Why do many men wait to propose after they get their partner pregnant?

It was not always this way in the past, although of course it occasionally happened. It used to be called a “shotgun wedding” because there was more of a stigma about having babies “out of wedlock.” Personally, I find it odd that women are still waiting for the man to propose and that many feel you are not engaged until a ring is presented; I think either partner should raise the issue of marriage when they are ready to discuss it. But to answer your question, I guess many men rightly see having a baby together as implying a further level of commitment.

That’s in stark contrast to my experience. I have exactly zero friends or acquaintances where this is the case with one possible exception. I really think this is more closely related to certain demographics rather than on the whole.

That’s not a bad thing though is it?
Better than the men who fuck off when they find out they’re going to be a dad.

@ucme not a bad thing but I just don’t understand it. I wish I could ask those men lol but it would be incredibly awkward and rude.

But, which is your question? Are you wondering why the couple doesn’t continue to put off getting married even if the woman accidentally gets pregnant? Or are you wondering why they didn’t just get organized and marry before there was an accidental pregnancy?

Kind of both.

Well, if you’re going to change your response, I guess I need to change mine, too.

My point was, you seem to know that you want to be married, but not to know when. If you’re concerned about not becoming engaged immediately following a pregnancy, then either plan a wedding now, or don’t immediately react to pregnancy by deciding to get married.

Most people who decide to get engaged only after getting pregnant probably don’t care one way or the other, but perhaps think their families will care. But each couple is different. If you want to know why a specific couple made that decision, ask them.

But also – don’t leave it up to your partner to decide when you’re getting engaged. You should both be actively involved in this decision. If you’re not actively involved, then you don’t get to tell him when it’s inappropriate for him to ask.

It’s because the father really doesn’t want to get married.

They are getting married because he wants to reduce conflict, so he proposes. He waits until after the birth “because it would be too much while she is expecting.” And it would be too much work for him to find another mate, so he resigns himself to what is right there.

Zen woo, you think that also goes for men who want to eventually marry them one day but then got them pregnant much sooner?

Just to make things clear I’m not getting married and I’m not pregnant, lol. Last paragraph was hypothetical.

I cannot understand why a man needs to propose these days. Two people decide that they want to plan a life together, they hope a long one and that marriage is in it. It is no longer a man who plans to marry someone. Bloth partners in the relationship should be equal ones.

Many of my friends in the younger genenation are a committed unit with children but do not marry.

edit; Both.

Possibly. they may feel somewhat betrayed. They were just poking fun at the sex thing but some other person/circumstance took them seriously.

I agree with you. I wouldn’t want to think my boyfriend married me only because I was pregnant. It’s a whole new world out there and boy am I glad that I got married in the ERA that I did. Today the whole “wedding thing” is such a farce since most times the couple are already living together as man and wife. I guess they want the gifts.

I tend to think these woman get themselves pregnant on purpose hoping that will hurry along the phony marriage.

Your perception is unusual in the statement ”—-got pregnant and had a baby and then got married”. My own take is that the announcement “I’m pregnant” is sufficient by itself to launch the nuptial love boat. I think the occurrence is (and has always been) far more common than we have been led to believe, and there are quite understandable reasons why either party in a relationship might be in no big hurry to tie the knot. But traditional mores demand that marriage ensue in order that the child be spared the tired but enduring cliche assigned a bastard.

Because men secretly hope for the relationship to end, so they can keep their freedom.
Pregnancy shatters that hope, so they think “Might as well…”

@stanleybmanly – “nuptial love boat”—gold star for the choice of phrase.

TO answer you, @chelle – once she’s pregnant, it’s much harder to back out.

Because they don’t necessarily date to marry but when they lose their minds to per-marital interests that results in pregnancy then the responsible ones will own up to their obligations while the others will just run. This is a good/bad situation.. Good in that the woman won’t have to bare the responsibility alone, bad that it isn’t always a marriage of love and may not last very long, therefore always refrain from unprotected sex until after a marriage that results from mutual love.

I have one friend who got pregnant by accident (seriously this girl was the last to have this “mistake” happen) and she and her boyfriend of over 5 years had a shotgun wedding. She got pregnant with 3 months left of college and was married one month after graduating. Her situation is not exactly what you describe, because they hadn’t planned any sort if wedding, because she was still in college and he had started law school, but the surprise pregnancy moved up their wedding plans.

I think that sort of unexpected rush to the alter when everything in the relationship was good anyway and the people have been dating at least 6 months is a good reason to get married a little sooner than expected.

Sometimes having a kid people start to get more “conservative” and want a more traditional home life for their children.

Or, as many mentioned above, the men aren’t thrilled about getting married to that particular person, but figure might as well considering the circumstance.

Why are all those girls getting pregnant? There is no way that many of your friends are having it happen while using protection. Once in a blue moon an accident happens when truly the couple was taking precautions.

Why do many women wait to accept a proposal until they get pregnant?

@ibstubro Do you really see that happening much?

Thirty years ago, I had no intention of marrying my pregnant girlfriend. Our son was born with a preemie issue on 12/20 , and had to remain in the hospital several weeks over the holidays. Unexpectedly, I developed a very strong bond with my son during that time. I proposed, and on 3/10, I married my son’s mother, not the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

^^ That story needs a second paragraph. What happened next?

I guess I just don’t see it as being one sided.

“We had a talk and he does see us getting married one day, maybe in the next 3–4 years.

Well, whoop-de-doo. WHat did you say when he asked you if and when you want to marry him, @chelle21689?

People feel more comfortable living together these days, as a trial run. And, like anything else, once you fall into a pattern, you tend to stick with it. Pregnancy just wakes you up, runs you out of the rut.

But it’s too sided. Unlike in years past, you getting pregnant doesn’t mean that you have to marry him. Or even continue to live with him. Having a baby wakes you up, and either you like what you see, or you don’t. But being female no longer makes you the minority partner.

two, sheesh

@gailcalled He outgrew his illness, and has been healthy since. We divorced after 3 years; joint custody. Neither of us had more kids.

My son blew me away at age 15 when he said, “After watching all the crap my friends have to deal with because of the hatefulness of their divorced parents, I realize how lucky I am to have two parents and a step-mom who can set their differences aside when it comes to me.”

Shit. I haven’t thought about this stuff in years. Had to stop here and have a good cry. lol

We’re all proud of the man he has become. He’s been living with an older woman for 6 years; they’ve been engaged for 2 years. Her two kids are ready to leave the nest, and he has little interest in having kids of his own.

Based upon what I have witnessed, part of it is generational and part of it is cultural.

I like the fact that couples feel less pressured to get married should they find out that the female is pregnant. Every relationship is different, and its progress and process should be worked out on a private level without any outside pressure.

@bossob; You have a long-term partner now? The second Mrs.bossob?

@gailcalled Yes. Married 24 years; no kids.