Any Fluther women ever been from working in a job to housewife or stay-at-home-mum or simply unemployed?

I’ve made it several times!

I did it a few times as well. Each time was simply a transition from one lifestyle to another, with a different set of tasks to perform.
When I was home with young kids I sometimes missed the adult interaction and the structure of an outside-of-the-home job. When I was out at work I missed the more fluid (albeit much more demanding!) and spontaneous time at home, and I missed my kids.

ONce this year for 3 months. It was hard for me because I love working but I needed a sabbatical.

I’ve made this transition a few times. From outside work to stay-at-home mum, back to work and then back to at-home-mum and then back to outside work. I don’t recall the transition being too hard. I had plenty to keep me occupied with my little people and with my study, my partner’s business.

When finances or my own need for outside work arose, I went back to the workforce. I think the longest I was a stay-at-home mum was seven years but during that time I also studied and I helped my partner with his business. So I was doing other things as well as being a mum.

I think it’s important to develop networks outside the home. It could be at the local library or as part of the school community. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. I found not having any adult interaction hard. I love my children, but I needed to have adults to engage with too. I found study helped. That gave me something that was my own to do.

I went from working to not working. I don’t have any children. I didn’t work for about 5 years. I loved it for a long time. After about 3 years I took a volunteer position as social chair for a club we belong to.

I feel in some ways it negatively impacted my marriage and in some ways it was helpful in my marriage. I do think since my husband was first attracted to me as a working women, the better ideal in our marriage is probably me working and hiring people to make other aspects of our life easier. The thing is, as my husband’s career and position have become increasingly higher up in the ranks, having a wife that can sort of adjust to his schedule makes some things much smoother, and provides opportunity for us to spend a lot of time together. I think it is difficult for both people in a marriage to have demanding jobs, but people do it all the time.

One thing that causes some problems in my own marriage is I haven’t been a great housekeeper, and since that is my job now, it frustrates my husband and there have been some arguments on the topic. I completely agree that since I am not working I should be doing the domestic stuff. I know if I went back to work full time my husband would pick up some chores, or we would hire someone to help with some chores.

Around year 4 of not working I really started to feel like people didn’t care that I used to work. It was too far in the past and that old identity was disappearing. It did and does bother me a little.

I recently started a job part time, but I don’t really like it. I think if I am going to work I should seek something I like better.

I’ve never had trouble going from working to not working. I’ve always stayed busy either with volunteer work, or paid work, or projects around the house. There are always more things to do than I have time for.

What @snowberry said. There is more than enough to keep us busy. We have time to help others, volunteer and time for our hobbies after we’re done taking care of our home and family. I’ve worked, been laid off, gone to school when my boys were still in diapers and have been a stay-at-home parent for many years. The hardest transition for me was going to work and leaving my children in the care of someone else.

I really hate the assumption that stay-at-home parents or spouses aren’t ‘working’. The assumption that stay-at-home parents or spouses have no life because they are home all day. This is not true. I recently came across a wonderful article I’d like to share. Being a Stay-at-Home Parent Is a Luxury … for Your Spouse If you ever felt guilty for not working for pay, or if you have any misconceptions about stay-at-home parents you need to read this.

@jonsblond I don’t think people assume stay at home parents aren’t “working,” it’s that they don’t work at a job outside the home. Unfortunately, in English, we use the word work in many ways.

Not working is usually seen as a luxury, and I understand why people see it that way, although I also understand that stay at home moms can be busy all day and their role in the household is real work.

I think most people envy not having to work. I think possibly you are met with judgement, if you feel you are, because you and your husband have some financial struggles. For all I know if you had worked paying for childcare would not have been worth it. It might be financially better not to work, so I am not saying I am making any assumptions. I am just saying that I think income plays a part in how people look at it or judge other peoples choices.

A girlfriend of mine lives a lower middle class lifestyle. They can afford everything they need, they even sent both children to private school for a while, they live in a nice neighborhood, and she chose to be a stay at home mom. Eventually, once her children were both in school, and I heard her talking about all the ways she tried to save money, and she seemed a little depressed, I asked her if she might want to go back to work. I thought it would help her feel better, and I thought the extra money would help her feel more free, even though she would be giving up some of her free time to work, and even some already busy time where some things would have to give. She actually did start working part time about a year later. It’s not that I thought she had too much free time on her hands, it’s that I thought working would be helpful in her situation.

@JLeslie Our finances have nothing to do with the assumptions I’ve heard from others while I’ve been a stay at home parent.

@jonsblond I would not assume you know what people are thinking. I just know for me, I’ll speak for myself and some other people I know, when people struggle financially and could work and choose not to, one thing that comes to our minds is working might make some things better. It’s always very complicated though, so I don’t assume to know anyone else’s full situation.

In terms of people assuming stay at home moms have it easy, I think mom’s who work outside the home and have kids feel split in two sometimes, and if they didn’t have to get to work by 8:30 after dropping off the kids at school and worry they would lose pay or even if their job if they have to stay home if their child gets sick; some of those moms might see the grass greener on the other side.

I don’t know if a lot of moms where you live stay at home? I know many moms who do, and many who don’t, they are both nornal to me.

@JLeslie: I don’t have financial difficulties and I was often judged harshly when I stayed at home. I was called “lazy”, was told that I was setting a bad example for my kids, and was often rhetorically asked “What o you do all day?” by people who were then not interested in hearing the answer. When people asked in a snarky way I got so my stock answer was “Eat bonbons and watch soaps.”

As an example of how skewed the perceptions are, one of my friends worked in advertising for awhile for a group that represented a major liquor brand. When she had her kids she could no longer reconcile her job with her parental values. She had never received any negativity from the general public for trying to make liquor attractive to young consumers, but was repeatedly vilified for choosing to stay at home. Granted this was 20 years ago, but I am still seeing those attitudes displayed today.

I have done both, and it is easier, IMO, to work out of the home.

Often. My husband was in the military. I went from employed. Married and then stay at home mom till my youngest was in 1st grade and then employed on and off as we moved to different places. I could not work everywhere. Especially in Japan because by the time there was an opening for a job on base, it was time to move on. Or simply we would go to a station where he would be gone a lot for months at a time and the kids only had me to take them to events and help them with school and to volunteer at the school.

Now I’m over 50 and the kids are grown and I am done looking for work. My husband still works and I am officially retired because I can afford to be. If I had to work I would. Transition can be handled so long as you find something to do in the mean time.

I keep myself busy. I’ve always have found things to do. I never stop reading and expanding my mind. I work out regularly to keep fit. If any thing, I find I have more time to do those things when ever I wasn’t employed. When I was working, I had little time for myself. My days would being and simply end with me washing dishes and preparing my clothes for the next day and then off to bed. People wonder how can I be happy being home and I wonder how can they be happy going to work and not feel like a hamster on a wheel to only get off to poop, eat, wash, sleep and back on the wheel. Unless you have an awesome job.

@JLeslie I know I have brought up our financial difficulties in the past, but I have not done so here and it has nothing to do with my experience and the situations I am describing on this question. I wish you would stop using me as an example, please.

The things I often hear from working moms are that we are “lazy” and “unfulfilled.” I hear how boring it must be and it would drive these women crazy if they had to stay home all day. My own two half-sisters looked down on my mother because she stayed home after her children left home. They basically thought my mother was worthless. My father made more than enough money to support his family. We were never hurting for money. It’s the idea that being home and taking care of your family is an unfulfilled life. I’ve heard this my entire life from those who look down on stay-at-home parents.

Yes, there are parents who stay home where I live. We are the parents who volunteer at the school and help the working parents when they are in a bind. I think the rural community I live in now is more supportive of stay-at-home parents. The times I heard rude comments was when I lived near a large city. I had a hard time finding friends where I lived before because most of the women worked and these were the women who would never stay home even if they could. That kind of lifestyle would be too boring for them. Who would be bored taking care of their own children? Why have children if the thought of staying home with them is boring? ugh

I have known women who wanted two children, and ended up with a multiple birth or two. The more kids you have, the harder it is to work outside of the home, if you only consider the cost of childcare. And assuming the kids grow up in a stable home, children who have the same people around all the time really do better. They are not as fractured socially, having the opportunity to fully bond with one or two caregivers. They have fewer problems academically socially, and physically. I’ve read the reports, but I’m too tired to hunt up the data. It’s out there though.

Relevant article: https://gma.yahoo.com/being-stay-home-parent-luxury-spouse-175200278--abc-news-parenting.html

@canidmajor I get asked those things too by some people. I didn’t work for years and don’t have kids, you don’t think people ask if I am bored or what I do all day? I do have a cushier life not working than when I worked even though my day fills up. I own it and I am grateful. But, most people I know don’t wonder what stay at home moms with young children do all day. However, I believe you, it’s not that I question whether people say that stuff to you. Maybe it’s that we want credit for what we do do? I get that. But, really, we shouldn’t care what other people assume of think.

@jonsblond I don’t mean you in particular, but I’ll never bring it up again, because you take it so personally. If you weren’t on this Q I would have still made the point.

One of my friends who was a stay at home started to get really annoyed that the school always went to her to help out and they did basically assume she had more time to help. Another friend of mine who worked a ton of hours and worked a odd shift also used to get crap from teachers who were not understanding if her schedule. What I take from what my friends have told me is the demands on parents to participate and help raise money are ridiculous now.

I’m speaking generally here rather than directing this comment to anyone in particular.

It would be wonderful if people could just accept we all have different needs, priorities, life expectations and desires. Some women want to work in the home and look after their families, others want or need to go out into the workforce. It’s such a pity that women, regardless of the choices they make or the situations they find themselves in, are judged by others. It is ridiculous that mothers who work at home are judged lazy or mothers who go out into the workforce for a variety of reasons are judged irresponsible. And I’m sure every woman here has had other judgements thrown at them for working or not working, having children or not having children and a multitude of other things.

I want my daughters to have choice. If they want to be stay-at-home mums, great. If they want to work, that’s great too. If they want to have children, wonderful. If they don’t, that’s fine. We all make choices and decisions based on what we think is best for our families and us as individuals. Unless our children are neglected or abused, nobody should feel they have the right to criticise those choices.

@JLeslie I took your comment personally because you directed your comment at me and mentioned my financial struggles (which I never mentioned on this thread). I won’t take such comments personally in the future.~ ;)