Why is having your own flesh and blood children, so important?

Because my genes are so pure and noble, and commoners would never understand.~ Pfft. My gene pool is a cesspool. Why would I want to pass that on?

Thanks @Adirondackwannabe sorta my thought on it as well, I have always thought if the parenting thing ever did sneak up and bite us on the ass, we would adopt.
That really freaked out the inlaws.

I completely agree. That us why we chose to adopt despite being able to get pregnant.

I wish more people would consider it when they decide to become parents. Truth is though, many people look forward to “having a baby” not “becoming parents”. It seems like a fine distinction, but one is about being pregnant and giving birth (a strong desire amongst many women), while the other phrase speaks to the bigger picture – the long term responsibility.

There is a familiarity with one’s offspring that is not there in the same way with adopted children. The whole nature vs nurture debate does not belong here, but when I looked at my then 11 month old son with no hair crawling and holding his head up, I could see his maternal grandfather right there. And people have recognized my son as mine when they’ve never met him (even though we don’t look alike.)

But there is also a primal instinct to pass one’s genes on, that cannot easily be denied.

@cookieman Thanks for the answer. :)
And being a parent is a life long commitment, I do agree, I get the impression and might be wrong that people like being pregnant and having a baby,because they are the center of attention until the kid arrives.

@zenvelo thanks for the answer,the wife and I have very little problem denying that gene.
But again thanks for the answer.

I want to have tall and smart children. So me and my future wife have super-kids.

@talljasperman and that is why flesh and blood is so much better?
What if you fall in love with a short, not so smart women, but is super committed loving and caring? might throw your quest for super kids right out the window.

It’s a biological imperative! Having your own children increases your fitness by propagating your genes.

That said, a lot of what humans do goes utterly against biological need. We have minds of our own. Thus, having “flesh and blood children” is not that important to you personally; nor is it to me.

@dappled_leaves thanks for the answer.

@SQUEEKY2 It would take a very fast and smart couple to raise a kid of mine, It would be fun. Who I fall in love with isn’t written in stone. Loving and caring trumps tall and smart.

My first child was unplanned although I was married. I didn’t ‘plan’ to have a child at that time. However, as a woman, I certainly did want to experience pregnancy and giving birth. With later children, I’m sure I could have adopted and have loved an adopted baby. I didn’t do that and my subsequent children are genetically mine, but your question is a valid one. I suspect part of the reason is simply tradition.

Because sometimes you just want your own biological children.

In a utopian world all of your questions are valid to me.

@JLeslie so it boils down to just,WANT?
Thanks for the answer.

I just wanted the experience of being pregnant. My oldest is actually my ex’s daughter by a previous marriage. I adopted her and I love her as much as my biological kids.

Funny…it took me 3 years to get pregnant the first time. I didn’t know if I COULD have kids. I always consoled myself that, at any rate, I always had Jen.
One time the subject of adoption came up between me and my ex (before he was my ex.) He was adamant that he didn’t want to adopt.
I said, “Why on earth not?”
He snorted “I don’t want to raise somebody elses’ kid!”
I stared at him, shocked, open mouthed.
He finally realized what he said and in the context of our family, which included Jen, and had the decency to look ashamed.

@pleiades and this aint it, mind explaining your answer a bit more?

@Dutchess_III Thanks for the answer.

While it might not be the reason I am here, it’s the reason humankind is here.

@Earthbound_Misfit sorry ,thanks for your answer.

But part of it is that you want to look at the child and actually see yourself reflected back. I don’t know why.

But the real irony? My oldest looks more like me than the other two AND she ACTS like me! Everybody tells me that. Since she was little people would say, “Wow, she looks JUST like you. The family resemblance is very obvious.” They never said that about the other two.

She’ll do something so goofy and Rick will say “Val junior!”

@SQUEEKY2 My answer means in a utopian world, everything makes perfect sense for the good of the harmonious society. My answer to the OP is it doesn’t matter that we have our own children, we just do or do not, it happens or it doesn’t. I don’t believe the adopting parent who has the ability to have their own kids is more or less conscious or dominant than the parent who never thought about adopting, it just happens or it doesn’t is how I see it. Fun fact I always thought I’d do the noble thing and adopt one day. I still think that’s 50% possible

@SecondHandStoke True it’s also the reason there are thousands of unwanted children here as well,and maybe it might be better for humanity to make sure they are looked after, before we add to this mess?
Oh and thanks for your answer.

@SQUEEKY2 I can tell you that having fertility problems for many years it feels pretty shitty when someone suggests to me I could always adopt. I am not an idiot, of course I know that is an option. Then they usually launch into how I will love an adopted child too. No shit Sherlock, I don’t question that I will love any human being I care for. I love my husband and he is not related to me, a child I am sure would be just as intense, probably more, adopted or biological. People love their dogs.

I’m not saying you were offensive, I am just letting you and the collective know that sometimes yes, sometimes it is just that you want your own biological baby. You want the creation of the child born from you and the person you love and share your life with.

@JLeslie I wasn’t trying to be offensive, but wasn’t trying to sugar coat it either.
As I said I have never wanted a child or pass on my genes, and want to hear the reason most people do.
Makes me really appreciate Mrs Squeeky, who doesn’t want to be a parent or pass on her genes either, guess we were meant for each other.
And I really love my married life with her.

@SQUEEKY2 Like I said I wasn’t offended and I never thought you were trying to be offensive. I was afraid my answer would sound angry or harsh so I just clarified that I wasn’t offended.

By the way, none of those people who ask me why I don’t have kids ask why don’t I adopt are not trying to be offensive, they are just curious or trying to be helpful. It still makes me feel horrible.

My husband and I also enjoy our life and marriage very much. :)

@JLeslie Thanks for clearing that up,and your answer.

It’s a very personal choice. I could hear my children calling me. I could. If I couldn’t get pregnant I would not have adopted. And that’s a right and a choice everyone has.

My husband was adopted when he was born. His adoptive mother was a good mother but his adoptive father was an ass. Even though my husband felt loved by his adoptive mother, he still felt like something was missing. Having his own children gave him that connection he was longing for.

@trailsillustrated you had them because they were calling you to?

@jonsblond thanks for the answer, but would your husband still have needed that connection, if his adopted father wasn’t an ass?

Yes, @SQUEEKY2

@jonsblond thanks.

@SQUEEKY2 yes. The want of children is an unexplainable urge, they were begging to come.

In addition to what’s been stated above, just FYI adoption is neither quick nor cheap.

Children available from Social Services are older, having been through the system whereby many chances have been given to the parents to get their act together. In that time, they’ve probably been through many foster families (I work for this department and so when you try to refute what I’m saying, I know first hand). It can be years before a foster child is freed for adoption. You’re not getting a baby, you’re getting a child with issues relating to their years in the system.

Adoption agencies charge a lot in fees, in my area people pay tens of thousands of dollars or more. Legal fees, agency fees, social work fees, home assessment fees, the list goes on and on.

@trailsillustrated thanks, wonder why they never called us?
I’m super glad they didn’t just wonder why they never called. having an unlisted number really does have it’s benefits. :)

@SQUEEKY2 they know whom to call. Some people never get the call, and that’s fine.

@jca so it’s a cost thing?
Thanks for the answer.

@SQUEEKY2: No, not in my case. I am providing reasons why not everyone wants to adopt, answering your question.

@jca ok thanks.

I guess many people just don’t want to see the outsider use their belongings unpaid and inherit their properties when they die.

@Mimishu1995 an adopted child wouldn’t be an outsider.
As for Mrs Squeeky and I the surviving spouse gets everything, and in case we are both wiped out it is to be split with surviving family members,

I wanted to experience pregnancy and giving birth. I also like knowing a bit about what could be in store for my children in regards to their health in the future. Not that heredity tells you everything, but it does give you an idea of what could come.

For us, having our own biological children was also easier at the time we had them. My husband had been active duty. We looked into adoption and a lot of the things we found when we were looking we would not have been able to adopt because we didn’t have “stability” according to their standards because we moved around too much.

My husband is no longer active duty and we are settling down in one location. We have thought about adopting in the future when things are a bit more settled for us.

@SQUEEKY2 But of course a biological child will be more “of your kind” than an adopted child. At least a biological child share some of your gene. An adopted child is just someone who was born to another family, they are less related to you than the biological child.

Not going to argue, just saying.

@SQUEEKY2 Your situation is completely different. Not wanting children vs wanting children is not the same as wanting children and then deciding to adopt children.

@JLeslie I agree, I’m just trying to see why people pick the flesh and blood thing over adoption, Mrs Squeeky and I have said if we changed our minds,and we haven’t in over 25years we would adopt.

Of the above, I agree with @zenvelo:

“There is a familiarity with one’s offspring that is not there in the same way with adopted children. The whole nature vs nurture debate does not belong here, but when I looked at my then 11 month old son with no hair crawling and holding his head up, I could see his maternal grandfather right there. And people have recognized my son as mine when they’ve never met him (even though we don’t look alike.)
But there is also a primal instinct to pass one’s genes on, that cannot easily be denied.”

and @Seaofclouds: “I wanted to experience pregnancy and giving birth. I also like knowing a bit about what could be in store for my children in regards to their health in the future. Not that heredity tells you everything, but it does give you an idea of what could come.”

@dappled_leaves

How exactly does propagating your jeans increase your own fitness?

@Mimishu1995

If a person has that mindset towards their adopted children then they probably had no business adopting in the first place.

They become important after conception. Before that, not so much.

I live in the USA. Adopting here is quite expensive as I understand it, and totally out of our price range. So even though I’m not against adoption, it wouldn’t have ever happened with us.

One could also ask why adopted children often seeking out their birth parents is so important.

Answer is the same for this thread. It’s important to them. And that’s good enough for me.

If you adopt from the state system it is almost completely free to adopt.

@SQUEEKY2 As @jonsblond touched on, a lot of adopted children feel something missing, it isn’t always 100% rainbows and hearts. Plus, as someone mentioned above genes do count for something. I feel fairly confident my children would not have the addict gene, no one in my husband’s family or mine has an alcohol or drug problem. Not that it couldn’t happen. We have other problems, but I am familiar with those types of problems. There is no guarantee with children adopted or biological, that I realize. It’s not like I think I would get a mini me, I don’t even desire that. I think it would be fascinating to see my child interested in things I never even thought of. Learn with them and see them discover their own world.

I know a lot of children who were adopted who have children themselves young and out of wedlock, and they often give up the baby just like they were given up. I think there is some sort of psychological circle in those cases. Of course, many adopted children don’t do that, and have wonderful childhoods, don’t long for their biological parents, it’s all over the map, I am not saying you can overgeneralize about adopted children.

I would be fascinated to have a baby that had my husband’s curly dark hair, or his darker skin. The kid might get my thin hair and pale skin, but just the posibility is amazing. If I had a boy maybe he would walk like his dad who walks just like his father.

A lot of people ask me if I want to be a mother. I never thought of the question that way. I always thought I wanted to have children. It’s two different things in my mind.

I actually don’t care about being pregnant and going through all of that process like some women do.

I’ve experienced enough crap from the state, that no matter how much I wanted a child, I’d probably never ever adopt from them. In my experience social workers who work for the state are corrupt. Even if the social workers start out meaning to do good, the system they work for is so corrupt they can’t help but become corrupt themselves.

You might have a good experience, and then again, you can be ruined for life because of the state’s interference with your life. No thanks. Just my opinion.

Wow. Well, glad this is social so I can tell ya’ll it’s hailing like a mofo here. Shit. Insurance check on the cars tomorrow.

So interesting knowing where this question sprang (?) from and the direction it’s taking.

Because ones made of sticks and silly putty don’t seem to last as long.

o.h…r.o.j.o…l.o.l

W.H.A.T @rojo ?

This topic has been chewed to death on Fluther several times, highly amusing when the adopted clan seek justification from “blood parents” on what is essentially an entirely natural act, urge even.
We had our own kids for that very reason, they’re our own & no matter how loved, how much you sugar coat it, adopted children are not the same, pure, if you like.
That’s it, for us it was by far the best & most natural choice, never looked back since.

Thank you, for all your answers.
I am still super glad the parent gene never came to call upon us, but for those of you that it did good for you.

@Dutchess_III It sprang from my interest to find out why people prefer to add another human to this screwed up planet,then take an unwanted child that was already here and make it wanted, and the posters have told me their reasons.
To carry their genes forward, want, cost,and called upon, I stated I did not want an argument just wanted to know, thank you all again.

I think most children are wanted, even those up for adoption. I dont like the term unwanted. Children should not feel “unwanted.” It’s circumstance that a mother surrenders her child. Societal pressure, community pressure, parental pressure, poverty, so many reasons. Sometimes the child is taken from her because she is not competent, but usually she is giving up the baby in hopes for a better life for herself and her child.

“Wouldn’t it be more honourable, noble, and plain better for the planet to adopt then rather than add another human to the pile?”

”...prefer to add another human to this screwed up planet…”

These points, although valid from a logical standpoint, very rarely figure into the actual process of having a family, which for most of us was much more visceral and organic. “Honourable and noble” were not words that crossed my mind when I thought about having children.

Adoption is hard. It’s not like picking up a kitten outside of Safeway. Leaving the decision about whether or not one would make a good enough parent up to strangers can be daunting, lengthy and expensive.

Family is intimate. There is no shame in wanting to raise a child from infancy, as adopting older children can be fraught with problems with which most of us are unequipped to deal.

Yes, we have free will and are able to see beyond the biological imperative, but some of us choose not to, the same way some choose to adopt, some choose not to raise children at all, and some choose to give up children for adoption.

There seems to be a trend these days to criticize having biological offspring, buying puppies, etc. Instead of questioning why people choose to do these things, I think the real questions are: why are more people not working to prevent unwanted pregnancies (including accessible birth control for all), why are there not stiff penalties for abandoning children and animals? How can we streamline the processes for family building?

There are some seriously quality posts in this thread, @SQUEEKY2, I hope you have a better understanding now. We are trying to raise our children mindfully, to make the world a better place,

If I could give a thousand GA’s to @canidmajor, I would.

@canidmajor There definitely is an overall feeling, or mantra, in my mind from the Christian right that giving away your baby is a great thing to do. It’s a little weird to me. I’ll never forget I was watching two sisters playing with Barbies severalnyears ago and they played that Barbie was giving up her baby. WTF? Why does that even occur to a 7 year old? When I say great thing, I am not saying it is an incredibly selfless thing to give up your child, what I mean is there is almost positive reinforcement to get pregnant and give up a child in some circles. I’m not saying every religious Christian is promoting the idea to elementary age children (I have to clarify, or the collective will get all upset that I am saying all Christians do this, which is ridiculous, of course I don’t mean all).

I for one am made aware often that it is a good thing that some people don’t multiply. People who want an actual family (not just two self centered people) want to have children. If they are not able too they will adopt since the need to want a family unit compels the majority of people. There will always the the few that just hate kids and value themselves more. such is life. Children and grandchildren are what make a person’s later years happy and keep them young. Your spouse won’t live forever and then you’re alone and isolated.

I agree with usmc, this topic has been chewed to death. enough already. People should do what they want and stop trying to convince others how great their choice was. I think children completes a couple but some don’t. That’s their problem, not mine.

@BeenThereSaidThat Self centered and value themselves more.

Really nice. ~

Unbelievable.

Well, this is the first time I’ve ever seen a question like this, and I didn’t seen anything close to insulting or arguing until the last few posts. Too bad it devolved.

@JLeslie: In my experience (over 15 years at Social Services), from what I’ve seen in the adoption unit, babies who are surrendered at birth go to agencies that charge fees for adoption (huge fees). When a baby or young child is removed from the parent (due to neglect, parents’ mental issues or addiction issues), the parent has, by law (at least in NYS) at least 15 months while the child is in Foster Care to work at what the Judge demands in order to get the child(ren) back. During that time, the child will have bi-weekly visits with the biological parent.

If it were me, playing foster parent and hoping for the child to be freed for adoption, I would have trouble bonding with a baby if I knew the parent had a chance of getting the child back. It would make me insecure. Then if I got to love the child and it were returned to the parent, would I want to open my heart again to another child with the same circumstances? Probably not, unless I were doing foster parenting with a goal of service and not necessarily a goal of adopting a child.

@jca The the fees are insane for adopting. $10,000 or $20,000 is nothing. I’ve seen adopted children from foreign countries run much higher than that. And I’d have the same issue with my heart. I’m not going to give it just to have it ripped out.

@Adirondackwannabe: Someone in my family got a baby from a rural area where the doctor of the mother contacts some agency and the adoption proceeds from there. My family members are very well off and we are not sure what the fees were, but we’re sure they were huge. Huge being way more than 20k. They also had to meet with social workers from this agency, have their home assessed, and pay massive legal fees. Of course, the fact that they got a baby just born was something they didn’t argue any fees over.

Something’s wrong with that picture….

Just a thought….there should be some sort of “adoption fund” that people can donate to to help people who aren’t millionaires to adopt a child. Of course..then the fees would probably quadruple.

@BeenThereSaidThat ” People who want an actual family (not just two self centered people) want to have children. If they are not able too they will adopt since the need to want a family unit compels the majority of people. There will always the the few that just hate kids and value themselves more. such is life. Children and grandchildren are what make a person’s later years happy and keep them young. Your spouse won’t live forever and then you’re alone and isolated.”

Wait, I thought that people who wanted children but couldn’t have them just pretended like that didn’t want them instead. That’s what you said in that other thread anyway.

Do tell though – what exactly is selfish about choosing not to have children? Why does that choice make someone self-centered? Is it not also self-centered to have a child and make that child responsible for your happiness? Or to have a child because you don’t want to be alone?

@SQUEEKY2: “Why is having your own flesh and blood children, so important?”

Well, @dappled_leaves and others provided the technically correct answer, which has to do with biology.

But I don’t think that’s really what you’re asking at all.

@SQUEEKY2: “Then with that said, wouldn’t it be better to adopt, make an unwanted child wanted?”

This is an entirely different question that is almost unrelated to why homo sapiens are genetically predisposed to procreate. We don’t need to get into kin theory or any evolutionary explanations. What you are really asking is whether it’s more ethical to adopt rather than procreate. Correct? If this is the case, then I think you’d need to drop the first question (the “why?”) and focus on the latter (ethics).

I’m not sure I have an easy answer to this question about the ethical implications of adoption vs procreation. Could you expand on why there may be a pressing ethical issue to address here?

I feel like this question would have been better asked without the suppositions in it.

Like this:

“What are your personal reasons to have or not have your own biological child(ren)?”

And in the details: “Did you consider adoption or did you want only your own child and if so, why?”

@jca You are right… but it seems to be a pattern with the OP to use questions as a platform to rant, rather than acquire information.

@jca You make some valid points. I’ll add that many states allow a birth mother to change her mind up to 6 months after the birth, so even in private adoption the baby can be taken away. This happend to an aunt of a friend of mine. Years of fertility tries, finally decided to adopt, has the baby a few weeks and the mother wanted the baby back. After that they adopted brothers from Poland at age 3½ (twins). The kids looked and still look just like the family; they are Polish-American.

Some of the children in the “system” are ready to adopt now, but then you rarely get an infant. I never cared about the baby phase so much, when I think of having children it’s always when they are a few years old or older.

@JLeslie: I know, and when they’re a few years old and have been in “the system” a few years, they’re screwed up with attachment issues from going from foster family to foster family and worker to worker. Plus seeing the parent for visits, or if they were in a residential facility they’re screwed up from being with other screwed up kids. Plus many of these kids were born with mental health histories (genetically) and addiction issues (from parent doing drugs while she was pregnant).

@jca I’m sure at least one or more of those are true for the majority of them.

A friend of a friend of mine, his daughter became pregnant as a teen and she gave up the baby for adoption. It was more open than I have ever heard of, she saw the kid almost every weekend. I think she should have kept the baby. They are middle class, her dad can afford it, she could still go to college. I just don’t understand giving up a child like that. I wonder how it affects the child to spend so much times with their birth mom? Maybe it works out just fine. I dont understand an adoptive family being ok with the situation. Maybe when she goes to college she won’t be around as much. When I looked into surrogacy I would have been fine with the woman wanting to know how the child is doing and maybe coming to visit at times, but every weekend? No. But, she would not have been the biological mother, and would not be presenting herself as the mother in any way.

In the US parents with felonies can’t adopt no matter how much money they have. I have a friend who wanted children desperately, but she had serious trouble conceiving. They were more than willing to adopt but weren’t allowed because of his past trouble with drugs. It took many years, but they finally have the little family they’ve always wanted. And it had to be biological or nothing.

Sometimes rants are a way to get different opinions. Maybe not the right way, maybe not even the best way, but a way.

If we are going off on a rant like @BeenThereSaidThat what is self centered for not wanting kids???
Should MrsSqueeky and I , have had kids then resented them??
I definitely don’t hate kids, and wish them no harm, but really know we don’t want any of our own, for those of you that do great, but that wasn’t the centre of why I asked this, I simply wanted to know why people chose the flesh and blood rout, over adoption, and a few went on a rant then blamed me for wording, or building a platform to defend why I would choose adoption over the biological way, for those who chose to keep it civil THANK YOU, the rest BITE ME!

Come on now, someone please tell me, why choosing not to have children is self centred , and selfish, we got that a lot in our first 10 years together, and no one could answer it, now it’s shoved in my face here as well.
Or is just a deflective statement ,to defend your choice about having children?

I guess I didn’t read through carefully enough, @SQUEEKY2, but I missed where someone called you selfish, here. ( not saying it didn’t happen, I just didn’t see it)

I’m sure you were called “selfish” no more often than I was, for wanting biological children. In fact, the tone of your question would seem to indicate that you are calling me “selfish” (by intimating that it is somehow dishonorable and ignoble to add to the human pile-on.

Pots and kettles, maybe?

And just FYI, I didn’t get the impression that people here felt that they needed to “defend” anything to you.

@canidmajor It’s mainly an answer @BeenThereSaidThat wrote:

I for one am made aware often that it is a good thing that some people don’t multiply. People who want an actual family (not just two self centered people) want to have children. If they are not able too they will adopt since the need to want a family unit compels the majority of people. There will always the the few that just hate kids and value themselves more. such is life. Children and grandchildren are what make a person’s later years happy and keep them young. Your spouse won’t live forever and then you’re alone and isolated.

I agree with usmc, this topic has been chewed to death. enough already. People should do what they want and stop trying to convince others how great their choice was. I think children completes a couple but some don’t. That’s their problem, not mine.

I find that pretty awful to think and say. I do agree with you that sometimes people who have children, especially if that have more than two, are seen as selfish or some other negative association.

@SQUEEKY2 – I get the impression that this is a topic you feel very strongly about – so much so, that you may have lost track of the actual content.

@SQUEEKY2: “I simply wanted to know why people chose the flesh and blood rout, over adoption”

If this was your intention, the details in your question do not reflect this…

“Then with that said, wouldn’t it be better to adopt, make an unwanted child wanted?Wouldn’t it be more honourable, noble, and plain better for the planet to adopt then rather than add another human to the pile?”

As I asked above, would you be able to break down your argument that what we are talking about is a question of ethics?

There may be something really important we should be discussing here. And since you have raised this, it might be helpful for you to elaborate and really lay out your case.

As I said above, “I feel like this question would have been better asked without the suppositions in it. Like this: “What are your personal reasons to have or not have your own biological child(ren)?” And in the details: ‘Did you consider adoption or did you want only your own child and if so, why?’” @SQUEEKY2 seems to have an agenda and is looking only for answers that support his opinion here. Many reasons were given above to answer him, but he keeps arguing.

Thanks, @JLeslie, I didn’t notice that.

You argument is very logical, @SQUEEKY2. But “kids” is an emotional subject.

Wanting to have your own kids is selfish. But so is not wanting kids because you want to just enjoy your life without the added responsibility of children. Or whatever.

When it comes to making choices about parenting, there’s nothing wrong with being self-ish. You do what you feel is right for you (and your family).

Some people are meant to have kids. Some are meant to adopt. Some just aren’t meant to be parents. One isn’t better than the other. It’s just about figuring out which you’re best suited for. Squeezing yourself into a category that doesn’t fit you benefits no one.

Kumbaya, guys.

I find it interesting that people who are trying to express a generous thought in “It’s ok if you choose not to have children” seem to do so by saying that they’re not meant to have children. As if they would be incapable, or as if they would be terrible at it.

I actually think I would be a good parent – I just don’t happen to want children. That doesn’t make me selfish, or lazy, or a bad person, or anything else. It’s just who I am. An individual with my own wants, needs, desires, and tastes. I don’t feel that it’s my responsibility (or anyone else’s) to procreate if at all possible.

@dappled_leaves Good point. I really don’t see why it has to be analyzed at all what people decide to do with their lives. I guess people who find happiness with their children feel childless people are missing something and they are trying to help them find their way. Plus, most people want to feel their own decisions are good ones, cognitive dissonance and all that, so if they have kids, they have to feel like that was a brilliant idea. I say that a little sarcastic, I think most people can be more objective and onset with themselves than I make it out to be.

I don’t feel like I “chose.” I wanted to have biological children and had all sorts of fertility problems, multiple pregnancies, and I never got what I wanted. I live every day not having had what I wanted. Even if I adopted children I would not get what I had originally wanted.

It seems to be a fairly universal thing, that people need validation of their choices. And so they ask, “Why does everyone want/not want…to have children, to be married, to live in the city/suburbs/country, to own a house, rent a yurt, drive a car, take the bus,believe in God, be an atheist etc etc etc just like me?”
In my experience, it is a uniquely human trait to be able to explore the motivations of others, unfortunately it often digresses from a learning opportunity into snide (and often violent) denigrating of other ways.

@dappled_leaves There’s a difference between being capable of something and being meant to do something. There are a lot of things that I’m capable of, but that I’m just not meant to do. I’m sure that’s the same for most people?

An individual with my own wants, needs, desires, and tastes. I don’t feel that it’s my responsibility (or anyone else’s) to procreate if at all possible.

For me, that is selfish—but not lazy. There’s nothing wrong with being selfish in this situation. Just because you’re capable of being a good parent doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to be parents.

@fluthernutter Let’s just say that it difficult to separate a discussion of suitability from a discussion of capacity. That’s what I was responding to.

@dappled_leaves In my mind, there’s a clear distinction. Just wanted to make sure that came across in my posts.

@canidmajor I think the problem is that people follow this line of thinking:

I have good reasons for choosing A, therefore people who choose B have poor reasons for doing so.

It just doesn’t work that way.

People with kids can have great lives.

People who are child-less can have great lives.

Life is what you make of it.

@jca I agree, sorry if people were bothered by the wording, I did want to know why people chose the way they did.
I have always felt strongly towards adoption if the parent bug ever bit our ass, thank GOD it did not, I do feel the world is going to hell very quickly the poor keep getting poorer, the working joe keeps getting shit on, while the wealthy and powerful sit back and love every minute of it.
I also feel the world is grossly over populated,so have leaned towards maybe people should tend and look after the people that are already here instead of adding to this mess.
But people are very stubborn and could care less when it come to biological off spring,it’s what drives them and most have you stated why it’s important to you,so thank you.
BUT!!! NOW YOU KNOW WHY , it isn’t important to us. so we will end on that note.