Do you keep talking?
When you’re at a restaurant and a waiter/waitress comes up to the table to provide a service that requires no interruption (like refilling water) do you continue whatever conversation you may be having and not acknowledge their general presence, or do you pause the conversation you’re having – either because it’s private, or simply to say “thank you” and acknowledge their presence? Does it depend on the kind of restaurant you’re in?
This question was actually inspired by multiple movies/TV shows that I’ve seen where, typically, the “fancy restaurant” patrons tend to acknowledge the servers a lot less frequently, so I guess I was curious to see how it carried over in reality with Jellies.
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I would continue talking but I always pause to thank them for whatever they do, each time.
I will always at least say “Thank You”. To not acknowledge their existence seems like the epitome of rude.
Not only do I tend to stop talking while the server is present, but I tend to alert the table if the server’s arrival is imminent. I’m not hiding anything, but I’m trying to give them the opportunity to impart any information they may have (“Everything’s on track and we should bring your food about the time you finish your salads”) or questions (“More bread?”).
In my opinion a really good server will have something to say every time they approach the table. Since they’re on the clock and time is money, I want to make it as painless for them as possible. They’re not my servants, they are paid by someone else to serve my needs while at the restaurant.
My friends and I are the types that tend to develop a rapport with the really good servers.
I tend to be the type that’s really hard on the really bad servers. If you bring the main course to all but one at the table, then bring the rest 8–15 minutes later? You’re toast. There is a reason they call it “The Service Industry, and I’ve done my share.
I look them in the eye and thank them. They’re taking care of me, why shouldn’t I be nice? But where I go I go a lot. Most of them know me by sight.
It depends on a few things for me. A conversation with friends goes above certain other interactions for me. If I have a friend talking about a sweet deal she got at a yard sale, I will feel okay to divert to a yes please, thank you, for the moment. If a friend is sobbing because a family member is in a coma, I hope the server has the grace to know my nod means yes we would like refills. I thank servers, but I don’t feel I need to interrupt conversation every time the table is approached.
I tend to stop whatever conversation I’m having, very briefly, so that I can say “thank you”, make eye contact and smile, and to also give the server a chance to ask if anything is wanted/needed – because I don’t want them to feel like they have to interrupt anyone. I’m glad to hear that everyone else is kind and polite. :)
Eye contact and “thank you”. It’s just good manners.
The reason it happens less in movies is the law of conservation of detail. Time is money in movies and on TV. So in most cases, they skip minor everyday details. (In theory) to make it into a movie or TV show, a detail should advance the plot or flesh out a character.
So basically, if the scene is 30 seconds long and the characters are talking about a high-stakes conspiracy, they won’t spare 2 of those seconds for the waiter.
The only place I see an exception to that is artsy/ indie movies and, like, Quentin Tarantino, who make a point of dwelling on small details.
I ask if they speak italian.
It depends.
In some restaurant settings, it is considered a faillure by the staff to get noticed. Their aim is to be ‘the invisible helpers’ and thanking them would actually be inapropriate.
In less formal places, though, I would definetely take time to say thanks and recognize them.
Sometimes, a waiter or waitress can be rather annoying. I tend to try to ignore them in that case.
I do the same as with our staff at home, polite thanks & common courtesy, only difference being, they’re on the payroll.
Usually I say thank you to them. On occasion I continue talking with little acknowledgement. It depends party on the conversation I am having or if my mouth is full, all sorts of possibilities.
Always stop, smile, say thank you.
I do thank them and sometimes would go on to ask them how they are doing.
I do thank them but I also find it annoying when they interrupt what is clearly a deep conversation just to ask if, “Everything is ok.”
Well, it depends – it always depends. If I’m in the middle of telling a story (or listening to one from a dining companion), then my focus stays where it is: on my own or others’ speech or action. If I’m in a lull in table conversation, then my focus goes to the server. In any case, I do always thank the server for the service – and for waiting and not interrupting, if she did that, too. After all, I’m there as a paying guest (or a guest of someone else who’s paying), and the server is doing a job. I respect and acknowledge the server’s beingness and humanity, but I do it on my own terms – as “the employer” in this situation.
@ucme
Staff at home is different. You cannot just always continue to thank and recognize, etc.
When we have guests we expect our staff to not interact with the table. After all, there is no need for them to do so.
@whitenoise We adopt a more relaxed approach, works all round & makes for a healthy ambiance betwixed staff & guests.
Well actually, we have staff.
We do recognize them, though.
After a while though, one doesn’t recognize every individual encounter anymore. That becomes silly and awkward.
Our staff rarely serves at the table though… Only when we have guests. And we interact quite informal.
We have a gardener, a driver and a maid/nanny. When we have guests our maid gets some of her friends over.
Our maid joins us on our vacations, but then she is our guest and doesn’t do anything.
Nope. Sorry.
We cannot afford any more.
I will let you know though if things change. :-)
Gardener/butler/chef/valet/3 maids on rotating season shifts & a partridge in a pear tree (unpaid)
Sarah cooks for us on weekdays… She’s off in the weekend.
I know it’s a kind of poor… sometimes we even do our own dishes.
^^ I’ll have what he’s having!!
#riffraff #peasants #newmoney
#riffraff #peasants #nomoney
#deludeddutch ##shmokeandapancake
It depends. If we’re in the private room of the restaurant with no surveillance, then I pause the conversation and wait for the waiter to leave or ask them not to come back for 5 minutes.
If it is a private room with surveillance, then it is no different than having a table in the public room in which case I would not be having any private conversations so there would be no need for me to stop my conversation if a waiter was present.
I don’t thank waiters or anyone for that matter who receives payment from me. Why would I thank them for providing a service I’m paying for? If anything, they should be thanking me for dining in their restaurant.
@eno Was that a genuine question? I could give you a lot of reasons I think thanking people, regardless of whether or not they’re providing a service you’re paying for, is acceptable and kind.
@eno In that case, I’ll spare you and save us both some time.
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