How did the tradition of bridesmaids and best men being friends and siblings develop, and why do the parents take a back seat?

The bridesmaids and groomsmen are holdovers from the practices of European nobles who were always accompanied by a retinue of assistants at important occasions. For the wedding, the bride and groom take on the trappings of nobility for the day; since they likely don’t have employed servants, good friends fill that role as a way of honoring the bride or groom. Since this is nominally a position of service, it would be unbecoming for a parent to step into that role.

@thorninmud Very interesting! I had no idea, and that makes a lot of sense. I guess that also explains why the best man and maid of honor are supposed to do things for the bride, whether it be put together a bridal shower, or run an errand that needs doing for the wedding. I never liked that burden being put on “guests” of a wedding in a place of honor. Nowadays it is an honor, but I guess way back when it was a different place in the heirarchy so to speak.

The term groomsmen left my brain. I knew there was a specific word, thank you for writing it.

I think the parents step back to signify the transition, from living in their household to the new life the married couple is creating. And the friends and siblings are stepping up to stand by the married couple as another support system.

@thorninmud “For the wedding, the bride and groom take on the trappings of nobility for the day…”

That’s interesting, and makes so much sense! It’s always seemed kind of… I don’t know, vain? to me that a bride would have all her friends to wear matching dresses. (And they’re dresses that you can never wear again for anything.)

The look of a wedding party makes the bride stand out and the friends blend in. It kind of accomplishes the same thing as backup dancers in a music video. It’s like, “all my ladies are here for me, but I am the special one.”

Maybe that’s why some people go overboard on their weddings? Think about children’s movies and novels, how many of the protagonists are princesses? Or if they’re not a princess, the lead character is at least special, different, and destined for greatness. Maybe people still subconsciously want to be the princess, and this is the one day where you can make that happen. (I don’t really know anything about grooms and groomsmen so this is just the female perspective.)

That’s why I actually really liked this (from Sex and the City 2, of all fucking things.) The main relationships in the series are the four best friends. To the main character, these friendships are just as important as her relationship with the guy. So each of the best friends has her own fabulous dress in a different color. It’s like they are all princesses together. I love it!

It’s generational. The wedding attendants, as witnesses, are of the same generation as the bride and groom and will be around to support the couple for many years. The parents die off, besides, they are old and can’t be empathetic.

I think it also puts them on display as well, for potential mates.