What is the best thing to say to someone you're breaking up with?

Be truthful, sincere and don’t offer false hope. However, it’s really impossible to give you words to say. I don’t know about your relationship or why you’re ending things. I would organise to meet him somewhere quiet without distractions.

What I would also do is tell him plainly and simply that you don’t want to continue your relationship. Don’t mince words. Be straight and clear about this. Since you do care about him, tell him that but make it clear you aren’t in love with him anymore and that isn’t going to change. I’d tell him you’ve considered this decision carefully and why the relationship isn’t working for you anymore. He wants to know why. He wants you to explain why he isn’t right for you. Why you can’t keep trying to make things work. He will blame himself. So if you can give him truthful information, do so.

I wouldn’t promise to keep seeing him on a ‘friends’ basis because that just prolongs his pain. Make it a clean break and don’t try to sugar coat it with things like ‘it isn’t you, it’s me’ type rubbish. I’d also be cautious about taking calls from him for a while. You might be best to say you will be out-of-touch for at least a few weeks. I’d let him know you aren’t doing that to be cruel, but because you can’t help him heal and you need to take time to move on yourself.

This is based on no knowledge so it might not help at all! The keys are being honest, being sincere and again, not offering him false hope that you’ll change your mind. He will cling to that.

I hope you can do this as kindly as possible.

@Earthbound_Misfit It helps a lot, actually. Thank you very much.

Welcome. I hope it goes okay. I’d try to make some arrangement to leave so you don’t end up being there talking it out for hours. Don’t tell him and walk, but don’t hang around trying to make him feel better. It might be better to go to a place where he doesn’t have to drive home from. Make sure you can also leave easily. Public but quiet.

Why would you have to end a relationship with someone you “love a lot and care about”? That doesn’t make sense honestly. It kinda smacks of duplicity, to be frank.

If you already know what you’re going to say, I don’t understand what advice you are looking for.

If you love him and care a lot about him, I am also confused. Is this relationship not salvageable?

There isn’t an magic potion. No matter what you say, it’s going to hurt him.

Looking for things to say makes *you feel better, because you’re trying to justify things to yourself.*

He will still feel like shit no matter how you tell him.

(I know this from personal experience, I have been dumped by the best of them…)

It probably will suck. There is no great way to break up, no perfect thing to say. Tell him it isn’t working out and you want to break up. Then wait and see how he responds. If he has questions, answer them honestly, but don’t be mean. He might agree with you it isn’t working, he might be very upset, or very angry, it’s hard to know.

You must make sure you don’t leave him with hope.

The break up actually might go ok, and then an hour or day or week later he might start freaking out and calling you. Again, you need to be firm that it is over.

“This isn’t working out.”

Let him know you are having too many issues to continue in the relationship, and it’s best to end it now and not go through 6 months of arguing, pleading, and second thoughts only to end up still breaking up.

All relationships end. Some end when one person dies, the rest end sooner or later. Thank him and wish him best. Then walk away.

You may have custody of the cat, full & unconditional.

Just be honest. You can keep it short and bittersweet.

I can’t tell you what to say. You are the only one with all the details and only you know why it is over.

Best advice I can give you is do it in person; face to face, not by phone, text, email or any other impersonal way. You both deserve that.

Goodbye. And then just walk away. Clean. You are not required to explain anything once it’s over. What the other person does at that point is their problem, not yours.

I am unclear about what’s come up? Have your feelings for him changed? Have you changed? Tell him the truth. Be kind. Say you value your time with him and that you wish him the best. Keep it brief and structure it so you can leave quickly after telling him.

I guess that all standby that people have been using for generations. “I hope we can still remain friends”.

@BeenThereSaidThat That’s the worst thing to say when dumping someone out of the blue. Too often it leads to years of staying oddly connected and yet yearning for reconciliation and reconnection.

“Use your indoor voice please.”

I have to agree with @zenvelo. Saying we can be friends makes the break harder to get over. It has to be clear the relationship is over over. Very few people can just change to a friendship when a romantic relationship ends. It happens, but it’s rare. After months or years it can work.

There is no way to break up and be sure of not hurting anyone. Something that was nice is ending. It is best to say it has ended for you, and that is all. I agree that trying to console the other person won’t help anything.
I am sorry you are faced with your situation, but you will simply have to face it knowing someone will be hurt, maybe even you.

If he is very emotional it might be best to at least make a effort to remain friends. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pLTD23l468

“Still I’m glad for what we had and how I once loved you.”

@janbb ^^ Something inside has died and I can’t hide it
And I just can’t fake it
oh, no no no no no

Carole King does break-ups beautifully.

The exact words don’t matter so much, as long as you are calm, but firm. If he is emotional, he may try to prolong the conversation, asking where things went wrong or what he can do to change your mind.

You might want to have some sort of contingency plan, or give some thought to your safety. A breakup can bring out an unexpected side of someone.

The best way to do it is somewhere public, but anonymous. Somewhere like a coffeehouse or a park, where you can have a quiet conversation but there are still people milling around. You could also use the buddy system. Have a friend wait in the car, or at least tell him/her where you are going and when to expect you back. You could also do it over the phone. They say you’re supposed to break up in person, but if your safety is on the line that goes out the window.

No matter what happens, stay calm and stick to your guns. You are not responsible for their feelings or actions. There may reach a point where the conversation is going in circles, and there is no way to politely end it. If that happens, the only thing you can do is just leave.

I am still confused as to why this question is being asked if the OP says she already knows how she is going to do it.

@jca She says she knows how she’ll do it; she is asking for advice on what to say.