How do you torment your significant other?

We torture each other. I make her sit through my fantasy movie marathon (Legend, Labrynth, LadyHawke) and she makes me sit through lowbrow comedy (Space Balls, Dumb and Dumber, Major Payne).

She’s never forgiven me for The Adventures Of Buckaroo Bonsai Across the 8th dimension.

She gets me with Chick Flicks.
I fart in my sleep.

I make him go to shows. Like I made him come to see A Chorus Line with me (I didn’t like that much either), and Jersey Boys, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang… I never used to like shows until I went to see Mary Poppins.

I have tickets to see The Lion King. I keep saying I’ve bought a ticket for him but I’ve actually already organised for my daughter to come with me. I’m not telling him that yet. It’s too much fun to torment him with ‘when we go to see The Lion King’ and then he goes ‘I’m not going! No way!’ This is a man who walked out of Cats and went to the pub. I figure The Lion King is just too much for him to bear. It’s fun to torment him though.

I talk when I know he would rather me not. I don’t do it all the time, but I sometimes do it purposely when I know he is at his wits end with me. Then if I am too quiet for too long he asks me why I am not talking to him and not paying attention to him.

I don’t make him watch my shows too often, but he sure does it to me. I have seen so many car shows I could fill half a year 24 hours a day with them.

Sometimes I make him stop at the supermarket when we are out. He hates that.

Oh and I put my cold feet on him at night. He’s always toasty and warm.

Imagine getting dry humped all day while trying to do menial tasks around the house.

By whinging, whining and whimpering!

@Blackberry LOL. My husband grabs and hugs and pokes at me when I am in the kicthen. It’s the worst time. I am cooking, cutting, and he is making me jump, pull away, and restricting my movement. WTH? He says he finds it attractive that I am actually doing something productive. Jerk. :)

Our marriage is built on the love of tormenting each other. We’re really just big immature kids most of the time. Being mean to each other is one thing we like to do. Our play fights always concerns people.

These are some recent ones…

Him: [says something, anything]
Me: Do you try to sound that stupid or does it just come naturally?
Him: F*ck you.
Me: Could you just shut up? Your voice is going through my head like a knife.
Him: Welcome to my world for the last seven years of my miserable f*cking life.

Me: Remember a year ago when you were all skin, bones, and hair? Now you’re all fluffy and squishy. [pinch at imaginary love handles]
Him: Yeah. We switched places…

Me: You can’t walk the extra two feet and put that in the dishwasher?
Him: You’re in the way.
Me: I’m just standing in this tiny space. Walk around me.
Him: You call that a tiny space?
Me: Trust me, I know tiny. [glance at his crotch]
Him: Ouch.

Yep, pretty normal for us. It’s fun. We don’t mean any of it. :)

Other methods of torture include…

- Him getting really close to my ear while chewing pizza or something because he knows hearing him chew on stuff while his mouth is closed grosses me out.

- Me saying his name over and over and over when I want to be extra annoying. “Josh? Josh! Josh….Josh…..Josh…..JoshJoshJoshJoshJosh! JOOOOOOOOOOOSH!”

- Him tickling my collarbone while I’m driving. I don’t know why, but it sends these weird sensations through my body and I hate it. He knows it and uses it to his advantage.

- Licking wars. I don’t know why I feel the need to lick his face from time to time, but he certainly gets me back a lot worse than I got him. You know that’s what’s going on when I scream, “Ew! Why is your spit so slimy?!”

Every once in a while I punch him in the dick.

I insist on watching 60 Minutes on Sunday nights (after football, of course,) and KPTS / Nova / Nature for all of Wednesday evening,starting at 7. In return he gets to watch whatever he wants most of Sunday, all of Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. When he gets pissed over something he’ll make comments about how my Sunday and Wednesday shows are me being selfish.

you still watch tv?!

Workin on it. I know there are better ways, but we’re still under contact to D Stupid Idiotic TV.

I’ll add when he watches The View with me. He just watched the last 15 minutes, he wanted to see Billy Crystal on it, and then he was wowed by a little Norweigian girl who won Norway’s Got Talent for her singing, and still when the show finally ended he said, “thank God, I was already starting to feel more stupid.” He hates girl shows.

HE taalks when I read, I pretend to listen like ‘oh yeah?’ We do that a lot.

I bake goodies and make him wait until he can taste them.

HE taalks during movies, I pretend to listen like ‘oh yeah?’ We do that a lot. Drives me nuts, actually, because I think it’s really rude, but I deal with it.