Issue with a student: what should I do?

Have a lemon party for students. Switch his timetable with another student. Can you ask your education professors for advice?

You present your position pretty clearly here. I get that:

* This student is out of line, persistently behaving disrespectfully in class and using inappropriate language.
* He’s not doing his best in your class.
* He hijacked your teacher-parent conference, getting the conversation to be about his complaints about your different expectations for students who already speak Spanish at home.
* You think he might escalate his complaint to the assistant principal.

It sounds like during the conference, the student managed to get you and his mom distracted and reacting to him or each other. I’d look at how that happened, and how you might keep discussion on track in the future.

He briefly acknowledged the first two issues, and then created the second two issues. This sounds like a habitual control pattern he is running – aggressively deflecting and causing a scene that throws people off balance. That actually sounds like the most important issue to me. More important than any of the issues I listed. He needs counseling from someone good, who can get past his control patterns, listen to what his actual distresses are, and then get him to get new perspective on his own behavior patterns, and on the path to rewiring himself so he doesn’t spend the rest of his life frequently being a disruptive jerk and messing up his whole life. Behind his jerkish behavior is anxiety and a need to be heard and healed of whatever is manifesting as this jerkish behavior.

As for your own needs and role as Spanish teacher, I would just keep the agenda with him to the first two points. I would mention all four points to the assistant principal, and strongly suggest that he get good counseling to whoever would be the most effective people to talk to about that (could be parent, school counselor, and/or assistant principal). Then I would keep correcting the student when anything like that comes up, in a short, direct, warning-then-consequences way. For example, first offense per class gets a warning, second he gets sent out of class to the principal. If he tries to bring up the subject of your expectations of native Spanish speakers again, tell him you already explained that in great detail – what did he not understand? If he’s just repeating the same point, I’d warn him and if repeated, send him to the assistant principal for being disruptive and disrespectful in class.

Assuming that you’re a professional, experienced and full-time teacher, it’s on you to guide the conference: “This isn’t about my methods or classroom policies, but about your performance…” in the same way that it’s up to you to control the classroom.

The kid does have a point, however, if you treat people differently in the class based on their ability to speak the language natively or not. Kids see the disparate treatment and figure “she’s got favorites, obviously” and act accordingly. It has not much to do with whether they already know the subject or not, but whether different people get to follow different rules. You should know this in your bones! In fact, I would take him aside at some point and just admit to him, “You’re right. I should enforce the same rules for everyone from now on. Thank you for pointing out the disparity to me. But that means that I enforce rules on you the same as everyone else, too.”

Talk to his counselor. I had a teacher who told me straight out to transfer out of his class.

@Zaku …the student managed to get you and his mom distracted and reacting to him or each other. I’d look at how that happened, and how you might keep discussion on track in the future. I tried to stay focused on his issues, but his mom kept saying that I seemed not to want to hear what he had to say, I reminded her that the conference was about his issues but she said that I also had to make changes. I told her that his assumptions that I let the Spanish speaking kids do whatever they want are not true and reminded her that I was dealing with students with different needs and therefore had different expectations from them.
He needs counseling…and healed of whatever is manifesting as this jerkish behavior. Again the mother seems to reinforce such behavior, so there is very little I can say or do about that. But I think you are absolutely right in that that is the real issue underlying all this.
…consequences way. For example, first offense per class gets a warning, second he gets sent out of class to the principal. Checked…this has been done previous to the conference, and of course I will continue to reinforce these rules.

My concern at this point is that the assistant principal believes him and then this kid will have succeeded in making this all about me and my teaching methods and not about him and his mediocre attitude.

The assistant principal, as a professional, will listen to this kid and then tell him he needs to hear your side of the story. No upper management person in a reputable high school would ever undermine his teachers on the say-so of a complaining student and his pushy mother.

@CWOTUS …it’s on you to guide the conference: “This isn’t about my methods or classroom policies, but about your performance…” easier said than done, because my being reluctant to accept his accusations and say I was going to make changes was taken as if I didn’t want to listen. So I had to be careful and not come across as if I didn’t care about what he had to say.

I do have favorites,i.e. students whom we regard as having characteristics that we admire. I think all teachers do and we all know this. But in this case it’s not a matter of favoritism based on those reasons. I let Spanish speaking kids talk in a low voice or do other stuff because they get bored answering simple questions and I am focused on giving my other kids a chance to develop speaking skills. I have explained to him that my expectations from them are different because they are already fluent and I rather concentrate in the rest of students who know very little.
Yes, different people get to follow different rules. because they already speak Spanish and the others don’t. I do enforce the same general rules, but I am more concerned when kids that don’t speak Spanish talk and are inattentive than when Spanish speakers do, again for obvious reasons.

I’ve never taken a high school class in which different students were given different types of work to do, based on their skill level. In my high school, students with skill levels that were that different from each other would be separated out into high/medium/low skill levels for separate instruction. So I can’t help but question that on the first reading. But presumably, you know whether or not your method is appropriate in the school where you teach – and if it is, the student and his mother can complain all they like. It isn’t going to affect anything.

If you’re not sure whether your own teaching methods are appropriate, I can understand why you’d be concerned. But then, your next step would be to discuss this with the powers that be at your school, to make sure you are all on the same page.

“Yes, different people get to follow different rules. because they already speak Spanish and the others don’t.”

Well, not really. You are presented with a situation in which it has become clear to you that certain students (one who is vocal, but probably more) interpret your teaching methods as favouritism. It’s on you to show them that you respect them all equally. It’s also on you to show them that they are all going to be graded by the same standards. Did you hand out a course outline or a rubric at the beginning of the course? That’s kind of like making a contract with your students, so that they know what their and your responsibilities are towards each other. If you produce one of these in future terms, you might find it a great deal easier to deal with accusations of unfairness. If you never explain your reasoning for treating certain students differently, then of course some of the students are going to assume the worst. That’s sort of part of their job description.

@dappled_leaves I’ve never taken a high school class in which different students were given different types of work to do, based on their skill level. I don’t give them different types of work, but perhaps I should because I am obliged to provide differentiated instruction because students have different needs.

In my high school, students with skill levels that were that different from each other would be separated out into high/medium/low skill levels for separate instruction. I don’t have a saying in what students I get. I simply get a roster with all the students that are in my class. But presumably, you know whether or not your method is appropriate in the school where you teach I don’t know how to answer that because this is the first time I teach a class like this (mixed), so I am still trying to figure out the best way to do it. I am just following my common sense and it seems to me that if they already speak Spanish, my focus should be on those who are not fluent. However, tests, projects and other written assignments are the same for all.

Well, not really. You are presented with a situation in which it has become clear to you that certain students (one who is vocal, but probably more) interpret your teaching methods as favouritism. It’s on you to show them that you respect them all equally. I do respect all of them equally and treat them equally. It’s also on you to show them that they are all going to be graded by the same standards. Yes, they have the same tests and assignments. Did you hand out a course outline or a rubric at the beginning of the course? Of course. If you never explain your reasoning for treating certain students differently, I do. I tell them they already speak the language hence the different expectations.

Also, remember that this kid is twisting what is going on in my class to his advantage and to switch attention from his bad behavior and poor grades.

@Yeahright Well, as I said, it sounds like you have all your bases covered. I can’t imagine your assistant principal (or whoever the relevant authority is at your school) not having your back.

@Yeahright

So it sounds like the mother is wrapped up in the child’s dysfunctional behavior to some extent, becoming their ally/enabler in creating distracting drama, at least in this situation, and likely as a frequently recurring pattern. That happens fairly often, and they sometimes do end up trying to target a teacher with school administrators. As you say, that does make it much harder to address the underlying issue. The parent probably has almost all their information from the child, who has been slanting their account to get a result, and you don’t know what the kid has been telling the mom.

As you probably know, children’s behavior issues are almost always manifestations of family issues. The mom may have a more subconscious/adult version of (or counterpart to) what the kid is doing going on. For example, she may end up desperately joining her child in blaming the teacher in order to avoid facing that her child is messed up and that they may both be afraid of someone else (possibly dad), and she’s in denial about all of that, and they’re both hoping to dump all that stress and craziness in your direction. It can be tricky to not get hooked and engaged with all that unconscious anxious energy, but I would say it’s probably best to get involved in the drama as little as possible. As calmly and pithily as possible, mention what little you need to about your class policies, keeping the context that it’s your class and communicating you’ve understood their comments and it’s time for another topic. You can try to explain to them up to a point, but if they are entrenched and repeating themselves and not hearing you, I think the main thing to focus on is just not to get engaged. Acknowledge what they say and answer their questions once, but don’t shift to arguing, debating or defending.

With any luck, your assistant principal will see this for what it is, and support you, and even have an effective way to address the situation. More reason to talk to him about it first. It may also be good to speak with school psychiatrist/counselors or wise/psycho-savvy teachers who have the same student.

In situations like the OP describes it’s a great idea to bring in another teacher (such as a resource teacher and especially an administrator if it’s really dicey), and then interview the mom). I’m not clear if the child was in on this interview or not. If he was, that’s a bad plan right there, because he’s obviously not ready to discuss anything as mature as the topic of his future. Hahaha

I have to wonder about what the Spanish fluent kids are doing. If they are not doing the same work as the rest of the class, they should at least be doing some work. Consider assigning each one to one or two students in your class as team mates. Award each team according to how well the total work product progresses. For instance, pull a quiz this week, the earlier in the week, the better. Assign teams with equity of talent in mind, meaning each team equal as possible in grade/work average output. Monday or tuesday, give a quick pop quiz, not too tough, but up to speed with what you are doing. Let them know, that the team with the most improvement will be rewarded.. Of course, you will announce the teams, and plan after the quiz is completed, so nobody does poorly with intent of fixing their outcome. After the quizzes are turned in, announce the teams, the plan, and have them take the very same quiz next week. This will involve the bilinguals in the forward progress of the struggling students. Each week certain privileges can be handed out as incentive for them to work together. Maybe promise a taco party at the end of the course if everyone in the class ends the course at a particular grade level. Whatever bugs you may see, there should be no problem figuring out how to make changes to suit the needs of your class. Maybe you can make it a regular part of the course each time around.
I have had times through the years when my kids had a teacher who had difficulty making things work well for the students of varying levels of difficulty. Get your students working together helping each other, and you have a large chunk of your problem handled. From there, you can take things to other staff if the problem persists. At least then you can show that all your students are working with equal degree of difficulty.
It might give the student more incentive to cooperate if you thank him for pointing out to you that there was more you could do to help him.

I’m not going to change my position on how the parent-teacher conference should have been handled. Sure, you can listen to the student make his point about how different people are treated differently – as long as he makes it quickly enough – acknowledge that, and then remind the participants that this isn’t what the conference is about, and get back to your agenda. But that’s in the past, and I’m sure you’ll do better next time.

I think I may have been overly judgmental in how day-to-day classroom activities are handled, though. Obviously there has to be some kind of disparate treatment for students who are far advanced over others in terms of the classroom material (but why those students are mixed with beginners in the first place is worth bringing up to those who place advanced and elementary students in the same class). I still wouldn’t allow them to “chat” even in low tones, while class is going on for others, however. That’s still going to be distracting to the other students – and rankle, even if your logic makes a certain amount of sense.

If the aim of the class is to teach the less advanced students conversational Spanish, however, perhaps you can get creative in ways that encourage this, and takes advantage of the more advanced students’ skills. For example, you could have the advanced students engage the less advanced ones in conversations – en Español, por supuesto or tell jokes or read comic books or newspaper comic strips (of interest to the class and passing your review, of course) to the rest of the class. Doing something like this might help to make your students want to learn Spanish, and doing it judiciously (not all the time) as a reward for other time well spent can give them an incentive to earn that time.

I don’t think that you should have experienced and native Spanish speakers in a class that’s far beneath their current abilities; it wastes their time and – the way things are now – obviously undercuts your ability to work with the students who need your help. If you treat them as a resource, however, they may be able to help your other students a lot. (If they need help with their English, it may help them, too, in that regard.)

@snowberry the student, his mom, a math teacher and a counselor were present. I wasn’t expecting to have the student present in that conference.

@Here2_4 Maybe you didn’t read the part where I said they do the same work. It is only in the speaking rounds or drills that I concentrate exclusively on the other kids to give them the chance to practice more.
It might give the student more incentive to cooperate if you thank him for pointing out to you that there was more you could do to help him. This is a student who is manipulating a situation to get out of the problem he is in. He doesn’t need extra help and he doesn’t like Spanish. I don’t have to thank him for anything because he is doing this to get me in trouble. His problem is not the kids that already speak Spanish, his problem is that he cannot take full responsibility for his actions and wants to shift the focus on me.

@CWOTUS I’m not going to change my position on how the parent-teacher conference should have been handled. ... But that’s in the past, and I’m sure you’ll do better next time. I tried to keep focused but it was hard because the mother kept saying her son’s concerns were not being addressed and that I was not saying that I was going to make changes in my class.
…but why those students are mixed with beginners in the first place is worth bringing up to those who place advanced and elementary students in the same class… I don’t mind having a mixed class. This student is making it sound as it is a problem when it is not.
If the aim of the class is to teach the less advanced students conversational Spanish Speaking is only one of the four skills they need to develop in a second language, it is not the only goal of the class.
…you could have the advanced students engage the less advanced ones in conversations…tell jokes or read comic books or newspaper comic strips… none of this can be done in my class which is basic Spanish, mainly vocabulary building and basic expressions plus introduction to basic verb conjugations.
I don’t think that you should have experienced and native Spanish speakers in a class that’s far beneath their current abilities; it wastes their time… These are only five kids in a 27-student class. The school would have to design and open a class for these few students. These kids can speak informal Spanish fairly well, but they cannot read or write formal Spanish just like their English-speaking counterparts. So, they have a lot to learn. Again, I don’t mind a mixed class. The only person who seems to find a problem with that is my student who wants the attention away from his laziness and bad behavior.

@Yeahright I have been a high school teacher too and have had many parent-teacher conferences as well.

I would talk to the assistant principal and explain what happened, explain everything you’ve shared here and ask for support in this matter. Be proactive. You don’t want the student and parent to get to the principal first because then you’ll be on the defense and not in a balanced position.

For future conferences, I have a suggestion. When I felt pushed off center or attacked, I had a “toolbox” of phrases that helped deflect the situation. “Thank you for sharing, I’ll look into that.” or “That’s something to consider, and I’ll look into that, but we still need to focus on this issue.” or “I appreciate your input. I’ll definitely be aware of that in the future. In the meantime, let’s talk about this (first) issue.” I had phrases stored in my memory—so when I felt stumped, stuck or couldn’t think clearly because of the stress, exhaustion, needing more information or needing proof, I would use my library of phrases. They weren’t lies—but genuine comments, but still bought me time to breathe, do my research, check myself, maintain control of the situation and gave me time to distance myself, formulate a better response to send by email.

I agree with those that said the student has developed the ability to turn tables on others and clearly this behavior has been reinforced elsewhere. I would take his thoughts into consideration and see if I could improve my classroom management, but I wouldn’t take it to heart. If I took every complaint to heart, I’d be in the loony bin.

I’m a people pleaser and have a strong instinct to ‘play nice,’ but playing nice doesn’t offer any protection. Play nice, yes, but more important, play cool headed and smart. Consider, evaluate, then respond. That might help.

I like the idea of using the Spanish speaking students as peer tutors or even one-day teachers. It’s their language after all and they’re peers—great way to build class rapport!

Good luck—I know how heart-wreching this can be. Been there. Hugs!