Is this an inappropriate way to grieve over an ex if in a relationship?

Somebody that one was involved with dies a sudden and tragic death with whom one shares a child, it’s all appropriate.

What is inappropriate is someone (you) judging his posts and sentiments like he shouldn’t “feel” that way.

Once one has a child with someone there is a bond, no matter how awful it gets or what happens after.

I’m not trying to sound judging. I’m not judging because I’m not in his shoes, I was just curious how other people felt and how would the partner feel? Even though it isn’t about them I guess. I was just curious. This post was no way in me telling him I think he was wrong but to wonder if anyone had a different perspective or of they had been on the girlfriend side. That is all. I feel sad for him and his daughter…she doesn’t even know her mom is gone yet. She’s just 4..

You’re right about the lack of consideration, but he is in the midst of grieving so he’s not thinking clearly.

I imagined so. I read online forums and stuff and articles how the past re-ignited when their ex died and memories flood back so I guess I could see where that came from.

Well, you know the guy. Is your feeling that he’s just trying to garner attention for himself? Some people will do that, take someone elses misfortune, or even tragedy, to get attention for themselves.

I have an acquaintance on fb whose daughter is very ill with something that makes it hard for her to breath and talk. It’s permanent and tragic. She so young, about 28. She, herself, never talks about it, in fact, she doesn’t even like to talk about it, but her mother keeps posting these long, tragic posts about it, which, of course, get a lot of responses. I think her daughter finally asked her to stop because I haven’t seen one in a while.

Nah, I don’t think it’s attention seeking but more of expressing it and receiving support.

Grieving takes all forms. I think grieving is one of the most complicated processes humans experience. Not only does it vary from one individual to the next, but also for each death. I lost a family member when I was a small child who had a medical condition everyone knew was going to take their life. They actually lived years beyond what was expected. I loved deeply that person, but I have never shed a tear for them. I hear about a total stranger who died brutally, young, and leaving behind children, and I cry, and grieve for a few days.
Our relationship with the deceased, their age, how they died, ho they leave behind, their personality, all sorts of things affect how they will grieve.
I don’t believe anyone can call anyone’s grieving process inappropriate. Sometimes the behavior of the bereaved seems shocking, but death is an extreme, and we none of us know how rationally we will behave when faced with any loss.
I offer my condolences to you and others who suffered from that tragedy.

Sounds more like attention seeking behavior to me.

I asked that. She said she didn’t think it was.

I don’t think people do this to seek attention, although, of course, it does result in their getting attention. I think grief makes it difficult for people to see boundaries that are better defined when they’re in control of themselves.

The time we spend grieving is relatively very small over our lifetimes; if we’re lucky, we don’t get much practice at how to behave – and every loss is different. I think that for these reasons, we tend to over-express a bit (or, as in this case, a lot), hoping for a kind of ping-back from others to figure out how we’re supposed to feel.

It’s an immensely difficult for him and I think its “appropriate” for him to post anything he wishes if it somehow mitigates his grief. Peopje can always choose not to visit his page if they think otherwise.

I don’t think it is inappropriate, why can’t he love both these women and not be made to feel he is being “inconsiderate” by sharing loving memories of his time with this woman? Expressing how much he loved her and how beautiful she was is a loving tribute to her memory and should not diminish his feelings for his present relationship partner.
Time for some modicum of enlightenment here, what is inappropriate is expecting people to have zero feelings for past loves, especially at a time such as this. Now, if 5 years from now he has married your cousin and insists on keeping some 5×5 portrait of the deceased ex hanging over your bed, well… that might be considered inappropriate.

Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean the feelings you have for that person disappear. This is especially true if you have children. I’m sure they had to maintain some level of relationship for their child and the man will also be dealing with his child’s grief too I’d imagine. He may very well still have loved her, even if he wasn’t in love with her to the point of wanting a romantic relationship. This would be very hard for him and as has been said, we all grieve in our own way.

There is this also. He likely plans to keep all the memorial posts for his daughter to see someday when she is older.
Daughter trumps gf every time.

It is one thing to mourn, process and move on from a relationship that did not work out and quite another to have someone who you bonded with so intimately violently ripped into oblivion and creating a rift of emotions. Just because the former happened doesn’t make the latter any easier to handle.

We can talk about how we would approach grief differently but in the end it’s irrelevant. Maybe you wouldn’t make your grief so public, but others do. Others may be desperately reaching out trying to make sense of it, trying to process an overwhelming sense of pain. Some women will dress up their stillborn babies and take pictures with them as if they were alive and post them on facebook and that really squicks some people out and may be “inappropriate” but who are we to tell someone that their tragic fleeting moment of motherhood is “wrong”? The best we can do is be understanding and compassionate to their suffering, even if it is a little out there for our own perspective.

Try not to take it personally. He’s just trying to make sense of and honor the memory of someone who had significant importance in his life; Try not to make it about your ego. Bet you nobody who sees his posts is thinking about how you might look like you’re a cuckquean.

This isn’t about @chelle21689‘s ego, @sinscriven. It isn’t affecting her. It’s affecting her S/O.

@Dutchess_III It’s not even that close, it is her boyfriend’s cousin who is the SO of the grieving man. @chelle21689 is just questioning if it is appropriate to mourn the mother of a child when dating someone else.

Ok, then I don’t understand her final statement ”...(it) would be a bit more considerate of the type of photos displayed to my partner.”

@Dutchess_III “but I feel like I would be a bit more considerate…”

The OP is putting herself in the shoes of the person who is doing all that posting.

Oh! OK. Thanks.