What is the most terse way to end an email?

The goods are on the way.

Your name.

I think you can get away with just giving them the info you need to convey and signing off with your name.

It sounds as if you’re asking “How can I be rude without seeming to be that way?”, or in other words, “How can I be sneakily passive-aggressive toward this person?” I wouldn’t advise that. Not that you can’t do that and still be “professional”, just as the person being rude to you is apparently able to mask his rudeness with some degree of professionalism.

There’s enough passive-aggression in the workplace already; I always try to avoid that when I can.

So – not to be non-responsive here, although I’m not going to give you “the answer that you want” – I would advise that you completely ignore the rudeness. Don’t give any indication that it has gotten to you – as it obviously has – or that you even notice it.

In fact, though I generally sign off my emails with “Regards,” in my default signature mode in Outlook (since “Best regards” seems to be a sort of company standard for the European-based company that I work for, but I don’t generally go in for “Best regards”), I would change it for this particular person to “Kindest regards,” instead. Just for him.

No. I want to seem terse and I want to be passive-aggressive. This client is a whiny bitch and I will not be nice to her. She does not deserve it. I do not believe in the “kill them with kindness” motto. I believe in killing people with knives and swords and maybe words.

Oh, then it’s even worse, I think. It’s one thing when a colleague is nasty, but we still have to put up with them for one reason or another.

Clients, on the other hand, no matter how unpleasant they can be to work with – and believe me, we work with demanding, confusing, brusque and just plain “wrong” clients from all around the world – well, they pay the bills, after all. So they demand the most tactfully worded communications of all.

But I can quite understand a desire to maintain an arm’s-length relationship (especially with a straight-arm to the chin, sometimes), so in that case how about “Professionally yours” as a close?

“The client” may not always deserve respect, but “the business” does, else why are you doing it?

I think ‘regards’ would do it, even though you said you didn’t want to use that. It sounds terse and standoffish.

Why have any closer other than your name?
“Professionalism” is the ability to separate your personal feelings ( “This client is a whiny bitch and I will not be nice to her. She doesn’t deserve it.”) from the necessity of maintaining a business relationship.
Unless you are the only game in town, no matter how “whiny” she is, she has the option to take her business elsewhere, and she may not be so stupid as to miss your thinly veiled rudeness. I would just end the informational section of the email, then sign your name.

You could always put “whiny bitch” at the end and use white type.

A coworker and I used to do that!

@Kevbo

That’s the best.

I used regards. Ugh.

I work for attorneys. We get rid of asshole clients all the time. This one has everyone pissed, even the partners.

No! Because if she happens to accidentally high light it she’ll see it!

While closing with just your name works, for increased terseness, close with just your initials. It is terse, impersonal to the max and just a tad bit cold.

With multiple exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or close with just your title. :D

“My patience is at an end.”

I’m more the “overly nice to where it borders on sarcastic” type. I keep it nice, I keep it drippingly sweet where she can’t complain, but it’s so nice that it’s too nice, ya know what I mean?