What is it about certain people that makes you want to help them out more than others?

I’ve had to deal with this question again and again in my work and personal life, and the conclusion I’ve come to—though admittedly, not often as effortlessly as I’d like—is to help others simply for the sake of helping and forgo any expectation of how I think the recipient “should” respond.

@Pachy…I am trying. I am working two positions right now at my school and hers…nearly killing myself trying to help them prepare for an audit, not to mention everyday stuff. She just keeps demanding more and more.

I agree with helping for the sake of helping without being attached to getting back massive amounts of praise and appreciation. However…that said, being human, a sense of entitlement and arrogance is annoying. I have friends that offered to build, BUILD, a beautiful 750 sq. foot casita for the MIL who suffers from a great sense of entitlement and the woman actually said..” Is that ALL I get!” .

If someone offered to custom build me a darling little cottage with top of the line everything I’d scoop their dogs poop for the rest of my life. haha

It’s not even about getting some big pat on the back, @Coloma. I just need her to recognize that I can only do so much…and not just pay lip service to that effect, but to show she gets it by not expecting me to do the impossible.

I think there are people who (contrary to what we appear to be talking about, exactly) are really good at making you feel that if you do something nice for them, something reallllllly nice will happen to You. Like, they’ll really love you for it. And they make you feel like that’ll be extra fabulous.
But sometimes those people are manipulators, and in fact you’re not going to get much appreciation after you do the hard work for them. You’re going to get the promise of gratitude, but you’re not going to get the gratitude itself.
Just to put something additional into the mix…

@yankeetooter Forget hoping for someone to recognize, you have to explicitly clear and state what you can and can’t do. Sadly, many people have no problem taking as much as they can.
Ya just gotta be clear and firm.

people that are nice, people who are not combative and people who are open minded. I can pick out these personalities almost immediately. I am the most helpful person you would ever meet to people who deserve my help. I go out of my way to be helpful to people I like. If I’m your friend, I’m your friend through thick or thin.

My friends tell me things that they would not even tell a family member. They know wild horses couldn’t make me betray a friends confidence.

In a work situation, of course I am happier to help the person who appreciates it.

If this person is in a position to demand that you do more and more, beyond what is reasonable, and doesn’t stop when you request it, you need to talk to her boss.
If her position doesn’t entitle her to make these demands, learn to say no.

When people are demanding and should not be, it annoys me and then I probably am not going to bend over backwards for them. When people act like they have a right to tell me what to do, I will try to either avoid discussing it with them or I will try to be diplomatic, but I definitely am not helping them, unless for some reason I have to.

I think it’s all about their attitude (which is really a Captain Obvious of course). If someone asks me to do something nicely, I’m very likely to say yes and comply willingly. If someone demands something of me or treats me like crap, even if they’re my boss, I’m not going to want to do what they want.

We all want to feel we are respected and valued. Some people don’t get that. Some people are just assholes. In this case, perhaps she’s under the gun herself? Is this her normal behaviour or is she usually more appreciative and considerate? If she is, then maybe she’s just very stressed and not coping? Or… she’s not a very good supervisor. Not fun for you.

@yankeetooter, I applaud your efforts. Please forgive me if I sounded too high and mighty. I know and how you feel and I sympathize with you more than I can say.

Preconceived notions of who needs help most. It is something I try to keep in mind since something happened to me several years ago.
I was at a fast food restaurant late one evening. When I came out with my order I saw the car two spaces down had its hood up. There was a teen boy standing there. I was going to jump into my car because teen boys know mechanics. Mostly to be funny, I asked if everything was okay. He said no. I approached, and he was fighting tears. His girlfriend was sitting inside the car. He explained that the car wouldn’t start, and if he didn’t get his girl home soon, her dad would kill him, and his dad would for him breaking down the car. I sort of figured what might be wrong, because of the age of the car, and the changing season, I thought I knew what was wrong. I propped open the butterfly valve and talked to him, asking when the car as last serviced and such. He had flooded it, and I was letting the fumes out. In a few I told him to try it again. I hand choked for him, and we got it started right up. He hugged me, and apologized for being a pain.
I was glad for having encountered him, and his situation. It was a lesson I have carried with me since.

ATTITUDE

No worries @Pachy…

Either I feel they’re a kindred spirit or possibly waltzing too close to the edge of making similar mistakes I have made in the past.

Oh….today I was told by the person for whom I’m doing two people’s work that I was being selfish, perhaps because I said I needed help?

@yankeetooter Classic guilt trip manipulation. Don’t let it get to you, just remember they are trying to manipulate you with guilt. Don’t soak it up, tell them ” nice try, but I don’t do guilt trips when I have nothing to feel guilty about.” beat ‘em at their own game by calling them out on their bullshit.

As someone who has been tasked with the additional work of others on several occasions, here is a handy tip picked up from a co-worker. When a supervisor asks an employee to take on additional work, the answer is, “Yes, I would be happy to assist.” Then it is followed by, “Will you help me prioritize?”

Although they should be, a manager isn’t always aware of what’s on an employee’s plate. Their priorities may be viewed differently. By sincerely displaying a willingness to help out while keeping it realistic through collaboration, it more often than not works out well.

For example, I asked a co-worker if she could help me with a project. Her response was along the line of, “Our boss has me working on a project that will take X amount of time. I’m available three days from now. Will that work for you?” I fully appreciated her attitude and ability to say ‘yes’, even if it was when she was available.