What's the most clueless question anyone has ever asked you?

So I was sitting behind the reference desk at my college’s library, and this woman walks up and asks, “excuse me, where are the books?”

I almost died

I was at a bakery with my boss (at the time).
They were selling Half a Pie for $5.99.
She said, “That’s great – but what do they do with the other half?

@ the cinema, waiting to see “Jumper”
lady: Hi, is this the line for “jumper”?
me: Hi, yes!
Lady: Have u seen it (????????)
me: no yet…
Lady: is it any good???
me: (somebody please kill me)

Just this Friday:

Wife: Gretchen (a friend) has a computer question for you.
Me: OK, I may be able to help – is this a PC or a Mac?
Gretchen: What’s a Mac?
Me: (unsure laugh)
(awkward silence)
Me: Never mind, what’s your question?

I named my daughter Ryan, and it never ceases to amaze me when people ask either her or me, “Were you/Was your mom expecting a boy?”
C’mon people, if I was expecting a boy, did they really think that when I saw she had girl parts I thought to myself, “You know, I am sooo totally disappointed that I had a girl. I think I will give her a boy’s name just to mess with her FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE!!?!”
I knew very early on that I was having a girl, and I absolutely love the name Ryan for a girl, so I went ahead and named my girl Ryan, intentionally.

I have twins, a boy and a girl. I always get asked if they’re identical. I usually say, “that would be unfortunate for one of them.”

In my story it’s not so much the question as the answer that was funny:
my sister and I were constantly mistaken for twins when we were little, so when my sis went from kindergarten to 1st grade, she was in same class as this boy from same kindergarten. After first day, he goes home and:

boy: one of the twins from kindergarten is in my class
boy’s mum: what about the other twin?
boy: she’s one year younger…

Great question.

I wear a lot of shirts that have bands’ names on them. I can’t stand it when someone asks “Do you like (band on shirt)?” Why would I wear the shirt if I didn’t like the band.

Don’t mind beast, he’s being a dick.

Since the question was about questions I’ve been asked, I should give an example of that too (having worked in customer support the last 8 years, I’ve had a few priceless examples). One of my favorites:
customer: can you replace my unit?
me: is it faulty?
customer: not now, it got repaired
me: so, your unit is working as it should?
customer: yes
me: and you want me to replace it?
customer: yes
...

I used to volunteer at the Field Museum in Chicago, and I happened to work at the information desk located directly in the center of the main hall where all the exhibits branch off of. One of the newest additions to the museum was Sue, the most complete T-rex ever found (at that point in time). She was placed with pride at one end of this main hall so all could see her. Check here. One day this woman came up to me and asked me the following:
“What on earth is that over there? (motioning toward Sue). Is that like some kind of giant kangaroo?”

I had no response.

Two, both asked on extremely short dates.

1. “Are blind people allowed to use handicapped parking spaces?”

2. (Driving down I-5 north of Del Mar about 8 pm) “Why are the lights on that side” indicating the opposite lane headlights “always white, and these ones” indicating the taillights in the lanes before us “always red?”

Like pup, both were followed by my awkward, unreciprocated laugh, and a horrible dawning realization.

a girl I go to school with asks dumb questions on a daily basis, she never ceases to amaze me. but two that come to mind are: “Can you break your thigh?” and “Is dirt alive?”

Long ago, when the world was young, I used to work in the meat department at a Safeway. I worked late evenings cleaning. One night I’m wearing my Safeway hat and blood covered apron spraying off the tables and saws with a pressurized hose. I was doing all this behind the glass windows in the meat department when a woman leans over and knocks on one of the windows. When I slid open the window she asked, “Excuse me, do you work here?”.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

This one still baffles me. My mother was in the hospital, dying. She had been slipping in and out of consciousness for days, and was very ill, and a few weeks shy of 90. I stayed with her as late as I possibly could the night before and got home very late, exhausted. The phone rang early in the morning. It was a social worker (not the hospitals,a temporary replacement, the regular ones were over loaded at the time). He asked me what time I was going to come and pick her up. Stunned, I went over very carefully with him to make sure we were taking about the same patient. After I confirmed that, I realized that he had not even bothered to go in and see her first. I then asked him to go in and ask her what SHE preferred.

After getting her first job and first paycheck, my step daughter came home crying. I asked what was wrong. She showed me her check and asked, “but…this isn’t money…how will I turn this paper into money?” I explained about endorsing the check and going to the bank to cash it. She looked at me dumbfounded and said she still did not understand how the bank would turn it into money. Wow! I love her, but wow!!! My daughter came into the living room one day madder than a hornet at her half sister. ( the same one with the banking question) She said she had spent the last hour trying to explain the difference between horizontal and vertical to her sister… This step daughter will be a freshman at UT this fall.

“How do I jailbreak my iPhone?” ;)

edit: hospital’s

My co-worker is the dumbest person I know. Great girl, but lacks common sense. One I can remember is that she looked at me with all the confusion in the world and said “Whats an engine?!”. She also went up to my coworker who is three months pregnant and said “my.. You’re humongous for being three months pregnant!” sigh….

Oh & @ andrew; I don’t know how to jailbreak my iPhone! :(

@ mzgator: holy shit. LOL

My sister-in-law is “intellectually challenged” and is always saying things that amuse the rest of us.

Once she was talking about construction workers putting in a new patio – before they laid the concrete, they had to put in the “rhubarb.”

It’s not a question, and I’ve told this story before but I love it so here goes:
One particularly hot summer’s drought, a dim-witted restaurant mamager I worked for suggested that we could conserve water by putting more ice in the glasses.

I’m loving this thread, so damn funny.

Also when I used to work at a movie cinema as the cashier I used to get this all the time-
“What time does your midnight movie start?”
“How much is the dollar fifty matinée?”
That last one dates me.

My mother in law told me she had gotten drunk the night before. She said, ” last night I frank myself all the way to Bolivia!”... Instead of oblivion.

My husband’s boss came into work bragging about his brand new Tampax laptop. ( Compaq)

Haha, Bolivia, Tampax laptop – good stuff.

I was talking to someone one day about yogurt. He said he can’t eat yogurt unless it’s frozen (cause of the consistency). I asked, “So, frozen yogurt isn’t really yogurt that’s frozen, or is it?”
Right after I said it I realized how stupid it sounded, but it was too late.

@Eambos- I absolutely understand where you are coming from. I have that happen to me a lot also. Most of the time it is the same kid, which pisses me off more.

I have had a lot of baffling questions, but right now I can only think of one.
First of I work at McDonald’s so I am bound to have retarded people come in there. (Especially working the drive through as I do.)
Me: Hi what can I get for you today?
Lady: I want a FOF meal.
Me: Would you like that medium or large?
Lady: What do you mean medium or large?? I want a FOF meal!!
Me: Yes and would you like it to be medium or large…?
Lady: How is a sandwich medium or large?!?!? I said I want a FOF meal!!
Me: The meal comes with fries and a drink. Would you like them medium or large?
Lady: Why would I want LARGE fries?!!? Just give me the medium FOF meal!!!
Me: Yes , no problem pull around please. ::shoots self in head::

@Trance: At least it wasn’t Picard at your window.

At my school, every year the grade nines go on a camp, that’s in tents, out woop woop in the bush, at the same time that everyone else starts school. When we are in grade eight, we have an information night to find out everything about this camp. One girl in my class (mind you, she didn’t realise until that year that the earth revolved and orbited the sun, and the moon orbited the earth…) put up her hand and asked “Is there somewhere I’ll be able to plug in my hair straightener?”

I went to Cozumel and I was snorkeling with a guide and a bunch of other tourist. Most of these peoples didn’t know what they where doing. I was diving 15–20 feet to the bottom checking out stuff. When I came up a woman was treading water looking at me. She asked me how I dived like that. I told her I stick my head down and kick. Then she asked me If I held my breath when I dived. She was serious too. I looked at her and said “No way, holding your breath is for wimps.” Then I swam off.

“Can I ask you a question?”
me: you just did.

How about questions that “step over the line” and are too personal, rather than just clueless. When I was pregnant with my first child, total strangers in my office building would say, “Congratulations! Was it intentional?” (Another pregnant woman, who was also asked this again and again, took to saying, “No. My husband and I were just overtaken with passion one day in the elevator of our apartment building and, well, you can see the result.”

I’m not a woman, but is it ever polite to ask somone if they are pregnant? I would never do this unless I already was 99.9% sure.

There’s always that little chance of you being wrong and offending someone.

It was a friday afternoon, wanted to hit the cinema and “the notebook” was the only movie playing at that time, so I got my ticket…
I was in front of the candyshop, it was totally crowded, I walked through and I didn’t see the coke on the floor (just imagine, it was hard and embarrasing) so here it begins:
boy: excuse me sir, did u fall?
me: no, I’m looking for something
boy, ah, do you need any help
me: help me find my cellphone, my glasses and my chocolate bar please
boy: here :)
me: thank you
boy: sure u didn’t fall?
me: oh God
I started walking and I just heard this loud laugh… then in the hall
lady: why is everybody laughing?
me: some kid was asking silly questions
lady: really?
me: nope
lady: u just got one milky way, are u alone
me: yes.
lady: me too
after talking a while
lady: did u fall?
me: nope
lady: i saw u did
me…...............................................................

I don’t know how many times during this pregnancy I’ve been asked “What are you expecting” my replies vary from a watermelon to a baby or if I’m feeling very annoyed I just act clueless until they feel embarrassed for assuming I’m pregnant.

I don’t remember what the question my friend asked but my husband replied..

DH: You’re about as sharp as a bowling ball.

Long pause…

Friend: But…bowling balls aren’t sharp!

An elderly aunt once in all seriousness asked us if we were sure our son was a boy. He was two and had longer hair.