Will you help me condense this down to 2 paragraphs?

I love teaching and learning. I contribute to society by teaching anyone who needs help. Ask me about my teaching experience?

That’s not too descriptive or thorough! Doesn’t say a thing about me, either.

edit sorry I can’t help you.

(This might disappear for a minute. I flagged it so I could add some more topics.)

Here is a suggestion. I’ve made a few changes you may or may not agree with…

My love of teaching comes from my love of learning. As magna cum laude graduate, with a bachelor’s degree in Education, I know that hard work and dedication leads to success. My ambition is simply to help students achieve satisfying careers and fulfilling lives.

I have taught all subjects, in all grades, from pre-school to 12th grade, since 1993. I recently taught in an adult high school diploma completion program, helping adults who didn’t graduate from high school. I am creative and love to go the extra mile to make my lessons shine. I focus on personal computer literacy, and incorporate lessons that require exercises in Word, Excel, Power Point, and Paint. I hold myself to the highest standard and I am open to feedback and suggestions. I am flexible with time and happy to discuss arrangements. Call me and I will help you to succeed.

I like it. Except I’m going to add in “I worked closely with the students, both in person and online, to help them fulfill the credit requirements to graduate from one of our participating high schools,” so that they will understand it was not a GED program, it was an actual HS diploma they were given.

I think you should run off in a totally new direction. Yes, I opened the link, and yes I read it.

I think you should start off with something along the lines of “Do I love my kids because I love to learn, or do I love to teach because I love my kids? I remember…” give a couple of anecdotes you’ve recounted here. Funny/smart/proud. Charm them, as you have charmed us.
Then shift into ‘go mode’. List your accomplishments factually and unabashedly. I think it’s bullshit slipping in ”...as a suma sumo restler.”

Don’t fall into the pattern of following their pattern too closely. They’re looking for stand outs. If you duplicate the on-line exactly and get hired, you probabaly won’t like it there.

Who will be reading it? Is it just the people in charge of hiring? Would potential students and/or parents see it?

I dug a bit deeper into the program. It doesn’t sound like such a great deal. Sounds like they’d hire a monkey and declare it “expert” in every thing.
Overwhelming negative reviews. :(

@ibstubro What “suma sumo wrestler” are you talking about? You referring to “magna cum laude”? Those are Latin honors (accomplishments if you prefer) that refers to your overall GPA when you graduate. Magna cum laude means “With great honor.” I graduated with a 3.75. I had 4.0, except one math instructor screwed everyone up. I approached the school about it. They were aware of the problem, and not happy. I imagine that was his last year teaching there.

@Pied_Pfeffer Yes, potential students and parents would be reading it.

I think it’s bullshit slipping in ”...as a magna cum laude…”. I think you would shine more by being yourself in the first paragraph and then factually listing your accomplishments in the second.

Why do you think it’s bullshit? That makes no sense. That’s like saying it’s bullshit to “slip in” that you graduated from college or university, with honors.

WHY SLIP IT IN?

If you are proud of it, state it @Dutchess_III . It’s a freaking accomplishment, not a sidenote.

“That’s like saying it’s bullshit to “slip in” that you graduated from college or university, with honors.”
By Gourd, if I have qualifications, they are going to be stated, not slipped in.

Um, they were stated. Not in all caps and bolded, but they were stated.

Now that it doesn’t sound like ‘such a great deal’, are you still planning on applying for the job?

“As magna cum laude graduate, with a bachelor’s degree in Education…” sounds like this is your first job out of college.

I encouraged you to stress your life experiences and personal strengths over your education. You’ve raised kids and have grandkids, for gourds sake. Life experience, not some theoretical bullcrap.

@Pied_Pfeffer You….I don’t think I’m going to follow through with it. I went ahead and sent it in and got an email that my “account has been activated,” and I am now a tutor. I’m like, WTF? I’d really like to talk with someone about this, but they aren’t returning any emails. For example, I sent an email asking if I could change my email address because I wanted to create one specific to this. No answer.
I don’t have a good feeling about this.

It is understandable how you feel. No matter what happens, I hope it works out well. Please keep us posted.

I will. I’m pretty sure I’m just going to mark further emails as spam.