How do I know if I have fallen for somebody?

When you care more about that person’s happiness than your own, you love them.

I do care a lot but I am not sure if its more than my own happiness. It might be at the same level.

- Blush and act awkwardly in front of that person or when someone mentions them.
– Think about them a lot.
– Find it hard to find and/or dislike their weakness.
– Become overprotective toward them.
– Become uncomfortable when you see them with another person with the opposite sex.

If two or more of these things fit your behavior, then you are in love.

You count the moments until you see them again and when you do, your emotions lift. You can’t imagine your life without them in it and as @marinelife said, their happiness and matters more to you than your own.

It’s my wedding anniversary next week and I’m making a romantic mix for my husband, so it is possible I’m a bit sooky right now.

I think the late 20th Century philosopher Robert Palmer described it best when he said:

“Your lights are on, but you’re not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another kiss is what it takes
You can’t sleep, you can’t eat
There’s no doubt, you’re in deep
Your throat is tight, you can’t breathe
Another kiss is all you need”

When the simple thought of him sets your World ablaze. When your feeling blue and spirit is melancholy your pain evaporates, he’s like your very own addiction, and you refuse to be helped. When his image is burned on the back of your eyelids filling your dreams with Wicked delights, my dear you have been smitten.

But, beware because “Once Smitten, Twice Shy”!

A number of people here are describing infatuation, not love. Why the need to label it yet?

@Mimishu1995

- Blush and act awkwardly in front of that person or when someone mentions them. Believe me, after 12 years I don’t blush and act ackward when someone mentions my husband, but I love him. I blushed and felt awkward when certain people were mentioned when I was much, much younger. Not one turned out to be “love.”

– Think about them a lot.
Again, infatuation, not love.

– Find it hard to find and/or dislike their weakness.
Ditto. Love is when you are fully aware of their weaknesses and they may drive you nuts, but you learn to live with them.

– Become overprotective toward them.
That could be being controlling, not love.

– Become uncomfortable when you see them with another person with the opposite sex.
Again, controlling and suspicion, not love.

If you’re still with this person in 30 years, it’s probably love.

When the person says or does something that makes you think to yourself “God, I love this person so much.” Don’t overthink it – it’s involuntary.

I think youn should include some important details, so everyone gets what they are talking about here. It makes a difference to mention that you met this man online, and you have never seen him in person. You should also mention this family arraignment with the other woman.
You and he have lots of things going on here, but like I said in the chat room, it is not very likely to be love. I have seen news reports of people killed at war, or in a plane crash. I have great sorrow for them. I see some pictures and think about how young they are, and how much life they will miss. I sometimes have a great deal of emotion for them, and care about the fact they have died. I will feel strong emotions for the loved ones left behind. That still does not mean I have formed a bond with anyone.
What you have with guy sounds to me like lots of wishful thinking. It might turn in to something someday, if he returns to your country, but he has a lot of garbage to get to the curb first. From what you said, he still has a lot of pain left from his ex. That pain is more love that what you have from some phone calls.
A man who promises you anything on the internet, is a man looking to get something for free.
If being on the internet with him is fun, then do that. Have fun, flirt, whatever, but don’t expect anything from it.

I’m happy for you, @Khajuria9!
Don’t over analyze it. Like, love, infatuation…it’s a great feeling and there’s no way to separate one from the other. Give it time, take it slow, and enjoy the feeling.

Introduce him to your best friends…they will have better perspective than you.

There’s a simple test for this. Just be careful, it also applies to someone you detest. If you can honestly say or think What did I do to deserve you?

In my own humble opinion, I don’t think this is a wise question to ask yourself. For one thing, you don’t know what it means to “fall for” someone, so you’re asking us to define “how you should feel” if you’re in love. What kind of secondhand nonsense is that?

You might get better responses from yourself, even without asking a single person anything, if you can answer (to yourself) “How do I feel when I am around this person?” “Do I like these feelings?” “Does this person seem to feel the same way?”

And those are good questions for you to be able to answer, but that’s still not all of it. Because you’ll want to test whether the person that you believe you see is the person who is really there. So you need to investigate whether the person acts differently toward you (or when in your presence) then toward others, or when not in your presence. (This is going to be difficult, because if the person knows that you’re observing him then that can influence his behavior. But spying on the person without his knowledge is going to make you feel bad about yourself, too.)

So it’s a very careful process of observation and analysis of your own feelings that matters, not what someone else says is your outward manifestation of whether you have “fallen for” someone or not, or your attempt to reconcile your feelings with what others say you should be feeling.

You should definitely analyze this, but your feelings are part of the analysis, so you should analyze them, too.

Life is full of imperfections and if you still are willing to accept all his flaws, then surely that’s love. Real love takes time.You can only know this with time, and experience. So just relax and enjoy!

THIS BIG ROMANCE IS ONLINE. They have never met in person.

@Here2_4, you already explained that. If the OP wants to fill in more blanks I’m sure they can. In terms of their question ‘how do I know if I have fallen for somebody’, it’s still a fair question. I don’t think our answers here are in the realm of serious advice.

@Earthbound_Misfit I think it does have an impact on our answers and I did miss @Here2_4 ‘s answer the first time. Internet “love” is fantasy love; it may lead somewhere but will probably not. We ignore that fact at our peril and it is a good idea to learn that lesson young.

She asked how she knows if she’s fallen for someone. People fall for each other online. It might not work for you or me, but there are plenty of people getting together online, developing strong feelings and then meeting in person and their ‘love’ continuing.

My problem with @Here2_4‘s responses is that I think it should be up to the OP to tell us more if she wants to. She passed information to other people in chat and she hasn’t come back to this thread to add more detail. It’s not a life or death issue and the question ‘how do I know if I’ve fallen for someone’ can be answered without it being about a specific relationship. Nobody is being hurt by us answering her without that additional info about her online situation.

@Earthbound_Misfit Yeah, I understand where you’re coming from now. BTW, I am doing online dating now but having been burnt a while ago by falling for someone online, I try to take my own advice.

I think many of us have been burned by online dating (me included) but then, we can get burned by face-to-face relationships too. I think the feelings in an online situation can actually feel more intense than in real life. Whether they’re more or less real… I guess only time can answer that one. We live and learn hey?

We hope.

I just feel the asker is trying to convince herself of something. I tried to help her avoid some heartache when I spoke with her in chat. I never told her she should dump the man (see above my first answer), but if she wants honest opinions of what she is dealing with, the details make a difference. I don’t think it can be called love if they haven’t met. Sure, the responses are here for anyone to learn from concerning love. That being said, should we not also address the difference made by this romance being between two people who have never met in person? I think by addressing the question with that possibility also in mind, then it could help others with sorting out similar feelings.
We have all been hurt in person. Sure. Can love take the added burden of being without the warmth of human contact?
@janbb – I am curious to hear your take on what you think went wrong with the online involvement you mentioned. I don’t mean to pry into anything personal, but can you share enough to tell us whether it went wrong because it started online, or just because the guy was a ferk in general?

@Here2_4, that’s not the question she asked. It’s surely up to her to decide what details she imparts? She told you that information in the chat room. I tend to think ‘what happens in chat, stays in chat’. She didn’t post those details here. Yes, she would receive quite different answers if she did ask a question about falling for someone online, but that’s not what she asked.

You gave her your answer, with that additional information, and it’s up to her whether she takes it.

As to whether love can be real if it begins online, there are people who would say it can happen and it’s as real as if they had met in person. I think when we meet in person, those first days, weeks or months are infatuation rather than the deep love that develops over time. Is the infatuation someone feels for a person they’ve developed an affection for online any less real than the infatuation a person feels in a face-to-face situation? How an individual feels or defines love is as unique as the people themselves. As long as the people concerned understand the risk that they may meet and the ‘real life’ chemistry may not be there, then who are we to say what they feel isn’t real? Just as people meeting in ‘real life’ may at fall head-over-heels for a person only to have those feelings dissipate within a short period of time.

Thankyou. Precisely what I am looking for.
So far as me bringing up the additional details, I do believe they are important. If @Khajuria9 had sent me a private message, I would have asked her before mentioning anything said here. There were others in the chat room at the time, it was an open discussion, and I have no reason to believe those details are too private to share. If I am wrong, then I owe an apology.

What is love? Over the years, my opinion of that has changed a few times. Now I feel it is the acceptance of another, and the differences which may exist. It is respecting the life of another as their own, and to not attempt to harm that life in any way. It is an appreciation for what makes that other person an individual, and making allowances for that individuality. It is wanting to be included in that individual’s life. It is not sexual, nor romantic. Romance requires love to be present, sex does not. Friendship requires love.
I feel by this definition that @Khajuria9 may be feeling love, but to be in love would imply romance, and I think that would be on shaky ground until tested by personal contact.

Of course, best case scenario is when we can mix all of love, friendship, romance, and sex. That is when things can really get off the ground.

I couldn’t agree more with @Araphel . Well said dear…well said.