Women, do you appreciate any house work, your other half does or helps out with, or do you think they could always be doing more?

I am baffled at the wording of this question – its being directed at women only is both funny and sad.

@longgone maybe should have just use the word spouse , would that have been better?

I appreciate whatever he does. Cleaning house is not a priority for us.

My Ex was a full partner in housework.

Since I am currently not working and my partner is, any housework he contributes to is greatly appreciated. There are certain ones he likes to do: the dishes (we have no dishwasher), ironing (we have no clothes dryer), technology-related stuff, and basic home repairs.

Sure, I’ll take any help any time it’s offered. He certainly could be doing more, but he’s the primary wage earner and works an insane number of hours. I don’t ask him to do anything. Mostly he asks ME to do certain things, such as, cleaning up a certain area while he does something else to get ready for an event at home.

When we were both working he pulled his 50%. Sort of. Now, however, I do 95%, and that’s fine. But yeah. Sometimes I’ll come back from somewhere and the kitchen will be clean or something, and I do appreciate that.

No one helps with the chores or anything else. Chores are the responsibility of everyone in the household.

I hate that. Help out?! Pfft.

My husband did about half the housework when we both worked full time. When I work part time or not at all I do 95% of the housework, but he still washes the cars, and when we had a lawn he mowed it.

Once in a blue moon he unloads the dishwasher even though I do all of that now. He knows I hate unloading the dishwasher and when we were both working full time it was one of his chores. When he does it for me now I very much appreciate it. Once in a blue moon he washes pots and pans sitting in the sink, and I appreciate that a lot too. He tends to do it when I have had some bad days in a row. I’ve been quite stressed. He also will make food for himself and sometimes tell me not to make lunch for him. He sees when I just can’t quite get my act together.

If I went back to full time work he would willingly take over more chores or happily pay for a maid to do some of the big work every couple of weeks.

I don’t think he has ever cleaned a bathroom while we have been married. Nor has he cleaned the inside of a fridge or the inside if the microwave. Doesn’t bother me in the least. I don’t mind those chores. His chores of choice when I work are laundry, take out the trash, unload the dishwasher (that’s really because I hate it) and cooking more for the both of us.

Both. My husband and I are both very appreciative of what the other does. We almost always thank each other when a chore is done. He could do more, but so could I.

The only thing I won’t do, in protest, is throw away empty cans or cheese wrappers or whatever he had to open, or unwrap to eat, that he leaves on the counter instead of taking two steps to the trash to throw them away. But I don’t stress, I don’t fret, I don’t nag, I just don’t throw it away. I guess I’m hoping he’ll finally realize there is no maid fairy to clean up after him for being lazy. But, losing hope as time goes on.

But I do clean up dirty pots and pans the next day, even if I didn’t eat whatever he cooked. (He put himself in charge of all the cooking early in our relationship, but it usually isn’t done till 9 or 10, long after I’ve lost the urge to eat, but there are often left overs that I’ll partake of the next day. The least i can do it clean up afterward, within reason. )

@longgone I was thinking that, too.

In one of my past relationships, the chores fell to me by default. I’m not a crazy neat freak by any means. If we’re not, like, living in filth with vermin crawling out of food containers, then I’m fine. I clean my room maybe once every three weeks and wash the dishes probably every couple days. It’s kind of like the bare minimum, really.

But with this dude, I had to specifically ask for something to be done, each and every time, if I wanted any help. And I hate to say “help” there, because that makes it sound like it’s my job and he is just assisting. That’s so not right.

Again, I’m a pretty big slob. So it’s not like I was chasing him around to vacuum every day. I just wanted him to at least occasionally do a load of dishes or something. He used to leave wet shower towels on the floor until they got mildewy. He would do that every time unless I picked it up or told him to hang it up, every single day. Honestly, convincing someone to do something is just as big a pain as doing it yourself. If he did something, he would be SO impressed with himself for being such a helpful and considerate boyfriend. When I did everything else, it was just everyday life. There’s a good reason why he’s an ex. Good riddance!

It seems like a lot of modern relationships and this question still have that assumption built into them. It would be amazing to meet someone who pulled 50% of the weight of his own initiative.

I would appreciate anything; just anything. I do everything. His latest “do nothing” is to lay trash on top of the kitchen trash can so he won’t have to open the push button lid!! I am simply amazed by this level of laziness. He’s lucky I’ve been socialized to not yell at the top of my lungs or I would. I will soon mention it in a very sarcastic manner and not feel apologetic.
Oh, alright . He stood on the ladder and changed a ceiling bulb yesterday. It was at least nine feet up. Is that “housework?”

@Aster Is he decorative? Useful in other ways? That should count for something…

@Aster How about just talking to him straight instead of using sarcasm. Let him know exactly what you want.

You mean can he hang pictures when we first move? Yes. Is he useful in other ways? Yes; he has been doing the grocery shopping for a few months using my list.

It all boils down to effective communication. Every person enters a relationship with certain expectations. Unless they are discussed upfront, then they need to be discussed as the relationship develops. Leave it too long, and it can morph into a passive-aggressive issue on one side and the partner being clueless.

@Aster, your husband sounds much like my brother. At the age of 65, he is now ‘capable’ of moving his dishes from the table to the counter or sink. He has even figured out how to rinse them, but has not yet achieved loading them in the dishwasher. When I called him out for it, his reply was, “Has (wife’s name), griped to you about this?”

Please give your husband some credit for what he does around the house. This is the premise of this question. One of the few ways of breaking out of the ‘male’ tasks vs. ‘female’ tasks and working well together is through communication and recognition.

@Haleth “He used to leave wet shower towels on the floor until they got mildewy.”

Ew. No wonder he’s an ex.

^^^^^^ Our towels would never get mildewed . I’d pick them up and wash them before that could occur!

Hell, just hang them up and they dry and there is no mildew.

Laziness disgusts me.

I’m appalled by this thread. So much for feminism. Why do women put up with such bullshit? I will never understand.

^ Thank you!!

I can’t imagine having a husband that left towels to be mildewy, and allowed me to “work” twice as many hours as him in a week. All work counts, work at a job and work at home.

It’s not always the husband being an ass about housework. I know men who do the majority of the housework and their wives cannot get their act together.

I think my son does the majority of the housework. He’s kind of a clean freak, but he’s learned to live with a bit of a mess though. I have a feeling his wife is not so much a clean freak.