present-perfect tenses.

You is wrong. I am good English student so of couse I know this two thing because I learn it since I was young.
TJBM know someone who writes like this.

TJBY knowS someone who writes like this. Yes, I do.
TJBM has two heads, and they seldom think alike.

False. I have one giant head that never stops thinking. Mega Mind. lol

TJBM will build me a castle.

With a moat, deep and wide.
YJBM has something fuzzy in their pocket.

nope
TJBM wants to eat poutine with chopsticks.

False. I’ll have the extra-small poutine and a fork. I’m already feeling guilty about eating all that fat and salt.

TJBM is a chopstick master.

All but broth. I can pick up individual grains of rice, or slop large bites into my cavern. When I’m all done eating, I can reach up in there with them and grab that pesky flapping booger.
TJBM naps in the chat room.

I don’t know anything about chat rooms.

TJBM has been the chat room today.

Not yet, but shortly.
TJBM enjoys the chatroom.

YES!
TJBM has seen a turtle in real life. I haven’t. :(

All the time, I live in a California Pond Turtle migratory zone. They are everyhwere and I have picked them up out of the road. haha

TJBM is having Pizza for dinner.

I was going to. Last minute change of plans. Pizza now scheduled for tomorrow.
TJBM doesn’t really want to think about tomorrow tonight.

Okay.

TJBM loves apricot jam.

Don’t do jam.
TJBM spreads toe jam on their toast.

Uh… eeewwwwwwwww!
TJBM knows how much snot their body makes in an average day.

1 – 1.5 liters :P
TJBM wishes they didn’t know that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGPlCLf9AZ8
OMG! You are right on my posts today right after I write them! creepy
TJBM is playin’ tricks on me!

False. I’m jusnot that that kinda guy.

TJBM has calculated that we swallow in the neighborhood of 2,600 pounds of snot a year.

UGH! Glad to have you compute that for us!
TJBM is hoping IBS will find a new focus, FAST!

not sure
TJBM had their ass xeroxed.

I believe I have Xeroxed my own ass, thank you. As a youth, of course. :)

TJBM has eaten an animal’s eyeball.

Gah…never, unless it is a gnat or some other miniscule thing that I have inhaled, like a dust mite.

TJBM is on the edge of big change.

Next month I’m going back to school. A real change :(
TJBM is on holiday.

I’m retired, so everyday is a holiday, @Mimishu1995. I wish you the same.
Soon
You don’t have to be old to retire.

^^ . ^^ .^^ poke

It’s like this thing falls apart right before I come to Fluther. Come on guys!

TJBM left here 26 minutes ago to have dinner.

Gonna have a very late dinner, now.
TJBM rises to the occasion, whenever there is one.

Oh fer sure,fer sure.
TJBM likes peanut butter and jelly as part of their sex life.

Oh sure!
TJBM likes peanut butter and jelly.

peanut butter crunchy and hold the jelly.
TJBM has weird music tastes.

With a baseball bat? I like Weird Al Yankovic, but a rapping banana I can view once and be done.

TJBM has had this problem recently https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VImAGUVd8_4

No, butt but that’s not the original. Brings me back to middle school…I showed people that in my class and it made me popular for a day haha.
The Jelly below me likes immature humor.

Anything! As long as it’s humor.
TJBM likes anything.

NO! I don’t like ANYTHING! And I don’t like anybody who DOES like anything, SO THERE!
TJBM has more issues than Sports Illustrated.

Only with dumb ass bad drivers.
TJBM is to sexy for their clothes.

Clothes? What clothes?
TJBM eats a lot of late night snacks.

Once in a while ,yeah and I have to cut that out.
TJBM thinks BBQ sauce is an important food group.

Yes, culturally.
TJBM eats BBQ often.

consumption varies throughout the year.
TJBM wants to see Dr. Phil keel over live on air.

Doh! I would miss that! I don’t watch Phil. I would tune in for the rerun though. Heh, Rerun.
TJBM remembers Rerun.

No I don’t.
TJBM will explain Rerun to Molly.

No I don’t.
TJBM will introduce Molly and explain Rerun to Antonie.

Molly can’t wait!

TJBM has a stack of work on his or her desk that has been ignored way too long.

False. I do not have a desk and I do not have work to ignore.

Rerun was a character on a 70’s American sit-com.

TJBM starts each day with a frosty carbonated sodie pop.

nope, milk and juice. carbonated waits to 11:00am.
TJBM wants Hobby Lobby to go out of business.

False. Though not a fan of the Lobby, it employs a lot of people in a still-slow economy.

TJBM takes vitamins daily.

Yes. From fruit and vegetables.
TJBM takes proteins daily.

sausage every day.
TJBM wants to be a soda jerk.

I am! I drink enough Mt. Dew in a week to fill a hot tub!
TJBM wants some time in a hot tub today.

I can’t even stand the thought of it.

TJBM was disappointed in the remake of Footloose. (

I didn’t see it BECAUSE I could tell.
HEY, LOOK! ONE GQ, AND ONE GA, AND MY LURVE SCORE WILL BE ALL SIXES!
TJBM will give me one GA, and one GQ to make that happen. ONLY one each, please!

Done. But it seems that you lurves are stuck.
TJBM has their lurves stuck.

I think the lurves only post new points at certain times. I think it will show up soon. Anyway, thanks for trying! We’ll see if it works. It would be so cool!
TJBMrecently had a day when EVERYTHING seemed stuck!

I think you meant to say SUCK
That was yesterday.
TJBM wishes they were playing golf right now.

I don’t know how to golf, but yeah, sure, I’m game.

TJBM has been to a fair this year.

I WISH! I so wanted to get to Des Moines last week, but the long drive, parking conditions, and crowds would just be too much for me. The I owa State Fair is always special to see though.
TJBM is special to see. Yes you are, you special jelly, you.

Who? Me?
TJBM is grateful :)

Welllllllll, I am grateful IBS told me about Fluther.
TJBM wants the 50’s back.

No way! Well, I wasn’t alive then so technically I can’t say for sure, but from what I heard, keep that time period away from me!
The Jelly below me is a communist conformist.

Not at all, because I can’t.
Nice political joke @dxs
TJBM is unique.

My DNA is unique, but the US has more than enough old white dudes.
TJBM is a frique of nature!

No, I’m more of a natural freak. I come by it naturally.
TJBM is au natural right now.

Nope, but you missed it by thaaaat much. Nnow dressed for work.

TJBM is dreaming of fresh peaches, warm from the sun.

nope
TJBM drives by faith not by sight.

False!! But that does seem true for just about every driver that crosses my path.
TJBM is a secret streaker.

Nope.
TJBM wants to see a secret streaker.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtzoUu7w-YM&list=RDXtzoUu7w-YM
Sure, why not?
TJBM seen what happened.

So the reporter is actually the secret streaker?
TJBM thinks so too.

TJBM knows the secret to happiness.

I know some ways to attain it, but I don’t think they’re secrets.
TJBM recognizes the picture in Aster’s avatar.

No, and it has been bothering me. I feel it is familiar, but I haven’t been able to place it.
TJBM will place it.

Elsa Goldstein’s last moments in Schindler’s List?
TJBM thinks it is actually from Hitch[expletive for penis]‘s ‘Psycho’.

I’m almost sure it is. A classic scene.
The Jelly below me is hungry like the wolf. Possibly relevant: Meatloaf in a cup tonight!

Used to.
TJBM used to be hungry like the wolf.

Sure, I like eating rabbits, deer bison when I can.It has been a while, so I’m hungry, like the wolf.
TJBM thinks A rabbit would taste good right about now. Mmmmm baked.

No. No she’s doesn’t think that at all.

TJBM hates to shop except for stores like Lowes.

I love to shop< I hate to spend. XD
TJBM loves to hate.

That’s true for bad drivers.
TJBM can’t figure out why some women dye their hair bright neon colours.

I know, but I don’t know if my reasoning is right.
TJBM hates to love.

I’m apathetic about being neutral.
TJBM lurves to hurl.

No, I have never been to the Hawaiian Underwater Research Laboratory.
TJBM has dabbled in autoerotic asphyxiation.

It was an ACCIDENT! Swear to gawd!
TJBM has had an accident they’d really rather not try to explain.

The dangle? You’re correct.

TJBM admits to eating something that’s not PC.

I never eat a PC.
TJBM eats a PC.

No PC eater here! I have been tempted to bite when my internet gets the dropsies.
TJBM sometimes gets the dropsies.

Some days I’m all thumbs, as they say.

TJBM is trying to sell something.

Whatever you’re in the market to buy, I can find one to sell, if the Price is Right.

TJBM has gone swimming in more than 2 oceans/seas.

Ummm, nope! Only two.
TJBM loves speed, and drives like they need to intercept a rocket.

That is what my parents says when they see me ride.
TJBM drives fast but carefully.

Still trying to figure out the driving part.
TJBM is alive despite their best efforts.

True, true. Now it’s too late to die young and leave a beautiful corpse. May as well stay the course. (sigh)

TJBM has a dysfunctional family.

HAD. I excised that like a bad tattoo.
TJBM has a tattoo. (is it bad?)

Gosh no; I hate them. Yes, hate.

TJBM will be surprised when his or her tattoos one day turn to all hot pink and orange.

My body will probably look just as shitty then.
The Jelly below me needs to eat but isn’t hungry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0E8ImL4aXY
TJBM wants stoney to win!

Who’s stoney?
TJBM is stoned.

you didn’t watch the clip

@Jonesn4burgers , was coming up with an answer w/o watching the clip.

Fred Flint______ and Barney Rubble.

TJBM was watch cartoons this morning.

No, But I was listening to the “ultimate orgasm” hypnosis.
TJBM thinks the successful black man meme is funny.

Not really.

TJBM has an ice maker in their freezer.

Yuppers, great having a ice maker.

TJBM had a pizza to eat this week.

true
TJBM has eaten mystery meat.

No.No its was er..beef,no pork , it might have been chicken ok you win.
TJBM has never shot a round of Trap, doesn’t even know what it means.

I have not shot trap, but I know it takes keen marksmanship.

TJBM has intentionally eaten something gross on a dare.

Yes. Durian.
TJBM can’t stand durians.

I don’t know what a durian might be.

TJBM can explain.

I’ve never eaten durian, but I’ve read that it smells really bad but tastes really good.

TJBM is happy with the weather that they’re currently experiencing.

No. Too hot, too humid. 30° and 70%.
TJBM wants to launch a Trilithium Torpedo into the sun.

nope
TJBM is known for making bad decisions.

Well, I think I make good decisions, but some people think they’re wrong so I get fired.

TJBM is looking for a job.

and not doing a very good job of it.
TJBM has heard the news.

Robby Williams has been murdered?
TJBM has murdered Robby Williamson.

Yes. My boss ordered me to.
TJBM has a deal with the devils.

I don’t make deals with myself.
TJBM has a deal with me.

How about Rummy?
TJBM still play games with real cards.

Definitely. I carry a poker deck in my backpack at all times.
The Jelly below me says I only hear what I want to.

I hope not!

TJBM is having a bummer day.

No, no, not at all. I had a pretty good, productive day overall.

TJBM has milked a cow.

Yes, by hand and with a milking machine.

TJBM has a relative living in another country.

True
TJBM likes big guns.

Sorry, AC/DC has largely lost their appeal for me. There are still earlier recordings I have fond memories of, and some MTV heyday videos, but I find the geriatric version hard to take.

TJBM thinks the whole American “red-state, blue-state” thing is stupid and confusing. Wouldn’t L-state, C-state be a lot easier?

I’m fine with anything, because I don’t understand American state system.
TJBM is fine with anything.

Anything? Maybe.

TJBM loves roses.

As long as I don’t get too close to it.
TJBM is a sucker.

With a paper stick right up my arse!

Mimi, red state is a state which, during elections, is expected to vote Republican. Blue states are expected to vote Democrat.
TJBM has been to all the currentg LURVE parties, and ate wayyyyy too much!

@Jonesn4burgers Thanks for the lesson :)

(burp) My stomach and lurves feel like they’re going to explore!
TJBM attends the lurve parties too.

I’m not sure I know what that is.

TJBM does not drink bottled water.

only certain brands.
TJBM has a lot of bills.

Only two Bills, actually, but four Mikes.
TJBM has more suiters than they can keep track of.

I don’t own a suit. Sorry, Charlie.

TJBM is craving buttered toast.

Now you’ve mentioned it.

TJBM is waiting for their bath to fill up.

I do not have a bath tub.
TJBM thinks knows Damon Lindelof is a hack.

I’m not sure of anything anymore.
YJBM needs a haircut.