What should I do? Am I going too far?

Let me get this straight. This is someone with whom you spoke frequently (several hours per day) for a few WEEKS?

No promises were made by either of you? No declarations of undying love? No engagement or marriage proposals?

And you’re seriously thinking that that this is worthy of a Catfish episode? How many episodes of that show have you watched? Can I assume you’ve seen the original movie?

All I can say is don’t be holding your breath waiting for MTV to call.

And if this guy ever decides to call you again, then ask him CASUALLY about the delay.

If he never calls you again, really, what exactly have you lost other than a few hours of your time (which was presumably enjoyable for you).

He owes you nothing. You owe him nothing. It’s the Internet. Anybody can tell you anything regardless of whether it’s true or not. Far worse stuff than this happens every day of the week. Consider yourself lucky.

@Buttonstc We spoke for almost 2 months, and we both talked about wanting to meet each other’s families. Yes you are right, anyone can tell you anything, and who knows you may believe it. I have seen the original Catfish movie- Nev had never met the young woman he was deceived by until he eventually visited the persons location, and had it turn out she was some obese 50 year old with 2 children. You’re asking like I’ve never seen the show, but it seems like you haven’t got a clue about what the main premise of the show is. And don’t worry I’m not necessarily waiting for my 5 minutes for MTV to call, anything could happen. They could call or could just say “forget it”

I don’t have a clue about the main premise of the show? Really?

Did it escape your notice that in Nev’s case and every other episode, the people in question had been talking and corresponding for a LONG LONG time, sometimes years.

In your OP, you stated that you and he “spoke for weeks” and further down “almost two months”. Those are your exact words.

In absolutely NONE of Catfish (movie or TV show) did anyone get their shorts in a knot over something less than two months with no promises made on either end.

So, who is unfamiliar with Catfishing?

Less than two months is not a relationship. At best it’s an acquaintance (in real life) and next to nothing on the Internet.

If you’re rather young I guess you can be excused on the basis of lack of experience. But you asked the question and I answered it honestly.

I can’t help it if you don’t like the answer. It’s called reality.

You asked “Am I going too far?”

The answer is YES ! !

I just attempted to drop you a clue as to why. And you asked what you should do. The answer is NOTHING.

If he wants to contact you again he will. If not he won’t. You really don’t want to come off as desperate and stalkerish which is what you would be if you seriously thought that an MTV producer would even raise an eyebrow over your description of happenings this far (much less pick up the phone to call)

You really need to take a deep breath and get some perspective. Really. For the sake of your own peace of mind.

There are two month acquaintances all over the internet every day of the week. Really. It’s not that unique and human beings are fickle. Welcome to reality.

You’re welcome.

@ Buttonstc You’re right, I guess I’m just feeling down, and my emotions got the best of me. I should suck it up, and say “F*&@ it”

I agree with your last statement.

@vatofjelly

Now that’s the spirit !

As long as you don’t get your heart all fluttery if he does happen to call you again, you’re golden.

True love relationships take time to develop. Just don’t make yourself too vulnerable to every Tom, Dick and Harry who hits you up on the Internet.

While it’s true that a few people do find happiness thru an Internet connection, it’s VERY VERY rare.

You have much better chances of finding someone closer to home. And if you’re living in NYC, there are tons of groups where you can find people with like-minded interests.

The Internet is basically one giant crapshoot. Since you’re not marooned off in the boondocks somewhere, why gamble with your heart?

It’s far easier to judge someone true intentions in person rather than thru a computer.

I understand you probably got attached to talking to this person daily and telling him about yourself and having him do the same. However, if all you have is that, you really don’t know much, and you probably don’t know the truth. I say forget about him and move on. In time, you will think of him less and less often.

You are nuts to plan to meet a guy online with no safeguards and no idea that he really is who he says he is.

You barely know this guy, long phone calls notwithstanding. You decided once to skip his visit, and now it sounds like you regret it, but it’s too late for that. You’ve done all you can to show that you want to pursue the relationship, but it’s his decision whether to do that or not. You can’t decide for him.

Does he have a sick sister? Maybe. Maybe not. But it’s not your right to investigate him to find out whether he was telling the truth or not. The two of you are not even in a relationship! If you keep pursuing this, he’s going to think you are an insane stalker. And he may not be the only one.

Please pardon me if this was already answered. Have you met Mr. Philly in person?

@Pied_Pfeffer Nope (0:

What should you do? Run…run far away from people that manipulate.
Old game of weeks of intense conversation then nothing?
Get the responder to keep chasing him.
Some people date like that too…three weeks intense attention then out of the blue nothing.
Some like to get others to chase them.
Do the opposite…ignore and move onto honest relationships .
Perhaps that person ‘found” another and travelled across the nation to her side. Could be a con man/person.
Consider yurself lucky to have gotten away.
No one needs nor appreaciates mind games in relationships.

Far too far. Beware of the next one.

Or his phone could be lost, broken, or out of battery. Nobody knows, and you sound like a drama queen if you’re really thinking of turning this into a reality show. A boring reality show at that.

I like @Buttonstc answer.

@snowberry I kept thinking his phone was stolen, but who knows. I get it, I am a bit dramatic- sue me.

@Inspired_2write I agree, people like that are just trying to stroke their egos.

You could come up with a myriad of excuses as to why he did/does not call. Perhaps when he finds his phone or the aliens finish their probing and release him he will call, perhaps not. Either way I would chalk it up to experience and move on with your life. As I told my kids growing up: “Always hope for the best, but plan for the worst” that way you will not be disappointed.

@ rojo Agreed

I have the old fashioned notion that you willingly talked way too long with him. You should have talked to him a long time once or maybe twice and then you should have backed off (hung up first) so he’d have something left to wonder about you. You could have told him too darn much about yourself or your circumstances. You killed the “mystery.” You are not “new” to him now; too much talk.
If you speak for a few hours with a guy and he doesn’t risk his life to meet you in person he usually never will. Just my long term experience with men speaking.

His phone was stolen, and we started talking again (0:

@vatofjelly It is possible that his sister had to go to the ER and that his phone was stolen. Possible, but not very likely that both of those two things happened one after the other. You want to believe that this is what happened, but it’s highly unlikely.

YOU DON’T KNOW THIS GUY.

Even if you talked for hours over weeks or months, you don’t know him. Internet relationships are not real, until you have actually met the person and spent lots and lots of time with them. And by lots of time, I don’t mean weeks. I mean months and years.

Even if you planned to meet him, it sounds like you didn’t consider how to set up a “safe meeting” with him. Never meet someone you don’t know alone. If you do, you are setting yourself up for danger and heartbreak.

I’m betting that this guy is talking to and meeting with lots of other women, or at least one other woman. He probably was way more into the other woman/women than he was with you and he either got bored of her/them or got dumped by her/them and he came back to you as his second choice, or his back up choice. If this is true, he would never admit that to you, but you have to believe (by all of our collective experience) that this is the most likely scenario that happened. Don’t let yourself be hooked into this awful trap.

Walk away from this guy and don’t look back. In the meantime, try to find a real guy, become friends with him first, don’t allow yourself to act upon crushy, endorphin-laden feelings until you’ve spent lots and lots and lots of time with a guy, for real, in the flesh, met some of his family, most of his friends and found out if your life goals are in sync with his, lest you get burned. Find a guy in your own town. Long distance relationships are about 99% likely to fail.

Vow to not let drama or lonliness lead you into situations that will harm you.

@Kardamom we started talking again his phone was stolen, and he had to get a new one. I don’t agree with your statement, I think some long distance relationships are able to work. But the people involved have to work 10 times harder to keep whatever it is they have alive. That’s just my take on it.

@vatofjelly I predicted that you would disagree with me whole heartedly. You desperately want me to be wrong, but I’m going to predict that I am not wrong. Sorry : (

When this whole thing goes sour, please come back and we’ll try (as a collective) to help you to sort out your feelings

Why would you want to purposely put yourself in a situation in which you have to work 10 times harder to make it work? You barely (actually not at all) know this guy. Why would you be even considering working 10 times as hard to make it work, when you have a golden opportunity to walk away from a sketchy situation and try to find a decent guy where you live and not have to work so hard. Relationships are hard enough without purposely putting yourself into a situation in which you have to work 10 times as hard.

How do you know that the guy’s phone was stolen or that his sister was in the ER? Just because he said so???

@Kardamom I don’t know if his phone was really stolen, or if his sister was in the ER. I did feel a bit skeptical when he told me about his sister’s emergency, but upon talking too him after it happened he seemed shaken up by the event, and cried on the phone with me. I’m NOT saying that I still do believe him, I just don’t know how to go about it I guess? I can’t just ask him straight up if he really lost his phone, cause of course he wouldn’t say yes. I cannot just ask him if his sister really went into the ER, cause of course he’d say “yeah”. And before you say that someone should meet others in person, you should consider that I have a hard time meeting people in person, I am not socially able to meet anyone. I often get judged, and have people call me rude, and nasty names without reason as to why- other than to just be mean.

I don’t want to disagree with you, in some ways I do agree with you.

@vatofjelly If you are having problems meeting people in real life, you and we (the collective) can help you work on that. The answers to solving that kind of problem do not involve getting emotionally attached to strangers online. Said by a stranger online.

Why do you think that people judge you and call you rude and nasty names with no reason as to why. That just sounds odd. I can’t imagine walking down the street or into a place where I work or going to a social gathering and have that happen.

What kinds of things are people saying to you, and in what context? Who are these people that are saying these things?

Are you rather shy? We can help you with that.

I wouldn’t advise continuing your non-relationship with this internet fellow, until you’ve met him in person, with a chaperone/friend/largemalefriend/largefemalefriend in tow for coffee. But since he lives so far away, that whole idea seems extremely inconvenient. It’s best to have someone else along to meet him, that way they might get a very different perspective than the one that you have that is clouded by having feelings for him.

It’s one thing to go into a long distance relationship due to the fact that one person may have to move (for a job or being in the military) and you’ve already established a real life relationship before the long distance thing happens, but when you start off with a long distance thing, especially when you can’t actually know the person at this juncture, seems like a really bad idea.

Let’s see if we can get to the bottom of some of these problems and try to fix them.

@Kardamom Believe it or not, it does happen. I hear people on the street call me “Fat, Dyke,Ugly, Loser, Retarded, Snob”, and the list goes on I have even been in class, and heard professors call me names. I have had to report one for doing so, and I am in the process of filing another. Students call me names without reason, and when I fight back it gets worse. I do not know why people say these things, I have often thought it was because I look mean? But nothing about me really stands out- other than the fact that I am a little on the heavy side. I saw psychologists, and psychiatrists- they diagnose me with Schizo Effective Disorder, I don’t believe I hear voices, but when I am out with other people they say that no one talks about me. And yes I am shy.

@vatofjelly It sounds like your situation might be a little bit far removed from my experience. I’m not a doctor or a therapist, but if you have been diagnosed with a specific disorder, the disorder itself might be causing you to think things are being said about you, even if they are not.

The other thing that may be happening, is that your disorder manifests itself in some way, maybe in your demeanor or actions that scare people, and maybe there are people calling you some ugly names. Could this be possible?

Do you currently see a therapist? If not, why not. It sounds like you are dealing with a situation that needs to treated by a professional on an ongoing basis.

Until you get your medical/mental situation under control, it’s really a dangerous idea for you to be fooling around with strangers, in a romantic way, on the internet. You are vulnerable.

@vatofjelly I’ll second that. As it stands, you are very vulnerable! Please please think twice about this relationship. It’s not safe.

@Kardamom It has to be my demeanor, I don’t know what else it could be. And I am seeing a therapist.

@vatofjelly Ask your therapist and ask your family members and any close friends that you may have, to see if your demeanor is causing them to be anxious around you. If you can pinpoint something, then discuss that particular behavior or demeanor with your therapist and see if there is a way that you can alter it. You may not even be aware of it. Sometimes another person is necessary to be able to see things for you. Then you’ll say, “Oh yeah, I do tend to scowl a lot, even when I’m happy, let’s see how I can fix this.”

Best of luck to you. Keep us in the loop and ask more questions if you get more info.