At which point in life did you feel really derailed, scared or trapped?

It was my own doings. When I was younger, making bad choices is all I knew how to do. I was in my early teens.

I am on a better track now. Not easy, but better.

1991 – 2002. Divorced, single, in utter poverty in spite of the fact I had a teaching degree, 4 kids, no child support, no family, no friends, no help.

I felt badly trapped towards the end of my first marriage and to a lesser extent towards the end of my second marriage as well. The first time was perhaps bad luck the second time a misjudgement.

@Dutchess_III didn’t that send you flying into anxiety/depression?

Mornings. Weekday mornings.

No. I didn’t have the time to dwell on it! Or, I’m just one of those lucky people who manages, through no fault of my own, to be able to smile and laugh through it all, and concentrate on the positives instead of the negatives. It was stressful, but what I remember most is that it was one of the best times, too. My kids were still l young. So many good memories from that time.

Derailed, and trapped, off and on, constantly but it got more intense the more “things” I accumulated. Now I wonder what it would be like if I had less responsibilities to keep the bills paid, lawns mowed, people pleased.

Every damn day. It reminds me that I’m alive.

I was living in Central Florida when three hurricanes made a direct hit on my town in a 6 week period. The first one was fascinating to me. But once all the oranges that were blown off the trees started to rot on the ground, they produced this terrible stench that made me gag whenever I went outside. A few weeks later the second one hit and it damaged my apartment badly enough that I had to move. The third one hit and I lost it.

I am not a religious person, but I was convinced briefly that God was telling me to get the hell out of Florida. When I was scouting the area, everyone had told me there wasn’t a direct hurricane hit on the town in over 80 years. The first one hit a week or two after I moved there. I thought it was a sign. I thought God had it in for me. I know it’s crazy but I went nuts when the third one came in.

During all of the hurricanes, I felt trapped. The roads were flooded or covered with downed trees or power lines. The very small town I lived in was out of power for several weeks after the first hurricane. Power was restored right before the second one hit. The power was still out when the third one hit. I couldn’t flush the toilet, drink the water.. no air conditioning during the summer in Central Florida. I couldn’t even travel anywhere because the gas station pumps didn’t work without electricity and I had to save gas for emergencies.

All the food in my refrigerator rotted completely twice because of the power outages. The stove was electric and I had no camp stove. I had to eat dry ramen noodles (no running water) and cold canned soup for weeks.

The roaches and palmetto bugs LOVED the heat after the hurricanes and they were fruitful and multiplied. I had to sleep totally under the covers even though it was sweltering because I didn’t want to wake up with palmetto bugs (giant roaches as big as the palm of my hand) crawling around on my face. My school where I worked got infested with fleas. I brought them home. I’m allergic to fleas so I had huge open bleeding sores all around my ankles.
I felt like I was an Egyptian during the plagues of Moses. I was too depressed to want to die.

Anyway, hurricane season ended and I gradually became sane again. Just as I was feeling pretty good about life, it was the next hurricane season. A FOURTH hurricane made a direct hit on the town. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the other three, but it was enough for me. I put in my notice and moved out as fast as I could.

I have no desire to ever go back there. EVER.

With my American ex husband all I could think about was going home and I finally did it at the end I was ready to swim back.

It is too personal, and too painful, but the situation put my kids at risk, and I was powerless to do anything. It still shadows most every day of my life with an ugly film I wish I could scrub away.
We all lived, and we all bear the scars. Life is good, and going forward a sweet taste.

The year after I dropped out of college. I tried to write it out a couple times, but it sounded like a terrible lifetime movie or a Very Special Episode. Like, if it hadn’t actually happened to me, I would think I was making it up. It was wack as fuck.

Right now. For the first time more than ever I feel like I want to escape. It’s not totally horrible, I have all sorts of things to be grateful for, but it is the first time I am really understanding what many women have told me before about feeling boxed in and not living the life they thought they would, or not exactly that, but that if they were not married things would be different. Like being on a train and you want to get off. The thing is it isn’t like I am fed up with my husband, it’s more complicated than that. It’s more like I want him to be happy so I don’t listen to my own head and what I want as clearly as I should.

@keobooks I was there for the 4 hurricanes in one year. I think it was 2004? That was a crazy summer. I had my house completely closed up for over two months. It was like living in a cave. After the first one we started to feel bad we hadn’t taken down our shutters and thought for sure the HOA was going to give us a notice, and then the next hurricane was coming. We were so glad we left the shutters up. A woman who worked with my husband had just moved to FL a few months before that hurricane season and she was so freaked out. Not afraid, but miserable, and I think she thought all summers were like that in Florida. then 2005 was bad too. Wilma damaged my house.

I felt trapped big time before I finally made the break and moved out in 1985. What a relief.

I felt extremely tapped in a bad marriage before I divorced some years ago, then, losing my home in 2013 due to the economic collapse left me feeling very derailed, scared about my future. The good news is I am very adaptable and blessed with an easy going and fairly non-neurotic personality style. I have now landed in a comfortable spot again after 18 months of displacement and stress. I am not even close to being out of the woods on a financial level, but I AM living in the woods again on a great ranch property after a 14 month stint in town.

Gah…I hate city living.

Right now. I knew it was something I would have to deal with eventually but I wasn’t prepared for the constant feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.