Women, do you like your man to be in charge?

I don’t need anyone telling me what’s right for me, man or woman. Someone telling you what you “should” do is controlling. If you feel like you can’t make decisions for yourself, or cannot take the responsibility of resulting consequences, then by all means, let someone you trust make all your decisions for you. And I mean a plural you, not you personally.

This question popped up on my Questions for You, interestingly, so I’ll answer it accordingly.
If I told “my woman” what to do, to paraphrase Diedrich Bader in Office Space- “I believe I’d get my ass kicked sayin’ something like that, man…”

I believe relationships are partnerships. I don’t tell my husband what to do, and he has too much respect for me to tell me what to do.

@tinyfaery, I hear ya, no offense taken.

I’m talking about the tiny stuff…what to do for dinner, etc.

I’m a single, independent woman but I tend to like a controlling man, guess that’s what I meant. We all have our strange turn on’s, right?

Also, when I get home after a long day at work I like to stop thinking and leave it up to someone else.

In that case, Trudacia, give me some Lurve points!

;-)

yes sir.

observing members- 5. :^D

Hey, not fair! Just cause I don’t have a penis? I can be just a bossy as a man!!! ;)

Sorry, the point is that I’m into a big, strong man telling me what to do (only the incidental stuff of course). Girls can’t cut it.

I know I’m gonna get so much crap for this but what can I tell ya…

I know what you mean, trudacia. I don’t necessarily like a controlling man, but a confident man. Someone that knows what he wants, because if he’s a pushover I’ll just walk all over him. I’m such a bossy person that I need a man to keep me centered and to take charge.

@thehaight, that’s my girl, you know what I’m talking about. A strong guy is so hot!

Ok, the Haight, hit me up with some lurve too!

observing members 9 ^

No, I don’t really like my man to be “in charge”. I like comprimise.

me first, then I’ll give you some lurve!

@ shrubbery; I like compromise too. Thats a different story.

If a man is truly confident, he should’nt feel the need to tell you what to do. Yikes ladies! Maybe feminism is dead.

Haha, well you just set a comprimise for shilolo :P

i doubt i would take well to being bossed around by man or woman. and i agree with tinyfaery. a confident man is secure enough not to feel the need to “tell you what to do”.

NO tiny you’re taking it to the extreme!! I’m just saying; there are just different types of guy’s and i prefer someone that will take charge once in a while. Maybe in the past I’ve just been with such…. Wusses. Guy’s that cant keep up with me and have no opinion. That guy that always wants ME to decide were to eat, what to do etc. And to me that gets old. I guess I’ve lasted so long with my man because yes, there is compromise but there is also a guy that knows what he wants and treats me with respect as well. I tend to walk all over a guy if they give me too much. Thats just me. And I’m rambling.

Oh yeah, I’m all about womens rights. For petes sakes I’m not talking about a guy pushing me around… I’m talking about someone thats as strong as I am..

You haters are taking it too literally!! We’re talking about fun, not about someone telling you how to live your life.

I was dating a girl a while ago that would like it when I would take control and pick what movie we were going to see after about five minutes of back and forth. She liked it when I would make simple decisions. If I would have told her that she couldn’t go out with her friends one night she probably would have hit me with an alarm clock.

Ok I completely agree with TheHaight then :)

Speaking of feminism tiny, I’m happy to let a guy open a door for me too…guess I should have been born in the 40’s.

How am I hater? I love women enough to think they deserve their autonomy. Simple decisions, especially with the trivial is one thing, and when you really don’t care either way, fine, but I cannot let this question go without such comments. I see women, everyday, give up a little bit of themselves, at every turn, just to “please” or appease, their man. Not okay!!

Thats exactly what I mean, jp. Simple decisions.. Like; “you look sexy in that pink shirt.. You should wear it”.. NOT “you better wear that pink shirt (in angry tone)..

@haight and trudacia Now who’s taking it to extremes?

huh? I don’t get it.

“you better wear that pink shirt (in angry tone)” a bit extreme.

tinyfaery, TheHiaght was explaining that she didn’t mean the extreme, and using that as an example of what she didn’t mean.

@tiny, I hear you, I’m a single, independent woman and I love myself. I do everything for myself – day in and day out. I make all the decisions in my household, pay the bills, etc. I don’t mean to say that a woman should let a man rule her life…I like it a little sometimes though. The daily, insignificant stuff….not the life altering decisions.

You don’t seem to understand what we’re saying and you seem a little angry…no offense.

Q. Women, do you like your man to be in charge?
description: You may bitch and complain, but do you actual like when your man tells you what to do?

Following that question and description, I stated my opinion. I didn’t know you were asking about simple things such as “oo let’s go to Olive Garden today!” I have seen my share of girls who lose all independence once with a guy, which is what bothers me. I could really care less about the small things. Less things for me to worry about.

Let’s not get too worked up ladies, we don’t want to encourage more people to agree with this ideology ;)

Oh… Tiny I was explaining which one was controlling and innapropriate and which one wasn’t controlling, just a simple opinion.

@trudacia So anyone who does not agree with you is a hater? Perhaps you do need someone to make your decisions for you.

Am I supposed to be enjoying this? he wondered, grinning behind his paper…

Yes Marina, should I eat dinner tonight?

I see an age discrepancy here. Am I wrong?

Yes PnL, definitely.

@trudacia Why should I be upset? Please don’t assert an idea then assume, just because I don’t agree, that I am upset.

ugh… Sorry, NOT

@trucdacia I don’t think so. You’ve been a naughty girl. Maybe when daddy comes home, he’ll straighten you out.~

@KmD I’m sure all the big, strong, decisive, macho, hot guys are enjoying this thread. :)

Now that’s funny. Thank you for taking the question lightly Marina!

from a man’s perspective, women want good decision-making practices from men. the woman is independent today, that’s for sure, and i respect that. but they still want men to be strong and make choices with wisdom and depth. i dont tell my wife what to do because she is very level-headed and many times out-thinks me on some issues. men who are compassionate listeners and thoughtful thinkers give worthy direction. when you start ordering around like some drill sergeant is where women will put up the defenses.

@cc34 I would want that from any partner. Do you respect your wife’s decision-making ability and let her inform your thinking just as you inform hers? Are you happy when she sometimes makes the decisions?

I know from my perspective I am happy to let go of all those insignificant decisions because I just don’t care. I can find something on any menu for me, I can not notice if the dress makes you look fat, I can even not care which ringtone you choose. It’s easiest not to care about those things, and probably is not too different from how you feel when a man takes charge.

NO

Do I like my man to be confident and have an opinion? Yes!
Do I want my man to be a control freak/make my decisions for me? Hell No! I’m lazy, but not quite lazy enough to have someone else make my choices for me!

Whew!! This is quite a discussion. I am just browsing through questions, this is my first time on fluther and it is interesting. I am not sure how to even wade into this discussion. I am currently in Iraq on deployment. My wife is at home ‘making all the decisions’. She hates it, it is a lot to handle, three kids, bills, home ownership, gas prices, loneliness, and everything else. She tells me that she wishes I was there to take many of the responsibilities because she gets bogged down emotionally and physically. She could rest and let me handle many of the ‘chores’. I handle vehicle maintenance, yard maintenance, house maintenance, child ‘maintenance’, as well as being the only person in the house dedicated to her welfare. She loses who she is in all the responsibilities. When I am there, she can relax and be who she wants to be, she can rest emotionally. In the past she had to make the decisions, she had to call the shots, but she realized that it was stressing her out, I was there offering to make more of the decisions if she wanted and she slowly began to trust me with decisions to the point where she would explain a problem to me and ask me for a decision on it. I would think about it, pray about it, research it and come out with a course of action. Then she would come back and tell me she really appreciated me making that decision. Yikes, I just read the title again…addressed to women. oops. I guess I am answering for my wife..hehe.

@noraas. Off topic, many thanks for your service. [Mods: I know this is off-topic, please don’t remove]

in a way I do…kinda… I mean it’s nice if they take the initiative to do something, but if they try to control you or something then I don’t like that.

@noraas – like shilolo said, thank you for your service and welcome to fluther. hope you like it here :)

I do not generally like being told to do by anyone. So no I would not like my man in charge. On the other side I am not incharge of him either. We respect each others needs, and dissisions.

Side note: unless its in the bedroom ;)

wow guys…. Okay well here’s my opinion:
For me personally, I think its one thing to “wear the pants” in the relationship, and another to” take off the pants” every once and a while. Take that however you like.
;)

I think remembering your significant others individuality is important but there is certainly nothing wrong trying to see anothers point of view. No one should ever be told what to do, unless they are in prison.

Nobody tells me what to do. My SO can and does strongly suggest things at times. We discuss it, and if I agree, I do it. if not, I don’t. I don’t tell him what to do either. We show each other respect by asking, not telling. He is secure enough with his masculinity that he doesn’t feel he needs to be the boss.

Scamp, you guys seem like you are wonderful for eachother. ♥

Thanks! I think so too. I’m fortunate to have him!

Good answer Scamp! My best relationships have involved that sort of give and take. He’s a great skiier so I will gladly take advice on anything outdoorsy from him. When he was looking for a job, I tore his resume to shreds and made it better – that’s what I do. Synergy I guess – all done in a respectful way vs. telling somebody what to do

He was very good at taking charge when I needed him to. During my very long , drawn out recovery from a knee surgery, he took care of everything, and then some. He treated me like royalty. I got my meals served to me in bed when I couldn’t walk, and he even bathed me until I was able to do it myself. He is a real Prince Charming!

scamp… congrats on your Prince Charming!

Since I am still down from my knee surgery my husband has stepped up to the plate in a way our young marriage (5 years) hasn’t required him to do. However, he still doesn’t do the bills or much of the cleaning… he does serve me, but he is a different kind of guy. I don’t think he wants to be in charge of me or the household but I would like to let him take control at times.

He says the reason he married me was because I am so independent and don’t need anyone to help or take care of me. I kinda want to be taken care of, but not told what to do! ;) What’s that old saying about cake??? LOL

@margeryred Thanks! I’m usually pretty independent too, but it sure is nice to have someone to lean on when you need it, isn’t it? I’m glad your hubby is helping you, and I hope you heal quickly.

Yes, for doing things around the house, no for even thinking or contemplating on telling me what I should or should not do.

I don’t consider him telling me what to do necessarily “in charge”.

Yes, I want him to be “in charge” all of the time. I am old fashioned that way, and I feel wonderful always knowing that he IS in charge and I am well taken care of. He is awesome that way!!!!!

Hell, NO!

No, I’d rather us both be in charge when the situation calls for it. I don’t see why one person or the other has to be the default “one in charge.” The one with the most knowledge or experience in a particular situation should be the one in charge. That way no one feels disenfranchised.

I work in construction and though I’m not the one in charge, my boss tells me what needs to be done and we ( me and the rest of the crew) do it. We respect him and vice versa…..but he’s not negotiating. Every “ship” no matter the type needs a captain to run effectively. Is the capt. always correct? No; but hes still the capt. I have seen relation“ships” where the woman was at the helm and it worked because the guy was comfortable being 2nd. No social structure functions long without respect though; without that its chaos and ive seen my share of mutinies.